Monday, 2:33pm
San Diego, CA
“If you see my little red rooster, please send him home…” (Howling Wolf, master of innuendo)

Howdy…

I’m actually starting this blog in longhand, sitting in the Southwest terminal in San Diego…

… finally dragging my exhausted butt homeward after logging a full week here putting on the now-fabled Action Seminar.

It was a spectacular success, if you’re keeping score.

We directly challenged every seminar model out there… and delivered two frighteningly-on-target days of specific advice, techniques and life-transforming revelations.

Both the roomful of attendees, and the small army of Big Dog experts we assembled, loved the experience.  If you’re following the social media threads of folks like James “Schrak” Schramko, Mary Ellen Tribby, Big Jason Henderson, the Halbert boys, Brian Johnson, Kevin Rogers, Lorrie Morgan-Ferrero, and the other stellar names who participated…

… then you’re already hip to how the event went.

Excellent buzz.

Shame on you for missing it.

Anyway…

I haven’t got a lot of time here, so I need to focus on what I wanted to share with you here in this post.

There was a ton of practical info for everyone’s “To Do List” at the seminar…

… but there was also a very intriguing element of spirituality, too.

I wasn’t planning to go down that road.

However, when I stepped onstage to begin Day Two, I told Stan I wanted to talk about something not on our schedule for a few minutes before we re-immersed into the planned sessions.

The subject just settled into my mind as I addressed the crowd.  It was important, mostly ignored by the marketing community, and absolutely NOT what anyone expected to hear from the Marketing Rebel.

Can you guess what I talked about?

Love.

So much of what entrepreneurs (and wannabe entrepreneurs) talk about when they discuss what they do, involves emotion.

Loving what you do, splitting from the awfulness of a J-O-B and super-charging your batteries with passion, generating good vibes that resonate in the universe, and so on.

And you know what?

While most folks talk a good “love” game…

… few really have looked at it critically.

And they fail to realize what they’re dealing with.

I asked the crowd to call out the most powerful emotion humans possess.

Many, incorrectly, said “love”.

Now, I personally thrive on love.  It’s fueled my career, and keeps me motivated.  I may be the only guru out there who openly tells his colleagues he loves them, and who hugs my favorite friends, colleagues and co-workers with genuine warmth both arriving and going.

(When colleagues first meet me, they often balk at the manly hugs.  But once they realize it’s just a tribal greeting — maybe one small step above a firm handshake — they usually loosen up.

(Unless they’re terminal uptight cases.  Lot of them around.

(You can make fun of it if you like… cuz it IS kinda funny to see grown men and women, accomplished in their fields and generally maintaining a dignified attitude, eschewing the offered handshake of a close pal and going in for the “I luv ya, man” hug.

(Tell you what, though.  That’s how you know you’re on the inside.  That’s how you know you’ve been accepted into the pack.)

I haven’t retained much from my hippie days.  (Jeez, we were naive.)

But I believe younger generations have been cheated, mostly, with the overwhelming cynicism and sarcasm and hyper-critical bullshit of our culture.

Screw what you believe is “cool” or “dignified”.  Get over your bad self, stop pretending you’ve got to be aloof to be respected…

… and come here, gimme a hug.

You goofy bastard.  Lighten the fuck up, will ya?

There really is a kind of love out there that isn’t sexual, isn’t whimpy or goopy, and won’t hurt your perceived status in the world.

It is, in fact, the exact kind of love that successful Big Dogs are referring to when they talk about “passion” in markets and marketing.

Now… here’s what you may have wrong about this specific brand of love:

It’s NOT the most powerful emotion out there.

Not even close.  The really powerful ones are fear, rage and greed.

Those monsters grow without being nurtured, thrive in all conditions, and consume entire realities like an invading predator.

And they will swamp love, barely registering a burp after devouring it.  If you let it happen.

No, love is not powerful.

It’s fragile.

You gotta want it.  You gotta pursue it.  You need to understand it, realize what it is and what it isn’t, what it can and can’t do, where it can be found…

… and, especially, how easy it is to lose.

Love withers without constant nurturing.  It’s a needy thing, full of contradictions and almost perverse in the way it will constantly test you, challenge you, and even dare you to abandon it.

When entrepreneurs talk about loving what they do, they are actually delivering — on a silver platter — the one big damn secret to being successful.

You have to be critically aware of your love, embrace the unpredictable nature of it, and commit to it.

The kind of love experienced by entrepreneurs who make it past the rough stages, and burst into the heady worlds of success and fame and wealth…

… is something that, I’ve realized, most people never get to feel.

It’s the love of creating something, committing to adventures with no guarantees, standing outside yourself and murdering your ego in order to better feast on life…

… and allowing yourself to be consumed by a hidden lifeforce you cannot measure, cannot fully control, and cannot summon only when you can “use” it.

Love has no power beyond its ability to transform your experience within the world.

You can’t force it on others.

It will die without constant nurturing.

And it can be a huge pain in the ass when it runs up against the snarling emotional predators out there, hating and snapping in fear and living in cynical denial.

And yet, the successful entrepreneur just shrugs, knowing that love is the secret to earning your seat at the Feast.

Not easy to figure out, difficult to please, infuriating in its irrational tendencies.

But you wouldn’t want it any other way, once you’ve sunk deep into its embrace.

No one is going to invite you to the Feast of Life.   There isn’t room, really, for anyone who isn’t “with” the program anyway.

If you think it’s hilarious to see grizzled veterans of the business wars giving each other powerful embraces, and really meaning it…

… then, sorry, but you’re alienated from the core of human existence.   It may be a long way you need to go to get back (if you even want to try), or it may a simple shrugging off of your meddling, too-cool-to-live ego…

… but the first step is the same:  Figure out what your relationship with this kind of life-loving experience is.

Not what other people’s relationship is.

What YOURS is.

Then, the REAL adventures can begin in earnest.

Come on.  There’s someone close to you who needs a hug.

Get over yourself, and rise above the suspicious, eat-its-own culture all around you.

The Big Dogs breathe deep, and welcome love into their lives and business and dreams.

Just think about it.

I got a plane to catch…

Stay frosty,

John

Thursday, 11:03pm
Reno, NV
“Don’t let me be misunderstood.” (The Animals, #15 on Billboard, 1965)

Howdy…

Quick post tonight… cuz Conan’s second-to-last Tonight Show is on in a few.

(I’ve never been a die-hard fan of the dude, but these final shows should be history-making.)  (I stopped watching late night talk back when Letterman abandoned his DaDa-esque 12:30 show for a boring earlier slot on CBS…)

Anyway…

As a lifelong wordsmith (that’s “writer” to you), I long ago learned to respect language.

It seemed a no-brainer to me.  Language is our primary communication tool… and English just happens to be the most flexible and use-able one ever created.  Unlike every other language out there, it inhales foreign words without problem, gives group-hugs to slang, and offers an amazing cornucopia of choices when you want to get your point across…

… just right.  Blunt, nuanced or sneaky… English has produced the best patoi since our ancestors started grunting at each other.  (French peoples, send me your hate.)

Unfortunately, most of my fellow citizens have vocabularies that ceased growing when they were around 12.  (Newspapers write to a mostly-mythical 8th grade level… and prime time TV shows try to dumb it down even further.)

This can be fine… as long as communication still occurs.  (And I’m a fan of using fancy words only among folks who appreciate them.  Most of my writing, and especially all of my teaching materials, are carefully scrubbed of fifty-cent words… because I want to be understood.  Never use a ball-buster from the Thesaurus when a nice piece of street slang will do the same job, is my motto.)

The trouble is…

… the culture is still pretty much stuck on the 9th floor of the Tower of Babble…

… when it comes to being precise about important words.

I could write for days on this subject.

But I think these few examples, below, will do the job.

These are the words that I see causing the most trouble when I do private consultations.

I used to literally drop my jaw, stunned, when I realized that a client was merrily bustling down a dangerous path… believing he was on the road to happiness…

… when he was actually about to plunge head-first into a pit of misery.

All because he misunderstood a couple of important ideas, as expressed in words.

I see this a LOT.  So listen up:

1. Do not confuse ignorance… with naivete.

Rookie entrepreneurs… and veteran business owners who’ve strayed into mysterious new marketing territory… would do themselves a huge favor by realizing there are vast gaps in their knowledge base.

Just own up to being ignorant of how things get done…

… for now.

Ignorance is the absence of knowledge.  And it’s totally okay to admit to yourself that you’re a babe in the woods at this current stage you’re in.

Your first job is to get a handle on what you don’t yet know… that you need to know.

Then… go get it.  Fill your brain with the data, ideas, secrets, skills and direction necessary for you to succeed.

You’re going to kiss some frogs along the way, so you need to dive in and start sorting it out.

