Monday, 3:32pm
Visalia, CA
“Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty.” (Sicilian proverb)

Howdy…

I’m handing the blog over to our good buddy Jimbo Curley again this week.  He’s done several guest posts, all hilarious, all excellent insight and info for marketers, writers and anyone in biz.

Jim and I go back a looooooooong time.  And my favorite story of how we became brawling colleagues is included here — this tale sends grown men into gasping fits of laughter whenever Jimbo re-tells it in the bar (where, during seminars, all the REAL networking and professional bonding takes place).  Last week, it was the Phoenix Hilton, for Joe Polish’s and Dean Jackson’s shockingly-good “I Love Marketing” event.

So this is fresh stuff.

Jim’s the real thing.  A top, consistently smokin’ hot copywriter and a keen observer of human behavior (and buying psychology).  He’s an original teacher in the Simple Writing System, and one of the very few writers I’ve personally asked to write FOR me.

This post is must-reading for anyone wondering how their latest and greatest ad is gonna do in the real world.

Warning: Do NOT drink coffee while reading this.  Or you’ll snort it through your nose during the funny parts.  Which is funny in itself, the image of hundreds of readers all over the globe spitting up coffee at their desks at the same time, courtesy of a master storyteller.

Okay, you’ve been warned.

Here’s Jimbo:

Thanks for the intro John.

I’ll dive right in.

Today I want to talk about a Street-Marketing lesson I call “How to take it in the shorts… and love it”.

It’s about how to get qualified critiques for your writing.

First, I’ll hit you with the big setup statement.

Here it is: Writers do not work in teams.

Stay with me on this.

Because while you can divvy up the many tasks necessary for creating a new product… building a house… or robbing a bank…

… you CAN’T do that with writing good copy.

Yes, it’s true that writers often spend time collaborating with dubious friends in coffee shops and bars…

… throwing back shots, playing grab-ass, expressing deep and passionate opinions about things they’d LIKE to write about…

… but let’s face it, THAT is not writing.

That is a little something known as “fun”.

Writing, on the other hand — the actual process of putting words onto a page — is work…

… done by ONE person…

… alone…

… inside his or her own head.

Ernest Hemingway did not whip off chapters while harpooning whales off Nantucket Island or slugging down Orujo with his buddies at a Spanish bullfight.

No. He did it like the rest of us mortals have to…

…in front of a keyboard or putting pen to paper… pounding out copy…

…alone… alone… alone.

Take a moment and allow that idea to settle-in.

It’s important, because the solitaire nature of writing creates a unique problem — especially for the new writer.

It’s something I call the “Blind Spot” effect — that strange phenomena that blocks the writer from actually seeing his or her own work.

It’s kinda like gazing into mirror. While you may be looking at the exact same face that everyone else does…

… you somehow just don’t SEE your face. You know exactly what everyone else looks like, but you don’t know what YOU look like… until other people clue you in.

Weird, huh?

It’s like Kent Jankowski… a silly, clumsy, likable kid that I knew from Catholic grade school in Wisconsin.

When he wasn’t getting slapped around by the nuns, he was busy tripping over his own shoelaces during basketball practice.

Well, in junior-high something wonderful happened to Kent.

High levels of testosterone and good genes transformed his oversized bulbous head from a featureless ball of silly-putty…

… into a perfectly-proportioned chiseled block of marble.

He quite suddenly became a handsome specimen of young manhood, complete with beard stubble and — cue audible gasp from his longtime pals — flocks of lovely young ladies cooing after him.

As he strolled by me one day with the gorgeous Jan Flowers hooked on his arm, a giddy Jankowski leaned toward me and whispered…

“Curley… check it out… Jan Flowers!  Vroom-vroom…”

It was good to see that goofy kid still existed just below the surface.

Anyway… my point is that Jankowski discovered he was a hot commodity not because he was able to judge his own looks in the mirror.

Nope. It was because young women were telling him with words and actions.

This is a little something called “feedback”.

And it’s exactly the same with your writing.

Only the most accomplished and experienced writers can even begin to truly “see” and judge their own work.

I’ve been a working writer for over 25 years and STILL have trouble with blind spots… and absolutely depend on review and feedback.

Problem is, most writers have no clue on WHO to turn to for this kind of critique work.

Okay, here’s a quick story that’ll spell out the FOUR types of feedback available to you.

I’ll keep it brief.  When I was about 10 years old, I spent an afternoon in my room sketching out a pencil drawing of a horse.  (Drawing is a lot like writing… a solitary activity fraught with creative blindspots).

And the masterpiece I created was so amazing… and so near to touching the face of genius itself… that I simply HAD to show it around to various friends and family members.

What happened next taught me a valuable lesson on differentiating between the various kinds of criticism.

