The Unforgiving Human Funk

Insight Alert!

While scouring the press on this slow news day, I came across one of those “hmmm” items that get a little initial attention in the talk shows, and then fade away.

As a marketer, however, this is the juicy stuff that can help wake up your slumbering Inner Salesman.

The news came from a study by the Certified Financial Planners Board of Standards… and if you can’t trust them, who can you trust in America today?

Okay, I have no idea who they are, but I know a number of financial planners, and they’re all pretty hooked into the varieties of greed that exist in the human heart. Their job, mostly, is to take chaos and create order… in the lives of people they otherwise would have nothing to do with.

You have to be worth some serious bucks before a planner will return your call. If you’re a rookie in business right now, one of your long-term goals should be to become the sort of financial mess a planner will deign to help straighten out.

Anyway, what this Board of Standards just released is a report verifying what most people who study human behavior have long suspected: Over 70% of lottery winners sqaunder it all away, eventually. A third have to declare bankrupcy.

We’re talking about people who score lottery wins of hundreds of millions here.

And they just do not have the skills to handle the windfall.

Psychologists will tell you that most people have a comfort zone they like to maintain. They crave routine, they crave the same things over and over (like eating in the same restaurant every week), they crave a daily life they can predict.

But they aren’t aware of these cravings. In fact, they will complain about the routines.

If you’re young and full of piss and vinegar, you may have experienced the opposite need — a drive to break free of the predictable and familiar, an urge to throw yourself into the strangeness of the wide world and test your ability to survive. This is why small towns in middle America continue to get smaller — the young-uns are leaving in droves for the bright lights.

But for most people, that urge drains away… replaced by a longing for the familiar and the predictable. If you’re lucky, you retain a taste for danger and newness… at least a little bit. In my experience, people who get to travel a lot in their youth continue to yearn for travel as they age. However, they want that travel to be a little less chaotic.

The world turns on routine. People get up to alarm clocks that never get changed, drive streets so familiar they blur in passing, perform duties at redundant jobs that require a calendar to remind you what day it is. And, for the bulk of the population, they like it that way.

Most of my readers are entrepreneurs. The successful entrepreneurs need to be reminded of how the rest of the world operates… because successful entrepreneurs are fidgety folks, always screwing around with their lives so that routine barely has a chance to settle in. The wannabe entrepreneurs hover at the doorway to this world, astounded at the amount of unpredictability required to move to each new level of success.

Easy test: If the idea of working without a safety net thrills you, you have entrepreneur blood in your veins. Welcome to our world. If the idea causes an anxiety attack, you may be better off with a desk job somewhere, getting a paycheck.

For entrepreneurs, it is imperative that you understand human beings better than they understand themselves. This can cause some painful self-evaluation, but in the end you become a better person for your insight.

And what you learn also helps you become a killer salesman. You cannot sell well if you are blind to the motivations, desires, and weak spots like greed in your prospect.

Thus, the importance of this lottery infomation.

People buy lottery tickets because their greed gland kicks in. They think they want a life filled with cash. It’s a hazy, vague kind of thinking, but it opens their wallet.

Yet, winning often stuns them. I live in a town filled with casinos, and when friends visit, we almost always trek down to the gambling floors. People will pour cash into machines and throw it across felt for hours… and yet, if they win big, they almost exhibit a sense of altered consciousness that makes them act silly. “I never win anything,” they often say.

So why do they continue to gamble?

I will tell you this — many people who regularly buy lottery tickets will hear about this study, and believe it totally. Regular guy wins the lotto, wife leaves, friends hate him, he ends up in the gutter, broke. It’s the kind of story that would circulate even if it was bullshit… the fact it’s often true will just amp up the rumor factor.

But no one will stop buying lottery tickets. Think about that. What does that tell you about human behavior?

If you sell information — or if the main benefit of your product or service is a better life — then you, too, are selling dreams. Most people believe they want a “better life”… and believe that more money can help deliver it. People who have been there know this to be untrue, mostly… but other folks still want the opportunity to find out for themselves.

You cannot get hung up on the idea that many of your customers will not follow through with what you offer. They won’t read what you write, won’t watch your DVDs, won’t act on any of your advice. This doesn’t mean you aren’t filling a need in their life — it just means that, no matter how much you push and cajole, you cannot force them to become motivated to move forward.

With most information, the reality of moving forward is very much like the reality of suddenly becoming wealthy. Your life becomes so different from what you were comfortable with before, that you get discombobolated. Lose your sense of balance, of who you are and where you fit in your circle of friends and family.

Climbing out of your comfort zone requries a little skill at redisovering who you are and what you want. It also challenges everyone around you, and that can cause emotional havoc. What do you say to friends when the conversation turns to complaining about rich people, or about trouble paying the bills? How do you handle that first pitch from an in-law to borrow a bunch of money… only to discover they have no intention of ever paying you back? What happens to your self image when you catch people talking about you behind your back… because you’re no longer “one of them”?

It’s not the money that ruins lottery winners. It’s the sudden collapse of their comfort zones. When you no longer need to go to a job, you have 40 hours a week to fill up. If all your friends are from the job, you’re now a stranger in a strange land.

Consider all these implications. If what you sell requires any kind of change — even if it’s just a small change — then no matter how excited you get your prospect, he will resist buying if you take him too far out of his comfort zone. He probably won’t even understand his own resistance.

This is one of the biggest obstacles you will encounter. I consult with people all the time who have a great product, but can’t make the sale because they are simply flabbergasted when rational prospects hesitate to buy.

No matter how good your product is at helping people create better lives… often, unconsciously, they are just happier in their familiar funk.

Know your obstacles. Don’t try to sell in the dark.

Stay frosty.

John Carlton
www.marketingrebel.com

Whose Experience Is It, Anyway?

One the reasons I’m a good teacher… is because I suck at being a good student.

I have to re-learn my lessons over and over… and over again. Painfully, sometimes. That’s good for anyone wanting to learn from me, because my repeated “take overs” mean I know the territory better than most… and I have “experimented” with the learning curve so much I understand every obstacle you will encounter trying to weld the most important principles and lessons to your brain.