Ignorance can be cured with info.  Just as fast as you can light up your brain nodules with data.

Naivete, though…

… is often a condition that needs bitter medicine to fix.

When I encounter a client who is naive… it means the right thing to do is not pile on more info…

… but rather to perform the most brutal Reality Check they can handle.

The ignoramus just lacks data.  Many will fight having that data absorbed into their system… cuz most folks are terrified of change (especially when it means altering your worldview).

But it can be done.  I was ignorant of pretty much everything about being a freelancer when I became my career.

But I knew I was ignorant… and I gobbled up knowledge like PacMan in an ongoing process of de-ignorizing my bad self (which is still going on today).

Naive people don’t yet realize they are under-prepared and under-equipped to move forward in life.

And — worse part — they tend to aggressively resist being de-naived.  They blunder on, oblivious of their vulnerability to things like experience, savvy and skill in their competition.

So know where you’re at on the scale.

If you don’t know something, fine.  No shame in that.  Get hip, get educated, get mentored, master the needed skill-sets.

And if you’ve been sitting on what you hope is secret self-knowledge that you really don’t understand squat about what you’re doing…

… just get out of your own way.

Stop pretending.  Stop faking it.  Stop believing that good excuses can cover your act for an entire career.

The business world is like the jungle.  The predator doesn’t give a rat’s ass if you’ve got the vapors, or had a bad day, or just aren’t good at some things (because you refuse to get better).

The excuse-model that maybe worked to get you through the miserable school system without consequence… doesn’t do so well in the real world.

And it sucks to get eaten.

2. Don’t confuse experience… with wisdom.

Took me a while to nail this concept.

Back when I was always the young punk at the table (yeah, that was me for most of my career), I knew I couldn’t match clients for sheer years on the job.

And often, I just plain didn’t know as much as they did.

So I sat on my ego… and went to school with every new consultation and meeting with a client.

Didn’t take long before I’d had enough gigs under my belt to qualify for “mucho experience”…

… but more important, I kept focused on what I learned from each experience.

And that’s when the big “a-Ha!” buzzer went off.

Experience does NOT automatically translate to wisdom.

You nearly always need experience before you attain wisdom, yes.  But it’s not a guarantee.

In fact, over my career, I’ve always spent the first minutes of any consultation diving into the experience-wisdom correlation with new clients.

Their ego screams “wisdom”.  But their actual savvy whispers “hasn’t learned shit in all those years”.

The smart ones remember why they went looking for a consultation in the first place, and we can get moving on solutions and fixes.

The dumb ones fight it.

3. Do not confuse ego… with self-awareness.

Ego is bullshit.  At most, it’s a sense of being in the game, and keeping score (often in ways that no one else cares about).

Self-awareness must be earned.

And while most modern people can’t entirely murder their ego… they can at least overwhelm it with self-awareness.  So when it flares up, or gets bruised, or starts interfering…

… you can just say “oh, hell, my ego’s involved in this” and get over it.

Do you set goals?  If you set goals to satisfy your ego, your life will be miserly and grim.

The really good goals in life are always larger than “you”.

Don’t get confused about who’s running the show.

4. Don’t confuse expertise… with fast-talking charm.

I recently met a business owner who was extremely bright…

… when it came to delivering in his biz.

The marketing side?  Not so much.

In fact, as we chatted, he was almost giddy when he revealed he was about to solve all the horrific problems he was having making his online efforts work…

… because he had just paid a small fortune to genius ad guy.

Who was this genius?

Why, the guy behind some of the most recognizable jingles in the history of television prime-time ads.

On Madison Avenue, this genius never has to buy a drink, cuz he’s famous.

For jingles.

I almost choked when I found out the price tag of this jingler’s services (which, I guessed correctly, were centered on bullshit “branding” nonsense that had zero chance of even causing a ripple online).

This problem — confusing charm with real expertise in what you need — is like a weed or rat problem in the entrepreneurial world.

People who can talk the talk… but can’t walk the walk… are causing some serious financial damage out there.

It has ever been thus… until you get hip to how things really get done.

When money is on the line… especially your money (connected to the success or failure of your biz)…

… screw charm.

Some (actually, maybe most) of the best marketing and business minds I’ve ever met…

… are charm-challenged, grizzled, anti-social quasi-nut jobs.

You don’t have to like the dude who rescues your ass.

You just gotta learn to tell the difference between him, and the dazzling scumball out to gut your wallet.

Let your trust be earned.

Finally…

5. Don’t confuse asshole customers… with righteously angry folks who have a legitimate complaint.

You blackball the first.

But you embrace the second.  As tough as it can be to hear someone point out the flaws, foibles and blunders in your biz…

… you cannot grow without that kind of reality check.

Getting good advice, insight and direction is almost never pretty.

This is business, folks.  Not junior high.

6. And… don’t confuse real humor… with puns.

That’s just my own personal crusade.

Man, I hate puns.

Brrr.  Horrible little things…

Okay, that’s it for this post.

As a funny side note… I took a break to go watch Conan… and there was PeeWee Herman, doing a hilariously creepy bit on…

… language.

The entire line-up for the show was dripping with pathos.  PeeWee’s career blew up after a peep show bust in the 90s.  Robin Williams has been vilified, gone through public addiction purging, and worse through his equally long career.  Barry Manilow… well, he had to be Barry Manilow all these years.

Butt of jokes and derision.  You don’t really laugh all the way to the bank in those situations, you know.  It hurts to stick your head above the fray and dare to stand out… and get kicked.

Don’t get me started on critics.  Miserable little twerps…

Anyway, have a good weekend.

And if you’re feeling lucky, see if there’s a seat left at the Action Seminar next week down in San Diego (Jan 29-30):

Grab One Of The Last Seats

Unbelievable line-up of Marketing Royalty will be there.  Spectacular networking, and a chance to see history made… as we renovate the tattered state of the Live Marketing Seminar with real audience interaction (and zero hard sell pitching).

Make 2010 your best ever… by getting some direct, specific and spot-on advice and ideas from the best in the biz.

Okay, I’m done.

Funny that Conan’s last few shows actually reveal how good late night network TV could be… if the Suits would just let go and allow the Talent to air it out.

You know… like they do on cable.

Hey, stay frosty,

John

P.S. Do not… I repeat… do NOT leave any puns in the comments section here.

I’m serious.

No puns.

Unless they’re really good…

P.P.S. Conan Update: Did you see the final show Friday night?

Hilarious.

The final minutes were a pick-up band with Will Farrell singing “Free Bird”… which is funny on multiple levels because that’s the song MOST requested in bars, which bands HATE to play cuz it’s so long (and overplayed).

Choosing that tune showed how hip Will is — it’s an inside joke for musicians.

Stocking the band with Billy Gibson from ZZ Top, Beck, Coco, Ben Harper, Max Weinberg…

I was in tears from laughing, loving every squelch and missed turn-around…

That’s how rock is supposed to be played, folks.  Sloppy and fun.

One for the ages…

It’s hard to know how to help when horrible things happen far away.

Hell, it’s hard to get decent information… in spite of the 24/7 cable news channels.   (I just saw a rerun of one show from earlier in the day — with no admission by the network that it even was a rerun — spreading several completely false rumors that had been debunked online when it ran the first time.  I wish there was one freakin’ news source that would stop searching for the “human interest” story — or worse, grind some hack political point — and just report the goddamn facts.)

Okay, I’m an idiot for even dreaming that TV news could ever rise above sniveling mediocrity.  Shame on me for wasting time trying to learn anything from the boob-tube.

In fact, I instinctively went online to get more info when news of the earthquake hit… and it was easy to follow threads to get fairly excellent info straight from the sources on the ground in Haiti.

It’s still chaos, of course.  A corrupt government, a third-world country mired in poverty, fragile infrastructure… it would be astonishing if any relief efforts DID work well in the first week.

So, yes, I’m sure you’ve heard about supplies sitting on the docks while people suffer blocks away… criminals with machetes roaming the streets after the prison crumbled… embezzlement of relief funds… medical teams pulled from hospitals due to confused UN orders…

… and worse.

Some of it may be true, some of it may be partly true… and you’ve got to operate on the assumption that misinformation, false rumors, urban myths and outright lies spread faster than real information.

So what?

The relief effort will be flawed up the yin-yang, imperfect as hell, and there will be unbelievable waste and unforgivable wrong decisions.

This reality doesn’t let ANYONE off the hook.

If you can help, you need to do so now.

This is not the time to be yakking about the inefficiencies of relief organizations, or the venality of large charities, or the “futility” of throwing money at scenes of devastation.

It is not futile.

It is, in fact, a damn good place to start, when you can’t do anything else (like actually showing up to dig through rubble).