I won’t waste your time with all the details, but generally, the feedback I received fell into these categories:

1. Mom. She told me my artwork was “wonderful”, thus confirming everything I already suspected about my killer horse-drawing skills.

2. The older neighbor kid. He said the drawing was “stupid” and that I was wasting my time because I was stupid too.

3. My favorite uncle. He told me that he very much liked the “doggie” that I drew…

4. The big brother. He pointed out that the horse’s legs were drawn way too short, thus making it look like a mutant dog.

In general, those are the four types of criticism that you will face too. Let’s cover each of them in a little more detail.

1. First, mom.

Her response was predictable… to lavish praise on me no matter what.  I could’ve drawn a picture of our house burning to the ground with my siblings hanging lifeless from the windows and her response would have been “very nice. Keep up the good work.”

Yes, it’s comforting to know that people love you enough to lie to your face under any circumstances.

Serial killers have mom’s who still love and support them, (“He had nothing to do with those 12 dead people in his basement…”).

But you simply can’t trust the “mom’s” in your life for honest feedback and constructive criticism. Getting a pat on the back for lousy work will NOT help you improve.

2. The older neighbor kid — or what I call the “Eddie Haskell” critic — gets his kicks out of mocking others. He does it for various reasons — jealously, pettiness, envy, sadism, whatever. Who knows.

This type of critic is usually interested in making sure that you don’t make him look bad, and he’s quite prepared to throw a wrench into your gears to stop that from happening.

Learn to recognize these people (it isn’t hard), don’t solicit their opinion, and simply ignore their criticisms.  (Side note from John: The business world is crammed with Eddie Haskell’s like this, folks.  Never, ever, ever underestimate the potential level of jealousy, pettiness, envy and outright cruel sadism undergirding opinions you get from others.)

3. Next… the good-natured uncle, or what I call “from the mouths of babes”. This can actually be quite useful feedback. In fact, if you’re like most new writers, this is probably the only useful kind of critique available to you.

It’s “from the hip” comments that can pull back the curtain and shed some light on your blind spots.

For example, a few years back, I was raking leaves on a cold and windy autumn day. After a couple hours I finished up, bagged-up the leaf piles, and returned into the house.

As I removed my shoes, my 4-year-old grandson looked up at me with a puzzled expression and said:  ”Grandpa… you look like a clown.”

I was shocked.  A clown? What the…

I knew the boy couldn’t be openly insulting me… for Pete’s sake, he was 4 years old.

I glance into the hallway in the mirror and — sure enough — my small tan beanie-hat, windblown hair, and red nose made it look like I was ready to pile out of a miniature car with 35 other friends.

For a writer, this kind of honest feedback can be pure gold.

Because when well-intentioned people inadvertently blurt out untrammeled insights — it can provide you quick inroads to trouble areas of your work.

I mean, if a favorite uncle thought my horse was a dog… or an innocent child said I looked like a clown… well, it makes no sense to argue with that kind of insight. (“Damn you, Uncle, that’s a horse not a dog…”).

Instead, set aside your ego and USE the feedback.  This is where the cool, ego-less attitude of the real professional comes in.

In direct response writing, especially, you can glean stunningly-useful information this way.

For example: I often plop down my copy in front of people I consider to be a perfect prospect for the product I’m writing about.

I KNOW I have a winner when they ask if they too can buy the product.

In one instance my unsuspecting subject asked how the client “could afford to give away so many free bonuses”. I knew right then and there that at least THAT part of the ad copy was effective.

But here’s the thing: You should not DEPEND on this kind of “from the mouths of babes” feedback. It’s hit or miss and is almost never followed up with concrete advice.

Which brings me to the fourth kind of critic:

4. The older brother… or what I call “The Mentor”.

Okay… let’s be clear about something. When it comes to direct sales copywriting, there’s usually serious money on the line…

… building websites, PPC campaigns, banner ads, shopping carts, hosting, not to mention the hard costs of producing the product itself (including paying the writer, if you’re using a hired gun).

Which means there’s a mountain of pressure on the writer. The ad must perform.

Split testing and continual tweaking will later on help direct and focus the pitch, yes. Wonderful stuff, testing.

However… for the original out-of-the-chute version, you’ve got to start somewhere. You need the raw first effort, to be able to test or tweak.

Which, for the pro writer… means you’re coming up with your best initial “shot in the dark” control piece.

And, with so much on the line… and with you as the only one critiquing the writing at this point… means you need an outside opinion on your work.

Your top-choice option is of course to seek out expert advice from someone who understands the sales process… and can give you specific constructive criticism.

Like my older brother, a self-professed artist, who pointed out the horse’s legs were too short.

THAT is specific constructive criticism.

Or John Carlton.

Some 15 years ago — when we first met — John had me rip-up an ad that I had worked on for over four days.

Our telephone conversation went something like this:

“Hi John. Did you get the ad I faxed you?”

“Yes Jim, I got it. Could you please print it off while we’re on the phone here?”

