Category Archives for entrepreneur

The End Of Civilization As We Know It

When my father was drafted during World War II and dumped in Belgium just in time for the Battle of the Bulge, my mother and his first two kids (I wasn’t a glimmer in his eye yet) waited days for even a hint of news about the war… and waited months for letters from Pop himself.

The news came in painfully slow trickles. First rumors, then snatches of broadcast bulletins on the radio, then a newspaper story that may or not have been accurate… and in none of this was even a prayer for specific news from or about Pop.

That kind of no-news existence is just hard to imagine now. Online, I can watch stories develop just by refreshing my Google homepage — really hot news is updated constantly, within minutes of dramatic fresh input.

Heck, I can see minutes-old footage of events on YouTube, and read real-time blogs from every corner of the English-speaking world.

The delivery, consumption, and digesting of news has done changed in radical ways.

We all knew the Web was gonna morph our reality into something new… but even a year or so ago, most prognosticators believed we had some inkling of what the brave new world might look like.

Forget about it, now. All bets are off, all predictions inoperable.

No one knows what’s in store.

Least of all the news organizations we call “mainstream media”.

The fate of newspapers is interesting to me… both because I grew up loving my daily dose of whatever local rag served the town I was living in… and because the culture of the news junkie was well-defined. (And I have been a news junkie since I was old enough to read.)

We knew what was going on in the world, and we read enough varied takes on events to form an independent opinion.

It’s one thing to embrace the world and enjoy adventures… but it’s another thing to seek to also “know” the world while you plow through the decades.

Like the guys selling horse-drawn buggies 100 years ago, refusing to realize the exploding market share the automobile was gobbling up… mainstream newspapers have been slow to give the Internet credibility for news disperal.

I think local papers will survive in some form (probably mostly online, though)… because communities need a central clearing house for local news.

But it’s gonna be a painful transition. Because newspapers are owned by techno-phobes who regard online existence as some unknowable alien universe… and they just cannot, for the life of them, figure out how to make it profitable.

Please. The shake-out will produce a good alternative to the daily tree-killing newspaper… but not until the old diehard newsmen wander away, and news-dispensing organizations learn how to incorporate what entrepreneurs already know about making money online. (Right now, most newspapers see their online versions as “newspapers without paper”… but the old model of selling classifieds and department store inserts for profit don’t work online. The guy selling his 1998 Honda Accord is now on eBay and Craigslist, and the department stores that are surviving have gotten hip to email blasts and list building. Oops.)

The local paper here in Reno actually has a pretty damn good Website — and I now go there first when I need accurate weather news (important when you live in the bosom of the Sierras in winter), and also whenever I see a fresh plume of smoke wafting up from the valley floor, or hear sirens close by. (Every once in a while, I’ll sip my nightly beer while watching traffic cams around the city — real-time views of mostly routine intersections, with the occasion reward of getting to watch a three-car pile-up as it happens. Voyeur heaven.)

However, no one knows exactly what the newspaper will look like in the very near future.

This matters to marketers, very much. As the affiliate world grows ever more incestuous, and competition for pay-per-click gets nasty (not to mention the gruesome, unpredictable and never-ending rule-changes by the Google Gods), the “old” ways of reaching prospects (by finding out where the eyeballs gather) will start to look attractive again.

Soon, too.

I know of several top marketers who aren’t using PPC at all anymore. They use banner ads on sites that attract the kind of prospect they desire, as well as Hartunian-style PR releases and the cultivation of “go to guy” status in online communities that thrive on — yes — breaking news.

So it’s probably time for savvy entrepreneurs to start paying closer attention to where people-with-money are going for decent-length visits and multiple page-views. (Not ADD surfers bouncing off sites like a pinball.) (You young-uns know what a pinball game is, right? They still have those, down at the arcade? Jeez, I haven’t played a game that wasn’t virtual in years…)

Anyway…

One of the strongest players in the “new” news game was also one of the first on the scene. I don’t think much of Drudge, the man (his radio show is incoherent, and his obsession with Walter Winchell is creepy)… but his newsy “bulletin board” site, www.drudgereport.com, has ruled the roost for years.

With the same college-dorm quickie design format he pioneered in the late 90s. It looks awful. But it gets the hits.

As a news junkie, I visit Drudge everyday… mostly to get the right-wing spin on developing stories. I’m an independent who likes to watch the wingnut fights… I get my left-wing spin from www.huffingtonpost.com, and then check the somewhat middle-of-the-road Wall Street Journal subscription site (one publication that seems to have discovered how to be profitable online), the MSN daily e-mag Slate.com, and then a bunch of newspapers across the world.

But Drudge is always the first stop.

He doesn’t write ANYTHING for the site… except to rehash the headlines of certain stories he’s pitching. He has a staff who combs the world’s media centers for print and broadcast news, and offers up simple links to those sites.

That’s it. He’s a bulletin board.

And yet he has earned frontpage stories in the Washington Post and New York Times, and been called “the future of journalism”. Why? Because, as simple as his site is, he gets something like 15million visits a day. While the Post sells 5 million tree-killing newspapers a day, and pretty much has no clue how many people really read its Website.

So it’s more likely that mainstream media will begin to look more like Drudge, than the other way around.

Never visited the site?

This is why I’m writing about it: I don’t care if you visit it, or if you like it or hate it.

As a marketer, you’ve GOT to pay attention to the way it’s morphing the Zeitgeist of our culture.

You can get links to the top stories there… and when, for example, Hurricane Katrina hit, you could read what local Louisiana media outlets (both print and broadcast) were saying. And compare that with linked stories from the Los Angeles Times and the International Herald-Tribune.

If you went to the Washingtom Post site, all you’d get was their reporter’s version, and maybe another view from the AP wire service.

But Drudge covers “newsy” stories almost reluctantly. Like most of the talking-head cable TV shows, he really got a boost from the OJ Simpson trial, the Monica-all-the-time-Lewinski scandal, and the never-ending trials and tribulations of the current political fiascos.

The site is like 3 completely different people sitting across from you at the family dinner table –your serious-minded friend, earnestly talking about famine, war and economic theory… trying to outtalk the gossipy aunt who has never heard a secret she isn’t eager to share and elaborate on… both vying against the weird cousin who follows all UFO conspiracies as steadfastly as he does the latest box office battles of Hollywood studios.

It’s the New York Times meets the Hollywood Reporter meets the National Enquirer.

And you know what? It’s friggin’ fascinating.

Here’s a sample of the headlines for stories Drudge had up a couple of days ago (while the Washington Post was thick with more serious news on more serious subjects):

“Probation For Man Who Had Sex With Dead Deer.”

“Private Rocket Lost Shortly After Launch.”

“Dating Site Courts Only The Good Looking.”

“McCain Warns Of Spreading Socialism.’

“Judge Pulls Gun In Florida Courtroom.”

“Dog Performs Heimlich Maneuver On Owner.”

“Wolfgang Puck Bans Foie Gras.”

“Mystery Rash Closes Ohio School.”

And yeah, I read ’em all.

Me, a busy, busy, busy professional (and hot prospect for many online marketers) with not much spare time to surf the Net.

And I will wait two minutes for the podunk Florida news site to download the video of the probation hearing of the guy who did the nasty with a dead deer.

We’ve all got to start exploring new ways to find our target audiences online, in situations where they aren’t zipping by in a panic.

Drudge doesn’t take much advertising (not sure why), and I’m not convinced his banner ads are efficient (because they change so frequently).

Still… the ancient desire of humans to want to hear more than rumors on breaking news (and gossip) will never fade.

Just tuck this fact away somewhere as you ponder future marketing moves (and while your email delivery rates continue to slide)…

Dead deer, indeed.

Stay frosty…

John Carlton
www.carltoncoaching.com

The Care And Feeding Of Your Future, Without The Soap Opera Drama And Trauma

Back when I started out in advertising… and even in the first year or so of my freelance career… I had to concentrate to remember exactly what “direct response” meant in the term “direct response advertising”.