We found a good online resource listing of relief organizations here:

Haiti Earthquake Relief

Just pick one, and send what you can.

This is not the time to dally over a choice — just find one that you feel can get part of the job done (medical, basic resources, humanitarian, etc)…

… and send in some money.

Yes, the world’s governments are responding.  Yes, there has been a great influx of cash already.

They need more.

Of all the things money can do in your life, this is one time when closing your eyes and throwing it at a problem is absolutely the right thing to do.

If you’re hard-up, send $10.  If you can swing it, send $100.  If you’re flush, send more.

You can argue to your heart’s content about how screwed up the “system” is…

… later.

Right now, there are some people you’ve never met who desperately need your help.  Don’t do it to feel good.

Do it because it’s the right thing to do.

Thanks.

John

P.S. If you know of an organization that isn’t on this list that you feel deserves more support, leave the URL in the comments here.

Tuesday, 9:18pm
Reno, NV
“He who refuses to embrace a unique opportunity loses the prize as surely as if he had failed.” (William James, the Godfather of modern psychology)

Okay, let me get this straight…

You are seriously going to ignore one of the most amazing opportunities of your life…

… because…

… well, I can’t even begin to fathom what your “because” reason might be.

I’m sure it makes some sort of sense to you… but it’s probably an illusion.

I understand the weird, twisted way humans look at opportunity… because I nearly allowed the Big One to get away from me.

Like most folks, I sorta resented opportunities.  They never appeared at convenient times, it was seldom clear what was involved, and there was always some change required if I wanted to pursue it.

I had learned — as most people do — that if I just looked the other way, that pesky opportunity would vanish…

… and I could snuggle back into my cocoon-like comfort zone.  Safe and secure in the knowledge that nothing in my life was gonna be different.

And then, without warning, I was in my thirties, lost and clueless, saddled with a life of perpetual poverty and endless drifting.

Fortunately, I made up my mind one day to start jumping on opportunities.  Even the mis-adventures of slackerdom had dwindled to almost nothing… and, sleeping on a friend’s couch in San Diego, with no home, no job, no life and no money…

… it finally dawned on me that if my life was going to get “started”… it was up to me to act.

No one was going to invite me to a better life.

And no opportunity was going to grab me in a headlock and drag me into wealth, fame and happiness.

I cannot even imagine what my life would be like today, had I continued to ignore the doors opening all around me.

So, yeah, I’m a big fan of opportunity.

And I’ve been doing my best to create opportunity for others.  It’s part of the vow I took when I began my journey into business and living large… to give something back, all along the way.

However…

… I am not really surprised when I see people around me complain about the lack of movement in their lives…

… while habitually ignoring the opportunities that cross their path.

Now, sometimes opportunity arrives in a whisper… hard to detect if you’re not looking, easy to miss when you’re distracted.

No shame in missing those.  It happens.  (Though, when you get serious about changing your life, Step One is to attune yourself to the whispers of the universe… because that’s where all the good adventures begin…)

However, sometimes opportunity whacks you upside your head… so obvious that you have to work at ignoring it.

And that’s what I’m talking about here.

I’ve just been writing up some emails for attendees of our unique, head-rattling Action Seminar…

and I was stunned to realize that some names who NEED to be coming to this event… are not on the list.

The emails I’m writing will help attendees prepare for this game-changing event…

… because everything that happens in this 2-day interactive meeting…

… will be based on questions submitted by attendees, copy and websites submitted for critique by attendees, problems presented by attendees…

… and anything else attendees need addressed, fixed or solved to put their lives and their businesses on the Fast Track to making 2010 their best year EVER.

If the significance of this hasn’t settled in yet, consider this:  I have assembled a stunning group of experts, heavy hitter marketing wizards, and the best problem-solving professionals I know…

… and they’ve all dedicated themselves to revealing everything they know about making the Big Bucks, while living large at the upper end of the business food chain.  (Where all the happiness, fame and real fortune lies.)

www.marketingrebel.com/action-seminar

There is no line-up of speakers.  You will not be sitting in a room and be lectured by professional talkers.  And you will not be pummeled by pitches to buy one product after another.

Nope.

This interactive event is completely focused on helping attendees put together an Action Plan for their business…

… crammed with specific steps to take immediately (spelled out in simple terms anyone can understand) to actually CHANGE your life.

This is how all the Big Dog marketers operate.  They get input from the best minds they can find…

… they brainstorm and get advice on their specific situations, needs, and goals…

… and then they map out a plan to make it all HAPPEN.

I love seminars, and I encourage you to go to events hosted by people you trust.

However, after 25 years of producing seminars, speaking at them, and attending them…

… I know that MOST people waste the experience.

They get overwhelmed with incoming data… theories and ideas and piles of “if only I could get moving on that” opportunities.

And then they get back home… and realize they have no plan on how to implement anything they’ve discovered.

They have notes… but no plan.

So all those theories and ideas are left in the “someday” pile of squandered opportunities… never to be put into action.

Well, screw that.

This seminar is all about action.  Getting the simple implementation details on things you can do immediately to fix your problems, move your biz forward, and get into the groove where life continually cooks on high heat.

www.marketingrebel.com/action-seminar

We’re going to give you marching orders.  We’re going to help you draw up your own plan, specific to your situation…

… along with the tools and secrets of putting it all into action as fast as humanly possible.

The experts I’ve assembled all know exactly what to do.  They DO it themselves (which is why each new year is their “best year” as they progress through career and life).

And… they’re gathering for a 2-day blowout in San Diego to share what they know and do…

… with you.

If you can get your shit together enough to show up, that is.

Get the details now: www.marketingrebel.com/action-seminar

Look: I chose San Diego partly because it was the scene of MY big realization about opportunity.

Maybe there’s something in the air down there, carried on-shore by ocean breezes.  Or maybe it’s in the water.  Or the perpetual sunshine.  Or the sheer impossibleness of getting through a day there without a huge smile on your face…

… cuz, you know, you’re in paradise.

It’s also one of the easiest and nicest airports to get into and out of in the country.

The “Murderer’s Row” of experts includes the famous, the notorious, and the most successful go-to-guys in the biz.

We’re gonna cover “Getting Your Act Together To Make 2010 Your BEST Year Ever” from A-to-Z… including:

• Figuring out the weaknesses of your competition…
• Gorging on traffic (so your pile of hot leads is bottomless)…
• Creating new products that attract buyers like crazy…
• Digging deep into the groove of getting stuff done efficiently (so you have more time off, even as you make more money in your chosen gig)…
• Learning the cutting-edge unfair advantages of expert-level social media, pay-per-click, video selling, and classic ad creation…
• And everything else you know you need advice on… including solutions to problems, directions on the next steps to take, warnings when you’re screwing up, precise lessons on writing what needs to be written, and more.

In fact, if there’s anything you have a question about… any problem you’re hung up on… any piece of copy you want critiqued and fixed up… and any tactic, tool or business model you want expert input on…

… you can get it at this Action Seminar.

This is what we’re going to do, for two solid exciting days.  Talk biz, solve stuff, and help attendees put together a plan to crush it in 2010.

But you gotta BE there.

I know, I know… it’s coming up too fast (it’s January 29 and 30, just a short few weeks away)…

… and you gotta get off your butt in order to make it happen.

You have my sympathy.  I’ve been there — looking at opportunity I knew I needed, wanted, should embrace…

… and dithering until it went away.

So I could crawl back into my comfort zone, where I wouldn’t be inconvenienced by life changes or adventure or, really, anything new or exciting.

For most folks, I offer up a pass on this opportunity.  It’s not for you.  You’re not ready, it’s too inconvenient, it requires too much… life-force… to get moving on.

However… for those of you who should be here (and you know who you are)…

… there are no excuses for you not joining us:

www.marketingrebel.com/action-seminar

It’s cheap.  (An hour with me costs $2,500.  Most of my previous events have cost $5,000 just to attend.  You cannot corner ANY of these experts I’ve assembled without going deep into your wallet… if you can corner them at all.  Yet… attendance at this event is just under $800.  We purposely priced it low to allow more people to jump in.)

(Side note: Do NOT come if you have to borrow or hock Grandma’s jewelry to afford it.  If you’re that broke, you need to step back a bit and get a better handle on your situation.

However… if your business or career is suffering in the economy, or if you’ve hit multiple sticking points that have frozen your growth, or if you know you can get moving at lightning speed once you have a clear plan to implement…

… then you’re right in the sweet spot of attendees who will get the most from this event.

Again — we’re all about fixing problems, and shedding light on the dark areas of your quest for success… so you can ACT on accomplishing your goals.)

And… I can go on, but I’ve hit a wall.

You can lead a horse to water… but you can’t make him drink.