“I’ve got it open on my computer, John. I’m looking at the ad right now.”

“Good.  Print it off anyway.”

“Uh, John… I could make any edits right here on the computer.”

“No. Print it.”

“Okay… one second.”  Sound of printer clanking away.

“You have it printed yet?”

“Yes, John, I got it.”

“Are you holding in your hands?”

“Yes, John. I’ve got it in my hand right now.”

“Good. Now tear the piece of shit up.”

“What?”

“You heard me. I said tear it up.”

“(sigh) Uh… okay John, I get it. It’s not very good…”

“No-no-no. Jimbo… you’re still not hearing me. Listen very carefully. I want you to set down the phone, hold that copy up to the receiver, and tear it up. I want to HEAR you tearing it up. I would also ask you to burn it, but I’m afraid you’d probably torch your whole damn office in the process.”

I did exactly what he demanded and tore it to shreds.

After that, John started improvising a sales message straight off the top of his head which was a hundred times better than what I had worked on for four long days.

Over the next months John continued to provide me deep insights and feedback on everything I wrote.

He taught me the advanced 17-point layout of a sales message… tricks to overcoming sales-killing objections… how to drive home the most important selling points… super-persuasive bullet-writing tips… how to establish proper voice and cadence… and on and on.

Thus began my road to fortune and fame. Writing sales copy, I learned, is a very specific and delicate process that would NOT come to me in my sleep.

I needed to learn it through coaching and mentoring.

John’s become a lot nicer in his old age. But it was my willingness to accept tough constructive criticism that ultimately allowed me to move forward.  (John used to be oh-so-proud of occasionally making clients cry during his “tough love” consultations… and it’s hilarious to see some of those clients brag about it later, wearing their tears like badges. “Carlton made me cry once.  Thank God I had the sense to get past the pain of that reality check, and implement what he was telling me…”  He’s not a mean guy — in fact, he’s way too generous with his advice and help — but he will not waste time soothing anyone’s ego when money’s on the line, or the future of a business venture.  So, while he’s mellowed somewhat, he’ll still kick your freakin’ butt when you deserve it.)

I now make a very comfortable living from the skills he taught me. You can too.

It’s like something I read from screen writing expert Syd Fields.  He pointed out that there was an extreme SHORTAGE of screenwriters in Hollywood.

What? Shortage of screenwriters in Hollywood? Heck, didn’t every waitress and delivery boy in LA have a tattered script tucked away in their hip pocket ready to whip-out at a moment’s notice?

Yes, Syd acknowledged that WAS the case.

But his point was this: There are very few QUALIFIED screen writers… people who know the craft, understand how to tell a story… and are capable of formatting a script so that a producer can use it as a blueprint to actually MAKE a movie.

It’s the same with writing effective sales message.

There is an extreme SHORTAGE of good direct response writers.

Which means you and other copywriters are now faced with enormous opportunity.

And there’s something else working to your advantage too:  Today, almost all online markets are extremely vulnerable.

It’s true. Prove it to yourself. Take 20 minutes and cruise the internet. The place is a direct marketer’s wet-dream… and yet it’s top-heavy with poor or non-existent sales copy.

Which means one well-written sales campaign could easily high-jack and dominate any one of these markets.

This is once-in-a-lifetime stuff… like strolling the gold fields of California in 1848 deciding which one you’ll tap into.

The downside: History has shown that gaps like this fill up fast. But right now, as it sits, anyone possessing even crude skills to create effective sales copy can crush the competition for their own product…

… or for the products of countless fumbling industries.

But it all hinges on your willingness to set aside the ego and accept some simple construction feedback and coaching advice…

… from someone other than your mom.

Fortune awaits you… but it won’t wait forever.

For better marketing,

Jimmy Curley

P.S. John here again.

Did you spit up coffee?

I’ve seen a lot of people snort stuff out through their nose upon hearing that “Now, tear it up” tale for the first time.  And it’s all true.  (Also true: I’ve mellowed.  A bit.)

Now…

… if you, too, want to learn all the details (and inside sneaky shortcuts) to writing sales message at the same scary level that respected experts like Jimbo (and all the other writers I’ve helped) now regularly perform at…

… then get your butt over to the Simple Writing System right now.

Just go here:

Finally learn the pro-level secrets of writing sales copy… fast, simple and easy.

Just check it out, okay?  See what you’ve been missing.

P.P.S. Also, if you want to see what kind of Tough Love gets ladled out during a standard phone consultation with me, just pop up to the Consulting tab up at the top of this page, and follow the simple instructions for contacting my assistant Diane.

Monday, 8:28pm
Reno, NV
“Just take those old records off the shelf, I’ll sit n’ listen to ‘em by myself…” (Bob Seger)

Howdy…

At the end of this post, I’ll explain how you can win a bitchin’ prize that will make you the envy of all your friends forever.

