The Rest Of Your Freakin’ Life (redux)

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Wednesday, 6:50pm
Reno, NV
“Hey, you bastards, I’m still here!” (Steve McQueen as Papillon, floating away to freedom…)

Howdy…

I’m re-publishing — for what has become a very popular tradition on this blog — one of the more influential posts I’ve ever written.

It’s a good one, worth rereading even if you’ve read it before.

What you’re about to encounter is a slightly tweaked way of looking at the best way to start your new year…

… but this tweak makes all the difference in the world. I’ve heard from many folks that this particular technique finally helped them get a perspective on where they’re at, where they’re going…

… and why they care about getting there.

So, even if you’ve seen this post before… it’s worth another look. Especially now, as you gaze down the yawning gullet of 2016, trying to wrap your brain around a plan to make the year your bitch.

This is a critical step for entering any new period of your life. To keep your life moving ahead, you need to set some goals, dude. And most goal-setting tactics, I’ve found, are useless. Worst among them is the traditional New Year’s resolutions (which seldom last through January).

This tactic I’m sharing with you (again) is something I’ve used, very successfully, for decades…

… to reach goals, to clarify the direction of my life, and to change habits. I first shared it in the old Rant newsletter a few years back, and I’ve hauled it out here in the blog on a regular basis. It’s timeless, classic stuff that will never let you down.

So let’s dive in. Here’s the relevant part of the post (slightly edited):

“Goal Setting 101 And
The January 15th Letter”

Yeah, yeah, I know a chat about goals can quickly turn into a boring, pedantic lecture. But then, so can a chat about space flight.

And, in reality, both space flight and your goals are VERY exciting things.

Or should be.

It’s all in the telling.

What I’m not going to discuss are “resolutions”. Those are bogus pseudo-goals that have the staying power of pudding in a microwave.

No. It’s merely a coincidence that I’m suggesting a review of your goals in January, just after the New Year’s supposed fresh start.

I mean…there’s not much else to do, so why not sit down and plan out the rest of your life.

This is, of course, a very damp, cold, and bleak time of year. The depths of winter and discontent.

A good percentage of the population suffers fleeting depression because of lack of sunlight… thanks to the geniuses behind Daylight Savings Time, who arrange for dusk to arrive around 2:30 in the afternoon in these parts.

We also just got slammed with back-to-back-to-back “Storms of the Century”, each one dumping a record load of snow on us. I sent photos to friends, and many emailed back wondering when I’d gone to Antarctica to live.

We had a little cabin fever brewing. Didn’t help when the local PBS channel ran a special on the Donner Party, either. Three feet of snow drifting down, the lights flickering, enough ice on the road to make the SUV sidle like a Red Wing goon slamming someone into the boards.

The safest place was home… but man, the walls start to close in after a few days.

I’m telling you, I had excuses up the yin-yang for allowing my senses to get a little dulled. The natural response is to turn your mind off, and hibernate until March. And I succumbed. Started moping around, watching CSI: Miami reruns instead of reading a book, surfing the Net for stuff I didn’t care about… you know the drill.

I’m sure you’ve done your own version of it now and again.

And I’m also sure you already know that no amount of “buck up” happy talk will mitigate the gloom.

In fact, there are a few enlightened health pro’s who say we should let our bodies wind down every year or so. Get a full system-flush type of cold, crawl under the covers for a few days and let the demons and other bad stuff bubble to the surface. So you can purge the crud. Evacuate the used-up bacteria and tube-clogs out of your pipes, physically. And shoo the whispering monsters out of your head.

We’re not perfect creatures. We need to sleep, we need to recharge our batteries, and we need to stop and get our bearings. At least once a year. So don’t beat yourself up for the occasional down period. We all have them, and the healthiest folks just roll with it. It’s not good to repress this stuff.

It only becomes a problem when you sink into clinical depression. That’s the cold, empty state where nothing looks good, and hope is an absurd memory.

I’ve been there. Several times. The year I turned 30 (for example) I lost my job, my girlfriend and my place to live all within a 45-day stretch.

That shit can wear you down.

Now, I have two things to say about this:

Thing Numero Uno: If you think you’re losing a grip on your mental state, seek professional help. Don’t head straight for pharmaceutical land, though — give “talk therapy” a try with a real, qualified psychotherapist.

Choose this therapist carefully. You’re going to dump every secret you have on them. You may need to plow through a couple to find one that clicks with you (just as you might have to try out several dentists or plumbers to get a good match). (And yes, you should regard this therapist just as you would your dentist — they’re not gonna become your new best friend, but they will bring a professional expertise to the table during the time you need them. And you only need to see them until you get your head straight… which might be a short time or long time. Again — just like you may need serious dental work, or just a cleaning once a year. Figure it out.)