Horses are too stubborn.  Even thirsty, staring at scarce resources, and really needing to drink… they’ll dither.

Most people have that same quality.  Stubborn, mired in self-defeating habits, scared to death of change or adventure.

If you have good entrepreneur’s blood coursing through your veins, you already know what you need to do.

Have that argument with yourself, if you need to… where you stack up the excellent excuses on why you “can’t” possibly attend this one-time-0nly event.  (Cuz we’re not giving it again.)

Listen to Mr. Scaredy-Cat living deep inside you.  Listen to the chorus of “don’t, it’s too much trouble” and “OMG, what if you went and were disappointed” and (my personal favorite) “There’ll be another great opportunity along shortly… no need to jump on this one.”

Ah, the bullshit we regale ourselves with.  The myths and lies we comfort our frightened souls with.

The nonsense we put up with, all because the courage to change and take control takes a little effort to summon.

The room is getting full.  (And the special low rate we scored for rooms at the hotel is going away VERY soon now.)

The folks already signed up are excited, with good reason.  It’s gonna be a blast… and it’s gonna change lives.

If you’re in that group of people I thought for sure were going to join us… and you know who you are… there’s still a bit of time left to come aboard.

I’ll see you in San Diego.

Stay frosty,

John

Thursday, 11:30am
Reno, NV
“You’re young, you’re drunk, you’re in bed, you have knives… shit happens.” (Angelina Jolie)

Howdy…

Did you go out and do any damage on New Year’s Eve?

Hope you got home safe, if you did.

The world turns into Crazy Town every 12/31, and you can’t projectile-puke in any direction without hitting people who seldom (or should never) drink pounding down Jagermeister and double-bourbons like they’re channeling Hunter S. Thompson in his prime.

It’s been years since I’ve ventured away from home for New Year’s…

… and even then, I only went out because I was sitting in with a band in some bar or club.

There’s a small bit of safety being on a stage while the rookies party below. Even in the sleaziest biker bar I’ve ever had the pleasure of performing in… the bad-asses never assaulted the band.

They might bust a tweaker’s head against the bar just to see what the dude looked like sprawled on the floor…

… but they wouldn’t dream of crunching a musician’s skull (no matter how much you offended his sense of anti-bourgeois anarchy).  That would harsh the party vibes.

Just make sure you keep playing kick-ass tunes.  My philosophy for playing rowdy joints was simple: Every song had to either…

1. Make people wanna shake their booty, or…

2. Cry in their beer.

So, when I put together pick-up bands, I made sure everyone had the chops and the stamina to play set after set of cranked-up rock at blistering paces… with only the occasional retreat for a slow tune (which had to rip open old heart wounds to make it on the list).

Seriously — you wanna wear out the biker crowds quickly, both physically and emotionally.

The “message to market match” here is make ‘em dance, and hit ‘em in the soft part of their gut every so often.  So they’re passionately exhausted, gasping for air, and lovin’ life.

This approach works with writing killer sales messages, too, you know.

Reading and watching videos is a passive behavior.  The data goes into the eyes, glances off the brain, and dissipates before any retention can happen.

You don’t want this when you’re trying to make a sale.

Instead, you need to wake your prospect up.  If you can get him to lean forward, and even say “No way!” or “What? This can’t be…” then you’ve goosed him into an active state…

… where the deal can go down.

Don’t get fooled by the massive views that videos on YouTube can pile up.  Scoring a chuckle, or even a ROFLMAO Tweet to buddies is NOT the same as persuading someone to haul out their wallet and fill out an order page.

How do you pull off this “wake ‘em up” tactic?

Well, you start by realizing who you’re dealing with.

And that’s why we’re going back to New Year’s Eve.

This annual excuse for Bacchanalian excess is just downright dangerous, in ways few other celebrations come close to matching.  (And I say this, having been Best Man at a few weddings that ended in drunken brawls.)

(I still have a fondness for watching loving couples in elaborate gowns and tuxedos try to cold-cock each other, while the dance floor turns into a booze-sloshed hockey rink.)

Many people should just stay away from alcohol altogether.

Most people should avoid drinking while out in public.

And everyone who values life should avoid mass celebrations where amateur drunks wanna party like Caligula.

Why?

Because you have left the world of rational thought… and entered a Twilight Zone where emotions blurp to the surface and obliterate inhibition.

Folks who can’t hold their liquor (and even veteran boozers who’ve wandered past their limit) become dangerous, unpredictable, and uncontrollable one-man soap operas.

I’ve seen hard-ass bikers crumble into sobbing messes of vulnerability, and I’ve seen shy, petite brides growl like werewolves and back down transgressors twice their size.

For a writer, this is fertile info.

For a salesman, it’s a window into the hidden world of human decision-making.

When you’re attempting to sell something, you need to move your prospect out of his comfort zone.  For most people, that zone is a zombie state of near-comatose procrastination.

You can’t close.  You may get them to agree that, sure, what you’ve got there sure seems like a great deal… but you won’t close the sale.

Think about this from a personal perspective:  It can actually hurt your brain to make a decision that involves money.

Unless…

Unless you slip into that warm and fuzzy irrational state where you can shrug off fear and anxiety and all those troubling doubts…

… and just say “What the hell” and slam your money on the table.

Basically, as a salesman, you’re hosting a little party between you and your prospect.

You’re not literally plying him with drink… but you are very much creating an alternative state of consciousness where the stubborn reluctance of a dude deep in his comfort zone gives way to the uninhibited decision-maker hiding deep within.

Now, I am NOT recommending you immediately begin a life of bar-hopping and booze-swilling, in the hope of becoming a better salesman.

You don’t even need a drop of alcohol to pass your lips to understand the lesson here.

You just need to stop and consider the way the human mind can fool a careless observer.  If you spend your entire day around sober, rational people who never let their guard down, you’re going to be lulled into thinking your sales message needs to appeal to our higher sense of reason and empirical data-crunching.

And it’s just not so.

The old rule of thumb (which I learned from incredibly savvy street-wise sales experts): You pitch on reason, but you close on emotion.

So you’ve got to pay attention to the emotional world most people ignore, pretend doesn’t exist, or hide.

That’s the lesson from Amateur Drunk Night.  Folks aren’t suddenly being controlled by outside forces that make them dance crazy, laugh too loud, and start fights with close friends.

Nope.  That’s just another part of their being, burbling to the surface on a raft of booze.

Let the rest of the business world fantasize about a race of reasonable, astute and clear-headed prospects.

Your inside track:  We’re actually a tribe of unpredictable, erratic, mush-brained emotional lunatics.

We just keep a tight lid on it, most of the time.

Side Note #1: Learning these lessons about human nature does NOT turn you into a snarling cynic.

Quite the opposite.  I find that the more I learn about my fellow travelers, the more I love ‘em all.

We’re all sharing this wild, amazing ride… on a planet rippling with beauty, horror, pleasure and pain…

… and none of us have an advantage in living well that can’t be learned by everyone else.

The business owner who learns how to sell, and puts what they learn into action, is just a little more awake, and a little more involved in the realities of existence.

It can be startling, at first, to realize how weird we all are… but after that initial shock of awareness, you really wouldn’t want it any other way.

Most of the world sleepwalks through their day.   They are reactive, not proactive.  (In other words, stuff happens to them.  They don’t initiate much action.)

As a salesman, you have to wake up and take on more responsibility.

And the good ones live deep, play hard, and love without inhibition.  You can’t do all that while snoozing.

Side Note #2: I was introduced to Tony Robbins over 20 years ago… when, after a night out partying, I became entranced by his infomercial on the tube.

I kept my guard down, and just went with the rising sense of “gotta have it” he triggered in my gut.  And I bought his tapes.  (Yeah, that’s how long ago it was — he was selling cassette tapes of his course.)

I don’t know how many folks who buy from late-night infomercials are wasted, but I don’t think I would have gone through with the purchase if I hadn’t been a little tipsy.  (This was back in my youthful days of improper behavior.  I’m better now, thanks.)

Nevertheless, I was glad I ordered, and happy when the package arrived.  Got a lot out of the experience, and was introduced to new psychological discoveries through those tapes.

Fast-forward to two weeks ago: I finally met Tony, down in San Diego, when he interviewed me for his Money Masters series.  (Other experts in the series include John Reese, Frank Kern, Russell Brunson, Dean Jackson and other notables from the sizzling online marketing world.)

He thought it was hilarious when I told him this story.  And it got us talking about the crossroads of passion, emotion and decision.

Tony understands what makes people tick.  Going deep with that kind of knowledge is the key to living large.

It was a real treat to discuss such heady intellectual philosophies with a renowned master of observation.

(This is also what I most appreciate about Zen — a complete acceptance of the entire range of human weirdness, without judgment or idealism.  To understand us is to love us.)