First, though — let’s learn something about marketing to humans, whadya say?

Here’s two quick “how to deal with the screaming chaos” tips for everyone in business today who’s just a tad freaked-out at the way things seem to changing so damned FAST:

Screaming Chaos-Dealing Tip #1: If you’re older, you need to cultivate solid relationships with younger folks who can help you understand the Zeitgeist of the dominant culture out there.  (Yes, even if you hate it.  Especially if you hate it, actually.)

And I’m not talking about having your nephew program your TV remote while you mow the lawn.

Nope.  I’m talking about entrepreneur-minded young adults, who just happen to be totally wired into the Grid…

… and can translate current trends while offering you some solid, smart perspective.

And…

Screaming Chaos-Dealing Tip #2: If you’re a young entrepreneur, you need to cultivate relationships with geezers who can give you some perspective on how we GOT to this current state of affairs.

Key thing to remember: You must limit your cross-generational relationships to smart, aware, and open-minded people.

Which means you’re fishing in a VERY tiny pool.

For the most part, the generations despise each other.  Partly because of the tendency for folks to stay within their peer group both socially and economically… and partly because most old farts get grumpy, and most young studs develop an intolerable arrogance right after their first flush of pubescence.

I was an arrogant little punk when I was young.  And I remember meeting some girl’s father at a party, who took me aside twice during the evening.  The first time to admonish me (with finger waggling in my face) for having long hair and a bad attitude (and I did), which he insisted was gonna ruin my chances for living a good life (and also negate any chance I had with dating his daughter)…

… and the second time — after he’d drained a bottle of Scotch — he took me aside to tearfully explain how much he wished he was young again (sob, choke) and how us kids had it right about life while his generation was a pack of fools…

… and could I maybe move in with him and his wife and daughter, cuz I was such a wonderful, awesome dude?  (I respectfully declined.)

That pretty much summed up my youthful insight toward the elder generation: Conflicted, embarrassingly creepy when they tried to “rap” with us, and kinda sloppy with the booze.

And I hoped I died before I got old.

Then, one day I was in a big business meeting… and realized I was ten years older than the next oldest entrepreneur in the room.  I had, in what seemed like a freakin’ blink, gone from the young hotshot kid in the room, to the grizzled veteran guy.  Twenty years had passed.

Lemme tell you, I now have some solid respect for the weirdness that is growing older in American culture.

My saving grace is that I’ve never been an “ageist” — defined as someone who discriminates against others on the basis of age.  It’s a stupid concept… but the culture kind of ensures it happens, because there are precious few chances for the generations to legitimately interact and fairly judge each other.

I lucked out.  Back in college, my anthropology prof forced us to get out into the community, find people in the very late stages of life… and record their stories.  (Or flunk her course.  She was an early mentor, and knew how to get stuff done, tell you what.)

THAT was a genuine wake-up call for me. The older generation wasn’t much for trying to communicate with the younger one, and vice versa… (our motto:  ”Don’t trust anyone over 30″)…

… and yet, once all the bullshit labels were yanked away, and real listening occurred…

… well, hell.  These were fascinating people, brimming with life experience I could only hope to encounter myself.  And they had fallen in love, suffered tragedy, made mistakes, lucked into a few good things, and had adventures that made the sci-fi stuff I was devouring look shallow and dull.

It’s not across the board, of course.  Some people never do anything worth telling a story about, and others are just plain boring zombies mad at the world.

But then, this applies equally to many of your peer group, no matter what age you are, or what segment of the socio-economic-ethnic culture you’re from.

So it’s important to always be on the lookout for people of all stripes and thinking that can add value to your life.  Regardless of anything else that defines them.  The real wealth in this all-too-short ride is to enjoy the full gamut of what’s on the menu.

And this brings us to the subject of this post.

Which is very much NOT earth-shaking…

… but is, rather, one of those interesting “little pieces of psychology” that nevertheless work their way into the top of your Bag Of Tricks as a salesman.

The lesson here will help any marketer trying to reach across the generational divide… and give you a hint as to how people have changed in the actual ways they measure each other up.

Here’s the story: Michele’s nephew David is (and I can back this up) among the savviest and most intensely-geared-toward-success entrepreneurs of his generation.  And he’s in his mid-twenties, for cryin’ out loud.

He’s my go-to dude whenever I have questions about how the younger generation thinks and acts.  (His biz is Next Big Sound, a company he started while still at Northwestern that is working with all the big music companies.  It’s basically a focal point online to measure how hot new bands spread their music far and wide.  Very hip, very ultra-modern, very cutting-edge… and taking complete advantage of the Web.)

And yeah, David has helped me program much of the various computerized and mechanical crap I’ve stuffed into my office.  (He’s been a life-saver, especially when I switched from PC to Mac.)