Keep in mind the fact that everyone goes through bumpy emotional states. And that the percentage of people who actually do lose it every year is rather small.

That’s why talking about your problems with someone who has perspective can be so beneficial — the first thing you learn is that you aren’t alone. And what you’re going through is not abnormal.

Most of the time, you’re probably going to be fine. Even when your problems seem overwhelming. There are tools available to help your brain cope. You don’t often come across these tools on your own.

This kind of talk-therapy is one of the few times the “science” of psychology earns its keep — because finding out how others successfully dealt with the same nonsense you’re suffering through can change everything. Seriously — often, just discovering that you’re not alone in what you’re going through, that others have successfully navigated similar troubles, and that the folks who study human behavior and thinking patterns now have really simple (and super-effective) ways to obliterate feeling overwhelmed can solve much of what’s currently holding you back.

A good book to read (while you’re waiting for the spring thaw) is “Learned Optimism” by Martin Seligman. I’ve recommended it before, and it deserves another nod. (The blurb on the back cover, from the New York Times Book Review, starts with “Vaulted me out of my funk…”)

I haven’t read the book in a few years, but I remember the main lesson well. A study, explained up front, stands out: Someone tested the “happiness” quotient of a vast sample of people, including Holocaust survivors.

And it turns out that, at some point in your life, Abraham Lincoln was right — you are as happy as you decide to be.

This is startling news to anyone lost in despair. Because it seems like you’ve been forced to feel that way. With no choice.

But it’s not the case. The happiness study revealed that you can NOT tell from a person’s current attitude what sort of trauma they had gone through earlier in life. People who had suffered horribly could be happy as larks, while silver-spoon never-stubbed-a-toe folks were miserable.

The difference? Attitude. Optimistic people work through setbacks and trauma… while pessimists settle into a funk that can’t be budged.

And it’s a CHOICE. At some point in your life, you choose to either live in gloom or sunlight.

This realization rocks many folk’s boat. Especially the pessimists. They dominate society, politics, business, everything. And they are very protective of their gloom and doom outlook. Invested, heavily, in proving themselves right about the inherent nastiness of life.

Maybe you’re one of ‘em.

If you are, you’re killing yourself, dude.

The guys in lab coats who study this stuff say that heart disease rates are HALF for optimists over pessimists. So, even if you doubt the ability to measure “happiness” — and it is a rather rocky science — you still can’t deny the stats on dropping dead from a gloomy ticker.

Now, I am most assuredly NOT a clear-eyed optimist. I get creepy feelings around people who are too happy all the time.

But I do prefer having a good time, and appreciating the finer things in life (like a deep breath of cold alpine air, or the salty whip of an ocean wave around my ankles, or a secret smile from the wonderful woman I live with).

I’m just good at balancing out the bad with the good.

Being in direct response helps. Lord knows, there’s a LOT of bad with every piece of good news in this wacky biz.

Gary Halbert and I had a term we used for years: We’re “pessimistic optimists”. (Or maybe we’re optimistic pessimists. I forget.)

How does that work? Easy.

We expected horrible atrocities at every turn… and rejoiced when we defied Fate and unreasonable success rained down on our undeserving heads. We grooved on the good stuff in life… and just nodded sagely at the bad stuff and moved past it as quickly as possible. Maybe cop a lesson or two as we scurried by.

If you focus on the bad things that can go wrong, you’ll never crawl out of bed in the morning.

When you finally realize that — not counting health problems — pretty much everything bad that business, or relationships, or politics can throw at you will not kill you… then you can begin to relax.

And eagerly court the Unknown by starting another project.

Have you ever had your heart broken? Hurts like hell, doesn’t it. Feels like your life is over.

Well, from my perspective, sitting here at “way past 50” and pretty darned happy, all those romances-gone-wrong that broke my heart long ago look just plain silly now. And my resulting deep depressions — where I was sure my life was over — are just tiresome lessons I had to get through.

Not a one of those ladies was worth a burp of angst. They were fine people, I’ll agree to that. A few were exceptional (and very skilled at certain man-pleasing arts).

But worth a Shakespearean suicide?

No way.

It’s taken me a while, but I’m now a certified realist. My youthful idealism has drained away, and my brushes with hate-everything-cuz-it’s-not-perfect dogma never took.

And guess what? Contrary to what an embarrassingly huge number of self-righteous folks would have you believe… being a realist has not dented my passion for life one little bit. In fact, it has opened up a whole new world of unexplainable spirituality (which cannot be contained within any formal religion).

