Walk A Mile In A Jerk’s Shoes…

Hi John – great post – what you’re proposing is not just a good excercise for marketing, it’s actually great for personal development – in fact, there’s few things you can do that are more powerful for evolving us above the raging uncontrollable beast that lives inside every one of us!

Yes, pick someone who winds you up, and learn to feel compassion for him (or her). The qualities that rile you in him, are also qualities that rile you in yourself – that is, they rile you when (not if) you do the same things … such is the power of the psychological defense mechanism, that it makes us completely blind to things that we have decided that “are just not ME” … and it’s not until you can feel compassion for him that you can even begin to see more clearly the things you actually do yourself.

This is why procedures such as the “buddy system” that alcoholics anonymous use, work so very well. By helping someone else address their own issues, we learn to address our own … and yes, our issues are so often VERY CLOSE TO those things that wind us up in other people that we witness around us.

Thank you John

and to everyone else, try it, see what happens.

You may find it changes your life, even more than it changes your copywriting skill!

John (another one that is)

I guess that’s the advantage of having a 3-year old. Trying to understand her point of view really helps communication and avoids tears and frustration (on both sides).

Add to that the fact that she tells it like it is and you’re not only learning about someone else, but also about your own habits and view on life.

As for the challenge..up to 7 crosses.

Otto

PS: Our neighbour decided to cut the 12 ft high hedge, without consulting any of the 3 neighbours this affected. That literally changes your view on things…

I dragged the December issue of the Rebel Rant from Colorado to Las Vegas and then back to Colorado. It was unopened the entire time.

Then to Hawaii and back to Colorado. Still unopened.

And I never knew about the time bomb ticking inside that envelope. I never knew it was going to be the last ever issue of the Rebel Rant.

You see, whenever I got an issue of the Rant I would put it aside and wait for the perfect time to read it. A time when I could kick back and relax into it. When I could savor it.

Often that would be when I was sitting on a beach, or sitting at a cafe. And many times it was when I was on a plane and I could withdraw into those pages.

That would be my time each month where I could unplug and revel in the insights of a truly lucid human being.

So, finally, on the last leg of the trip back from Hawaii… on the connection from Denver to Durango, I opened up that December Rebel Rant…

And I pretty much knew the game was up right away. In the first few paragraphs you hinted at some news… and I instantly knew with absolute certainty what that news would be.

In fact, I was so sure that I didn’t bother skipping ahead. No… instead I gave myself a stay of execution. No reason to rush ahead to bad news.

So I read the newsletter straight through… and soon enough, there was the bad news just staring me in the face.

No more Rebel Rant.

Sure, you tried to soften the blow. There was the blog. You would update it frequently. You weren’t going away.

But it just wasn’t going to be the same. I wouldn’t get that envelope in the mail every month… the envelope that I could carry unopened for five or six thousand miles. I wouldn’t be able to carry the Rant on my flights or to the beach.

John, how many times have I sent you email telling you how much I enjoyed the Rant? Or, for that matter, told you the same thing in person? I’m gonna miss it.

But here I am at your blog, dutifully following instructions. I even figured out how to use an RSS reader, so I’m always notified whenever you post to your damn blog.

And I’m seriously considering having my assistant print out your blog posts every month and mail them to me. That way I get the envelope every month. 🙂

It’s not quite the same, but it will have to do.

(Oh… whoa is me, such a tireless hero. Reluctant, too. 😉

In any case, thanks for all the great Rants over the years. And I look forward to more of the same great thought-provoking words on this blog.

– Jeff

Hey Jeff — I was wondering when I was gonna hear from you about the mailed Rant.

I love the idea of having your assistant mailing the blog to you. Let me know how big that package is each month — by going to this online model, I’m actually delivering much more than the old mailed version.

Also, when we finish the design changes on the blog, it’ll look more like the old rag.

And, as you can see, I have not compromised my attitude or subject matter one iota by going totally online.

Always good to hear from you. See ya in Florida in two weeks…

John

Hi John!

I would also like to posit the idea anyone who’s tried to have a reasoned debate over politics, is subject to the same battle. You can sit and moan over the fact they don’t get it and you do or you can try and understand the who, what and why at how they arrived at their viewpoint in order to make a better argument. Sometimes you end up changing some of your own ideas at the same time. What a revelation that can be!

It’s a tough but worthy effort. The hardest thing in anyone’s life is admitting to a mistake in believing something fervently only to find out it was wrong. Like admitting your wife was right after all…

Ouch.

I never understood being late. Until I had to raise 3 kids for awhile and work 2 jobs to pay bills. Now my perspective is much more wide open. Not just about being late but facing the fact we don’t really know what’s happening in someone else’s life. A few lucky times you can talk to them and earn enough trust with them to find a lot of issues in the background you had no clue about.