I’m not stupid (in spite of what anyone else may have told you). And I love the learning process. My problem is being too generous — I’ve always had a “can do” attitude, and I really enjoy helping people. So, sometimes I let my enthusiasm for sharing and teaching overwhelm the “rules” I’ve developed over the decades that have been the foundation of my successful career.

Here’s a good example… one that I think holds a great overall lesson for all of us.

Here’s the story: The “marketing model” I use involves lots of straight-ahead “content”… meaning, I give out oodles of good, useable info and only occasionally (and gently) pitch anything. For years, my newsletter mailed out with just the newsletter — it was pure information, with no selling whatsoever.

This blog, too, is mostly info-dense. (I’ve been reminding people of the upcoming workshop because it’s such a rare event, and almost upon us.) People rely on me for delivering the goods, and I do my best to comply.

Part of the reason for this “lots of info, very little selling” model is because what I offer people is — there’s no other way to describe it — deep. It’s not paper-thin theory, and not surface-level crap ripped from other people’s experiences. What I share are the proven tactics, concepts and insider savvy from my many years in the front line trenches of the advertising world. This is what I do. This is how I earned my rep, project by project, over decades of success and trial and error.

A larger part of the reason for this model, however, is that I’m clearly not everyone’s cup of tea. I’m not going to change my attitude, my teaching style or my quirks (especially not my quirks) in order to be “more accessible” to a bigger audience. Screw the “bigger audience” out there. I’m after hard-core marketers who are aggressively seeking major success, and come looking for just the kind of insider advice I offer.

I don’t want the many problems inherent in trying to appeal to “uninitiated” crowds. My refund rate for the “Kick-Ass Copywriting Secrets” course is so miniscule, it doesn’t even show up as a whole percentage point. If I were my own client, I’d advise myself that I’m not pushing hard enough — a good marketer should be getting around 7%-to-15% refunds. That’s normal, and from my experience, the average. Even with a super-killer product, some refunds are unavoidable.

But I’m not approaching my teaching gig as a normal marketer. This is a side project with me — my main gig is still as a freelance writer, and I still service a core group of clients who rely on me for that. The teaching is something I’m doing to, yes, earn extra money from… but more important, it’s my way of giving something back to the industry that has given me so much. Like the guy on “My Name Is Earl”, I learned long ago that karma is a very real component of the universe. Also, I enjoy the way I feel when I share my expertise with others.

Now, by avoiding the “hard sell” with my teaching gig, I seldom encounter anyone seeking private consultation who isn’t hip to what I’m about. Everyone I do critiques for is an Insider with me, well-schooled in the basics I teach, aware of my reasons for insisting on certain tactics and concepts, and willing to put their precious ego aside and learn.

Long ago, in fact, I made a rule with myself that I would avoid, at all costs, directly dealing with anyone who was not completely and thoroughly initiated to the ways I operate. (That’s why it’s so much more expensive to attend any event I have if you aren’t already at least a subscriber to the Rant newsletter.)

Because, as I said, I’m not everyone’s cup of tea.

Every once in a while, I’ll speak at a someone’s seminar, and discover the crowd is packed with neophytes who refuse to believe that long copy works better than short copy… or that having a specific call to action is necessary for a sales pitch to succeed… or that Madison Avenue’s idea of ads (lots of irrelevant graphics, gratuitous ironic comedy, an embarrassed refusal to even attempt to sell) is just plain wrong, wrong, wrong.

And that almost always signals a major bummer for me. I don’t mind teaching the raw basics… but I know from brutal experience that just the building-block concept of long copy versus short copy is something that most businessmen have a very hard time believing. Even with proof. Even when the proof shows up in their bank account.

And when you can’t get past that basic concept, you’re really not gonna understand the advanced stuff.

Most of the marketing world will never “get” the basics of classic direct response salesmanship.

Which is fine. It’s also the reason I don’t push too hard to get people into my world. If you get hung up on the basics (which veterans know from long experience is as close to gospel as you get in business), then none of the advanced stuff I teach is going to make a difference to you.

Still, as I said, I have a glitch in my internal operating software that makes me violate my own rules over and over.

Yesterday, I did a phone consultation with someone who was not initiated into my teaching substance or style. I agreed to it, because one of my older clients insisted on it, and I’m a sucker for a heartfelt pitch.

And — no big surprise — the call went sideways from around minute number two.

Now, if you’ve done a phone consultation with me before, you know that I let you control the call however you want. You can interupt me, go off on any tangent you like, pepper me with questions or sit back and join me in a long, story-filled rant on whatever subject hits the table.

This works fine with almost everyone.

And the reason it works fine with almost everyone is that I normally refuse to do phone consultations with anyone not inititated.

The client who set this consultation up is a big fan of mine, and a terrific marketer. He unabashedly credits the single hour consultation he did with me a few years ago as launching his business — he received a massive payload of specific tactics, concepts and techniques during his call that immediately propelled him to the head of the class in his market.

And so, when his friend encountered a marketing dilemna, he urged this friend to do a consultation with me.

There’s a very important lesson here: When I teach salesmanship, I talk about “waking up your inner salesman” by doing something as simple as trying to convince a friend to go see a movie you know he’d enjoy (but wasn’t planning to go see).

I do this because of the incredible lesson in human behavioral psychology that occurs.

Try it. What you will encounter is the phenomenon of “resistance”. The more enthusiasm you show, and the more you insist your friend go to this movie… the more he will resist. This illuminates the basic mistake rookies make when trying to close a sale — believing that your enthusiasm will influence your prospect’s decision. It won’t. In fact, it can interfere.

This is why a world-class sales pitch is not a straight-on assault of bullying, but a nuanced progression of overcoming obstacles to the exchange of money. You must allow the prospect to make his own decision — and you do that by giving him reasons to do it. Not by insisting he do it, and not by trying to bowl him over with enthusiasm.