I’m not against religion. Let’s have no “save my soul” emails here. One of my favorite friends to argue with has a doctorate in theology. And I have many other friends committed to various belief systems ranging from fundamentalist to Buddhist to humanist. We get along because, on a deep level, we understand that true spirituality transcends whatever way you choose to express it or appreciate it.

I loathe black-and-white views of the world. It’s a shame that our great country has descended to this “you’re nuts if you don’t agree with me” mentality… but it’s part of the pendulum that’s been swinging back and forth ever since we left the jungle.

The far edges of our institutions — political, religious, cultural, all of it — are in spiritual and emotional “lock down”. They’re sure they’re right, they’re positive you’re wrong, and neither facts nor logic will sway their position.

Mushy liberals seem astonished that anyone would ever not love them, or want to destroy their culture. Repressed conservatives seem intent on crushing everyone who pisses them off (and that’s a lot of people).

It’s “whatever” versus “blind obedience”. And neither works so hot in the real world. I have no use for dogma, or idealism, or punishingly-harsh rules that have been cooked up by hypocrites.

Hey — I’m in no position to tell anyone how to live their life. I’ve screwed up plenty, and if I have any wisdom at all, it’s only because I’ve survived some truly hairy situations.

But I don’t believe anyone else is in a position to tell you how to live, either. That’s gotta be your decision.

And it’s a damn hard one to make.

Fortunately, while I can’t tell you how to live, I can move some smooth (and proven) advice in your direction. Take it or leave it… but give it a listen anyway, cuz my track record on successful advice-giving is fairly impressive.

And I’m telling you that having a hateful, brooding attitude will stunt your growth. It will make you a smaller person, a less-wise person, an older and feebler person. And you won’t grow. Not spiritually, not physically, not emotionally. Not in your business life, either.

Most people don’t want to grow, anyway. Growth only comes from movement and change… and the vast majority of the folks walking the earth with us today are terrified of change.

You can’t blame them, really. Change is a form of death. Whatever was before, dies. And whatever comes next must be nurtured with devotion and sacrifice.

That’s hard. That’s a hard way to live, always dying and being reborn.

And because it’s hard, it’s avoided.

Well, screw that.

I suspect, if you’re reading this, you are not afraid of change. But you may not yet understand the power that REALLY giving yourself to change offers.

And that brings us to…

Thing Numero Dos: Goals are all about change.

That’s a subtle point many people gloss over. Rookie goal-setters often get stuck on stuff like quitting smoking, or vague concepts like “become a better person”.

Or “get rich”.

That seldom works. Goals need to be specific… and they need to involve profound change in order to take hold.

Halbert often talked about “image suicide” — the necessity of killing and burying the “self” you are so heavily invested in, before you can move to a new level of success.

I see this all the time in my consultations. Biz owners refuse to do even slightly risky marketing, for fear of damaging their “reputations.”

And my question to them is: What reputation?

Unless you’re the top dog in your niche, no one gives a rat’s ass about what you think or do. No one is looking at your marketing for inspiration or condemnation, because you aren’t the guy to look at.

No. What these scaredy-cats are talking about when they say “reputation” is what their family and friends think of them. And that’s a sure sign of a losing attitude. That ain’t Operation MoneySuck.

My colleague Ron LeGrand, the real estate guru, is one of the best natural salesmen I’ve ever met. The guy understands the fundamental motivating psychology of a prospect at a master’s level. And he knows that one of the major obstacles he faces in every sale… is what the prospect’s spouse (usually the wife) will say.

She can nix the sale with a sneer. Or she can nix it in the prospect’s head, as he imagines that sneer.

Ron counters both sides of the objection expertly. He encourages the prospect to get his spouse involved in the decision, so she becomes invested in it. Or, he suggests waiting until the first big check comes in… and letting the money explain to her about what you’re up to.

This is the reality of most people’s lives. As much as they want what you offer… they are terrified of making a mistake. Cuz they’ll pay dearly for it at home.

It’s a huge deal-killer.

That’s why you include lots of “reason why” copy in your pitch — to give your buyer ammunition for explaining his decision to the doubters in his life. However, as Ron knows, the best (and simplest) “reason why” is results.

Money, as they say, talks.

The top marketers seldom give a moment’s thought to what a risky tactic might do to their “reputation”. They don’t really care what people think about them. You can’t bank criticism.

I know many marketers who are involved in projects they are passionate about… but which bore their spouses to tears. Some (like Howard Stern’s former wife) are even deeply embarrassed. But they don’t complain too much. Because the money’s so good.