He is as deeply grounded in his generation’s psyche and habits as anyone you’ll meet.

And I’m a glutton for observing the cerebral changes constantly happening in our culture. I like to find sneaky shortcuts to understanding how people in my target markets THINK and ACT.

So… while the following may seem trivial to some readers…

… let me assure you that the underlying psychology is profound for any marketer looking to connect with an audience.

Here’s the exchange David and I had a short time ago:

Yo, David…

In my time (last century), you could walk into someone’s living quarters, spend 5 minutes perusing their record collection and the books on their shelves…

… and pretty much know what you needed to know about them.  Straight, square, hip, cool, interesting, or boring.  (Or how much dough they had, based on the number of new albums vs. used record store buys.) (And how obsessive they were, by how well they treated their collections, and what kind of stereo/turntable/components they had.)

For example: A single Carpenter’s record (or a Yanni cassette) was like 3 straight strikes, if you were dating.  And more than one Yes album (or not owning Dark Side of the Moon) was a sure clue you were dealing with a nerd.

So…

… is there an equivalent for YOUR generation?  Do you hop on Facebook and check out anything specific, say, the way my gen studied albums and bookshelves?

Seems like most iTunes libraries are too large, and too casual, to get much info.  But maybe I’m wrong.

See, my generation didn’t spend money easily.  If you bought an album, you agonized over it.  It meant something.  Same with books.

Now, at 99cents per tune, your Iggy Pop and Queens of the Stone Age mixes don’t necessarily mean you even like the music.  Does it?

Or would you look for more general things, like emo, or trance, or hip hop vs rock, or something like that?

Thanks.  This might be a great blog post (for my generation, and for the marketers in yours).

John

David’s reply (and I’ve left his random capitalization and slang intact… another clue to his gen’s writing style, which reflects their agile thinking processes):

Hi John.

Spoke with a friend about this yesterday and debated the various cultural things we consume that also represent us… came up with a few things:

iTunes library / iPod

What’s in someone’s iTunes library doesn’t mean anything. Our libraries have gotten so stuffed with random hard drive dumps of music over the past 10 years that browsing someone’s library is impossible (it’s too big) and determining their taste from that selection sucks. You nailed it with the ‘costs money to buy an album’ argument that used to hold true, now everything’s so free/cheap there isn’t enough scarcity for it to matter. That is, until you sort someone’s library by play count. Seeing the Top 100 songs someone has listened to is totally telling. Which leads into…

last.fm scrobbling

Last.fm is a sort of popular social network around music that CBS bought for a ton of money a few years back ($280mil). It’s pretty simple – anywhere I listen to music that has the ability to ‘scrobble’ reports to last.fm what I’m listening to and then shows me all sorts of cool stats and my musical affinity with another person. It’s always a good proxy for if I’ll get along with someone.  Here’s my profile: http://www.last.fm/user/dodecasyllabic

fragmentation/long tail/top 40/the radio/the internet

After writing all that I realized two things. There’s been so much talk about the long tail and the internet fragmenting things and there never being another Johnny Carson because how the hell would all of america crowd around our TVs all the time when we have the internet now. That’s the first thing – there’s some fundamental thing that prevents massive selling albums and everyone the same age liking similar stuff. But the second thing is that I think there are really two types of people – those that still listen to the radio and know what’s on the Top 40 and those that only consume via the internet and have no idea what’s ‘popular’. There’s hybrids, of course, but that’s the bigger thing that separates people now – are they ‘internet’ people or normals? My view is probably skewed since I’m pretty much always surrounded by internet people – they find their music on Mp3 blogs and Hype Machine and started subscribing early to rdio like I did.

what blogs they follow in google reader

Seeing what someone chooses to read on a regular basis, and if they choose to read on a regular basis beyond facebook status updates and gossip sites at all, is pretty big.

who they follow on twitter

I like seeing who I follow in common with someone on twitter. That’s telling. They opt-in to these streams… and who they choose says a lot, i think..

So is there an equivalent in my generation? no, probably not. and that’s a bit unfortunate… but you figure it out pretty quickly by putting some music on and seeing how they react. lucky for me I always have an excuse to talk about music because of NBS and that helps figure it out quickly…

David

All right… so is this a huge wake-up call for marketers?

Perhaps… if you’ve been cross-marketing to generations and you hadn’t yet realized how differently each one “measures up” new people.  Or communicates with their peers.

The main lesson: You’re never gonna be totally hip to someone in a different generation.

I mean, I still think the current crop of pop stars are embarrassingly untalented twits… and I will never, ever understand how rap became a cultural mainstay.  (Though I like hip-hop.)

And this comes from a guy who — in my own youth — worshipped garage bands who could barely play their instruments (the Seeds, the Stones, the Ramones, etc)…

… and who remained oblivious of my father’s discontent with “that damn racket“, which was so awfully different than the smooth swing jazz he grew up with in the 40s.