In fact, in the movie example… if you DO get him to go see the movie, guess what? He will very likely hate it. It’s very rare that he will have the same amazing experience you did. People do like to be led, but they don’t like to be forced to do anything.

That’s what happened with this botched consultation. The caller was pretty much just doing it to get my former client to shut up already about how much I’d helped him. He came to the call with a “I already know all this” attitude, had a totally unrealistic preconception of what to expect… and, as he anitcipated, had a bad time.

It wasn’t his fault. He had some notion built up in his head of how the call was going to go, and this notion was not based on knowing me, or knowing anything about what to expect from me. It was very much like going to a French restaurant wanting Mexican food, and being disappointed when you can’t get it. No matter how clear you are with the waiter about what you “want”, you’re not gonna get it if it ain’t on the menu.

I gave the guy a million dollars worth of advice, but it didn’t penetrate. Again, not his fault. The call should have never happened… at least until after he was initiated.

For you, and anyone else involved in marketing to humans, the lesson is the same. You cannot close the sale if you must rely on educating your prospect — to bring him up to a certain level of understanding, or to initiate him to a way of thinking. If what you offer involves education, you need to follow the marketing model of building a list with free or low-cost content, and nurturing it carefully so that when the major buying decision is made, it’s gonna stick.

I imagine I’ll have to keep relearning this lesson, too… because I’m kind of a soft touch when it comes to agreeing to help people. I set up rules both to protect my time, conserve my energy, and keep myself somewhat sane.

But I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t violate these rules once in a while.

And I wouldn’t be the teacher I am if I didn’t appreciate the opportunity to re-learn the lesson again, and incorporate the new input to refine it.

Stay frosty.

John Carlton
www.marketingrebel.com

Motivation

Interesting story going around about motivation. Researchers discovered that “planning” to quit smoking or lose weight — as in New Year’s resolutions — was almost a guaranteed way to fail.

The only sure-fire way to quit, or lose, is to have a health crisis.

That was my experience. I smoked for ten years — my idol was Humphrey Bogart, and I was under the delusion that having a cig hanging from my lips made me look debonair or something. And I only quit after suffering severe bronchitis (headed for pneumonia).

Two years in a row. Got sick, quit… started again… got sick again… and finally quit for good the second time. That was over thirty years ago. I still have the occasional craving for a smoke — there’s nothing that replaces the joy of flooding your system with nicotine during a break from writing. Nothing.

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And yet, I never indulge.

Apparently, people who plan their escape from bad habits and/or unwanted weight the most obsessively…

… are the ones to bet on to fail most spectacularly.

I remember many friends trying hypnosis, counselling, and lots of tricks (like wrapping their packs of cigarettes in rubber bands, so it was a hassle to get one out). Nothing that involved forced discipline or avoiding cold turkey worked very well. My friends who tried the craze diets — like the Atkins — became insufferable bores on the subject… and the evangelism lasted until the day they fell off the wagon with a thud.

I’ve been studying life-change for decades.

I am living proof that you can change your life radically, almsot overnight… using nothing but a few tools like a pile of self-help books (such as “Think and Grow Rich“), a glimpse at the path you want to take, and a “gun to the head” attitude that refuses to recognize failure as an option.

And yet, even friends who have watched the transformation refuse to see it as something they could repeat themselves. They stop talking to me about their problems the second I interupt their whine and offer concrete steps to take.

They really aren’t ready to change yet, you see. They just want to wallow in misery, and they resent any attempt to remind them they have choices..

I was thinking about this while talking with an old friend who suddenly has to change his ways… because he had a heart attack. Two stark choices: Lose the Type A behavior patterns and live… or get back on the workaholic treadmill and die soon.

And I have another friend, who had one of those birthdays that hit him like a brick. He’s suddenly no longer young and full of potential — he’s middle-aged, with dwindling opportunity to “grow up” (as he calls it) and either do what he wants to do with his life, or continine the drudgery of his “life on hold” habits.

He’s depressed. It’s bad. Something’s gotta give… and it could very well be that he merely comes to terms with never going after what he truly wants in life. That will be a shame… but it won’t be an uncommon choice.

They’re not asking me for advice, mind you. They know what I would tell them:

• Quick dicking around, and jump into life with renewed purpose and motivation.
• Go after what you want.
• Stop pretending life comes with a “do over” switch, or extra chances after time has elapsed.

I mean, if you’re a Type A workaholic, and you haven’t yet had your little face-to-face with eternity moment… why not change now, while you’ve got extra energy, and won’t have to spend a couple of years recuperating?

Just skip the heart attack part, and change now.

And if you’re avoiding changing your life, and it’s bothering you because you just know you won’t be happy if you find yourself on your deathbed without having written that novel, or travelled to India, or gotten a tatoo, or whatever… why not skip the coming depression and just change now?

I’m serious. Why not?

Your biology is set against you. All your plans will likely go for naught, because we aren’t wired to change without drastic motivation.

Then again, it’s not a hard and fast rule.

Many people DO change without a health crisis or nervous breakdown.

And they’re not lucky, either — they’re just done with walking around like a zombie, waiting for Fate to intervene.

No one gets out of here alive. What you do during the time you’re given is completely up to you. What you’re doing now is the result of choices you’ve made in the past. You can’t undo many of them, but so what?

• People travel with kids in tow.
• Novelists finish great works while holding down a day job.
• Entire families have changed entire lifestyles, leaving the suburbs behind.
• Broke and clueless people have tapped into the Information Age and become rich and clued-in.

Pursuing another path may not immediately bring you oodles of happy moments and the dream life you want. However, it’s for sure you won’t find what you seek if you don’t take that first step.

It really is all about motivation.

Stay frosty.

John Carlton

PS: If you’re looking for some motivation to up your marketing game, you’ll find a massive  treasure trove right here.

Take This Humor Test

Quick story about the last email you may have received from me: If you’ve been reading my blogs and/or newsletters and other material, you know I’m not everybody’s cup of tea.