Again: I’m not recommending you start drinking at dive bars.

Just start registering what you observe in your fellow man… in all the wonderful and frightening variations we reveal.

Okay?

Okay.

Stay frosty,

John

Thursday, 11:42pm
Reno, NV
“You’ve got to be digging it while it’s happening, cuz it just might be a one-shot deal.“  (Frank Zappa)

Howdy…

Today, I want to say “Thanks” to all the wonderful people in my life.

And I hope you’re having a great holiday.

Sure, the airports are clogged with sneezing, coughing mobs enraged by delays and the prospect of being locked in a house with relatives they can’t stand for a week.

And yes, the politics of this country continue to crawl ever deeper down the rabbit hole leading to Bat-Shit Crazy Land.

And everywhere you look, greed and fear and suspicion lurk.

And yet… the world spins on, and if you can just let your mind settle for a few moments, the raw gorgeous beauty of everything can still take your breath away.

There’s a clever Chinese toast that carries both a curse and a blessing: “May you live in interesting times.”

As all wordsmiths know, that word “interesting” embraces both the good and the bad, the yin and the yang, of life.

Danger, excitement, and adventure.  The kind of events that will either kill you or make you stronger.

I’ve lived an interesting life.  Part of me would welcome a long restful period, where not much happened… but I know I’m ruined forever for enjoying too much calm.  I have a permanent jones now for the far end of the Feast table, where it’s raucous, noisy and unpredictable.

It’s where the truly interesting people gather.

So bring it on, World.  Heap on the chaos, the uncertainty, the upheaval and especially the occasional jolt of sheer mind-bending astonishment.

Just allow me a moment, here and there, to appreciate the ride.

To the folks still on the ride with me, have a great holiday: Michele, Stan, Diane, Kevin, Art, Bond, Joe, Mark, Donald, Pop, Sis, Scott, Jimbo, Garf, Harlan, Lo, 9, 5, JaMo, Brian, Rich, Jeff, Jon, Karen, Schrakmo, Ed, Tina, Jen, Mary, Bryn, Aidan, Where’s Shea?, Tod, Marge, Perry, Mike, Bob, Carrie, Cheryl, David, Robert, Brad, Jay, Steve, Bro, Alan, Renea, RB, Curt, Karl, CB, Bitchin’ Bob, Russ, Doc, Eunice, Tony, Magda, Mel, Wally, Christine, Michel, Sylvie, Brian, Duster, Smoky, Lovedog, and, heck,  you know who you are…

And to those already on the Next Big Ride… well, I’ll always keep a chair empty for y’all, cuz you’re missed and still appreciated: Gary, John, Kent, Bob, Rachel, Mom, and the rest.

To all of us: Hug your friends and family like you mean it.

Breathe deep, let go of the bullshit, and never stop appreciating the little joys of life.

Live with gusto, my friend.

And spread the love, will ya?

Stay frosty,

John

Thursday, early
Phoenix, AZ
“Truckin’, like the Do-Dah man…” (Dead, again)

Good grief…

Nice little cat-fight going on in the comments section of the last post.

Which, of course, is fine.  I’ve still never deleted a comment in the 5 years I’ve been in the saddle of this blog.

(Side note: Has anyone figured out if there are “Web years”, which would be like “dog years” where each canine lap around the calendar is equal to 7 human laps?  I gotta tell ya, it seems like I’ve been tending this beast for half my life…)

So, anyway, here’s the post for today…

… addressing the most pressing issues being discussed:

Post Element #1: I’m still on the road.  Quick stop home to repack (hope I’ve got clean socks stashed somewhere), and then back on a plane…

… this time to San Diego to meet with Tony Robbins, and Mike Koenigs of Traffic Geyser.

Last weekend, I was a featured guest at Joe Polish’s “$25K Mastermind” quarterly meeting (so-called because members pony up $25K to belong) (and every single member I’ve met says it’s worth it many times over).

And, since we were in semi-warm weather… and there was still 3 feet of snow back home…

… I decided to stay in AZ for a few days, meet up with my biz partner Stan… and golf.

For my birthday.

So you tweakers who were so busy questioning my motives for our upcoming January event…

… were doing so on my birthday.

Have you no shame?

Is there no safe haven of time left on this chaotic planet for a man to take a break from social media… to go futilely chase little white balls around the desert?

This is not right, people.

Let’s all take a deep breath, okay?

Post Element #2: I’ll be back at this blog next week.

I’ve got a back-up of posts to lay on y’all, too.  Good stuff about the FTC (I’ve got the goods on the new recommendations, I believe)… Google’s latest round of going medieval on people… some hard-core insight to social media (R.I.P. Twitter?)…

… and, of course, updates and revelations about the upcoming event in January.

But why wait?

Let’s clear up a few of the more hurtful misconceptions here and now:

First… this is not a pitchfest.  The days are not broken up into blocks of time for a presentation and rush to the sales table.

Get straight on this: I wasn’t just “there” during the glory days of Halbert’s best seminars…

… I was co-producing the little monsters.

I wrote the letters that brought people in.  I conspired with Gary to amaze, astound and befuddle attendees… all part of our increasing awareness of how excellent teaching actually happened.  (Hint: Very few people know to teach, really.  I’ve been at this for 22 years.  If you’re confused about who’s doing the teaching in this biz and who’s ladling out the bullshit… you’re just not paying attention.)

I co-produced a few dozen events with Halbert, hosted a few of my own even before I’d met him…

… and, over the last 7 years or so, have created my own model.  Which is part workshop, part consultation, and ALL learning.

That’s what this upcoming “Action Seminar” is all about.  Most of the writer/teachers from the Simple Writing System faculty will be there…

… plus some very important experts who will share the good stuff.

I’ll explain more later… cuz, like I said, I’m still technically on the road.  (And I’ll be royally pissed off if I miss my plane because I’m posting on this blog…)

Just know this: Stan and I (and our favorite colleagues) will be focusing on helping people get their act together…

… enough to make 2010 their best year ever, business-wise.

We’re going to share everything we know, and uncork what our colleagues know… about setting up sales funnels that grab lots of traffic, and efficiently move prospects through the process of creating loyal customers.

We’re good at this.  We just had OUR best year ever… in the teeth of the continuing recession, amidst all the whining and hand-wringing and predictions of certain Doom.

It will NOT be an event like you’ve seen before.

Here, you can get all your questions answered… see real entrepreneur’s ads critiqued and deconstructed (and reassembled as bad-ass marketing that works)… shuck and jive to your heart’s content with biz owners who’ve already solved the problems that keep you frozen…

… and so on.  There will be Hot Seats, serious brainstorming on topics close to a capitalist’s little heart, tutorials on moolah-generating stuff you don’t even know exists yet (especially in pay-per-click)…

… and no bullshit at any point.

We’re hard-as-nails marketers, deep on the cutting edge of what’s working (where it’s also obvious what’s not working, which is just as important).

And, just to remind the tweakers:  This blog is (and always has been) mostly solid content.

Good advice, excellent tactics, and all the unfair advantages that come from hanging out with a grizzled veteran who loves to spill the beans.

Yes, here and there I will let you know about an opportunity we’re presenting to folks who care about opportunity.  Like this upcoming event.

If you can’t get past that, then you’ve got some issues to address that are all yours.  Please leave me out of it.

The Web is infested with people who bitch just for the sake of bitching… and who feel they have a “right” to thrash reputations because they’re enraged at their own failure.

It’s the nature of the world.  I expected no less when I raised my head above the fray and started teaching and blogging and handling “guru” chores.

For those of you who aren’t sure what to think about this kind of opportunity…

… which is an honest chance to come hang out with me, my staff, a gang of the best writers on the planet, and a bevy of experts who do NOT make their living speaking from stages…

… I invite you to investigate further. (And pay more attention to the folks who actually have experience with me, than to the tweakers who feel cheated by life.)

We will not be holding another event like this in the future.  My workshops and seminars are all TOTALLY unique, because they’re tailored to the needs of attendees.

When I get back next week, I’ll be happy to answer any question you care to put to us about this Action Seminar.

Just ask, in the comments section below.

Yes, it’s dirt cheap.  We’re not gouging, and we will over-deliver like mo-fo’s.

That’s what we do.

If you haven’t figured out — after 5 freaking years of this blog — that I am the most transparent and most willing-to-help guru on the scene…

… well, it’s just weird.  You might need your “critical thinking” nodules examined.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go catch a plane…

Stay frosty,

John

P.S. Seriously, gimme your most pressing questions, here in the comments section.

I know you’ve got ‘em.  Let’s clear it all up now, while there’s time to make a rational decision to come to the event (and get your travel expenses in before the end of the year, for tax purposes).