Because a lot of the clients and agencies I worked with were oblivious. They understood the concept of advertising — you tried to persuade people to buy your cool new product.

How tough is that to be clear on?

But their heads got all fuzzy and fogged-up when the tactics of direct response came into play.

Ad so many people got it wrong, that… I finally realized… the whole concept is VERY tough to understand.

So I had to keep finding new ways to remind everyone what we were trying to accomplish with the ad copy I was writing.

The foundation of direct response is the “response” part. In most of the ads you see on television and in big magazines, there is no “call to action”. There may be a toll-free phone number thrown up, or a Website URL. But there is no specific reason given to call or link up.

That’s passive advertising. “Here’s my product. Cool, huh? Thanks for listening. Maybe, down the road, if you feel like it, you may sorta want to possibly consider… uh… maybe buying it. Or something. No pressure, dude. Just think about it.”

That’s how 99% of the ads out there approach selling. For rookie marketers, it’s just part of the learning curve — you think you understand advertising because you’ve seen so MUCH of it in your life. It’s about entertainment, right?

As your learning curve progresses — if you’re able to survive the initial financial disasters of bad ads — you realize that, to actually make a profit, you gotta start pushing for sales.

The guys making the Big Bucks back then were wizards at persuading people to buy.

However — and very interestingly — they were MORONS when it came to understanding the advanced meaning of “direct response”.

Allow me to illustrate what I’m talking about: Joe Karbo was one of the modern-day entrepreneur direct marketing heroes. (He wrote the book “The Lazy Man’s Way To Riches”… which was my FIRST purchase as a direct response customer. Me, and a whole bunch of other people.)

He wrote a killer ad (with the book’s title as the headline) that ran in every major newspaper in the country. Long copy, teaser bullets up the yin-yang, a powerful offer that rattled people’s cages and forced them to respond.

He earned millions, because he understood the first part of “direct response” — ask for action. Get the order. Be bold, be persuasive, be a salesman.

But here’s the kicker: Every time someone sent in the order coupon for the book… he cashed their check, mailed their book… and then threw away the customer’s name and address.

Wow.

I know he did this, because he admitted it. It was a joke he told on himself. For all the wealth that ad brought him… he never again mailed a pitch to those customers.

No back end.

No list to nurture and work.

Later on, Joe finally did get hip to this more advanced layer of direct response. He started building up his list, and occasionally wrote to them to ask for another sale on another product.

For most marketers, the REAL money is in the back end. The first sale is great… but it costs something to get it. Online, you gotta figure in your PPC costs, affiliate splits, even your time spent writing banner ads, auto-responders, setting up PR article placement and everything else you use to lure people into your world.

The second sale, however, is almost all gravy. The customer (or lead) is already on your list, and you have the opportunity to develop a relationship, to deepen the bond between you, and to offer more complex (and higher priced) products and services. And he’ll be more inclined to consider what you offer… because he trusts you, and because the initial purchase he made was a pleasant experience and fulfilled his expectations.

Thinking ahead, there should be a third sale in the future, and a fourth, and on and on.

Your list is your future. All savvy direct marketers understand this. Many of the mega-wealthy ones are, in fact, quite willing to lose money on the first sale just to build up their house list for future sales.

Because that’s where all the real money is.

Sadly, I still see many marketers — rookies especially, but also experienced veterans who should know better — ignoring their lists. They focus almost exclusively on the first sale, try to make a killing up front, and generally treat their lists like unwanted guests.

Dumb, dumb, dumb.

First rule of making a fortune: Respect your list. Nurture it. Make it happy, be generous with free stuff, treat it like the love of your life.

And… be wary of thinking you’re the only guy they’re dealing with.

I like to compare business to love and romance. The analogies are just too good to pass up.

So treat your list not like a casual friend, or even like a mistress. Instead… treat it like the most important person in your life — the source of your happiness, your wealth, your inspiration, and your future.

In other words… treat your list like you’re married to it.

And… expect to be treated BACK like the flawed dog you are.

I learned early on that all really was fair in love and war. Any naive notions I had about the nature of romance were cruelly and efficiently stomped to death in my early twenties. I learned that even best friends would conspire to steal your date… and that there were ALWAYS other offers being considered, even by seemingly innocent and happy mates.

For the record: I do believe “true love” exists, and you can live a happy life minus all the drama and trauma of the soap opera so many people suffer through in romance.

But you can’t do it with your eyes closed. People tend to be unknowable, over the long haul, no matter how much they promise fidelity or how much you “feel” they’re on your side.

No one gets through a full life without a little heartache and a few brutal reality checks.

Same with your list.

Every single name on your list is being wooed and seduced and sweetly lied to by other marketers… every day, in most cases.

Your customers may indeed love you and cherish the relationship… but the second a better offer (however they define “better”) arrives, they will be sorely tempted to cheat on you.

This is not cause for despair and hair-pulling, though.

It’s just the way things are. You get hip to reality, and then you deal with it.

I’m a fan of affiliate marketing. It’s a way to maximize the leverage you have on the potential of any list you have. When you’re out of your own products… or when you suspect your list is just tired of you, you, you all the time… doing an affiliate offer allows you to bring in fresh blood and products that complement what you have.

Just be aware of what you’re doing.

I see too many marketers take their lists for granted. One bad example is to be a whore about offering affiliate products. To your list, you quickly become the relative who just signed up to distribute Amway products, while pushing for donations to weird charities and subscribing to new magazines. Oh, and would you also like to buy some Girl Scout cookies from my niece?

Pretty soon, they’ll pull the blinds shut and won’t answer the door when you come a’knocking.

Just as bad, though, is the marketer who assumes your list will be faithful forever, because you’re such a nice guy. You’re generous with free stuff, you don’t ask too much of them, you nurture your mutual appreciation… and you don’t overwhelm them with attention and email.

Yet, you don’t blink when an affiliate deal comes along that innocently requires you to allow the collection of names and emails — for free — by the guy with the deal.

Be careful. This is like leaving a very handsome and confident friend alone with your date at the big party. The vague codes of “honor” we operate by dictate he should remain a gentleman, and your date should not cooperate with naughty behavior.

But get real. Allowing any other marketer to plunder your list for names with a free offer can end up with you wandering the party asking everyone where your date and your friend went off to.

If the other marketer is truly wily, guess what? They’re already on a plane to Acapulco, and you’re just a distant memory.

What’s that great political slogan? “Trust, but verify.”

I don’t care how much you trust your fellow marketer… it’s up to YOU to keep control of your list. Free offers are great, and good affiliate programs make use of them.

But you still need to know who from your list has signed on, and what’s happening to them once in the evil clutches of the other marketer. Seed your list prolifically (by putting in names and emails you can track) and pepper all affiliate deals with these seeds… so you know exactly what happens to trusting folks from your list who’ve signed on to the affiliate deal.

It’s also fair to have all paths to the affiliate deal go through your own channels. You collect the sign-ups, distribute the free offerings, and guide buyers into the deal.

Sometimes, of course, it’s just easier to relax and not be paranoid, and let the other marketer pillage your list. Happens all the time. Perhaps your list was even created using free offers that shanghaied names from another marketer.

Just be alert to what’s happening.

Your list is your future. It will tend to be promiscuous and unfaithful, and you just have to learn to deal with it.

Life is messy. When you’re facing up to the realities, however, it’s still fun and full of good healthy adventure.

It’s only when you put on the blindfold and expect everyone else to take care of you that the trouble starts.

Gullible marketers get digested.

Stay frosty…

John Carlton

P.S. My coaching programs are off to shockingly-good starts. The forums are rocking, and the whole project has pumped fresh motivation and actionable advice into a lot of people’s lives (including mine).