I don’t pretend to be. I don’t want to be. In fact, the only way I could convince myself to enter this teaching gig was to promise myself I would never put a muzzle on.

I’m not a gutter-mouthed maniac, but I do tend to piss off a number of people now and again. Most of the time it’s innocent.

Occasionally, though, I do it on purpose. To cull the herd.

Let me explain with a quick example. Below is the brief email I sent out a few days ago. Read it again, even if you’ve already seen it, because what follows is pretty interesting. Here’s the text in the email:

Hi.

I recently received a funny email from a semi-desperate friend with this message: “John, I think my emails aren’t getting through to you. Please email back if you don’t get this one, either.”

Uh… okay.

I feel like I’m in the same boat, though. I’ve sent out tens of thousands of emails explaining the details of my rare, and very unique (and probably never to be offered again) Hot Seat Workshop… and yet today I have received several emails from colleagues telling me they’ve not seen a single email on the subject.

The workshop is barely over a month away, and about to be closed (because I can only take a small number of people, due to the intense personal attention I’m giving each attendee). The stunning ability of spam filters to gobble up my emails is now officially driving me nuts. So, I am trying one more time to reach you.

Please go to www.john-carlton.com/Hot_Seat_Seminar.pdf and see if this amazing event is something you should be checking out. I’m sorry for the rush, but I’ve been knocked around by technology a bit these past months. I’m sure you know the drill.

On a small technical note, the other emails were sent as “plain text”… so I’m sending this one as HTML, just to see what happens. Easier to track.

Email back if you don’t get this, okay?

Thanks.

John

All right. That was the email.

I got a ton of responses back full of smiley faces and typographical grins, saying “Sorry, John, I didn’t get this one either.” They enjoyed the little joke.

And, I got a lot of good advice regarding email blasts — tips on increasing deliverability, referrals to other list managing companies, a whole mini-education. I’m already pretty hip to most of it (I’ve blown through every major list joint out there, and they all mostly suck) but I appreciate anyone who takes the time to offer their take on the situation. Things are changing daily, and it’s good to stay in the cutting-edge loop.

But I also got some real eye-opener responses. Doozies.

“Dale” wrote (in all caps, so I assume he was shouting): “HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW I DID NOT GET THIS MESSAGE FROM YOU? YOU ASK ME TO E-MAIL YOU IF I DID NOT GET THIS MESSAGE. YOU AREN’T REAL SHARP THERE JOHN. DROP MY NAME FROM YOUR E-MAIL PLEASE.”

Big sigh from me. I may not always be the funniest guy in the room, but I’m usually in the neighborhood. I enjoy all kinds of humor, from rude to crude to sophisticated and subtle. I love to laugh. I glow when I’ve made someone else laugh. I’ve been at it all my life.

All of my close friends and colleagues are big laughers. Even in the face of certain doom, we’re cracking wise.

And sometimes I forget a major lesson of classic salesmanship: Most people do NOT possess even an ounce of a sense of humor. About anything.

This is often hard for go-getters and popular people to grasp. If you love to laugh, you’ve probably surrounded yourself with people who share your enthusiasm for the heartfelt guffaw.

But killer salesmen know that assuming your prospect has a sense of humor can kill your pitch.

There are a number of recent university studies on humor… and they’re chilling. Many of the people around you who laugh at jokes, or are always ready with a joke to tell… actually are faking it.

They have learned to look for cues from other people, and to laugh when others laugh. They have no clue why the joke they’ve just told is causing people to gasp with laughter. They’re smiling and going along, because they’ve learned to.

It’s not quite sociopathology… but it’s close. I’ve hung out with a number of people (mostly male) who had learned to dominate any room they were in. They shook hands with gusto, smiling from ear to ear, and did what I call the Alpha Male Dance — which included monopolizing all conversation by telling one joke after another.

But it was an act. Sometimes literally — I soon realized they had actually memorized stand-up routines and comedy albums, and were reciting them word for word.

Underneath, they possessed not a shred of a sense of real humor. Their inner lives were mirthless. They were faking it.

This appalled me. Laughter has gotten me through every tough time in life — and heightened the pleasure of the good times — and I would shrivel without it. My family and friends all live to laugh, and we all love to go back and forth cracking each other up.

It’s not competition, either. It’s called “wit”. Few of my close friends bother to memorize jokes. Jokes are not conversation — they’re just memorized ways to command the spotlight. I like the occasional good one… but it’s excruciating to sit through bad ones. If I repeat a joke, it’s because it’s viciously short, and wicked funny.

Wit is the back-and-forth of intelligent minds riffing on a subject. It works best when you know, or feel you know, the other people. And when everybody gets in on the fun, and no one dominates. There is competition for the funniest riposte, but you congratulate — when you can catch your breath — the person who did it.

You win when everybody wins.

Now… back to marketing.

When I first started publishing my newsletter, the Rant, I got a lot of mail warning me to “tone it down”. Several people who identified themselves as “top businessmen” (the first clue: no actual top businessman has to identify himself) told me I was an idiot for “alienating” any part of my target market.

And, as I said, most classic salesmen would agree.

Ah, but separating the clueless from the clued-in is the key to the most advanced lesson of world-class copywriting you’ll ever discover. This is bigger than the basics.

See, trying to please everyone will just make your copy limp and lame and boooooring. You won’t offend anyone… but you won’t sell a lot of stuff, either.

Reading is a passive behavior. Your job as a copywriter is to wake your reader up, light a fire under his ass… and get him so riled and hell-bent on possessing what you offer that he will open his wallet and give you money. That’s the hardest thing to accomplish in human interaction, getting a stranger to part with cash.

That’s why learning the cool advanced salesmanship stuff is so important.

Great copy is dangerous, not dull. You’re trying to wake people up, and challenge their zombie state… not send them deeper into slumber-land.

The people I may offend are all from the mushy part of the market. They don’t belong on my list, and they won’t get anything out of my teaching. I don’t want to sell them. They’re not on my marketing radar.