P.P.S. One update:  For a variety of reasons, I’m rejuggling the faculty of this event.  So some of the folks in that very cool video on the site won’t be there, after all, and some new ones have been included:

www.marketingrebel.com/action-seminar

I’ll have the fresh line-up of heavy hitters ready next week.

And, just for the record, the rejuggling is solely because of travel conflicts, and the continuing adjustments Stan and I are making to the structure of this event.  We’re all still great buddies.

Because these events are so unique, we’re not trapped in any pre-made paradigm.  So, as we brainstorm and get brilliant input from others, we’re able to morph, easily and without grief.

This is all about delivering the goods to attendees.

Spots are very limited.  It’s cheap as heck.  You’re gonna love it.

More later…

Wednesday, 4:48pm
Reno, NV
“Shake the hand, that shook the hand, of PT Barnum and Charlie Chan” (The Grateful Dead, “US Blues”)

Howdy…

You know what the first thing many entrepreneurs and small biz owners do on January 1st (right after gagging down Excedrin with a warm dollop of “Hair o’ the dog”)?

They despair.

You know why?

It’s because… for all the “promise” a new year holds…

… for most folks in business, the months ahead are just shadows in a dark fog.

When times are good, maybe — maybe – you can stumble over some tasty opportunities as you wander.

When times are bad… you know, like our current recession-shackled economy… that fog of uncertainty gets thick enough to choke you.

Would you like to know what the UNCOMMON entrepreneurs and small biz owners do when looking ahead to 2010?

They smile.  They yawn at the recession.  And they feel damn good about their nice, clear, unobstructed view of the coming months.

No fog.  No murderous pitfalls hidden in the shadows.

They are uncommon, because they are PREPARED.

They have an action plan… and they know how to implement it.

You wanna commit business suicide?  Stumble into the coming year without a clue how you’re going to grow or get better results.

You wanna join the Feast, where the Smart Few are enjoying floods of traffic, maxed-out conversions, and the kind of almost-ridiculously-abundant free time (like a vacation every month) that “most” biz owners can only dream about?

Then get hip to the amazing magic of putting together a simple action plan.

And make sure it’s a plan you can easily (and even joyously) implement right away.

I’d like to help you, if you think getting some honest, hard-core, proven mentoring can get you off your duff… and into your seat at the Feast.

Here’s what’s up: There has always been a stark contrast between those who plan, and those who don’t even know how to plan.

For nearly 30 years now, as a high-paid consultant, I’ve been helping entrepreneurs and biz owners figure out the critical first steps to take to get moving in a new, profitable, easier (and more fun) direction.

Having even a simple plan (with just a few steps to take) will change your life forever.

But only if you are confident (and know the easy tricks) of putting this simple plan into action.

I know how to do this.  And I hang out with masters of simple-but-insanely-lucrative planning.

So…

… I’m holding a live workshop-seminar in San Diego the last weekend of January…

… where you can come and get direct help putting your own killer action plan together.

Plus learn the tricks to implementation.  The key to making your plan a reality.

We’re gonna fill you up with proven, easy step-by-step actions to take immediately… to:

• Blow away all constraints on flooding your biz with fresh, super-qualified traffic…
• Put yourself in the “go to guy” spot in your market, with all the influence and swag that gets heaped on honest authority figures…
• Maximize your ability to convert leads into happy sales…
• And finally learn the “lazy man’s way” to put your productivity in high gear.

Best part: The powerful simplicity of this kind of planning…

… means that veteran business owners will immediately benefit, as well as raw rookies.

Most people absolutely suck at planning.

And if you insist on trying to do it yourself, without expert help…

… you’re headed down a rabbit hole that can trap you, confuse you, and murder your business while you’re fighting self-created emergencies.

The top marketers (including any competition now cleaning your clock) ALL know how to map out a simple action plan… and put it in motion.

Even the best plan in the universe is worthless, if it never gets implemented.

This, by the way, is the problem with most seminars: You get a mountain of ideas dumped on you, with no hint of how to execute any of them.

The advanced stuff (which you shouldn’t be touching yet) gets all jumbled up with soon-to-be-obsolete stuff, which buries the easy stuff…

… and you’re left with zero “real” plans.

Just a lot of notes and wishes and dreams again.

Well, screw that.

We’re even calling this unique event “The Action Seminar“.

And it is populated with the best teachers and planning wizards I know.  Including…

Mike Koenigs, the uber-talented genius behind “Traffic Geyser”… who specializes in getting the most stubbornly-resistant people to quickly (actually immediately) use his simple-yet-awesomely-effective video secrets to carpet bomb the Web with a killer sales message.  (The cheapest camera you can find will do the trick, too.)

James “Schrakmo” Schramko… the brilliant Aussie who came out of nowhere last year (knowing squat about the Web), to dominate search engine rankings and generally crush all competitors in any market he chose to conquer.

He understands what it’s like to be a rookie looking for a clue… and he has made a huge name for himself helping entrepreneurs zoom to dominance with minimal skills and very little investment.

The simple plans that are easy to master, and simple to implement, is the way to get rich and happy as fast as possible.

Oh, and check this out: Teran Dale (my personal favorite PPC advisor) has the inside track on Google.  He’s managed as much as $1 million dollars a day in pay-per-click advertising in huge, super-competitive niches.

The kicker: The competition in these niches are paying $7 – $12 dollars per click… while Teran’s clients are only paying $0.21 cents.

If you suspect that everything you believe about PPC is dead wrong… you’re right.

Teran will be working directly with select folks at this seminar, while we watch and learn.  And he’s gonna be sharing ALL the good stuff… brought down to doable, simple and easy steps.  (You’re invited to join the pool of attendees we’ll choose Teran’s subjects from.)

Oh, yeah.

This is just a small taste of the Feast you’re about to share in.

We’ve also got the globally-respected Les Brown (to get your head straight about planning for success)… Melanie Benson Strick (to help you finally get off your butt and start being massively productive) (with more time off)…

… my hilarious (but deadly serious about profits) colleagues Travis Miller and Jimmy Vee will show you how to become a social media MONSTER (even if you can’t yet spell “blog”)…

… and I’ll be joined by copywriting legends Harlan Kilstein (still the only guy around who can show you how to hypnotize readers into following you anywhere) and Lorrie Morgan-Ferrero (of “She Factor” fame — and remember, the ladies still control 90% of the money out there, guys).

Plus: The entire faculty of the Simple Writing System mentoring program will be there, for you to corner and suck every shred of sales-boosting secret out of their super-talented brains.

Let’s drop names:  Kevin Rogers (my head writer for The Stable O’ Copywriters)… “Million Dollar” Mike Morgan (a top freelancer with tremendous chops)… Tony Flores (head writer for The Arbitrage Conspiracy)… Scott Haines (a killer writer and old pal of mine and Gary Halbert’s)… Jimbo Curley (the star writer who replaces me at OHP Golf)… Tina Lorenz (easily the hottest copywriter in the “launch” game right now)… and two “under the radar” (for now) writers I’ve personally hired to write for me: Robert Gibson and Mark Landstrom.

Special guest stars include “A List” copywriter David Deutsch (who recently had 6 million-dollar controls for Boardroom, Inc)… Gary Halbert’s sons Bond and Kevin (who I’ve been working closely with while they restructure Gary’s legacy)… and some Mystery Guests who should blow your mind.

There’s just one catch:

This event is coming up soon… and there are VERY limited spots open.

To get the details, just check out this info-site:

www.marketingrebel.com/action-seminar

There’s quite a bit more to the fun and seriously-lucrative stuff you’ll encounter at this rare, totally unique event.

And… I am personally making sure that you get at least 12 action-steps, customized to your situation, that are simple enough for you to implement as soon as you get home (or back to your room).

If you can handle more, you’ll get more.

But the main thing is this: This ain’t a “talk at you” event.

It’s interactive… and it’s all about helping you put together a freakin’ PLAN to go out and put into action NOW.

So you can get back to your office and start demolishing your evil competitors and dominating your market.

While earning more, and having more time off, and generally being happier and staring down the economy and every obstacle in your life…

… and winning.

Oh, this is gonna be good.

For the few who get their act together and score a spot, that is.

For the rest… well, good luck out there in the fog.

Seriously — go check out the info-site now.  (You’re gonna faint when you see how CHEAP it is, too):

www.marketingrebel.com/action-seminar/

Stay frosty,

John

P.S. Just in case it wasn’t made crystal clear:  No prior experience or skills or hidden “insider” advantages are necessary to make ANY of this stuff work like crazy for you.

Just hurry, okay? It’s coming up fast, and won’t be repeated.

Saturday, 2:48pm
Tampa, FL
“Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, know what I mean?” (Monty Python)

Howdy…

Special treat today on the blog.