Still time to join up — go to www.carltoncoaching.com and see what the fuss is all about. Next virtual meeting is coming up this week for the “Radio Rant”.

Getting Perspective

I have a lot of glaring faults, and very few advantages in life… but the one advantage that has helped me the most in my career has been my memory.

I’m no savant. I often forget why I came into a room… the names of even close friends often disappear from my mind like smoke in front of a fan… and if I hadn’t mastered the art of making lists, I’d be one lost and startled puppy during the workday.

No — it’s my long-term memory that has served me so well. It’s not like I could tell you what I ate for lunch forty years ago on this date (that kind of specific memory recovery apparently happens to some people as they age, though). But I CAN tell you what it felt like to be, for example, a teenager in the early spring of 1968. Not just the sixties, mind you — 1968 specifically, with all the events and Zeitgeist of that particular year.

And not in an annoying “Boomer rosy glasses” kind of way, either. It wasn’t paradise back then. Things weren’t “better”… just different.

What I recall (besides certain specific adventures and discoveries and humiliations) is the nature of being young. I’ve always been able to bond quickly with people of all ages, from all sorts of different backgrounds… mostly because there’s almost always something in their life experience that I can genuinely identify with.

Because I remember how it felt.

I vividly recall being a small kid, a rebellious teen, an arrogant college bon vivant, a clueless young adult, and on up the ladder. Through a series of lucky and unlucky accidents, I experienced — early, so the lessons burned themselves into my brain — true love and angst-ridden heartbreak, death-cheating misadventures, and an insider’s view of every social revolution that rained down on the western American landscape last century.

This avalanche of experience is not unusual for someone my age.

What IS unusual… is that I remember it all. It’s rare for me to meet a contemporary who has any good stories from those years, even though their eyes light up whenever I remind them of the particular “feel” of those times.

Many people consider looking back to be an unworthy skill. What’s done is done, and all that. Don’t live in the past.

Not for a writer. I’m not ready to pen my autobiography yet, but I think about it. Not because I experienced any kind of high drama that would make Hollywood swoon… but because living a full life means knowing how others have lived theirs.

And I want to be part of that link between the future and the past.

I’m a sucker for biographies. Unless you devour at least a few biographies, you will never know what it was like to live in a different time. Each era is fascinating, from ancient civilizations through the fall of Rome and the Dark Ages, right up until this afternoon in certain parts of the world. You lose something important by ignoring what life was like for a medieval peasant, or a Ming Dynasty monk, or a 17th century Dutch explorer.

And yes… this kind of knowledge actually helps you with marketing and advertising.

Because, at its most basic, marketing crosses paths with behavioral psychology (why people do what they do), anthropology (the study of man’s quest for civilization), and the evolving history of good old street-level “get through the day” survival skills.

Dan Kennedy and I have discussed the nature of the modern entrepreneur. We like the ambition and attitude of the younger guys out there tearing it up online… but, as older marketers with proud scars from a lifetime of economic adventure, we also marvel that many of them have yet to experience a true recession. It’s easy to imagine that many of them would get blown away by a real disaster like so many puppies caught in a hurricane.

The dot-com bust of 2000 was really just a burp in the system, and even the 9/11 downturn was mild compared with past economic upheaval.

Since the late eighties, in fact, the American economy has gone apeshit. A sober look at the climb of the of Dow Industrial Average can ignite a fear of heights.

Nevertheless, there are MANY younger entrepreneurs I know who I would bet on in any crisis. They may not have lived through the full spectrum of business horrors, and may be utterely dependent on the Web for survival… but they all share a curiosity about life and their fellow man that will help them thrive no matter what happens down the road.

And that curiosity leads them to seek knowledge and advice from the rich resource of books and the stories of veterans. Including biographies of people long gone.

I’m not looking forward to writing my own biography in order to enjoy any notoriety or fame it might bring — in fact, if I’m gonna be totally honest, I have to wait until many of my friends are dead before I can share some of the juicier chapters. I wouldn’t dare reveal the truth while it could possibly hurt their careers right now. I’m not that guy.

So it will have to wait a bit longer before being published.

No, there’s another reason why I want to write it. I have a pretty typical American past — which means almost no verifiable past at all. My father’s lineage ends with his father — I have no idea who my paternal great grandparents were. No photos, not even names. And my mother’s history ends with her parents, too. My grandfather ran away from home at 13, met my grandmother when she got off the boat as a fresh immigrant from France, and that was that. There’s a couple of old tintype photos floating around the family, but no identifying notes on who’s who.

One of these ancient photos, though, is of a young man who vaguely looks like me. It startled me when I first saw it. From his clothes and certain other clues, I’m guessing the shot was snapped just before World War One. This relative, whoever he is, would have been long dead before I was born.

And I wonder what his life was like. And I imagine what a genuine thrill it would be to find his diaries or — even better — a real autobiography he’d written. It wouldn’t matter whether he’d lived a grand life, or a mundane existence without drama.

I just wonder what it felt like to be him. Living then.

And so, I want to write my autobiography — and tell the brutal truth, as I experienced it — not for me, or my friends. But for that kid down the line, who might not have a clue what it was like now.

I’ve always had friends of vastly different ages. I often find myself having a thoroughly engrossing conversation with two people who are, respectively, fifteen years older and fifteen years younger than me. When they’re open to each other’s views, it’s a wonder to behold (and a conversation worth having).

And what’s fascinating is that — while we all retain a certain arrogant attitude about our own experiences — at the heart of it, we’re all stunningly similar.

Marketers who understand this are way ahead of the game. You don’t have to struggle to wonder “what the kids want” in new products, and you don’t regard people older than you as grouchy alien beings with unknowable needs.

What I’m telling you is that a good salesman plucked from the Middle Ages — once he got over the shock of the new technology of modern life — would still be able to sell stuff to YOU, today.

Dull marketers share the very wrong notion that there is nothing to be learned from the past. They will forever struggle, because they lack perspective… and future changes (which are happening faster and faster) will throw them, because they don’t have an overview of life that allows for quick adaptation.

I really enjoy modern life. But I liked it just as much before personal computers came along, too. I’m rolling with the punches… armed with the knowledge (earned from reading biographies) that things will ALWAYS change.

And there will always be a way to adapt and thrive.

One of the things I remember about being young is that — as a teenager — more stuff will happen to you in a day, than will happen to an adult in a month.

When you’re still full of piss and vinegar, that’s fun. I liked living through radically-new adventures each week, never knowing where I’d wake up Sunday morning.

But I also like being settled in middle age, and getting into productive routines as a veteran writer and marketer. I can finally take longer views of things, and plan ahead. What a concept.

Still, though, when necessary during a consultation, I can quickly bring up the feeling of living day-to-day at an age where the world is still mostly a mystery. There are good parts to this feeling, and bad parts. It’s complex, like all humans are.

But you can learn to understand where the other guy — or the other prospect — is at in their life… by applying the lessons you’ve learned in yours, and the lessons you’ve gathered from studying people in general.

Your market is one long passing parade, and it can look like a disorganized mob scene if you don’t understand the fundamentals of how people live their lives.

With perspective, it all comes into focus. People are people. Their needs, dreams and fears haven’t changed much since the dawn of time.

My recommendation: Work a few biographies into your reading schedule, and soon. And strive to feel what it was like back then.

What you learn — about yourself, and about your fellow man — will help you become a better communicator and (if pay attention) a killer salesman.

Stay frosty,

John Carlton
www.marketingrebel.com

Secret Powers

There are marketing lessons everywhere you look.

In the (hopefully) final chapter of my unpleasant encounter with the cable company, I was reminded that a “tier” system is almost always in place when you’re dealing with businesses that have a product or service you want.

This mostly-hidden world of power is what fuels conspiracy theories and gets best-selling thrillers published.

And it explains something critical about customer management that entrepreneurs often miss.