They’re not bad people. I do not wish them ill.

But I do wish they would leave quietly and let the rest of us enjoy our fun.

This guy “Dale” is not unique. He simply did not get the deprecating humor I was applying in the email. It wasn’t a big deal — just an mildly amusing idea I had bouncing around my head all day, and I decided to share the fun with my list. (I really did get that first desperate email from a friend, who was embarrassed when I pointed out — laughing — that I couldn’t… oh, never mind.)

Sorry I offended you, Dale.

Sorry you didn’t get the joke.

And, yes, you’re off the list. Sleep peacefully, knowing you will never again be bothered by my efforts to put a smile on your grim mug. I will never compromise my writing to please the frowning creeps out there. I’m doing just fine with a slightly smaller list that gets the humor. Even the ironic stuff.

For the rest of you — the ones who contact me in droves, happy to share your joy with me and appreciative of my efforts to give you a little inside peek at the wacky world of veteran copywriters I inhabit… well, allow me to thank you for being there. You make this teaching gig worthwhile.

Business and life does not have to be, and shouldn’t be, dry and humorless. There are people — lots of them — who will continually try to suck the fun out of everything.

Don’t let ’em get away with it.

Stay frosty.

John Carlton
www.marketingrebel.com

P.S. Final note… if you’re not on my email list, and want to be, just drop my assistant a quick email: diane@marketingrebel.com. Be sure to write “Put me on John’s list” in the subject line, so you don’t get deleted as spam.

And… if you ARE on my email lists, but haven’t been receiving my email, you’ve probably filtered me out. Silly. I don’t have time to go through a zillion Spam Arrest hoops… so please, clear the way for my emails. They will only come from three emails: john@marketingrebel.com, john@marketing-rebel.com, or diane@marketingrebel.com. I promise not to bore you.

Okay, I’m done. I have this sudden urge to go drink a beer and watch the Monty Python “Spam” routine, which I have on DVD. Brilliant!

Enjoy your evening.

Beware The Mush

I just had an annoying experience that reminded me of a nasty little lesson in human behavior… and how it can eat away at your bottom line.

This guy emailed in with questions about the options listed at my “main” site (www.marketingrebel.com). Only one of the questions wasn’t already answered at the site, which meant that the guy didn’t read the copy.

Fine. It happens. I answered the one question, and referred him back to the site.

He emails back, with more questions. Still hasn’t read the copy.

So I punt him over to my long-suffering assistant, Diane, who politely tries to answer most of his questions… and then she points him back to the original letter. One more time.

Guy emails back again. Long email, too, sharing way too much about his life as a “top businessman” who “doesn’t like surprises” and that’s why he’s asking all these questions. So he won’t have any surprises, you see.

Okey-dokey.

Diane writes him back, still polite, explaining in her own words how all his questions are already answered in the letter posted at the site. She even amplifies some of the main points.

I let her go on with this time-wasting penpal exchange for another couple of emails, and then I tell her to stop. What this guy wants is his own customized explanation of what I offer. Even if it’s a complete re-telling of everything in the original piece, he needs it rectied to him, personally.

Special treatment, in other words. Because, you know, he’s a top businessman.

This is a form of “Psychic Vampire” behavior. If you’ve read anything I’ve written, then you know I’m not in the habit of leaving out important bits of info when I create copy. I over-explain, if anything, because I learned long ago that clarity is the backbone of good marketing.

This guy, however, had another agenda entirely. Which was proven out when — after, I kid you not, eight emails sent in to us — he finally told us he wasn’t quite ready to buy anything yet, and was gonna think about it.

Needed to kick some more tires, I suppose.

Fine. My material isn’t for everyone, and you should always shop around before making a decision on which teacher you want to learn from.

Nevertheless, this guy — even if he had bought something from me — would almost certainly have nestled into the “mushy” part of my list. What’s mushy about it? That’s where the non-hard-core people settle. The looky-loo’s, the pretenders, and the “one foot already out the door” crowd.

Managing your list is a very important part of your business, no matter what market you’re in. And no matter how large or how small your “house” list is, you can divvy it up into 3 basic categories.

First are my favorites — the clear-eyed people who make informed buying decisions, who appreciate good information and material, and who consider their participation as an “advanced education” opportunity that can help them reach their goals faster.

This first group is a pleasure to deal with — mostly self-starters, motivated to learn and be proactive in their work, no chips on the shoulder or smoldering resentments about how badly life has treated them.

The larger this part of your list is, the happier you will always be.

The second segment of your list will be — usually — larger, and less hard-core about what you offer. They will appreciate your product or service, and get a lot out of it. But they are less motivated to move quickly, and will come and go as they feel the need.

This group, too, is generally great to deal with. They’re just slightly less intense about following through.

The third segment is all mush. If you’re lucky, it’s the tiniest part of your list. If you’re unlucky — or if you’ve been negligent in putting your list together, filling it with unqualified prospects — your entire database could be one big pile of slop.

This last segment is full of people “unclear on the concept” — unmotivated, slow to move on opportunity… and often requiring more time to nurture than the rest of your list combined. They will account for most of your returns, and almost all of your problems. They’ll take forever to make a decision, need constant stroking, copy your stuff and hawk it on eBay, and ask for refund.

And, if you stop them from selling on eBay (which I always do), they get mad.

They will suck up your time and energy if they hang on, too. They’re the ones who write long letters to the editor of the local paper whenever the post office raises the price of a stamp. They know the cost of everything and the value of nothing.

Think: High maintenance. Very high maintenance.

Most marketers operate on the idea that their entire list is some kind of monolithic example of humanity, and treat everyone the same. Bad move. Every so often, you should make some kind of offer that no one really interested in what you have would refuse… and cull the ones who don’t respond promptly.

Of course, while it’s still dirt-cheap to do blast emails, there is little motivation among online marketers to pare their list down. For some businessmen, the very idea is outrageous — they cling to each name as if it were gold.

And, hey, if you’re going to err, err on the side of being too generous with your list. It would be a financial shame to cut out someone who was an actual prospect.