That’s when you understand Reason Why copy. Your Reason Why may have little to do with someone else’s. What persuaded you often has little to do with what persuades them. Being willing to see their hook – and appreciate it as being special to them – gives you all sorts of opportunities.

Drive around sometime and look at different neighborhoods. I see new cars in front of rat holes, old cars in front of fancy apartments and all sorts of mixes in between. My priorities are not yours. Your priorities are not mine. Once you get beyond I’m right and you’re wrong, you can learn all sorts of insights to what makes us truly human.

Great “rant” as usual.

Hi John,

I heard it put another way.

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that,
who cares? He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!!!

It’s a bit different in your case.

I’ve always had a rule that I try to stick to as much as possible: “Do not piss the neighbors off… because shotgun pallets do not spread out at that range”

Buy him “How to win friends and influence people”

When I was younger (things seemed like a big deal), I was invested in holding grudges, positional aggression and revenge.
I’ve evolved from that, it took up to much emotional energy.

But some people never learn!

It can be hard to walk a mile in some else’s shoes sometimes, because if you have evolved enough to be good at something, you may have forgotten the exact steps and processes you went through when you first started.

Great blog, Thanks John

…Can anyone say: ‘Osama Bin Laden.?’…
The #1 Freedom Fighter against the Russians,
in Afghanistan…
> Supplied by the USA with weapons & technology.
> Supported openly by the Defense Dept. to fight the Russians.
> Ignored & abandoned when the Russians withdrew.
> Told he was no longer welcome..on military bases.

I do not condone his actions since then.
But ‘walking-in-his-shoes’ you can see his thinking.

Oliver North ‘knew’ what Osama was capable of…
He testified to Congress: ‘Bin Laden’ will attack the US.’
…back in 1982.

If ever realizing, how ‘committed’ a customer is, to their thinking…

Osama Bin-Laden would be a classic case study.
Our ‘salespeople’ ignored a valuable customer.

…and turned him into our worst nightmare.

[…] Carlton wrote a post about the psychology behind people who aggravate you recently and it's worth a read. You might just get a few insights into why people don't […]

Holy cow.

The old dinosaur finally gives up on direct mail?

Can this be.

I’m in the middle of teaching a seminar on copy and used
you John as the example of the only A list copywriter
who really gets the Internet.

Way to go.

PS. I’ll miss curling up on the coach with my copy of the Rant wondering where John is going to go this month

Peace.

Harlan, I’m telling ya… get Sandra to do what Jeff’s gonna get his assitant to do: Print these blog posts out and mail them to you.

I really “get” the pure pleasure of curling up with something physical to read. The digital book readers are coming close (Dean Jackson swears by his)… but there’s something almost sinfully good about reading stuff on real paper.

Recycled, of course. Gotta give the trees a break…

When we get the blog re-design done, we’ll aim to make it easy to print off…

John

Hi John,

Loved the rant…..

Great bit of reader participation/empathy/sales-spiel.

My eldest son, now 35 has all the same traits your ‘A-hole’ neighbour has.

Nothing’s his fault. Everyone misunderstands him.
But worst of all, everyone forgives him. (Including the courts).

He doesn’t understand that you can’t just go round making everyone’s life a misery. That if someone looks at you, you don’t punch their lights out.
He thinks this is normal behaviour, (not instilled by his parents I must add) and is genuinely baffled that no-one seems to want to talk to him, or associate with him. (Except those who are to scared not to).

Perhaps I’ll get him to visit your blog and receive some FREE, instant therapy. Only trouble is, he’d think he was the ‘good guy’.

Before anyone shouts “I blame the parents”. He has 7 other sibblings, all ‘sound as a pound’.

Good blog. Hope this ‘RANT’ contributes something.

Pete.

[…] was just reading John Carlton’s  post this morning (I suggest reading anything of his BTW, he is one of the best copywriters out […]

John –

Hey I like Jeff Walker’s idea re printing/reading the Rant… agree it was always something special to get in the mail each month, my favorite thing to read, to look forward to getting. Well heck at least we can still print out the posts here to curl up and read, which is a fine alternative.

Your point about walking a mile in the other guy’s shoes is the perfect tactic to getting the ole Sales Detective warmed up, telling him which neighborhood to start sleuthing in, so to speak – and who to talk to.

And it’s a great way to build empathy; to picture your prospect so we can craft our pitches to the “one person” vs the masses… (eg my trader is Bill, a 48-year old middle aged guy in a management job he doesn’t like in some corporate Dilbert cubicle, vicariously getting thrills via stock trading – and it’s to him I write each week, type of thing).

Looking forward to seeing your Rant online, John – thanks for being a great role model – it counts. And have a blast in Florida, sounds like a top-shelf event.