Here’s a quick synopsis of the story: My big damn state-of-the-art plasma TV viewing enjoyment went sideways a few weeks ago, courtesy of the cable company. I could still get most of the HD stuff I craved, but I couldn’t buy movies on the system.

So they sent out first one “tech”… then another… and then another. After, of course, I had to log multiple hours on the phone suffering under the virtual lash of a robot, and then the very troubling incompetency of someone in Bombay trying to shoot signals to my box from across two continents and one ocean.

I noticed something interesting as the parade of “cable guys” got more regular — each new tech cheerfully trashed the tech who’d visited before him, and denounced whatever actions they’d taken as wrong, wrong, wrong. They should have replaced the wires, they shouldn’t have used that type of connector, they forgot to cap the transducers, they didn’t say “Simon Says”, they didn’t do ANYTHING even remotely right.

Which left me thinking: “Then why were these idiots even on the job, if they don’t know what they’re doing?”

The plot, however, centered around the inconvenient fact that each new tech was just as impotent to FIX the problem as the one before them.

Three cable guys, miles of fresh wiring under my house, new holes drilled, new equipment installed, lots of chatter on the walkie-talkies. All while I received patient explanations about how it was all gonna be better now.

Except it never got better.

In fact, the problem got WORSE after each tech visit. By the time the last tech loaded up his truck and sped off, in fact, I was left with a sputtering test pattern on the TV.

This is where having a little “juice” in the community opens up all sorts of new opportunities.

Now, I’m pretty much a recluse. I’m happy to sit in my dark home office with the black-out curtains pulled tight… the only light the pale glow from my computer monitor, my only contact with humanity via the phone and email.

However, my significant other is a social butterfly, volunteering oodles of time for worthy local causes, and sitting on the boards of some very powerful committees in town. Her job also makes her a frequent visitor to the city council, where she rubs elbows with the movers and shakers of this small, vibrant Western town we live in.

In other words… she’s wired into the local power structure.

Now, you don’t want to ask for too many favors, ever. It’s just rude… and each time you hook a lapel of someone in power to fix your petty problems, you dilute the juice you have.

It’s probably close to how you’d deal with the mob. You wanna think twice about owing certain people favors, if you know what I mean.

Anyway, after the third failure to get our problem fixed through normal channels… we bit the bullet and contacted someone we knew had influence over the cable lords. I can’t share any details, for obvious reasons… but let’s just say the average person in town doesn’t even know this hidden path to getting stuff done even exists.

Result: We got a call late that night from a cable “specialist” — essentially a “SWAT team” kind of guy, who operates after-hours, and who has special powers (including secret phone numbers to bypass the bullshit) to get things done, quickly and without fuss.

He was a “fixer”. Like the Robert DeNiro character in “Brazil”, or the Harvey Kitel character in “Pulp Fiction”.

In a moment of clarity, I even recognized that it’s a job I’ve been doing for most of my career.

I, too, know secret paths to getting certain marketing chores done… and I have a “power Rolodex” of people who cannot normally be reached, but who will pick up the phone when I call.

Fixer.

Anyway, to cut to the quick: This last guy comes by, way after normal working hours… and, contrary to the “two to three hour window” all the other techs required for a visit, this Fixer showed up within MINUTES of calling us on the phone and alerting us that he was coming by.

He had, with him, a brand new cutting-edge high-tech cable box (which few people even know exist yet)… an astonishing knowledge of how to immediately and quickly identify physical problems with wires and connections… and a refreshing honesty.

Turns out that ALL the prior techs had done bad, bad things. Not out of spite… but out of not understanding the NATURE of the problem.

It wasn’t the wiring, or the signal, or ANY of the things identified as the culprit by everyone else we’d talked to.

Nope. The Fixer, with a phone call to a secret location, instantly discovered that our account had never been set up properly. And the digital signal to my box simply was being ignored by the main frames.

In other words… my TV was a phantom to the cable company. I’d fallen off their radar.

A very simple fix, once identified.

Of course, my question is: “Why the hell didn’t somebody check that FIRST?”

Answer: There are two levels of service with the cable company. The first level — all the robots, all the techs, all the “Steve’s” in India — did not have “authorization” to talk with the “privileged info” gate-keepers in the main office. So they were like emergency room doctors who only knew how to treat broken bones, and nothing else.

Everything they did — all the wiring, all the crawling around under the house, all the digital shoot-outs with the signal — were the actions of people who were DENIED the info that would have solved the problem immediately. They just tried, over and over again, the things they knew how to do.

Butting their heads repeatedly against a wall, but refusing to admit there might be another level to the problem.

And if we hadn’t had the juice to get connected with this hidden layer of power… I’d be talking to the dish people right now. There would have been no other choice.

Here’s the marketing lesson: Big companies often — and stupidly — set up protocol that angers customers. Like Enron, the internal culture actually despises the people who send them money for services or products.

To be fair — when you have to deal with lots of people, a huge percentage of the complainers are going to be assholes and idiots.

Quickly, however, if you don’t watch it, you start to treat EVERYONE pre-emptively as either an nutcase or a grouch.

And it spreads to your co-workers. THEY’RE all freaks and morons, too. (It’s just dumb to allow your employees to trash each other. It makes your entire organization appear unhinged and out-of-control.)

However… there is ALWAYS an alternative door, which is always hidden from most folks.

Through this door, you will get first-class service, you will get satisfaction, and you will be treated to all the perks of power.

All in hush-hush terms, of course.

This special treatment is why people struggle for power, and kill to keep it. Once you’ve flown on private jets, skipped the lines everyone else suffers in, and get a taste of the good life… it’s hard to go back to being a regular schlub.

As far as the conspiracy nuts go — you gotta just get over any anger at the way the system works. These hidden power structures exist in capitalism, communism, all religions, all governments, and even in every simple village or community… and the situation will never change.

All rebellions discover this the hard way. The guys who led the charge, shouting “equality for all”, end up not sharing the perks of power. It’s human nature.

This is why the US system of government is still a wonder — we’re not “better” than other governments… we just have checks-and-balances of power that clean up the mess every new administration makes. We can’t stop the power-grabs. But — keep your fingers crossed — eventually the would-be bad-guys get outed and punished.

Until the next group arrives, thinking they know better than everyone else how you should live your life. We have learned, in this country, to trust that the system will hold.

We don’t eliminate the problems. We just have fixes in place that seem to work.

So most people go through life semi-conscious of another world operating just out of their awareness… where thngs get done with a curt phone call, and where there are no secrets or closed doors.

And they know they will, without some intervention of Fate, never enjoy what this hidden world offers.

We expect this two-tiered power structure with government, and even with nightclubs and hotels and — yes — the cable company.

But entrepreneurs sometimes forget that their own business often has a secret level that is protected and kept hidden from most customers.

It can be as simple as personal access to you… or as complex as a whole new set of products or services that you don’t offer to just anyone, but require some sort of initiation or qualification process.

The micro (your little slice of the world) mimics the macro (the way systems work on large levels).

Top marketers and experts realize this… and set up “inner sanctums” and special levels of membership allowing for, essentially, special treatment.

I have known about, marvelled at, and studied this whole “hidden world” thing for decades. It was one of the first realizations I had after becoming a freelancer — if I “played the game” the way other freelancers did, I would just be one more guy in the long line hoping impotently for atttention.

So I quickly figured out ways to find the hidden doors… and bust them open.

I was not always successful… but I learned something from every siege. And I was successful enough to become the freelancer who got called FIRST for several LA agencies… and later the guy who earned the friendship (and mentoring) of the movers and shakers in this biz.

I’m not telling you to bust down doors like Robin Hood, in some idealistic fit of rage over the inequities of the system. You can do that, if it floats your boat… but please don’t say you weren’t warned of the futility of your crusade. (I used to be an idealist myself… until I realized how much you can actually get done when you become a realist.)