But think of your list in terms of human behavior. The very best are your “hot” customers, and they deserve solid gold treatment… and even special treatment, when you can arrange it.

The big “middle” of your list may indeed hold many who are “on the fence” about buying, and just need a little more time to make the big decision. You may not hear from them much, but they’re there. And they’ll buy, every once in a while.

But the mush… if you can identify them, let them go. I know several marketers who are in love with “crush ’em with contact” tactics, and who swear that some prospects just take fifteen or twenty emails or letters to make the buying decision.

In my experience, you’re just loading up the mush pile doing this. Track returns, track problems, and track any name that comes up over and over again in unpleasant ways. You — like many other marketers who finally got hip — may discover that each sale you make from the mush pile eventually becomes a big net loss, chewing up time, energy and money.

It’s like brow-beating someone into marrying you. You may succeed, after years of exhausting courtship… only to discover the real game doesn’t start until after the deal is done.

Let the nightmare begin.

Better, in my experience, to focus on people who come into your world freely, and make their decisions without a lot of grief and hand-wringing. Your best prospects, customers and clients will always be those rare individuals who assess situations rationally, gather their info, and make a decision. And follow through.

The squishy bottom of your list is where the monsters dwell.

Just my two cents on the matter.

Don’t forget to check out the special message posted at www.john-carlton.com/Hot_Seat_Seminar.pdf.

Stay frosty.

John Carlton
www.marketingrebel.com

All About Your Hot Seat Opportunity

Just a quick note — I have posted the letter describing the upcoming “Hot Seat Workshop” seminar in March in a link attached to this site. To read it — and you need to jump on this if you’re at all interested — just go to www.john-carlton.com/Hot_Seat_Seminar.pdf

Note the underscores between the words “hot” and “seat” and “seminar”.

Stay frosty.

John Carlton
www.marketingrebel.com

The Workshop Is On

For some people — me, for example — hands-on learning is the only way to go.

I love this Information Age we’re in, because I love information. However, my office book shelves probably resemble yours — crammed with interesting information I fully intend to get to… when I have time.

As a teacher, I’m aware of the “gap” in getting info… and putting it to use in your life. That’s why all my courses and other material are aimed at providing shortcuts. I’m short on theory, long on action.

Still, the students who have zoomed to the head of the class fastest… are the ones who have sought out hands-on, personalized sessions with me. The easiest way to do this is on the phone, as a consultation.

But the BEST way remains face-to-face Hot Seat action. I’m a hard man to corner, however. I don’t offer on-site consultations, because I hate to travel anymore. No amount of cash will get me on a plane to come to you for personalized service.

However, twice in the past four years, I have given small “workshop” style seminars. I keep them small, because I connect with each attendee, and you can’t do that when there’s a crowd.

I’m offering a new workshop seminar — only my third one, ever, since I began teaching (and, as always, maybe my last one) — on the weekend of March 10-11. Here in Reno. There will be no other speakers, and no will try to sell you anything at the event. It’s just you, me, and the other attendees… getting down and dirty with the specifics of successful marketing.

My Insiders have already been informed of this event, and over half the available seats are reserved. I am now opening this workshop up to everyone else.

I call it a “Hot Seat” workshop. It will be casual, because we’re gonna work. This isn’t “take notes during a lecture”. Each attendee allowed in will have their own Hot Seat examination, by me personally. And, you will get to watch me work over everyone else (which is often the best way to get those critical “a-ha!” experiences that jettison you off on the fast-track to success). It will be brutal and effective.

This will sell out fast. It is not cheap. I am finishing up a letter that explains everything, and I will send you a copy if you will email me at john@marketingrebel.com, and write “Hot Seat info, please” in the subject line. (Otherwise, you stand a good chance of being deleted as spam.)

Things are popping, both online and offline. The sooner you establish your successful marketing-model, the faster profits will come flooding in… and the more secure your position in your market will be.

Competition is mounting and getting more vicious everyday, in every niche out there. The days when you could be success with sloppy marketing and weak concepts are long gone. Yet, the money is still there for anyone willing to take control of the opportunities available.

It’s fun when it finally starts working, too. Life changing. Freedom and independence and the life-style of your choosing are all within easy reach… once you get your basic marketing model fixed.

Let me know if you’re interested in this event. Don’t dither, or you could get shut out. This will be small, intense, and results-oriented.

And stay frosty.

John Carlton
www.marketingrebel.com

Free. Guaranteed!

In copy, the words “free” and “guaranteed” are both powerful and weak… both easily understood and completely misunderstood… and both essential to successful advertising and a good way to murder your sales message.

The problem — and the solution — is in a small detail that most rookies miss.

That detail is… proof.

Both words have been so overused and misused that, all alone in a piece of copy, they are pretty much meaningless. Even the most gullible prospects today know that a simple declaration that something is “free” doesn’t mean it’s actually free of strings. It’s free when you buy this. Free when you’ve saved up enough coupons. Free as long as you meet these requirements.

Same with “guarantee”. I see this a LOT when I critique copy for rookies — the word gets tacked onto the end of the headline, followed by an exclamation mark. As if the pure power of the word is so staggering, they’re risking the wrath of God just writing it down like that.

But they seldom explain what the guarantee is. And so it is meaningless bragging… much like that uncle who gets drunk at family gatherings and starts yelling to make his point during an argument.

Yelling is not being bold and convincing. It’s just yelling.

Smart writers know their reader is skeptical of these words… and immediately (as in the next sentence) explain what they mean by “free” or “guranteed”. Or at least allude to that explanation — so the reader knows the details are forthcoming.

The concept of the guarantee is the easiest to screw up. You make a promise to your reader, and then say you guarantee it. But what does that mean? Many writers use the word to imply that they are so confident, they will use the most powerful word they know to punctuate their promise.

But if there’s no meat behind the guarantee — if the consequences of NOT fulfilling the promise are not spelled out — then the word becomes limp baggage in your pitch.