Another guest post by our good friend, colleague and former stand-up comic (before his new career as killer copywriter), Kevin Rogers.

(Kevin is also the head writer for my Stable O’ Copywriters project, where you can find a recommended freelancer who meets my strict standards of professionalism — and who has my ear for consultations: www.carlton-copywriting.com.)

This cat is funny.  And every time Kevin and I hang out, I’m reminded of two things:

1. Nearly every top marketer and writer I know personally… has a shockingly-acute high-end sense of humor. (This explains the comraderie you see among the best in the biz.  We make each other laugh.)

2. And… there are awesomely valuable insights to life and success available in studying lessons in tales from the “vice squad”. (Meaning, that part of living well which includes hanging out, challenging the boundaries of sobriety, and squandering time laughing as hard as you can for as long as you can.)

Being funny won’t make you smarter.  And it doesn’t bestow an automatic deeper understanding of human behavior.

However… if you pay attention… you will discover insights and rules for living well that are simply not available to uptight folks.

That’s why I’ve asked Kevin to chime in again here.  This is his third guest post.  (The only other writer to have guest-posted here is my buddy David Garfinkel.)

So, without further ado… here’s Kevin.

Don’t try to read this while drinking carbonated beverages — it’s hell spitting it out through your nose while guffawing.

Take it, Kevin…

[applause]

Hey, great to be here… let’s here it again for John Carlton folks… the only blogger in history to spark a 600 comment riot with a psychological Dixie cup riddle.

Let him know you love him, everyone… John Carlton.

Okay. No more stand-up comedy/copywriting anecdotes for this post.

Today I want to discuss something much more relevant to all serious marketers: Booze.

Not drinking, necessarily…

… but rather the art of ordering a cocktail.

You can tell a lot about someone by the way they order a drink… and there’s a great marketing lesson in that simple act that could be the “a-Ha!” moment of a lifetime.

First, a quick back-story…

Towards the end of my comedy career, when road life had finally reduced itself into a sappy Bob Seger song, I realized it was finally time to go legit (gasp!)…

… and so began my awkward re-entry to the great American workplace.

I was almost 30… and after a decade of stand-up, the only skills I could fudge on a resume were “long distance driving” and “heckler control”.

So, unless I wanted a new career as road manager for, say, a fledgling white ska band from Wisconsin, it was clear I would need to get me some education.

As luck would have it, The ABC Bartending School in Mount Prospect, Illinois was just about to kick off its summer session.  I dusted off my academic chops, dove in, and passed with flying colors.

A few happy coincidences later, I was manning the afternoon shift at one of the oldest taverns in Chicago. (By the way, first rule of tending a real bar: Never admit you graduated from bartending school.  You’ll get tagged as an elitist snob.)

This place had been slinging booze across the same soggy block of dead oak since before the days of Prohibition (during which they promptly began mixing bathtub gin and became a gangster-haven speakeasy).

The owner was a tough-as-nails but senile old broad named Marge. Every night she would stalk the bar like Mae West in silk pajamas with wild, silver bed-hair… chain-smoking Pall Malls that always seemed to be dangling two-inch ashes.

Marge lived above the tavern in a cluttered apartment reeking of spoiled fish and Ben Gay lotion, with a feisty parrot named “Billy” who cursed like a sailor and attacked my head every time I entered the room (usually to bring Marge cigarettes and remind her not to light them off the stove burner).

“Remember last time, Marge, when you forgot to turn off the burner and the firemen had to come?”

“Are they here now?”

“No Marge. Not right now.”

“Go down and buy them a drink on me.”

“Sure, Marge.”

And, fighting off Billy (as he squawked“Eat shit!” in a Kamikaze dive for my cowlick), I would retreat to the laboratory of marketing wisdom behind the bar downstairs.

Sell Like A Bartender,
Serve Like a Waitress.

Slinging cocktails at Marge’s really was an excellent introduction into the world of street-level selling.

Sure, there’s plenty of sales tactics in play during a live comedy performance…

… but tending bar is a pure closer’s game. (Which is why the gig pays less than the minimum wage.)

So, here is my Great Direct Response Lesson from the world of “saloon commerce”.  It lies in the stark difference between selling like a bartender… or serving like a waitress.

The attitudes a waitress and bartender bring to the sale are polar opposites for this simple reason: As a bartender, people come to you…

… while, as a waitress, you must go to them.

Important stuff here.  Listen up.

Let’s look at a typical cast of prospects for your business… as if they were patrons in a saloon.

Two thirsty patrons walk into a club. One approaches the bar, ready to buy… while the other grabs a seat at a table and looks for the waitress.

With that simple act, they have qualified themselves in very different ways.

When a prospect sits at a table, they are looking for guidance. They need more info. They want to be led, perhaps intellectually coddled, and certainly paid attention to.

So, it’s the waitress’s (or waiter’s) job to arrive at their table quickly, offer up a big friendly smile, get their order and help ‘em feel they’ll be well taken care of.  Their happiness is her responsibility.

The other guy, who headed straight for the bar?  He’s ready to buy.  He’s being pro-active, rather than re-active.

An experienced bartender controls a shocking level of power. If the joint is crowded, he has total discretion over who gets served, in what order. So, it’s up to the patron to show the bartender they are worthy of his attention.

They should have money in hand and a cool, casual look that says: I know exactly what I’m ordering.

(If you’ve ever felt ignored by a harried bartender in a busy bar… it’s because you looked confused or kept your cash hidden in your pocket.  We have little time to babysit rookie drunks.)

It’s a good lesson, for any marketer.  There will always be these two wildly different types of prospect on your list.

The ones who wander over to tables to avoid the frenzy are looking for a very specific kind of service. They include the tire-kickers on your list — those annoying freebie-seekers who want to see how well you can serve them before they’ll make up their minds about you — as well as folks who will become life-time buyers.

However, customer service ranks high on their hierarchy of needs.  They wanna shop, they wanna interact.

Their money’s good… but they require patient attention.

Then there are the eager buyers. They elbow their way through the crowded bar, raise cash in the air, shout their order and tip well.

Low maintenance, independent, no-BS types with money to spend, and a definite goal in mind.

So, our job as marketers is to first get as many people into the place as possible…

… and then inspire as many as we can to crowd the bar and waive cash at us. That is the relationship you create with the right marketing strategy and top-shelf copy.

Eager buyers are your best customers, not just because they are comfortable spending money…

… but because they’re also the most likely to put your material to good use. Which leads to them achieving high-end results and then spreading the word.

Once your action-oriented, cash-in-hand buyers are all happily sipping their cocktails… it’s time to grab a tray and appease the higher-maintenance table sitters.

You do this by making sure you provide every prospect on your list the high-value content they need to get involved.

The main rule is to remember they are human — not just a pile of data. They breathe, and think and pay closer attention than you might think.

Talk to them like a good bartender would… once the crowd thins out and shouts have turned to mellow tones.

Listen to their problems. Offer wisdom without condescending. Attend to their needs patiently and expertly.  Let them find their best selves through you.

And whatever you do… don’t let that damn parrot into the bar. Nothing good is going to happen once he gets riled up.

Hey, you’ve been great. Enjoy Carrot Top!

Kevin

Saturday, 12:17pm
Reno, NV
“So what?” (Miles Davis)

Howdy…

Okay, I know I’m a few hours late delivering the answer to the very excellent Quiz #8.

I had writer’s block.  Just couldn’t think of what to write…

Kidding!  I’m joshing with you.

I apologize for the delay.  Simple matter of being abducted by friends and whisked off to an enjoyable Friday adventure.  I earned it, and knew you’d forgive me for being a tad late with the solution to the Quiz.  (You know it takes me several hours to concoct these posts, right?)

Let’s get down to it, then.

First: I want to thank, and congratulate, everyone who posted for the Quiz.  The threads on this blog are always energizing mini-riots of good critical thinking…

… along with a smattering of cleverness, sheer brilliance, pontificating idiocy, and (always) one or two utterly outraged comments from folks who wandered into the fray by accident.

I love it all.

As many have noted… the comment threads at this blog rival the actual posts for being fascinating reading.

There’s some smokin’-hot wisdom out there, for anyone paying attention.

Second:  Here is the answer to the Quiz question…

“Writer’s block is…

… a self-induced delusional state of undisciplined focus.

It is merely not knowing what to do next.”

Technically, it is a “real” affliction in the same way that — technically — you perhaps once thought that if only the lovely Susie Q would realize you were meant for each other, and tumble into your arms… then life would be perfect forever after.

It’s not true.  But it feels true to the afflicted.

(Susie Q would, of course, have broken your heart within weeks.)

I am decidedly biased on this issue.

And I’m right.