Still… you should try to at least know the fundamentals of how current market segments communicate (or fail to communicate) with each other.  And how peer groups spread the message on anything (your old-school “word of mouth”).

Just don’t be that old guy with a comb-over trying to be hip around the kids, getting all your slang wrong.  (“Hey, kiddo’s, I’m a hip jivester, too, gimme some skin, man…”)

And please — if you’re a kid — don’t tell me your favorite Beatle’s song is “Yellow Submarine” and expect that to start any kind of bonding process.  I was Kinks’ kinda dude, anyway…

PRIZE!

Okay, time for the game.

Here’s the task, and reward: The first person to name all the albums in the photo up top, in the comments section (don’t try to trump anyone by going to Facebook, now)…

… wins a free copy of my book “Kick-Ass Copywriting Secrets of a Marketing Rebel“… personally signed by me.  You’ll be the coolest kid on your block.

This is easily the toughest task I’ve ever had in this blog.  Some of those albums are freakin’ obscure… and there are a couple where all you can see are small bits of the cover.  (If I have to start dropping hints, I’ll start in a day or so.)

I imagine some Boomer who lived a life parallel to mine will scoop this one quickly.  Or some kid who grew up surrounded by Daddy’s tattered album collections…

Anyway, the comment section is open for any thread you wanna start, besides the contest.

Got any good stories or tactics to share on quickly evaluating someone?

Stay frosty,

John

P.S. I might be a big slow to respond in the comments — next week is Golf Week with my old pal and partner Stan Dahl.  Five days of scurrying around the finest links we can locate, with no distractions.

We’ve done this every year for around 15 years now.  Done it in Key West, Los Angeles, San Diego, Orlando, Phoenix, the California coast near Big Sur, Tahoe, Las Vegas…

… all over the freakin’ map.  It’s killer fun.  And I knew we were on to a good tradition when I noticed that other golfers we mentioned Golf Week to always got this misty-eyed look, obviously wishing they could come along.  Or have their own tradition going.

Ah, the stories Stan and I have.  Can’t share ‘em here, of course.

Still, I’ll be checking in through the wonders of the World Wide Web.  So, carry on.

Sunday, 3:25
Tampa Bay, Florida
“So I said to the captain, please bring me my wine… he said we haven’t had that spirit here since 1969…” (Hotel California, of course)

Howdy.

Another guest blog post here (while I’m off to get ready for the totally awesome Action Seminar down in sunny San Diego this coming weekend)…

… by our good friend (and notorious freelance copywriter) Kevin Rogers.

I asked him to share the stories below, because they cracked me up when he first told them to me…

… and I realized the lessons for entrepreneurs here are just as solid as the stuff I picked up (early in my own career) from the street-wise salesmen I hung around.

Those real-world lessons from the dudes who knew how to close a deal face-to-face are critical to any decent sales process… even if you’re completely digital and never actually meet your prospects in the flesh.

This stuff is pure gold.  So listen up.  Here’s Kevin…

Thanks, John.

Okay, let me tell you a story about why bellmen don’t mind wearing those goofy uniforms at busy hotels and resorts… and how the lessons I learned in the job fit so well in the entrepreneurial world.

It’s true.  One of the most eye-opening jobs I held in my previous life — before freelance copywriting — was as a main entrance bellman here in Florida.

I learned more about “street-smart selling” in my short time in that role than from any other gig, including stand-up comic, bartender, or even Marketing VP of an online real estate company.

Here’s why…

To make any money at bellhopping, you’ve got to master the careful art of qualifying your prospects. This is ultimately where any business lives or dies.

And there’s really no difference between doing it online or live in the flesh.

Everything you need to know about your best customers takes place in the short trip from “curb to curtains” as we used to call the guest-vetting process in the hotel biz.

The entire exchange might last only seven minutes, but, done right, could easily lead to an extra fifty, a hundred or even $300 in cash (my personal best) from just one guest.  (That guest was an NFL legend, too… and I’ll share the tale with you in a moment.  Killer lesson for marketers…)

Yet, as crucial as knowing the inner workings of your prospect is… one of the most perplexing questions for any marketer I consult with remains: “Who is your ideal customer?”

I’ve watched high profile marketing “gurus” crumble to bits at this simple question.

Of course, nobody wakes up one day with this knowledge… and, like anything worth doing, you’ve got to be willing to engage with life to learn the most valuable lessons.  And make the mistakes you may need to make in order to figure it all out.

I remember the first time (as a wet-behind-the-ears rookie) the other bellman generously allowed me to greet a pair of guests pulling up the hotel drive in a Mercedes Benz.

“This one’s all you, dude,” said the bell captain.

“Seriously? It’s not even my up,” I said, grabbing the shiniest cart.  Oh, boy, I thought.  These guests just reeked of cash.