Aw, heck. I could go on and on about this. The story of Rodale’s shock and dismay at the brutally-honest ad I wrote for their timid “sex book” is a great example. They refused to mail it, because of their “reputation”. Yet, after it accidentally did mail, and became a wildly-successful control for 5 years, they suddenly decided their reputation could handle it after all.

The people who get the most done in life are all extreme risk-takers. They embrace change, because growth is impossible without it.

But you don’t go out and start changing things willy-nilly.

You need goals.

And you need a plan.

Now, there are lots of books out there that tell you how to set goals. I recently found, in a moldy banker’s box, the ad for Joe Karbo’s book “The Lazy Man’s Way To Riches” that I’d responded to back in 1982. The exact ad! With the order form torn out… it was the first direct mail pitch I’d ever encountered, and it changed my life forever. Joe’s book was essentially a treatise on setting goals. And it’s good.

It was a wake-up call for me. I’m having that crinkly old ad framed. Can’t imagine why I kept it, but I did. Pack-rat riches.

If you can’t find that particular book, there are dozens of newer goal-setting guides on the shelves. But they’re all based on the same formula:

1. Decide what you want.

2. Write it down, and be specific.

3. Read the list often, imaging as you read that you have already achieved each goal.

What this does is alter the underpinnings of your unconscious. When one of your goals is to earn a million bucks this year, and that goal burns bright in the back of your mind, each decision you make will be influenced.

So, for example, you won’t accept a permanent job somewhere that pays $50,000 a year. Cuz that isn’t going to help you attain your goal.

The problem is this: To earn a mil in a year, you need to average around $50,000 every two weeks. This is why it can take a while to get your goal-setting chops honed. As I’ve said many times, most folks don’t know what they want.

And they aren’t prepared for the changes necessary to get what they want, once they do decide on a goal.

What kind of guy earns $50,000 every two weeks, like clockwork? It takes a certain level of business savvy to create that kind of steady wealth. It doesn’t fall into your lap.

What kind of guy makes a windfall of a million bucks in one chunk? That’s another kind of savvy altogether.

In that same moldy banker’s box, I also found a bunch of my early goal lists. And I’m shocked at how modest my aims were. At the time — I was in the first months of going out on my own, a totally pathetic and clueless rookie — I couldn’t even imagine earning fifty K a year. My first goal was $24,000 as a freelancer. And to score a better rental to live in. Find a date for New Year’s. Maybe buy a new used car.

Listen carefully: I met those goals. As modest as they were, it would have been hard not to. I needed them to be modest, because I was just getting my goal-setting chops together. And I wasn’t sure if I was wasting my time even bothering to set goals.

Let me assure you, it was NOT a waste of time.

The lists I found covered several later years, too. And what’s fascinating is that many of the more specific goals I set down were crossed out — I wanted those goals, but didn’t feel confident about obtaining them.

So I crossed them out, and forgot about them.

A couple of decades later, I realize that I’ve attained every single one of those “forgotten” goals. The big damn house, the love of my life, the professional success, even the hobbies and the guitars and the sports car.

I’m stunned. This is powerful voodoo here.

The universe works in mysterious ways, and you don’t have to belong to a religion to realize this. The whole concept of “ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and the door will be opened” was well-known by successful people long before Luke and Matthew wrote it down.

The keys are action. Movement.

Ask, seek, knock.

These simple actions will change your life forever.

Back to making a million in a year: Some guys know what they need to do to make this goal real. They’ve done it before, or they’ve come close.

Setting the goal is serious business for them… because they are well aware of the tasks they’ve assigned themselves. Take on partners, put on seminars, create ad campaigns, build new products. Get moving on that familiar path.

I’ve known many people who started the year with such a goal… who quickly modified it downward as the reality of the task became a burden. Turns out they didn’t really want the whole million after all. Half of that would suffice just fine. To hell with the work required for the full bag of swag.

Other guys don’t know what they need to do to earn a mil. So their goal really is: Find out what I need to do to earn a million bucks.

Their initial tasks are to ask, seek, and knock like crazy. And change the way they move and act in the world. Because they must transform themselves into the kind of guy who earns a million bucks in one year.

Right now, they aren’t that guy.

So, for example, reading “The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People” suddenly becomes an “A” task, while remodeling the kitchen gets moved to the back of the burner. Sharpening your ability to craft a killer sales pitch becomes more important than test-driving the new Porsche.

More important, even, than dating Little Miss Perfect. And test-driving her new accessories.

Tough choice?

Nope. When you get hip to the glory of focused change, you never lament leaving the “old” you behind.

It will be hard, sometimes, no doubt about it. Especially when you discover your old gang no longer understands you, or mocks your ambition. They liked the old, non-threatening you. They want him to come back.