No. I’ve taken the time to tell this story to remind you that there is ALWAYS another way around any problem. It’s a shame the world isn’t black and white, and it complicates things enormously… but “no” is almost never the final answer to any question.

If you know how to look for the hidden doors.

In your own business, realizing you have different levels of service should open your eyes to an opportunity. There are people in every market who don’t get pissed when they learn of “insider” paths to getting info or getting things done. Instead… they just want to know how to JOIN that privileged group.

I don’t care if you’re selling furniture in a store, or info from a Website… if you have a privileged level of service, you can systemitize it to allow for access by people who wouldn’t otherwise get that access.

The basic question is: How much is it worth? Not to the average person, who may not appreciate the advantages of “insider” privileges… but to the guy who is not bothered by questions of “cost” when it comes to moving ahead quickly and without fuss.

In the public sphere, any blatant use of the hidden power paths brings on the outrage. The truth of our political system, of course, is that money talks and lobbyists get the ear of the guy you thought was representing you (because you voted for him).

But you’re not in politics. You’re in business. You CAN’T open up the private access to you, personally, to just anyone… because there isn’t enough of you to go around.

This is why so many marketers set up hyper-expensive, and very harshly limited, routes to the “hidden” parts of their business. These platinum levels, or customized mentoring programs, or brainstorm clubs are not MEANT to be for “everyone”.

There will always be a level above the one “most” people know about.

It may be as simple as being considered a friend, and having a secret phone number… or it can be organized, and require qualification and a fat check.

I can tell you from a lifetime as a guy who was born on the “outside”, and who dedicated myself to sneaking backstage, that there are levels of success that will always be denied to non-insiders.

I am not recommending that you “sell out” for a spot on the inside. You can enjoy lots of success without even acknowledging this hidden world of power. Screw ’em.

However, as your own boss in a very competitive marketplace, it’s an advantage just to understand that levels exist.

And sometimes, you may want to sample life behind those hidden doors.

Something to think about.

Stay frosty,

John Carlton
www.marketingrebel.com

PS: I want to thank all the people who left comments in my other post about the cable story. As with all monopolies, the truth about dealing with them is both horrific and hilarious (after you get a little perspective).

It’s no way to run a business, that’s for sure.

But someone suggested hitting buttons (or “0”) on the phone to get to a live person. That used to work. Current robot systems, however, don’t use buttons anymore — it’s all voice. Nothing you say or threaten or beg for will get you anything other than “I’m sorry. Please say yes… or no.”

We DID find a way around the robot, though.

The next time we called, we just asked for the “order more services” options. That got us to a sales person, a real human, immediately. And through them — cuz we got their name and ID right away — we were routed to the middle level of “fixers”.

Who were incompetent, of course. But it did get us past the robot.

We would have NEVER gained access to the secret level of fixer, though, without insider connections.

It’s not fair.

But I lost my idealistic desire to force the universe to be “fair” a long time ago. I’m not jaded, either. I just know how things work now.

Pissing Off Customers

I’m still under the gun here, on deadline… but I had a thought I’d like to share here.

Just a quick post.

Last night, after working diligently all day, I took a break and settled into the couch with my honey (and my dogs) to watch a pay-per-view movie. You know — kick back and dumb down. One of modern life’s little pleasures.

But no… the cable TV service did a “HAL” on me, and refused to cooperate. I got an indecipherable error message when I tried to give them money for a movie.

So, I called the only number listed for the cable company. I’ll spare you most of the details, because I’m sure you’ve experienced similar intellectual insults… but I was put through twenty minutes of automated Hell, forced to jump through hoops and recite information and answer truly stupid questions… by a sweet-voiced ROBOT.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t hear your selection. Could you please repeat your answer? Here are your choices again…”

Now, I’m a level-headed guy, most of the time. All I wanted was my friggin’ movie. The popcorn was getting cold, the dogs had wandered off, and I quickly began to resent this… ROBOT… that assumed I was one of the stupidest humans on the planet.

She (it was woman’s voice) very politely informed me that, in “her” experience, the solution was one of the following twelve choices… and she, in her wisdom and patience, was going to stay with me while we worked together to solve this pecadillo.

First choice: “Is your television set turned on? Say yes… or no, please.”

You know, companies that use robot answering systems experimented with software a few years ago that recognized when people started using “bad” words… and you would get a dial tone the instant you swore, kicked off for having a potty mouth.

The cable company must not have implemented that software, however, cuz by the third choice in the robot menu, I was calling her every evil name I could think of. (I even used the dreaded “C” word. Shame on me. It was anthropomorphism gone ape-shit.)

A half hour later, I’d rebooted the entire system twice, recited every piece of privileged info I have four times, and performed technological stunts that defied logic.

And STILL got the damn error code.

Next step: The robot connected me with “Steve”… in Bombay. “Steve”, who had clearly never set foot on American soil, apologized profusely for everything, and asked me for ALL the info I’d given the robot multiple times just minutes before.

Then… he asked me if the TV was on. So we could reboot the system.

At that point, my mind cleared a bit. I had the sense to ask what the friggin’ error code meant… and “Steve” seemed reluctant to tell me.

Weak signal, he finally mumbled.

So… rebooting was essentially useless, wasn’t it?

Well… yes.

Then why had I been subjected to all this futile rigamarole?

Oh, very sorry about everything, sir. You’ll probably have to ask to have a technician come over to look at your system. And no, I can’t arrange that for you.

I did NOT call “Steve” any names. He’s just doing his job, right?

Before hanging up, in fact, he asked me if I wanted to review my account… because there were exciting NEW options available from my wonderful cable company to make me happy, happy, happy.

Stunned at the stupidity of asking me for more money while clearly not delivering on what I’d already paid for, I hung up on “Steve”. Let him suck some dial tone.

No movie, no appointment set up to fix things, and a ruined evening (which could have been salvaged had the robot told me that the error code meant no solution would be forthcoming… in the time I spent on the phone jumping through her hoops, I could have drove over to Blockbuster and rented the flick, come back and enjoyed my popcorn).

And the entire nasty experience was topped with a chirpy request for more money, please, thank you very much.

This is what happens when the friggin’ government confuses the free market with monopolies. There’s only one cable company in town. I’ll have to get a dish if I want the service I’ve paid for.

Mind you, the fiber-optic cable laid in the street was financed with my tax money. Paid for by me, but owned by the cable monster.

It’s enough to turn a guy into a frothing socialist.

Okay, I’m done complaining.

Here’s the marketing lesson: I’ve run my biz as a two-person shop for years. This means that, occasionally, things slipped through cracks, and customers rightly got frustrated and angry.

But here’s the kicker: Whenever that happened, we promptly took CARE of the problem as soon as it came to our attention. We never outsourced customer management… because the first rule of Operation MoneySuck is to pay attention to where the money’s coming from.

Duh.

The cable companies — and every other monopoly joint in the culture — TALK a good game of customer relations… but it’s ALL talk.

I can easily imagine the meeting where they planned out the flowchart their robot would use with complaining customers. They must have been laughing their asses off, coming up with new tortures to inflict (like asking if your TV was “on”).

It’s plausible, and you know I’m right. That meeting really could have been a laugh-parade of evil-minded employees… because none of them CARED about the customer. They would collect their paycheck regardless.

They were, in fact, as removed from Operation MoneySuck as a person could be.

As an entrepreneur or small business owner, you cannot allow this mindset of “screw ’em, we already got their money” to infect your operations.

I’ve consulted with small biz who wanted to buy an automated answering system… and the reason was always the same: It was a HASSLE dealing with unhappy customers personally.

Well, too bad, I told them.

I don’t believe the customer is “always right”, because there ARE plenty of insane assholes out there.

But until you can VERIFY that any complainer IS insane or an asshole… you must assume he’s a good guy who got screwed in your system.

And what he wants is nothing elaborate. I have been close to every customer we’ve had for five years now, and I hear Diane dealing with them in the next office every day.