I’ve never had single moment of “writer’s block” in my life.

I have struggled to write well at times, but that’s not the same thing at all.  (And, later in this post,  I’ll give you a couple of tactics to muscle your way past those moments of struggle.)

If you read the entire thread in the Quiz comments section, you may have noticed that a number of fiction writers chimed in.  And they defended “writer’s block” like a warrior might show you battlefield scars.

“It’s real!  You’re not a real writer if you’ve never suffered from it!”

Now, I’ve lived in both worlds.  Long career in non-fiction writing (as a copywriter, and author of business books like “Kick-Ass Copywriting Secrets of a Marketing Rebel”)…

… and an equal period of time writing fiction.  (I’ve penned 3 novels, and have towering stacks of short stories in storage.)  (I’ve also written several hundred songs.)

And this straddling of professions has given me a very nuanced perspective of how people approach writing.

My last foray into fiction writing pretty much crushed my passion for getting a novel published.  Ten years ago, I took a break from the business world and focused on fiction for a while.

I attended a couple of very prestigious week-long fiction workshops (including the one in Lake Tahoe which produced Amy Tan and Kem Nunn — killer authors — and one of the oldest workshops, in Swanee, Tennessee).

Two things happened at every workshop:  First, as soon as folks learned that I was actually making money as a professional ad writer, I got swarmed.

I never met a writer — including the faculty — at any of these workshops who could support themselves with fiction.  (The best gig they could find was getting hired to teach “writing” in academia.)

A few actually wrote best-selling books.  Flurry of attention and fleeting fame, a couple of nice checks in the mail… and then back to starving.

I quickly realized that my fiction-writing was going to remain a sideline hobby, like playing music and cartooning.

Second:  As an already-successful professional writer, I realized I was a complete outsider amongst the throng of wannabe novelists at these workshops.

And it wasn’t just the fact I was rolling in dough as a freelancer.  (And was living off fat royalties while I dabbled in fiction during a year-long vacation.)

Nope.

The main reason I didn’t fit in with the other folks at the workshop…

… was my work ethic.

I was used to meeting deadlines.  I took writing seriously, and I studied the essentials of getting my work done (so I could collect those fees that made clients faint).

This is important: The vast majority of wannabe novelists I met didn’t actually want to write.

They wanted to have already written a great novel… so they could enjoy what they thought was the confidence, respect and romantic life of a published author.

I remain stunned at this attitude.

Writers write.  You earn respect — it isn’t bestowed upon you like an award for being a nice person.

And if there’s any “romance” to writing… it comes either before or after the actual task of sitting at your desk and working.

Don’t get me wrong.  Being a pro writer is the best gig on the planet.

Well, next to being a rock star guitarist, I suppose.

But in both cases… you’re working your ass off.  Yes, there are rewards.  Yes, it’s a blast to carve out a niche among your peers as a wicked-good producer of the real stuff.

And yes, to outsiders it can look like a cushy, easy job.

Get past that illusion.

You build up your chops through experience and discipline.  The professionals code is simple:  “When there’s money on the line, you show up where you’re supposed to be, when you said you’d be there… having done what you said you’d do.”

For a writer, that means you meet your hard deadlines… with the best stuff you’re capable of producing.  (”Soft” deadlines, which do not impact the client’s project, are different animals… as I’ve frequently discussed.  You should always have multiple soft deadlines prior to every hard deadline.  “Hard” means final… as in meeting printing deadlines, launch schedules, and any other deadline where — if it’s missed — disaster looms.)  (This attitude, of never missing hard deadlines, still separates the rookies from the trusted pro’s in business.)

And you meet your critical deadlines every time.

Writer’s block?

Complete bullshit.

It’s just a matter of not having prepared yourself for the task.

Here’s a clue: The very first step in the Simple Writing System is…

… research.

You learn everything you can about the market you’re writing to.   Who the competition is, what they’re doing right and what they’re doing wrong, what’s new, what’s over and done with, where the opportunities are.

The second step: Get into the head of your prospect.  Research the emotional, physiological, spiritual and psychological needs, wants and world-view of the folks you’re going to persuade.

There are 17 steps, total, in the System.  And every last one of them rest on the practical information you get through research.  (Which is easy, and even enjoyable, once you know what you’re doing.)

So, when you’re finally ready to sit down and “write”… you know where you’re going, who you’re going after…

… and what you need to write to accomplish it all.

Somehow, people get the notion (even at fancy, expensive fiction workshops) that inspiration has something to do with writing.

So they sit down at the keyboard, stare at the blank monitor…

… and despair.

This is beyond dumb.  It’s suicidal, if there’s money on the line.

It is exactly like flying to a strange city… agreeing to meet someone at a restaurant downtown… and then hopping in a car to drive there…

… without an address, or a GPS, or a map, or even advice on where you’re going.

You’ll freeze up at the first cross-street.  Do you go left?  Right?  Straight?

You don’t know.  You have no clue where you’re going.

Preparing to write something means you’ll never sit there staring at the blank screen.

Your research is your address, GPS, and map.

The tactics and tips you learn from guys like me are the advice on getting there.

Want some practical, professional advice right now?

Here’s what pro-level writers do:

1. Take lots of notes. Most of the “real” writers I know (those making a living at it) always carry a pen a notebook around with them.

They take long walks, long showers, long naps… letting all that deep research they’ve done settle and gurgle inside their cerebral cortex…

… where, eventually, it will burble up in the form of “a-HA!” hooks, headline ideas, and overall narration strategies.

This is not inspiration.  This is going deep into a subject, so your brain gets deeply involved.

You don’t sit down to write until your fingers are twitching, desperate to hit the keyboard and start the process of getting all these “cooked notes” written out.

And you work yourself into that state by prepping.  It’s active, not reactive.

2. Don’t even try to write “finished copy” right off the bat.

Your first draft should look like a disaster.  Just disgorge everything haphazardly onto the page.  Don’t sweat adjectives, or grammar, or any of the niceties of a finished piece.

Pro writers know that writing is re-writing.

Get it down.  Go back and edit.  Then edit again.  And again.

Inspiration is great, I suppose.  I’ve never experienced it.  Nor have any of the famous writer’s I’ve met and hung out with.

Writing is just translating a story (or a pitch) into words.  You develop the skills of doing this through experience.

3. Don’t start at the beginning.

The classic notion of “writer’s block” is sitting at your desk, staring hopelessly at a blank page.

Here’s another hint: Most writers don’t start on page one.

With sales copy, the headline is seldom the first thing you write.  I usually start out by writing bullets — those nuggets of info and insight that normally don’t appear in an ad until way after page one.

This helps me get hip to the essence of the product I’m writing about.  Often, my headline and opening paragraphs will come from the bullets.

Or I’ll slam out the guarantee first.  Or the close.

Or a few subheads.  It’s okay to ease into the process… as long as you’re actually writing.

A good piece of writing is actually multiple — and very different — sections of thought smoothly connected together…

… in a process.

Not one inspired session of writing, starting with “It was a dark and stormy night…” and moving through each sentence thereafter in a single flow until you triumphantly type out “The End.”

It’s more like a ridiculously-simple jigsaw puzzle.  Imagine one cut into just 17 pieces (instead of the 200 most are).

You know what the final result should look like (more or less), and so each piece you handle has an obvious destination.  You don’t need to start in the upper left corner, and work from there.

You can start anywhere.  You know where you’re going.

(And, yes, you may end up tossing entire chunks, or rewriting so severely that the 3rd edit looks nothing like the 2nd… and, occasionally, you may burn an entire manuscript.  All part of getting to where you need to go.  Don’t panic at ANY stage, as long as you’re moving forward.)

Okay?

Writer’s block is not a lie.  Not even a myth (one of the most common answers given).

It’s bullshit… but it afflicts people nonetheless.

It is simple a matter of not knowing what to do next.

Easily solved… once you start getting good advice, and maybe get some decent coaching.  (To get your hands on the Simple Writing System — obviously a great choice of training — go here: www.simplewritingsystem.com.)

The winners:

This is good.  After all my efforts to spread the wealth (and the prizes) around…

… the FIRST GUY TO POST won.

So, congrats to Henry Bingaman.  Nice, tidy answer that shows he understands the process of writing.

The second winner… the eleventh to post the right answer… is:

Stephan Erdman.  Entry number 62.

Good job, guys.

My overworked assistant, Diane, will be contacting you about sending over the two prizes — the Power Words compendium, and the “11 Quick Marketing Fixes” checklist.

That was fun, no?

Everybody wins, because engaging your brain in critical thinking — especially when you’re challenging your belief systems and superstitions and flawed ideology — is an essential step in becoming a killer writer.

We’ll have to do this again, soon.

I gotta split now.

Stay frosty,

John