But you’ve changed. And hot new adventures are going to take up a lot more of your time now.

My trick to setting goals is very simple:

Every January 15th, I sit down and write myself a letter, dated exactly one year ahead.

And I describe, in that letter, what my life is like a year hence. (So, in 2015, I dated the letter to myself as January 15, 2016.)

It’s a subtle difference to the way other people set goals. Took me a long time to figure it out, too.

For many years, I wrote out goals like “I live in a house on the ocean”, and “I earn $24,000 a year”. And that worked. But it was like pushing my goals.

Writing this letter to myself is more like pulling my goals. For me, this works even better. Every decision I make throughout the year is unconsciously influenced, as I am pulled toward becoming the person I’ve described.

But here’s where I do it very differently: My goals are deliberately in the “whew” to “no friggin’ way” range. Mega-ambitious, to downright greedy.

There’s a sweet spot in there — doable, if I commit myself, but not so outrageous that I lose interest because the required change is too radical.

I’m pretty happy with myself these days. Took me a long, hard slog to get here, and I earned every step. And I want to continue changing, because I enjoy change. But I don’t need to reinvent myself entirely anymore.

So here’s what makes this ambitious goal-setting so effective: I don’t expect to REACH most of them.

In fact, I’m happy to get half of what I wanted.

There’s a ton of psychology at work there. The person I describe a year away often resembles James Bond more than the real me. Suave, debonair, flush, famous, well-traveled… and in peak health. I hit all the big ones.

However, long ago I realized that trying to be perfect was a sure way to sabotage any goal I set. Perfectionists rarely attain anything, because they get hung up on the first detail that doesn’t go right.

Being a good goal-setter is more like successful boxing — you learn to roll with the punches, cuz you’re gonna get hit.

You just stay focused on the Big Goal. And you get there however you can.

I’m looking at last year’s letter. I was a greedy bastard when I wrote it, and I didn’t come close to earning the income figure I set down.

Yet, I still had my best year ever.

And — here’s the kicker — I would NOT have had such a great year, if I wasn’t being pulled ahead by that letter. There were numerous small and grand decisions I made that would have gone another way without the influence of what I had set down.

I didn’t travel to the places I had listed. But I did travel to other, equally-fun places. I didn’t finish that third novel. But I did position it in my head, and found the voice I want for narration. That’s a biggie. That was a sticking point that would have kept the novel from ever getting finished.

Now, it’s on power-glide.

There’s another “hidden” benefit to doing this year-ahead letter: It forces you to look into the future.

A lot of people make their living peering ahead and telling everyone else what to expect. Most do a piss-poor job of it — weathermen are notorious for getting it wrong, as are stock market analysts, wannabe trend-setters, and political prognosticators.

Yet, they stay in business. Why? Because the rest of the population is terrified of looking into the future. That would require some sincere honesty about their current actions… since what the future holds is often the consequence of what you’re doing right now.

If you’re chain-smoking, chasing street hookers, and living on doughnuts, your future isn’t pretty. For example.

Or if you’ve maxed out all your credit cards, and haven’t done your due diligence to start bringing in moolah, your future isn’t nice, either.

No one can “see” into the future for real. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try. In fact, it’s easy, when you have a little experience in life.

Things you do today will have consequences tomorrow. If you put up a website today for a product, and you do everything you can to bring traffic to it and capture orders… your consequence can be pretty and nice.

Sure, you may get hit by a bus while fetching the morning paper… but letting that possibility scare you off of trying for something better is for pessimists (who are scheduled for early checkout).

You have enormous control over your future.

And once you realize that, you can set out to start shaping it.

Stay frosty,

John

P.S. If you’re one of those people who’ve been skimming blogs like this… never reading anything carefully and slowly, and digesting what’s on the page… then I have one more suggestion for you: Stop doing that.

Most of the uber-successful folks I know (and I know a lot) have both skimming skills AND “deep reading” skills. And they know when to use them. You skim to get overviews, which may turn out to be flawed (because you missed something crucial in your skimming). You deep-read when you want to absorb something important, and you need to make the impression of what you read stick in your brain.

Right now, there are readers here who should be seriously considering the courses and opportunities I offer in the right-hand column of this blog. This is the stuff that has launched freelance careers, transformed biz owners into ad-writing monsters, and armed both rookie and veteran entrepreneurs with the fundamentally awesome skills of success. Quickly, and with the surety of proven-in-the-real-world tactics and advice.