No matter how mad they are to start with… it’s EASY to end their frustration, which is usually the source of the anger. We’ll either fix the problem asap, or refund them, or do whatever else is required to be fair.

It’s not brain surgery.

The LAST thing you want to do with an angry customer… is to pitch them for more money. That’s just stupid… and makes me think your entire organization is stupid.

For me, that means going to a dish. The cable company will care not a whit that I’ve left, because they believe their monopoly is solid. But multiply me by a thousand, or ten thousand, and you’ve got a problem. Even worse, how could the cable company know that I’m not wired into the city council… where their tidy little monopoly is vulnerable?

Treating customers well is the first casualty of growing too big, and getting to comfy. (For a more grisly example, check out the way the Walter Reed Hospital story played out — thinking they were immune, the idiots running the joint refused to fix problems when it would have been easy… and one day they woke up being the face of a national scandal.)

Human problems require human solutions. The company that realizes this will thrive, with or without a monopoly. Slogans and robots do not replace human connections.

HAL — the misunderstood computer in the movie “2001” — eventually got his ass handed to him, and audiences cheered.

Because it’s no fun swearing at a robot that cannot be insulted.

Stay frosty.

John Carlton
www.marketingrebel.com

Goop and Madness

Tuesday, 4:44pm
Reno, NV
“It’s alive, alive!” (Doc Frankenstein, on the first stirrings of his monster)

Howdy…

Man, it’s like deja vu all over again.

There are a ton of marketers making a ton of money, both online and offline right now… selling pure, uncut crap.

Nothing new about this. Back when the first caveman discovered the art of salesmanship while convincing another caveman to buy his old cave for a slab of mastadon meat… the next transaction to happen was probably a scam.

Like maybe trying to sell a fake cave. Or a cave with a bear sleeping in it. “Oh, didn’t I mention that bear? Sorry. And no, you can’t have your slab of meat back.”

The thing is, our capitalistic system allows for rapid financial reward regardless of whether you’re selling quality goods… or crap.

That’s why there’s never really been a truly “free” market. The moment someone with any power got scammed, laws were written and scofflaws were tossed into newly constructed hoosegows.

(Did you know, by the way, that the early European settlers in New England didn’t have anything resembling a jail for over a century? One colony tried digging a pit, but the prisoner escaped. We’ve come a long way, now with more folks per capita behind bars than any other civilized nation on the planet. Just something to chew on…)

Anyway, when you’ve been around business as long as I have — and I’ve been around a loooooong damn time — then you start to notice certain things that keep happening.

Like, for example… the cyclical return of the predatory multi-level marketing monster.

I’m not gonna name the current MLM goop out there, cuz it’s irrelevant. If it wasn’t this particular recipe of selected tangy herbs and zombie-ized crap, they would have found something else.

I’ve lived through three or four of these cycles. Lots and lots of money is made by some folks, and the buzz on the goop gets so hot that eventually stories appear in all the major magazines. (The same stories, pretty much, too. “Is this stuff for real?” the writers ask, all agog at the money and perplexed about the claims. God forbid they do any actual research on the goop…)

During the last go-round — in the late ’80s — the company behind that particular goop even bought a huge skyscraper in Los Angeles, and was drawing up plans for world domination just before the roof caved in on them. (MLM health-goop crashes happen just like the Dot-Com bust seven years ago — suddenly, taking whole groups of people down in financial chaos… and later, when the dust settles, it all seemed so obviously dumb…)

So allow me to set you straight here, in case you’re a little unclear on the concept: When it comes to maximum health, there are just 3 factors.

1. Good genes.

2. Good living.

3. And good information.

I hate to bust your bubble… but there ain’t no magic concoction out there that will cure your ills and make you live forever. At best, you may be coaxed away from your bad lifestyle, and introduced to the fundamental nutrients you’ve been avoiding, which may help a lot. (Amazingly, leading an unhealthy lifestyle actually contributes to ill health!)

At worst, you will be engaging in the power of suggestion and placebo… which also can work wonders for someone who strongly believes in magic.

In the end, however, if what you desire is good health and long life, you need to get hip to your body’s schematic. For every uncle you had who lived to 101 guzzling whiskey and chain smoking, you’ve got to factor in the four other tea-totaller relatives who dropped dead at 40 from heart attacks. That’s infomation.

Good living can be defined however you like… but in the end, it has to translate to being a better animal.

Exercise, eating well, indulging in a full life… we all slack off on the things we intuitively know can make us happier and healthier. So stop it.

Pot-bellied grouches die early. Smart, fit, upbeat people have a better shot at becoming Rip Van Winkle.

Finally, if you need a little magic to make sense of the world, then by all means go for it.

Whatever floats your boat.

But please — don’t fall for the scams.

Right now, the money flowing into that huge multi-level marketing monster roaming the country is just shocking.

So listen carefully: This type of magic elixir comes around like clockwork every generation.

And here’s how it works:

The goop is irrelevant. It could be (and sometimes has been) pureed compost heap. (The term “snake oil” comes from the common mid-18th century potions made from fermented rattlesnake heads and alcohol. Yummy.)

The ingredients do not matter.

What does matter… is the pitch…

…and the choice of marketing organization.

The easiest way to generate a lot of money, fast, is to use the multi-level organization. I swear to you that many of these guys set the organization up first… and THEN go looking for some goop to plausibly fill the minor role of “product”. (They stay with herbs and “natural” ingredients to avoid the wrath of the FDA.)

MLM success is based not on actually selling the product…

…. but on convincing others to sell it for you. So you sit at the top of your own private pyramid, doing nothing but cashing checks, while your minions scurry about below either hawking the goop… or creating their own little pyramids of sub-sellers.

And you get a piece of all the action filtering up through your seat on the pyramid.

Most level-headed people, upon hearing of how the MLM scheme plays out, pause.

The organization seems to defy a basic law of the marketplace — if the goop is really as good as the pitch says it is… then why is the emphasis not on selling it, but rather on getting other people to sell it for you?

To go into the logical curli-ques of the MLM pitch would take many pages.

Because, after the organizational set-up, the next most important part of the scheme is the pitch.

And, when done right, that pitch will exhaust your brain, murder your intuition, and leave you believing that black is white. Reality and fact be damned.

It’s only job is to generate enthusiasm. Enthusiasm for all the money you’ll make, so fast and easy, coupled with your new ability to live forever by guzzling this delicious new goop.

Whatever the goop is.

Doesn’t matter.

MLM is all about the suspension of belief… so, in your fevered excitement, you begin to believe that YOU — yes, YOU, among all the people who have sought it from the dawn of time — have been chosen to be among the blessed few to finally — FINALLY — discover the Fountain of Youth.

And you deserve to made rich for doing so.

You may as well join a cult. Because the brainwashing will never cease, and you are in for a ride that will not end until you are forced to face reality again.

Some people will get rich. That’s a given — it’s the reason the “snake oil” miracle remedy has been part of civilization since cockroaches decided to partner up with us.

We all want that simple, easy answer to our problems.

We all want magic in our lives again.

We really, really, really want it.

And we’ll PAY for it, by golly.

MLM schemes have a half-life of many years. Unless they are careless — and a good organization will avoid saying anything in their pitch exposing them to easy prosecution — they will not be brought down by any legal action. You can’t legislate the yearning for magic.

Mostly, they just peter out. Some hang around in the shadows for generations.

Hell, some even have some half-way decent product to sell.

But if you’re paying someone, who’s paying someone else, who’s paying someone else, etc., for the right to sell your share of this wondrous goop to friends and family… then you’re not the rebel marketer you believe you are.

You’re just part of an MLM organization.

Hey, for some people, it’s a way to dip their toes into the business world, I suppose. Maybe a way to make a few extra bucks. (Though studies confirm that the average MLMer never makes back their initial investment.) (Which they probably paid to a relative, or someone at work.)

