Tribute To The Ink-Stained Wretch


Saturday, 12:42pm
Reno, NV
I’m a long gone daddy in the USA…” (Bruce.)


For most folks in America, July 4th is about picnics, blowing shit up, and toasting the gutsy nature of our country. Born in defiance and battle, prickly and belligerent and idealistic, with built-in endless (and often absurd) political arguments, we’ve somehow made the grand experiment last a couple of centuries and a half.

For me, though, the real victory of the joint isn’t in the details of elections or legislation, or the question of how exceptional we are or aren’t as a culture.

Nope. My own pursuit of life and liberty has always balanced on the First Amendment… particularly the parts about freedom of speech and freedom of the press. That’s the beating heart of this place. That’s the saving grace. For every writer here… novelist, copywriter, journalist, blogger or disgruntled “letter to the editor” ranter… there is a long, gruesome pedigree of ancestor writers who were prosecuted or erased or bullied into silence, stretching back as far as history goes. We’re so spoiled here with freedom of speech, that many naively believe it’s an essential privilege that, of course, is the rule and not the exception. Yet, the opposite is true.

Even today, the right to speak or write about what’s on your mind remains curtailed, risky, and forbidden all over the planet. Even here, the struggle to get to this point — where you and I can write “fuck” without fear of censorship or a visit from The Man — was an ongoing battle that claimed careers and lives of contemporaries. I grew up owning banned books (from the notorious Grove Press, which insisted on publishing every author banned in the U.S. throughout the latter half of the 20th century), watching authorities destroy comics like Lenny Bruce and artists like Jim Morrison, and being pleasantly dumbstruck when respected magazines like The New Yorker finally began printing formerly-prohibited words like “motherfucker” in their articles.

It’s not just about swearing, or about sex, or even about the never-ending brawl between Puritanism and libertarianism.

Much deeper than that. The offensive language and unhinged rants now common online are just a price to pay for the more important victory of Free Thought over censorship. All those past writers and wannabe scribes, muzzled and cowed into submission or silence over the past eons, would weep with joy at the lack of control by The Man over what we think and write. Never mind the wonders of electricity, air travel, the InterWebs, the buzzing gadgets that dominate modern life — the real jaw-dropper is our ability to use our minds unfettered by outside authority.

It’s a shame folks here take it all for granted. That’s how you lose these kinds of privileges. The offended classes gather power, see freedom of thought as a direct threat to that power, and wage constant war against it. Most folks have no use for too much freedom — it’s kind of scary, full of challenges to their belief systems and ideologies and traditions. I’m all for having the sense to pull back a bit in situations where speaking like a drunken sailor will cause folks to clutch their pearls or faint. I’m fine with a little cognitive dissonance, where we pretend that kids have never heard a bad word before, or that “decent” literature and movies can be great art. But do not infringe on my right to enjoy Shakespeare and Twain and George Carlin and Henry Miller without hiding (all banned or censored at some point in our history). And I will write whatever the hell I choose to write, whenever I choose to write it.

We all have to pick our battles in life. Writers tend to be an introspective, introverted bunch who aren’t so hot with manning the barricades… which is why it took nearly the entire arc of civilization’s history to reach this point of unfettered free thought.

So we modern writers owe it to the ink-stained wretches of the past — our professional ancestors — to embrace, defend, and heap glory onto the practice today. This kind of freedom was never a guaranteed deal. The Founding Fathers argued about it, and current governments elsewhere still get queasy even considering letting nutballs like us off the leash, with no way to stop our brains from thinking way outside of the box. Dangerous stuff.

I realize that many of my fellow citizens would be just fine with a few shackles on writers here and there. For them, other battles are more important. And that’s fine… as long as these nay-sayers keep losing that argument.

For me, the real fight of the past few generations — the fight worth dying for today — is freedom of speech. The unconditional freedom to think, and write, whatever goddamned crap I feel like writing about… whether it’s the next Great American Novel or just a funny post on social media skewering uptight jerks. Or even another ad that raises eyebrows.

Yes, there are a few restrictions still. I’m okay with having a few legal lines that shall not be crossed (because they cause real harm, not theoretical harm). But the restrictions should remain rare. Hearing harsh language won’t damage your brain, no matter how freaked-out you get over it. Being exposed to foreign ideas won’t change your biology. And stumbling upon writing that offends you won’t cause civilization to crumble.

I’ll toast the First Amendment today, and every day afterward, for the rest of my life. It was worth blowing shit up for. It’s worth every knock-down fight that has happened, and if more fighting is required, sign me up.

For all the faults and missteps and foibles of my country’s existence… I still allow myself to get choked up over Old Glory. Because she flies over my continued ability to be the kind of writer my ancestors could barely dream of being. Free.

Fuckin’ A. Play ball.

Stay frosty,


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  • Thomas says:

    I’ll go along with you on this. There is a lot out there that riles my hank, but the First Amendment should not be messed with. (I like to blow shit up with firecrackers yet) Happy 4th of July!

  • Deb says:

    Well said, as usual. Now it’s off to the rodeo to watch some cowboys get dumped in the dirt, the rodeo queen parade round the arena with old glory and watch the pros “blow some shit up”.
    Happy 4th everyone!

  • A-fucking-men, John.

    That-a-boy. Way to bring it and keep us grounded in shit that matters.

    Just when it’s getting harder than usual to find something great to say about the ol’ red, white and blue you come off with this. Thank God for that and this.

    Now, if I could figure out where I’m writing these days… What is my home and where is my voice. And while I’m at figuren’ things out, what is this damn Avatar thing and how do I change it from the ol’ email. Oh… all the details.

    Stay Strong,

  • Crystal Young says:

    This is an interesting topic considering the dialogue surrounding hate speech these days. With the whole University of Oklahoma debacle and the entire “race relations in America” soap opera, these kids are censured by their parents so the idea that they think someone should tell those knuckleheads to knock it off is kind of understandable.

    If you believe research into social psychology regarding group think mentality, if someone doesn’t become the voice of reason it is only a matter of time before we become an over population of irrational test subjects.

    What they fail to see is that the reason journalism has enjoyed being the only profession specifically protected in the constitution for so long is because we (journalists – and I use the term to encompass advocate journalists known as advertisers and PR hacks)have a tendency to self regulate as much as possible. (Until Rupert turned everything into Aussie Rules Media.)Keeping each other honest is how we avoid having the law restrict the chorus of voices to the dull bug-light hum of government approved psyop propaganda.

    Adhering to a certain amount of traditional ethics is the only . . . only way we are going to be able to get through this century alive, even if we are gasping for air on the other side.

    P.S. My question for you regarding copywriting was going to be “I see the river, I am ready to jump in, just want to know if there is a good place that is better than where I am standing.” But I did as you suggested and (yes Inego Montoya) started back at the beginning. You answered this question April 17, 2005 “It’s ok to wade into the shallow end.” Thanks for that. I am sure I will not be able to sleep for the next week reading the last decade of info. *wink*

    • John Carlton says:

      Ha! The first Inego Montoya mention of the year. Nice.

      And congrats on beginning the adventure in earnest. You will never regret going deeper in life, now that you’ve dabbled in the shallows…

  • Sorry about my website. First, just want to say that I and the US of A share a birthday, thank you very much for never having a birthday party on my actual birthday because fireworks/picnics/holidays/etc. However, I am trying to write a thing–my bio–because, in spite of my dorky website and never having had a birthday party of my own on my own day, I have had a rather interesting life and am in process of writing about it. I would like to thank you for a book that will, I’m sure, help me do so in splendid order.

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