So stop screwing around. If you need further help in getting your career going, or in crafting the kind of marketing that will boost profits through the roof… then consider the offerings on this page an essential task in your new list of goals. This is the real deal. No fluff, no nonsense — just honest, solid, proven stuff from a respected veteran of biz success.

Meanwhile, get busy with your January 15th letter.

P.P.S. One of your main goals, if you’re a serious entrepreneur and you haven’t mastered slamming out world-class copy yet for your bad self… is to GET bad-ass at it as soon as humanly possible. I don’t care how you do it — find a mentor, start experimenting with one of the many courses or coaching programs out there…

… or, as I recommend, just dive into my book “The Entrepreneur’s Guide To Getting Your Shit Together“, and be done with your learning curve in just a very short time.

Give yourself at least the OPTION of deciding yes-or-no, with some background, by going to Amazon now and seeing what’s up. At the very least, read some of the testimonials, to get a taste of how powerful the transformation in your life and career can be when you finally get hip to the stuff no one told you about before.

I’ll be checking into the comments here, if you have questions about any of this…

27 Responses to The Rest Of Your Freakin’ Life (redux)

  1. Hi John and Happy New Year!
    You ended 2015 with a great RANT in December and you certainly didn’t disappoint with the first one of 2016! A lot to devour and I thank you!
    Additionally I just ordered Martin Seligman’s book,
    “Learned Optimism” and will gladly catapult it to the top of my reading list as soon as Amazon gets it here!
    With these past two RANTS so full of great material I can hardly wait to see your hat trick with the February issue!
    All my very best,
    Larry E

  2. Hey John- Happy New Year

    Great post. Thank you.

    As I read through this, I felt something welling up inside me. (And no, it wasn’t the acid reflux resulting from the terrible laziness-become-habit ritual known as the Sunday Evening Frozen Pizza-palooza my family and I willingly participate in.) No- Instead it was… I think… Ambition? I donno- haven’t felt it for awhile.

    Anyway- while “Murder at 1600” tries to distract me on the telly in the background and I suck down some more Pibb Xtra, I ponder what this advice means for me. (Yes, I know all that is trash in my body, so please- no lectures)

    You see, what I realized is that I can write out goals. And I could make them look freakin’ awesome. Man, I could make writing out goals my bitch.

    But I have one major sticking point. I’ll call it “Religious Contentment.”

    I’ve spent roughly 10 out of the last 15 years of my life thinking I’d be greedy by setting lofty income goals and working hard to achieve them. I mean, you know- I don’t want to be like “those people”. (Those who chase after the almighty dollar! For shame!) Some of this 10 or so years time has been wading in the muck at the bottom of my self-created pit, defeated and mentally paralyzed by my poverty-induced mindset. Constantly exhausted and on the edge of burnout, I’m amazed that my business has even continued to provide an income for me and my family. I’ll give my God the praise for that one.

    The other (plus or minus) 5 years? Glad you remembered. In those years, I was a machine. I was spending about $20k per year on education with a great guy that has a company named after an aggressive, flesh-eating fish (wink wink). I’ll be honest- He set me up well. Gave me every tool I needed to thrive and succeed. And by golly, I was starting to…

    …But that darned mindset.

    All this being said, your blog has made me realize that it looks like I have some serious self-evaluation to do. Scratch that. I think the term “mental enema” is more appropriate. And, until that happens, I’ll stay stuck, burned out, and financially stressed. Guess I know what my letter should read.
    Thank you for doing what you do.

    • Brad, time you looked into our mastermind. We conduct it differently than all other masterminds out there — each member gets a complete Hot Seat style consultation on your specific situation/problems/plans. The group is small and snarly-good. I personally host each and every session. We roll up our sleeves and get down to brass tacks — which often include attitude changes, homework assignments (which work, even with grizzled veterans who scoff at first), and dealing with personal issues. Biz and life intersect and never separate.

      Go here to see what’s up: http://carltoncoaching.com/platinum-mastermind-group/

      I’ve helped a large mob of people get over everything you’ve described. It takes commitment and work, but also steady coaching.

      For anyone else needing a kick in the butt… I am probably going to take on a few private mentoring clients this year. I don’t advertise this very aggressively, so be on the lookout for when I make the offer…

  3. John, my wife and I sit down on New Years eve and put pen to paper, writing our personal goals down, both short term and yearly. Then we hand them to each other, read them out loud, and try to come up with action plans to help each other achieve their goal. This has worked well for the 20 years we have done this.

    I will try your goal letter exercise. It makes perfect sense. This will be part of our 2016 goal exercise. Not sure if I can wait until the 15th. I want to do everything NOW!

    Thanks. Really, thank-you.