The thing is… you gotta get clear on how you define “success”.

If all you care about is making money, then go smuggle drugs. Tons of cash in that line of work.

If you want to have a legitimate biz, then strive to make it a good one. And watch who you’re learning from.

Just know this: There are mobs of marketers out there earning boatloads of money… selling crap. Not just the MLMer’s, either.

If your chosen mentor or teacher bases his pitch to you on the idea that he has made a lot of money, then do a little digging. Especially now, with the globalized reach of the online business world, it’s EASY to make a bundle selling shoddy, screwed up goods and services.

Because, again, the product often doesn’t matter. The pitch hits your hot buttons… and the organization attaches an umbilical cord to your wallet and starts siphoning up money.

Look for quality. Look for honesty, integrity, and a product that does what the pitch promised.

You can admire an organization’s ability to round up a herd of prospects, and a pitch’s masterful way of harnessing cash.

But you don’t have to admire the people behind it all when they’re selling crap.

We live in a world filled with illusion and greed and clever thieves.

Watch your ass. And skip the goop. Go buy a blender and some cheap but good protein powder, eat more fruits and veggies, and get off your butt more and go do stuff that makes you sweat.

No one’s gonna live forever.

And if you truly desire to get rich, you can do it with your head held high, selling quality products and offering damn good services.

I shouldn’t have to keep reminding you of this, you know…

Stay frosty,

John Carlton

3 Inviolate Rules We Routinely Violate

One of the reasons I got into teaching was a special notebook I kept throughout the early years of my freelance career.

In that notebook, I wrote down every non-writing rule I came across in business. These were not the tactics and tricks and secrets I was using to actually write copy. All those notes and insights went into different files.

No, this one special notebook was simply called “Nuggets”. I was hanging around stars, geniuses and wizards who constantly spouted little tidbits of wisdom — the guiding rules of their life — and I was astonished that few people were as knocked out by the power of these nuggets as I was.

I started my career as a freelance copywriter in a state of near-utter cluelessness… and I pounced on every shred of advice and insight I could find. I guarded that notebook like it was gold.

There was more to living a good life than just earning big fees as a writer.

As I began to taste success and enter doors previously closed to me, I saw the wreckage of ruined lives all over the place — guys who had achieved great things in business, but whose personal lives sucked beyond belief.

The first decision, I realized, was simply taking the obvious steps to getting your professional act together.

But the next decision was just as critical — and usually overlooked.

You gotta get your mojo together, too.

You must weld the Yin to the Yang.

I can always tell when a copywriting student is gonna go places in this biz — he pays as much attention to the non-writing advice as he does to the specifics of crafting sales pitches. Most are too full of raw ambition to see that “success” needs to be defined… and it’s different for everyone.

Nobody gets out of this world alive.

In the end, it’s not how much you earned, but how well you lived that matters.

And that’s where these “nuggets” come in. Back in the ’80s, there were oodles of books coming out that purported to tell you how to live. The best-sellers were like Robert Ringer’s works — tough, no-nonsense updates on Machiavelli and Sun Tsu’s “Art of War”. It was good stuff… but a little lopsided on the “kill first, ask questions later” model.

If all you read was the hard-core “greed is good” manuals, you might have succeeded at reaching your goals… but there was a good chance you’d be alone at the end of the day. And miserable.

I was fortunate to discover the other side of the “rules for life” literary trend. Og Mandino, for all his sappiness, still delivered a useable message of hope and empowerment. And the Americanized Zen of David Reynolds (“Constructive Living”), when balanced against Ringer’s “take no prisoners” tactics, offered you a breathtaking menu of life lessons that came close to supplying you with what it took to be a complete person.

Still, I noted that many of the basic rules my mentors were relying on each day weren’t represented in the popular books.

So I kept meticulous notes. And I took the lessons to heart.

I’ll share just three with you here. A sliver of insight, culled from a long career at the edge.

I’ve called them “inviolate” rules… meaning, you shouldn’t violate them, ever, if you want to live a super-disciplined life.

But I noticed that even the most disciplined and ambitious and proactive guys I learned from… violated nearly every rule they had, at one time or another.

And that’s another rule: There are always exceptions.

The difference is all about keeping your eyes open, and acknowledging to yourself that you are consciously going against your own rule.

Sometimes, life is like a horror movie. Yeah, you should never go down into the dark cellar after hearing screams… but if you’re the go-to guy in the group, then that’s what you gotta do. Even if doing so goes against the very fiber of your being.

Here are 3 “inviolate” rules that are routinely violated:

Rule #1. No good deed goes unpunished.

It’s astonishing to me how often this rule proves itself. I’m a generous guy, and I was raised to enjoy doing things for people. It’s a habit. When I’m in a position to help someone else out, I often jump up and go out of my way. It’s just my nature — and I’m not alone.

Americans in general — despite our current spate of bad PR in the world — are generous people.

But you cannot do something for another human being with the expectation that you will be rewarded. First, because that diminishes the act of kindness.

And second… because doing something nice for someone often kickstarts a thought process in the person being helped that doesn’t end until he’s convinced you OWE him even more help. More of what you did for him, and more of everything in general.

The psychological roots of this weird thinking are deep, and if you pay close attention you’ll discover that even you have engaged in it. (I distinctly recall being overwhelmed with gratitude at the better-than-I-expected salary I received from a mentor… and, less than a month later, assuming he should also kick in for a new car. I was horrified to realize I was punishing him for kindness… but at least I caught myself, and nipped that ungrateful demon in my head in the bud.)

And yet… I have never stopped doing good deeds. The idea of going through life refusing to be generous just because many people will consider you their private sugar-daddy is… well, it’s an ugly idea.

I’ll continue to violate this rule… but I’ll be ever vigilant to the possible consequences.

Being generous doesn’t require that you be a sucker, too.

If I do something for someone out of the goodness of my heart, and they shit on it… well, fine. They’ve burned a bridge, and it’s not my problem.

And it’s not gonna sour me on helping others.

Rule #2: All clients suck.

This is an easy one. All clients DO suck… because the very nature of being a client means you want something from the person you’ve hired. And as much as that hired gun is a pro — with good work habits and a dedication to deadlines — he still resents the fact that his skills have been bought with coin.

I try to make my freelance students understand that they are, essentially, whores. You take the cash, and work up a rabid enthusiasm for your client’s business and life. You are his new best friend, and you’re in it with him 110%… until you’ve fulfilled your paid-for duties.

Then, you’re outa there like a kid on the last day of school.

And the client, once he has what he needs from you, can’t wait to see the door hit you in the butt (most of the time).

It’s an adversarial relationship. Each side feels they gave it up too cheap.

What’s funny about this… is that YOU suck when you’re own client. Writing for yourself is one of the hardest jobs you’ll ever take on… and you must assume a schizophrenic duo-personality if you’re gonna be successful. Cuz you gotta kick your own ass, and set your own deadlines.

Still… in the end, the savvy freelancers among us all continue to hire ourselves out to new clients… and the smart business owners among us continue to hire new talent.

With your eyes open, and no illusions that these people really are your new best friends, you can make it work.

Rule #3: Do not go into business with friends.

I’ve seen 30-year friendships burst asunder, long-term marriages collapse, and even brothers never speak to each other again… all after making the decision to go into business together.

The trouble is in believing your closeness will overcome all problems.

You know… the way teenagers believe love will conquer all.

If you truly value any relationship, you will build a wall between it and your business life.

And yet… I have consistently violated this well-established rule time and time again.

What saved me… was the reality check I gave myself and the other people in the drama: If this goes bad, I will kill the association where it stands.

And I’ve done it. Over the years, I have tried a dozen times to bring friends into the world of entrepreneurism, and especially advertising. They had nothing going in their lives, were rudderless and desperately seeking a clue… and I gave them one chance to come aboard.

I had a single simple requirement: They had to get serious.