Ken Ca|houn

John,

It’s great to hear someone talk about objectivity like this.. I’ve been tripping over how to put similar thoughts into words for a long time.

In my experience, being able to see/understand another point of view is not only the core part of ‘growing up’ emotionally/spiritually/interpersonally, but also the key to success in most any endeavor.

In my first career as a ninja Wall Street stock trader, the very same ability was my secret sauce. The answer was always to imagine what all the other players are feeling right now at this moment about their prospects of survival in this trade, and imagine how YOU would feel if you were in their position. Bullish, bearish, ready to jump?

All I had to do was get out of my own skin, and take a look around.

You’ve made the point clear that success in marketing takes the same insight.

And success in our personal relationships.

And success with our employees, bosses, clients.

Thanks for the reminder, and the clarity. I’m going to add ‘get objective’ to my copywriting checklist.

Landon

Hi John,

Wow, that really puts things into perspective. It’s something I practice in life, but not usually on paper, I don’t know why. When you’re constantly moving from one state to another and even one country to another, you come to the realization you’re perspective and outlook on life changes each time. This realization comes when you talk to friends and family from each of those places and you think, “Was that really what I believed? Was my outlook that narrow?” You think you’re open minded until something or someone comes along to give you a good smack in the face to change all that. Which happens often if you’re consistently putting yourself out there. But most aren’t and it’s evidenced by our segmented society, where each neighborhood and section of town is populated by people of similar backgrounds thinking that’s how they assimilate into the society when they are usually bringing their box from one place to another. hmmm. . . . something for me to think about. Thanks John!

[…] was just reading John Carlton’s  post this morning (I suggest reading anything of his BTW, he is one of the best copywriters out […]

[…] was just reading John Carlton’s  post this morning (I suggest reading anything of his BTW, he is one of the best copywriters out […]

Hi. John,
I admire you decision to change tactics and focus on creating this blog. I understand what’s happening in the world of meatspace as it applies to hard copy. It’s going the way of the Grizzly.
There’ll always be Griz, just not as many.

I’m a relative newcommer to IM and it’s been difficult to sort through the din.
I’m learning to tune out the noise though and when I do I can hear you loud and clear.

I wish that I’d found you sooner but, I guess that’s the road I’ve had to travel.

Your post resonated with me John. I’m a student of human nature and if I’ve learned anything in my 52+ years, it’s that everyone has their own unique point of view. Most have value.

Unfortunately, I can’t physically see through their eyes, so my only recourse is to put myself in their place through the magic of imagination and try to understand why they see and do what they do.

Sometimes I’m successful.

I’m hoping to add to my success by reading your blog.

Best James

Hi John,
Excellent Blog!
Your analogy of walking a mile in another mans shoes is exactly what I was told to practice a long, long time ago. Alas, I thought my father was just an old man, blowing off steam that didn’t(at the time) seem to have much validity to it. Whew! Was I ever wrong, as you know!
I am now 71, my father has gone, and his words are now much more meaningful to me. I have tried to bring his philosophy into my core being in the last 10 years or so. Took me a long to time to “Get it”!
Looking forward to reading your blog as often as possible. Keep up the great work that you have always done. There are a lot of people who can’t wait for the next post.
Ed

The recipe

Take 1 average human and add
3…. slices of insight
2…. pinches of tolerance
1…. good measure of empathy
1…. fresh stretch of imagination
2…. big scoops of understanding
1/2. dozen doses of forgiveness

Mix thoroughly and pour into an uncomfortable pair of shoes belonging to someone else. Place on mental feet and walk until desired understanding is achieved.

For better results add a large helping of heart while mixing.

[…] He said, in this excellent and darkly funny article: […]

Hey John,

After re-reading this article, I just realized that I’ve already done the task you mention, at the end, on my blog today.

I already have an inkling how this guy thinks because, being a teacher during the day, I see examples of this type of behavior all the time.

Of course, it’s easier to understand, and much easier stomach, when the the examples I usually see are from kids who haven’t had much life experience yet.

It’s a little different from a so-called adult who insists on “teaching” others how to behave, through the medium of his blog.

Especially when it’s patently obvious that he still has a lot to learn about human behavior himself.

Fantabulously,
Rezbi

John,

Have you ever read Simpleology by Mark Joyner? It’s interesting read and it deal with fallacy, perception and such. Maybe you should give him that book.

And ask him to read Book II 20 times. Maybe he knows what’s wrong with his reality of the world.

[…] Carlton made a very good point on his blog recently: He said, in this excellent and darkly funny article: “It’s really very straightforward: In Mr. A-hole’s mind, he’s a great guy. […]

[…] does a whole lot more than the regular shotgun method advertising. For one, it is a two piece mailing so it increases your chances of the targeted person on keeping […]