    PS. Your posts/rants have always hit home and I have either enjoyed every one, or been jolted into a mindful attentiveness. I think it’s because we are from the same generation and have many similar experiences.

  4. Hey John, I’m writing my letter this morning. Every piece of advice I’ve gotten from you has steadily improved my life, so you’d better keep up that track record!

    Seriously– if you’re skimming this, stop and pay attention. John’s insight and teaching class quadrupled my income in under a year.

  5. This is really sweet…and hard to bear at the same time. Overall, I now know why January 15 shouldn’t be ignored. I’ll definitely share this link with my team members.

    Thanks, John.

    • That’s almost a way to tell when you’ve hit on something important — it’s hard to hear, and challenges your notions of who you are and how you conduct yourself in the world. I know this from personal experience — I was lucky to stumble on the tactic of constantly challenging myself and seeking out those uncomfortable feelings early in my career. That’s how I go so BFF with change. Once you get a taste for it, and see how much better your life can be, you’ll be hooked and welcome the discomfort…

  6. John, I do the letter every 90 days and I believe completely in the write it down and visualise it and strange things happen. Like really spooky sometimes (can I really stop the traffic?). Anyway, the more I do the more it happens, so I’m nuts for not doing it every day. So perhaps the psychologist advice is for me ….
    Anyway, I’m visualising that you’re going to be running another one of your coached courses on how to write great copy but there’s obviously a blockage in the waves between the UK and the US. How much do I need to write it down and visualise it before it happens. Oh, go on John, please …

  7. Hi John Carlton,

    The weather is great here in Melbourne Australia, the tennis if you are a fan is about to commence for the 2016, the first grand slam for the year.
    My bloody hard drive in my PC spat the dummy and had to be replaced, just before Christmas to make matters worse, Murphy’s law, disaster recovery partially worked. It seems my security is still stuffed up, needs to be resolved. However how does one go about obtaining “friggin” free report.
    Thanks John,
    Warm regards,
    William (Bill) Urquhart

  8. I’ve never read that before. It was fascinating. I’m glad I stopped by to read it all the way through.

    I learned about goal setting from Joe Karbo’s ‘The Lazy Man’s Way to Riches’ in 1979. It was a revelation for me too in a different way. I was 27 years old at the time and to this day I think it was extraordinary that I’d spent almost three decades growing up and living in a literate, civilised, technologically advanced society before I became aware that there’s a relationship between what goes on in my head and what I experience in my life – and, more importantly, that I can deliberately influence that relationship. I still am a bit of a thicko but not so much as I once was. 🙂 I think my passion for non-mainstream self-education came from what I learned from that book.

    I no longer use the word ‘goals’ myself. Soccer players score goals. I have nine Commitments for 2016. That’s what I call them. It reflects my current belief that the defining principle of success is not setting a goal but making a decision. Before change can occur there has to be some kind of ‘fork in the road’ in our neurology (that’s designated to lead somewhere in particular) because we can only direct our energy, we can’t stop the stimulus-response mechanisms of our brain – which is why, for example, it’s far harder to stop smoking than it is to become a non-smoker (when I did that after being a smoker for 22 years, part of the process was training myself to observe and mimic what non-smokers did with their hands, creating habits to move forward into). The amount of advice I’ve seen on the internet about how to set goals ‘correctly’ – when the method you’ve described is pretty much all there is to it – certainly suggests to me that incorrect methodology is not the real problem. Writing down goals is a project management technique, which is great of course, but babies don’t write down their goals; toddlers don’t; children don’t, and they know what they want (and often get what they want without too much effort). I disagree with the popular mantra that people don’t get what they want because they don’t know what they want. We all know what we want really, all we need to do is ask ourselves. That’s what I believe. But we can deny it. What we really want does get tangled up in our self-image, our reputation, our identity, and it’s difficult if not impossible to do things that we perceive would be ‘out of character’ (something I used to do in my young adulthood to escape ‘self-suppression’ was to get drunk when socialising, then if I did behave in a way that was out of character even though it was what I really wanted to do I could blame it on the booze. I wouldn’t recommend that strategy though. I’m glad I found a healthy alternative!).

    Anyway. Lots to think about but won’t ramble on. I’m going to go and have a look at your book on Amazon.

    Thanks again. Have a wonderful day!

    • Good observations, Bob. Garbo was an interesting guy who helped a lot of folks like you and me with getting hip to goal setting and achievement. Like a lot of the Old Guard, he is much missed in direct response…

  9. Shame on me. I read and worked nearly everything in the “hands on experience” newsletter from The Gary Halbert Newsletter, except Joe Karbos “Lazy man’s way to richies.” And now I ask myself why…
    Always a great writing John, I think, there’s a lot of this “I want to get rich” stuff in my own goalsettings. Need to overthink an rearrange this. Thank you.