I would bend over backward helping them the entire way — personally teaching them what they needed to learn, overseeing their efforts, being that “secret weapon” watching their backs at all times. I would take them on as a private project, and pour myself into the job.

But they had to get their game on, and do what I told them to do. When it was about business, we were no longer equals (as we were in regular life) — they had to obey, and follow through, and trust me.

Of the dozen I brought into the field… only ONE ever made it a career. The others just couldn’t get past the idea of their friend getting serious about all this… business crap.

The one who stuck it out? I still act like a drill sergeant around him when the subject is business… and he has prospered. And, we still have the friendship, mostly — it’s changed a bit, but we’ve made it work. It’s like putting on a different costume, playing a different role depending on the circumstances.

It can be done. It’s not easy, though. Most people screw it up… and lose the relationship.

I violate this rule just as I do the others — with my eyes wide open.

I’m even partnered up with one of my closest life-long friends… and while we watch out for the pitfalls, there is always the chance it could turn out badly. Money and success can ruin anything.

But in a full life, you choose your battles and you choose your rules.

And even the hard-core rules were made to be broken — if you pay attention.

Still, it’s good to know the rules in the first place. It’s sorta like having a flashlight as you go down those dank cellar steps.

No, wait — it’s like being able to rewrite the script as you go. Maybe not the entire plot, but a lot of it.

Yeah, we do need the stinkin’ rules.

We just don’t have to always follow them.

Stay frosty…

John Carlton

Inside The Marketing Poker Game

Though I live near a downtown crammed pretty much wall-to-wall with casinos, I never haunt any of them unless friends are visiting.

And most of my friends, by the time they arrive, are visibly hungry for an evening spent in degenerate splendor, throwing their money away. The more gritty the casino, the better, too.

I had an old friend come up for Superbowl weekend with his son, and we decided to watch the slopfest in the dirtiest, darkest, and most out-of-controlRead more…

Schedules, Scalability, and Screaming

Sorry I haven’t been blogging much lately. Very exciting stuff going on, and time has been at a premium.

But I’m back now, eager to bother you with all sorts of fresh wonders and scary advice.

I’m reorganizing my entire life here… plus traveling hither and yon to seminars in such far-flung joints as San Diego, Chicago, Melbourne and San Francisco. I’ve squeezed as much action and adventure into the last three weeks than I managed to experience all last year combined.

Operation MoneySuck is in full tilt boogie mode, finally. My old pal Stan has signed on as partner, and his first order of biz was to drag me — kicking and screaming — into the world of schedules, scalability, and outsourcing. He’s a long-time operations expert, who just hit a wall working with house-hold-name corporations in Silicon Valley and Europe… and succumbed, after several years of cajoling on my part, to the lure of the entrepreneurial universe.

My loyal and much-overworked assistant, Diane, is breathing a deep sigh of relief, too. We accomplished amazing things as a two-person office, but my lack of operations savvy put an automatic crimp in every project’s potential.

That was then.

Suddenly, my personal workload has dwindled to almost obscenely-logical proportions, with not a whiff of being overwhelmed. Every hour I log now has trackable consequences that mean less work down the road, and more money coming in.

It’s just friggin’ amazing what a little planning can do.

Stan and I drove back together from the copywriting seminar in SF I just held with my buddies Harlan Kilstein and David Garfinkel, talking biz the entire trip… and spent Tuesday filling up flip-charts and mapping out the conquest of the Western world.

Kickin’ ass and takin’ names… that’s what it’s all about, here in the wonderful world of entrepreneurial capitalism.

I’ll be harping more on all this as things continue to pan out. Online entrepreneurs and small business owners have needed a good dose of operations voodoo for a long time… but we’re slow to realize it. Many of us came to the Wild West Web from the coporate world, and resist implementing anything that smacks of the stick-up-your-butt formalism that dominates nine-to-five office life.

But, as Stan has proven to me, basic planning can still allow for being a lean and mean machine… especially with the wonders of outsourcing. Which, coincidentally, is now a million times easier to do with the global reach of the Web.

And I’ve been thinking about that — about adopting the best parts of well-planned Cubicle City type corporations, while nurturing the sleek and fast jungle animal style of good old kitchen-table entrepreneurism.

It’s how I’ve survived so long in my career, in fact. I’ve never been locked into any particular way of doing things, and I never have a dog in any fight — I’m open to what works.

This came up at both seminars. In San Francisco, an attendee was just incredulous that people “still” read long copy online. “That’s all changed, hasn’t it?” she asked, innocently.

With the brouhaha of Web 2.0 still roiling the blog-0-sphere, she can be excused for her doubts. And the fact is, if I woke up tomorrow and realized the universe had changed in such a way that a decent sales pitch no longer required persuasion, proof, credibility, believable offers, and all the other classic ingredients… and we could now create sales with just a smidgen of copy here and there, like dabs of gray ink in the colorful wonder of an over-designed Web page… well, I’d be the first one writing short copy that day.

I don’t write long copy because I like long copy.

I write long copy… because that’s what works.

You start at the beginning of your sales message… cover the points your prospect needs to hear in order to make a decision… urge him toward the right decision (buy your stuff)… and close with panache.

When you can do that in a few terse sentences, or in a single brief whiz-bang video, let me know. I’ll be right on your heels with my next pitch.

After almost three decades in the front-line trenches of business — slogging through the fog and chaos of multiple technological upheavals — I’m not holding my breath, though.

Still, the nature of business requires flexibility.

And, curiously, this is NOT an age-related thing.

At both seminars, I encountered wizened old farts who were cleaning up online, totally hip to every cutting-edge burp and tweak of the Technology Beast… and I met bright young business would-be-wizards who couldn’t ossify and wall themselves up in a cave fast enough.

And vice versa, of course.

The guys, young and old, who were making it work were flexible jaguars, alert and eager to learn. The ones wandering off into the desert — young and old — were dogmatic dinosaurs, unable to change even when the case for change couldn’t be more obvious.

Two quick examples: (1) I met several too-young-to-be-considering-suicide online biz owners who were, indeed, considering some form of suicide… because the Google Slap of last summer ruined their only business plan. Without the easy traffic of unchallenged Adwords, they became depressed and sleepy and unable to adjust.

Get a grip.

(2) I also recently critiqued a direct mail letter that looked like it’d been written in the early 1970’s, fossilized, and put somewhere safe from every single change that’s happened to advertising since Jobs and Woz wandered bleary-eyed from their garage-lab, giddy with success.

I didn’t even bother getting into the copy — instead, I gave the mailer a focused little pep talk about what had transpired since the digital explosion.

The basic rule is simple and eloquent: Things change.

And most folks resist change. Yes, that super-tight polyester disco-era leisure suit in the back of your closet may yet come back into vogue… but nearly every aspect of successful advertising has moved along at a brisk clip.

The days of easy traffic online are now as quaint as the days when having a toll-free 800 number was an exotic luxury. Ancient history.

The good news: It’s actually fun to stay hip and wired into the cutting edge.

There never was a rule dictating that the adventure and excitement had to stop in your life after a certain expiration date.

The key is simply to stay loose and alert, like a jaguar. The action is still hot and heavy at the front lines, as it always has been and always shall be.

And if you need a little help finding your way through the fog and chaos of the rear ranks… well, that’s what guys like me are for.

We live in exciting times. I understand the urge to go hide under the covers… but I also know the thrill of going mano-a-mano with the great Technology Beast, and winning.

Grrr.

Stay frosty…

John Carlton
www.marketingrebel.com

P.S. Whole new killer piece of copy at the above site, too. Check it out, if you’re not scared of new stuff…

The Ego Echo Chamber

Well, happy new year to y’all.

Are we having fun yet?

I was kinda hoping my first blog post of this brand-spankin’ new year would be a positive one, full of good tidings and all that.

But I waited too long. One week into aught-seven, and the fur is flying already.

So my first post is on… Read more…