The RANT

Need A Damn Good Copywriter To Save Your Butt?

typewriter

Monday, 9:21pm
Reno, NV
“Stop sniveling…” (Pretenders, “Tatooed Love Boys”)

Howdy…

Quick note here for those in need.

I’ve been almost completely retired from freelancing for some time now.  I still indulge a few long-time clients…

… but I haven’t taken on a new gig in over a year.

I’m devoting my time to teaching, and writing stuff for myself.

This makes me happy.

But it bums out business owners and entrepreneurs in a major way.  Because, often, someone will realize they need copy written…

… and they know, deep down, that I’m the guy who needs to write it to squeeze out max results…

… and… here’s the sad part…  they cannot bribe, cajole, threaten or offer me enough money to come out of this semi-retirement to do the gig.

Man, that’s frustrating.

Here’s the good news, though: I can now offer you… the next best thing.

If you need a writer who meets my strict, Operation MoneySuck, no-BS-allowed requirements for professionalism and quality…

… I now have a small “stable” full of them.

And we’ve just released a simple program that gives you immediate access.

These are professional writers who I have either trained and guided to expert status (over a period of years)…

… or who I have hired myself to do mission-critical work in my own business.

There aren’t many of them.

In my 25 years in advertising and marketing… I have only come across a handful of writers who meet (or exceed) the admittedly-brutal requirements I demand from myself, or from any writer I would work with.

This includes having the chops to guide you to the best possible solution for whatever problem you’re up against…

… to write outrageously-excellent copy that persuades and sells like crazy…

… and to meet all deadlines. (This is critical for any biz owner under a time crunch… and way too many freelancers out there can’t meet a deadline to save their lives.)

All while bringing to the table vast hands-on experience with all kinds of markets… in all kinds of economic conditions… both online and offline.

These are, in my honest opinion, the hottest freelancers available right now.

Best part: They all love working with entrepreneurs and small business owners… something a lot of the more famous writers out there refuse to do anymore.  (Or, like me, have retired from doing.)

So…

… if you’re in the market for a killer writer…

… who has been vetted by me, who has worked with me, and who gets my “thumbs up” for being a trusted veteran professional who can get the job done, on time, within your budget…

… then hurry over to this site:

http://www.carlton-copywriting.com

You’ll get all the details you need there.

And, if you’re interesting in actually talking with a writer, it’s easy to arrange…

… and you can start the simple, fast process right there on the site.

Warning: I cannot over-emphasize how FEW writers are in this stable.

It’s literally a handful.

I’ve plowed through a mob of writers over the years, passing on the vast majority…

… and I’m only allowing this program to go forward because I have finally found enough scribes I can vouch for to justify this announcement.

If you’re ready to talk to writers…

… and you want to be sure you’re talking to one who meets my strict requirements for professionalism and getting the job done right…

… then get over there now.

As you can imagine, this small band of murderously-good pro’s will book up quickly.

To see if this program is right for your situation, just follow the simple directions on the site.

There is no obligation just for talking to any of the writers, of course.

But we’ve got this process down pretty pat… and if your situation is right for one of these writers…

… well, this could be the happiest day of your life.

Cuz once you hook up with a good writer, you can get your biz on the fast track… and jam the pedal to the metal.

It’s a good time to check the site out, too… because we haven’t yet announced this program to the general market.

Right now, it’s still just you and us.

See you over there.

Stay frosty,

John

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16 comments
Earnst says September 9, 2009

Just curious….

Are we getting Extenze coupons as atonement for the email glitch?

Will it really turn a needle into a pencil?

Reply
John Carlton says September 9, 2009

Yes indeed, Earnst…
That coupon should be available soon. Needles to pencils, pencils to telephone poles…

What were we talking about, again?

Reply
    John Carlton says September 10, 2009

    Oh, yeah… that email glitch earlier this week.
    I’m sure you got our abject “apology” email that explained the situation. (Short cut: It was entirely Infusionsoft’s fault, and they admit it.)
    We are moving forward with stout hearts.
    In fact, it’s already “old news” for this super-busy week.
    Man, things move fast in this wacky Web-based world…

    Reply
Comedian-Turned-Copywriter says September 10, 2009

Hey, I’m damn good. I studied all of Johns work from golf mags to self defense mags. Psst… I have a secret swipe file of Johns TRS Direct(training response solutions) sales letters. I studied these like a MOTHER…like a DEA agent studies a crack house.

Reply
    Comedian-Turned-Copywriter says September 10, 2009

    P.S. I have an unopened bottle of LONGITUDE if you guys really need it?

    Reply
    Mark L says September 10, 2009

    That be Threat Response Solutions (TRS) Direct.
    what happens if you take LONGITUDE and LATITUDE together? That’s a deal killer?

    Reply
Marc says September 10, 2009

Red Alert!

Did Gary Halbert lie to me?

WOW! I just watched him on youtube talking about refunds. I believe part 1.
Simply put – he said “include a statement within the report/Book asking the customer for “PROOF” (like a doctors note) that the product didn’t work.

Now, wait a minute. I thought there was law passed that say’s that one must put a stipulation like this in the ad itself – Upfront “in writing” – before the product is sold.

I don’t want to violate any civil laws, here. Anyone with advice? John? John?

Reply
    John Carlton says September 10, 2009

    I have no knowledge of laws regarding this situation. I’m not a lawyer.
    And I’ve never used such a conditional guarantee.
    Good rule: Don’t engage in any marketing tactic you aren’t 100% clear on.
    And lawyers are worth contacting when you’re in doubt. Don’t rely on non-lawyers for advice.

    Reply
Kevin Rogers says September 10, 2009

For those who’ve asked… the poster dubbed “Comedian-Turned-Copywriter is NOT Kevin Rogers.

Clever hook though. I think I’ll swipe it :0

Reply
    John Carlton says September 10, 2009

    Hey, K — Has anyone ever gone the OTHER way? Drop copywriting, and become a comedian?
    And I thought the correct term was “comic”, anyway.
    I get so confused, having lost my score card long ago…

    Reply
      Kevin Rogers says September 11, 2009

      There’s this loose definition that a “comedian” is a person who says funny things and a “comic” is someone who says things funny.

      The surface comparison would be Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis. Dean being the comedian and Jerry the comic.

      In many cases though, the line blurs. Stand-ups say funny things in funny ways.

      So call it what you want. But, no I’ve never heard of a copywriter giving up the cushy writer’s life to tour the clubs.

      I nominate you as the first.

      You already posses the mind and tongue of a stand-up. Now you just need a 20 minute set and you’re good.

      C’mon… let’s live the dream. I can probably get us booked in Tunica.

      Reply
        Mark L says September 11, 2009

        If we do the Magic Lamp in Cucamonga, CA can I get the Joey Bishop spot?

        Reply
Bill Jeffels says September 10, 2009

If you took the Longitude… and it turned the pencil into a telephone pole maybe you could still win that shiny red Lamborghini that Vince was offering in the 2002 MuscleMag… Lol!

Bill Jeffels
Toronto

Reply
    John Carlton says September 10, 2009

    Okay, this thread has officially entered Locker Room Gossip status.
    It’s about time…

    Reply
Dennis Gibson says September 16, 2009

LOL Bill. I remember the days without computer and when using atypewriter I would shout in pain if my finger would caught into those tiny wholes

Reply
Alecs says October 28, 2009

John thank you for good ????- course on internet-marketing.
A course is easy in a study, with useful practical advices.
I hope in future to get your valuable advices.

Reply
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