  10. Hi John,

    I wish you a Happy New Year.

    I did not understand quite what you mean, until I wrote it.

    I set myself as Ioan in January 2016 and wrote it for Ioan in January 2015.

    It sounds AS IF it is already manifested…

    Just curious to read one of yours since you started to manifest your GOALS heavily.

    PS. I just realized that I manifested everything but had not enough courage to want more and be fine if I do not make it.

    Thank you very, very much,

    i

  11. Thank you John!
    And Happy & Successful New Year!
    I feel a lot of times I don’t have time to read stuff, mainly not out respect or doubt in your skills, nothing personal BTW. But because you read and hear all the same stuff from from the marketing gurus in the different “coating”, most of the time, not even so different…
    So, I’m guilty in skipping too. This time I’ve read every one single word and I want to say Big Thank You. You made me feel better about myself for trying to find my place/my niche. I understand completely, I can feel it, the change is some-kind of death. It’s not my first time and for the different reasons I have to go through this. It hurts, because you have to fight for your life and not everybody understands why you are not so much up for a small talk about nothing.
    I wish you to get out of life, whatever you wish for yourself.
    From the bottom of my heart.
    Gratefully, Irena
    PS And it’s not really about the money, but freedom to be your true self. And I’m sure you can’t really thrive without spirituality.

  12. Hey John,

    I have something to report to you!

    But before that, thank you for this article (which told me a long 10mins to read).

    Always felt like you are writing solely to me.
    Like when I was writing (by hand) to my classmate when I was 10 years old.

    -Report Start-
    I purchased the “Freelance Copywriter Course” which includes the “Kickass Copywriting Secrets Of A Marketing Rebel” on 14th December 2015.

    Before I finished the course, I have accomplished (with a ton of help from my wife) the following:

    – rewrote and redesigned a flyer for a friend in a entrepreneurship facebook group who runs a Shiatsu Massage Center (I did it for free). Looking forward to measure the flyer’s result in the next few weeks.

    – attended a job interview for the role of “Research Writer” for a local video production company but I sold my services instead to the boss. He is now looking at my sales letter sample (I wrote an one and a half page letter selling Pizzahut), two of my Quora answers, and a creative copy where I wrote a short story (about a man retrenched but offered a job as an assassin) which they can consider for a short film.

    – talked to a dentist (my wife’s friend actually) on revamping his dental website and rewriting the copy. I’m not too technically inclined hence I engaged another of my wife’s friend to handle the web development.
    I’m writing the proposal this weekend and structuring the deal, how to charge and what to include.

    – Networked over the past two weeks and had three companies (one is a business service consultancy firm and another is a Marketing Platform software company, and lastly a branding consultancy agency) where the owners are keen to talk further and keep in touch.
    -Report End-

    Things are moving so fast that I’m not sure whether I can handle.
    I haven’t register for my business and I don’t even hand my namecard designed yet!
    I felt somewhat like a ‘fake’. But I know I can’t.

    Looking back these past 4 weeks or so, I can’t point my finger on what’s this “invisible hand” is.

    But this term kept surfacing in my mind, “MR CONFIDENCE”.

    Thank you so much John.

    I’m planning to join your Marketing Rebel Insider’s Club by this Sunday.

    I can already feel like a Padawan joining the Jedi Academy, watching Jedi Knights in action, and learning from Jedi Masters (John “Wan” Carlton)(sorry for the geek speak).

    Please don’t disappoint me.

    Heck, you won’t.

    I have to work harder though.

    Thanks again John.

    Godspeed,
    Ralph Hua.
    8th December 2016, 8:20pm Singapore.
    P.S. By the way today the weather here is a high of 30°C (86°F)
    P.S.S. What’s “Stay Frosty” John?

  13. Hello John
    Seems like most of the influencers like yourself are sharing much simpler yet more effective ways of doing things like “goal setting” for 2016. Your suggested process in this post is right on target. Such an easy thing to do…write yourself a letter describing your own life a year into the future. That is something most anyone can do. The real seed of success begins with the writing of the letter. When written with the dominant hand it activates the rational side of the brain. May I suggest to write your letter again with the non-dominant hand? That is not an easy task but in doing so you can then activate the creative side of the brain where fresh ideas come from try it and see. The idea is not new but it is tried and proven as far back as 1909. It follows the concept of mental induction. Best wishes for success in your Platinum mastermind group coming up next week.

    P.S. Resonated with your presentation of “Boring Copy Murders Results” last October in Delray Beach.

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