The concept of the guarantee is all about reversing the risk in the deal. Instead of the prospect shouldering the burden of how good your product is… YOU take on all the risk. And not just with bragging — with real money, or a real promise of something that helps convince the reader he actually doesn’t risk anything if he gives your product the old “look see”.

At the very least, you need to guarantee a prompt refund. Even better, explain how there are no hoops to jump through, either — no forms to fill out, no questions asked, no delay. Even better, sweeten the deal so that he gets to keep most or all of the stuff even if he decides he wants a refund.

That’s what a truly confident salesman does.

And give him a long time to think it over, without penalty. The basic 30-day money-back guarantee helps to make the prospect feel safe, but still seems like he’s being rushed a bit. Ninety days is better. Six months is even more calming. And a year… well, the risk just evaporates when you know you have a full year to examine something before deciding if you want to keep it.

I even throw in a line, sometimes, about being able to return the product “in any condition”… so the prospect can actually use it during his guarantee period without worrying about having his refund denied. Sometimes I even insist that he return it beaten up and bruised.

That’s what shows real confidence. (“Why do I insist you use it as if you own it? Because I know that, once you see it in action, you won’t part with it for any amount of money…”)

Take away ALL the risk. Every scrap.

What’s more… in my experience, having a few “strings” attached to just how free anything is… is acceptable to most readers, as long as the conditions are thoroughly and honestly explained. Sure, you need to buy something first… but since you have a long guaranteed refund period on that purchased item, and you can keep the free stuff even if you return everything else to get your money back… well, “free” fits.

It’s all about explaining things honestly, and making your explanation make sense to the reader.

The old saying “he could sell ice to Eskimos” has a deeper meaning — which is: Objections are not a deal-killer to a good salesman. (How hard do you have to consider before buying some clean, fresh-water ice for your evening cocktails, when it’s made clear that all the snow around you is dirty and mixed with sea water? For example.)

If what you offer fits your prospect’s needs or desires… then all that stands between you and a sale is the way you present the deal. You’re selling apples, I’m hungry and I want an apple… but I’m not sure I want YOUR apple. It’s your job to make it seem like a no-brainer to try one of yours.

If I don’t like it after the first bite, I get my money back. And I get to keep the apple anyway.

And you’ll even throw in a free second apple… because that’s the kind of guy you are.

Pleasure doing business with you.

Stay frosty.

John Carlton
www.marketingrebel.com

P.S. By the way… I realize the archives of this blog aren’t yet attached. They soon will be… and it’s a lot of good material. Going all the way back to the start, around a year ago. The tech person I’m working with is busy changing the host for this blog… and once that’s done, the archives will go up, too.

P.P.S. Thanks to everyone who sent me an email, glad I wasn’t abducted by aliens or drowned in a freak accident. Next time, though, post your comment here, on the blog. New readers like to see what you think.

Luck, Attitude, And The Feast

I’ve been pretty damn lucky in life.

Not lucky as in “wins all the time, against the odds.” Rather, lucky in that my attitude fostered a lifestyle that opened up a lot of opportunities for good stuff to happen. Once I started taking advantage of these opportunities, I took on the persona of a “lucky guy”.

What was my attitude?

Actually, it was more a lack of attitude. I don’t know if you’ve noticed this or not, but a huge percentage of the population walks around with a chip on their shoulder. People make up all kinds of silly rules that dictate who they can hang out with, what they can laugh at, where they can go. And they can get fairly riled up when other people violate these restrictions.

Standing next to your average pissed off, resentful, paranoid and judgemental person… and any lack of attitude becomes an attitude. Being tolerant and open to new or strange ideas definitely puts you in the minority in most crowds.

I get reminded of this whenever I refuse to let someone get away with insisting that life is hard here in the States… or that the “little guy” just doesn’t stand a chance against The Man.

Oh, please.

Fear change and opportunity if you must — and most people will — but don’t even try to make the case that’s just the way things are. Because it ain’t so.

If the wonders of this exciting new world of entrepreneurism and Web-based economies scares or depresses you… you can fix that. By adjusting your attitude, so you allow new information to enter your little world, and you stop nixing every possibility just because you’re not yet sure how to pull it off yet.

The key word is “yet” — there is NOTHING happening in today’s markets and economies that you can’t get hip to in a long weekend. Getting a site operating online is now simpler than driving a car. Understanding how to tap into even weird, off-beat niche markets is just a short mini-education away.

And the resources for figuring it all out are at your fingertips.

Sure, it’s a daunting task when you’re alone, and you’re not sure of what first step to take, and no one around you is supporting your quest for a better life.

So what?

All the really good adventures involve a little discomfort, and even pain, at first. Success does require effort.

But it’s not rocket science.

My Insider’s Club is crammed with some of the best people I’ve ever had the pleasure to know. Many are still skittish about this scary entrepreneur stuff… but they don’t need to be convinced it’s worth a shot.

I don’t deal well with people who can’t even admit that much — that the possibility they could make it, and even thrive, working at their own business, is just too much for their heads to bear.

That, of course, is the first big hurdle to be jumped — the raw fear of the unknown. It’s totally understandable — and totally okay — that most folks will just never get past that fear. The freedoms and joys of working for yourself is NOT for everyone.

However… if you believe it might be something you’d enjoy… but you’re having trouble getting over that first hurdle… let me suggest you start with your attitude.

Again, I was lucky. People have called me a rebel all my life, because my lack of attitude (at least their definition of attitude) set me apart.

It just never occured to me to care about another person’s politics, sex, age, race… or anything else that seemed to ignite such hostility in other people. All I cared about… was the “quality” of the other person. Their ability to laugh and make me laugh, and to add to whatever we were doing.

Most people, I’ve discovered, feel an inner duty to keep events under control. They don’t like it when conversations, or play, or ideas get beyond easy comprehension… and they will use all the negative tools at their disposal to continually bring things back to “normal”.

Which to me, meant “boring”.