“It’s cool, man… go get ‘em.”

I spent a full 25 minutes coddling Mr. & Mrs. Mercedes… filling their ice bucket, carefully hanging garments and fielding a barrage of questions about where they could eat while accommodating their “special diets” — even offering to score them VIP discounts at the best restaurants…

… only to be handed a juicy tip of ONE dollar.

I returned to the lobby to find the other bellman smirking as he hustled along his second or third guest since I’d left.

I’d just learned my first real-world lesson in customer profiling.

Now, profiling may be a taboo tactic at airport security, but on a sales floor it’s pure survival tactic.

True… most guys named Mohammed are NOT security threats, and long-haired dudes aren’t always crotching a bag of weed…

… but, for some reason, 99% of older couples driving Mercedes sedans ARE guaranteed to tip their bellman one measly dollar. (Test results over my bellman career were very consistent.)

The gig got more fun once I escaped the downtown Hilton and finagled my way into the most prestigious 5-star resort in town — an elegant beachfront castle called the Don CeSar that felt straight out of Casablanca, with a lobby that screamed “easy livin’”.  (It’s the swanky place behind me in the above photo.)

This time, the lessons arrived a little easier.  The suave, veteran resort bellhops took pity on the rookie, and taught me how to get beyond the confines of the “Gopher” uniform…

… force the guests to look me in the eye…

… and collect the big bucks by providing what it was they really wanted from their stay.

This was my first lesson in becoming, as John often preaches: “The Adult in the Room”.  The person who commands respect (no matter what you’re wearing) and puts clients at ease… while delivering the goods that fit the prospect’s needs like a glove.

There is a simple 3-step process to becoming the Adult in the Room (to steal John’s phrase).  I first developed my version of it in my bellman gig… and this process can help any marketer better serve their customers, make loads more money and build a business that lasts.

In fact, with a little practice, it can guide any entrepreneur or freelance service provider to earn new levels of respect (the key to commanding top fees) from appreciative clients.

Here are the steps:

Step One: Find a starving market, then dig in deep.

Gary Halbert famously said that given the choice of any one advantage when opening a hamburger stand, he’d choose “a starving crowd.”

That’s one of those head-slapping marketing fundamentals that still gets overlooked, at the cost of fortunes, even by entrepreneurs who should know better.

McDonald’s didn’t become McDonald’s by setting out to make the world’s best hamburger. They got there by setting up grills and cash registers in the most trafficked areas on the planet.

Online (especially if you’re selling info products) you’re not going to make your best money serving cheap stuff to the masses.  That model works to an extent, but if you’re after the major bucks, you’ll want to identify the “whales” in the crowd (or, as Halbert called ‘em, “Players With Money”).

To pull this off, you do want to attract the largest amount of prospects possible into your world (i.e. your sales funnel)… so you can start the identification process… and that means giving away irresistible freebies.

As a bellman, we knew the plum opportunities were at the joints bustling with customers (not the places with crickets chirping in the lobby, no matter how famous the name).  And then, once we scored a position in the heart of the starving crowds (even in those starched Gopher uniforms that made us look like AWOL soldiers from the city of Oz) we learned to instantly sift through the “freebee seekers” and identify the best prospects… and get busy.

Here’s how…

Step Two: Provide value and open a dialogue.

For bellmen, the ultimate “elevator chat” occurs just after check-in, while escorting guests to their rooms.

This is akin to welcoming visitors to your squeeze page… where your job is, first, to discover what your best prospects really want (that they often aren’t even thinking of yet)… and then, to be that person who delivers it to them.

Some examples from the hotel:

If it’s a family and they plan to visit the amusement parks… we would hook ‘em up with discount tickets and shuttle service, remind them to bring sunscreen (and even score them free samples), and be their best friendly contact in the hotel.

If it was a “Big Dog” presenting at a seminar… we’d help them get a suit cleaned, shoes polished, a massage therapist, inform him or her of the hours and services available at the business center (a move that could very well save their ass if they woke up to find their speech was left in a different brief case or in a laptop with no power chord).  (And ass-saved customers, as any good salesman knows, can be very appreciative.)

If it was a single dude attending the company’s yearly awards seminar, we’d waste no time pointing him to the nearest… ahem… “gentleman’s” club. (Again, our field tests over the years were very conclusive.)

The key is to discover, within a few casual questions, what you can provide that your guest may not be consciously considering.

And you are not delivering a hard close… just a helping hand.  Very important.

One of my favorite personal touches was one I used at check out.

When the call would come to hustle newlyweds out to their waiting limo and off to the first day of  their honeymoon… I’d often be the first person they’d see the morning after their first magical night together as man and wife.

There was no avoiding the obviousness of what had taken place in that bridal suite before I barged in.

So, to break the tension, I’d hand the groom the morning newspaper and say, “Keep this… some day you’ll wonder what the rest of the world was doing on the best day of your life.”