My two best friends in high school were a Japanese American and a Chicano — a pair of the funniest and smartest free thinkers I’ve ever met. My two closest colleagues today consist of a man 15 years older than I am, and another guy 15 years younger. I count ordained clergy, penniless hippies, right wing and left wing office holders, anarchist artists, dopes, nerds, kids and sociopathic musicians among my friends.

I can’t necessarily get them all into one room at the same time — they might fight.

But individually, we’re all fine.

I pity people who restrict their friends to only those folks who agree with them on every subject. What a cramped, claustrophobic world they must live in.

They’re the ones with the real attitide. An attitude of intolerance, anti-intellectualism and a refusal to explore any idea outside of their comfort zone. To a guy like me, it’s a huge “screw you” attitude.

Whatever.

I’ve made a fairly substantial living being the guy who operates “outside the box”. Business owners pay me outrageous sums to come in and shake up their thinking… look at their marketing model with the eyes of someone far outside their cramped corporate culture… and, most of all, create new marketing that makes them quiver with anxiety.

If a client isn’t nervous about posting or mailing a piece I’ve written for him, then I know I haven’t done my job. World-class advertising isn’t soft and squishy, folks.

It’s dangerous.

Attitude. I think about it a lot. I didn’t set out to be a rebel… it just so happened that by not caring much for the predudices and rules (especially the rules) of whoever was claiming to be “the authority figure” at the moment, I appeared to have a “bad” attitude.

Naw. I’m just thinking my own thoughts. Trying hard to see things as they are, and not as they “should be” according to some lame ideology. Or, worse, as other people wished things were, so they could stop being nervous about the uncertainty of it all.

Life is uncertain. Good stuff happens, bad stuff happens, and in the grand scheme we really only get to exercise a tiny little bit of control. You’re never gonna change anyone’s mind about anything. Idiots will never recognize the folly of their ways, and assholes will forever plague our plans and dreams.

Again, so what? The best entrepreneurs — the guys I know who are raking it in and living the good life — are mostly flexible and open-minded. Maybe not in all categories… but when it comes to opportunity and the possibilities of any given situation… they’re ready to entertain any thought or idea that has a chance to work.

If you’re feeling a little hamstrung in your life right now… check to see that it isn’t your attitude. Your prospects are very likely not like you at all… and if you can’t get into their heads and understand their perspectives, you’re not gonna do very well.

On the other hand, if you can get your mind around the Zen concept of having an attitude that’s really an “anti-attitude”… you’re going to finally experience some vicious-good juice coursing through your system. All those little dams in your body that are necessary to maintain your uptightness will burst… and what happens when you break free will, frankly, blow your mind.

It’s not something you can imagine before you do it.

You just gotta trust me on this one.

The feast of life isn’t open to anyone with their nose stuck up in the air.

And you know what? They wouldn’t understand what was so much fun at the feast, anyway.

Something to consider, as you toy with the next step you take, no matter where you think you’re headed.

Stay frosty.

John Carlton
www.marketingrebel.com

Not Dead Yet

Wow. I apologize for the month-long silence on this blog site… but I’m here, and if the Web Gods will give me a friggin’ break, I’ll begin posting every week again.

It’s not a particularly exciting story. One day early last month, my blog software decided it didn’t like being told what to do anymore. Kind of like the uber-computer Hal in the movie “2001”. I put four tech people on the problem, and no one could find a fix — the host blamed the application software, and vice versa.

As I watched from the sidelines, in horror, weeks bled away. People started emailing me, wondering if I’d been abducted by aliens, or had quit blogging, or what.

The Web, and all its wondrous abilities, is changing the world fast. Two years ago, my 84-year-old father had never been on the Internet… now he writes long, literate emails to everyone, and buys prescriptions from an online source in New Zealand. I used to be on the cutting edge, doing my banking and bill paying online. Now, the bank charges extra if you don’t do everything online.

However, misadventures like this are good reminders of how fragile everything is on the Web. I know some of the smartest and most tech-savvy entrepreneurs in the biz — guys earning fortunes online — who nevertheless still have their entire database vanish in a hard-drive burp, or get hacked by high school kids, or have their IDs stolen.

It’s the Wild West, and will be for the forseeable future… simply because there is no longer time for changes to settle in, and for all the unintended consequences of change to be realized and dealt with. The new rule is: If you’re finally comfortable with any application, you can bet it’s time for an upgrade or major realignment.

Which is doomed to cause all sorts of unpredictable havoc in your life.

It’s one thing to be kept on your toes. It’s another thing, though, to be constantly knocked off-balance.

Just one more reason to stay rooted in the classic stuff — good old-fashioned salesmanship, down-to-earth conversational copy, and becoming a go-to guy in your market. There will no longer be calming breaks in the information-overload flooding through every one of your prospects’ heads.

The best defense against becoming overwhelmed is to stay connected with reliable sources of good info. If you want to dominate your market, you need to be one of those sources. Part of the “reliable core” of the Web, where mysteries are figured out and handled.

I’m having a blast following the tribulations of huge advertisers finally trying to make the Web work for them — with their annoying pop-up nonsense, their desperate attempts to excite prospects with graphics and streaming video that won’t load, and especially their arrogance about never giving entrepreneurs their due.

It’s a wild free-for-all out there. Getting more unruly every day.

Just remember: The guys making the most money are taking advantage of the Web as a great delivery system for what you want to say. It’s not magic — just a really cool, really efficient (when it works) way to reach people.

If you’re in business, that reaching out needs to consist of a coherent sales conversation.

Anyway, I’m back. We’ll be futzing with the design of this blog, and I hope the archives will arrive intact… and, even more, I hope this new host and new software remains cooperative. I’ve got a lot to rant about, and I’m anxious to start posting regularly again.

We’re living in a real-time sci-fi novel. When it goes well, it’s the most fun I’ve ever had. When it goes sour, it’s like the zombies got loose.

Stay frosty. I’ll post again soon. If you have friends wondering what happened to me, please let them know I’m back, will ya?

Thanks.

John Carlton
www.marketingrebel.com