That touch alone could boost tips as much as 50%.

You can achieve the same result by creating valuable stuff (from good advice, to detailed reports helping them achieve goals) your prospects hugely appreciate… but don’t know they want yet.  The magic happens when they realize you really are that dude who knows what’s going on… and you’re happy to deliver the goods.

Step Three: Grow into the expert who gives your customers what nobody else can.

In marketing, it’s not necessity, but demand that is the Mother of Invention.

When was the last time you surveyed your lists to find out what they’d love to have from you, but aren’t currently getting?

With a responsive list, it really is that easy to create results out of thin air.

(Not doing this is a crime… especially when you consider how successful businesses can pretty much guarantee a profitable product launch just by delivering exactly what their potential buyers ask for.)

I mentioned my record $300 tip from one guest. That was a future NFL Hall of Famer (who is — incredibly — still playing at a high level a full decade later) whose name I won’t reveal out of reverence to guest/bellman privileges.  (Just as confidential as the pact between doctor/patient, lawyer/client, and spy/M.)

Here’s the story: It was 4am when he and his guests arrived, after a full day on the road (and just 48 hours after losing the AFC Championship game, you should know, to my favorite team, which I am also conveniently avoiding mentioning).

He tipped me the first hundred for delivering luggage to his suite.

I told him if there was anything else I could get him, to please not hesitate.

He didn’t.

“Kaav, we need a couple of bottles of wine,” he said.  (No “Kevin” for him.  I was Kaav, and I was honored.)

“Ow”, I replied, pained. “That’s the one thing I can’t do for you. This city goes dry at 2am. Everything shut down over an hour ago.”

He slapped another hundred-dollar bill into my hand and said, “I got faith in ya, Kaav.”

I walked straight down to the lobby bar, past the security cameras, grabbed two bottles of wine from the cooler and was back at his door in less than 10 minutes.

“No law against welcoming an important guest, though,” I said, as he howled with laughter.  And greased me one more time, what a mensch.  Now that’s the way to show appreciation.

Yes, of course I alerted the front desk about the wine! Shame on you for thinking I went around the blue laws.  Either that or I paid the security dweeb a $20 hush fee… who can remember small details after all these years?

Point is, you’re no bellman, you don’t have to break the law for cash…

…  and, in fact, you don’t even have to break a sweat.

Just follow these 3 simple steps, bust out of your comfort zone more often, find out what your best prospects really want… and challenge yourself to deliver big for them.

To easy livin’…

Kaav

P.S. I’ll be at the Action Seminar all weekend, in a guest-star role along with John and that Murder’s Row of experts he lined up…

… and I hear there may still be room for you, too, if you jump on it.  Go here for details.

Be sure to tip your waitress.

And hey, leave a comment if you’ve got something to say, too…

Saturday, 2:35pm
Reno, NV
“Rommel, you magnificent bastard! I read your book!” (Gen. Patton, ambushing Nazi’s before they could ambush him)

Howdy…

Early Halloween memory: I’m getting ready to go extort candy from the neighbors with my older sister (cuz while I’m starting to suspect that Santa Claus ain’t real, I’m still pretty convinced that ghosts and witches are out there, thus requiring a bodyguard)…

… and, putting my worldly experience to work, I choose the biggest bag available to carry my haul in.

Dreams of endless sugar-rushes have my 5-year-old brain twitching like a junkie as we join the throngs of vandals and kids outside, and I’m raking it in.

However, just before calling it a night and heading home, I realize that my bag was a little TOO big… and I’d been dragging it along the ground, and all that glorious booty had fallen out in the street somewhere behind me.

The horror.

It was unfair.  It violated every code of how kids should be treated by the universe that I knew about.  It was a memory-scarring traumatic event.

I felt…

… cheated.

And I’m pretty sure that was my first lesson in empathy.  Because it sucked to feel like I’d been cheated out of something.

Sucked, sucked, sucked.  I’d headed out that evening snickering to myself about being so clever with the big bag… and… and…

Well, I can’t even talk about it anymore.  It’s just too painful a memory.

And from that moment on, I have nodded in solidarity and sympathy whenever someone else was cheated.  “Yeah,” I’d say to myself.  “Been there.”

In fact, there are three lessons here:

Losing All Your Candy Lesson #1: No one wants to be cheated.  The burning shame and humiliation of realizing you’ve been gypped, or taken for a ride, or fooled never loses its intensity.

In fact, I think it gets worse as you get older.

As a kid, you cry and sink into despondence.

As adults, folks have been known to even scores with violence.  (Think “road rage”… cuz someone soiled your honor by cutting you off in traffic.  You want ‘em dead.  Doesn’t matter that they’re a nice little old lady who just didn’t realize she pulled out in front of you.  The complete and utter Wrath Of God wouldn’t be punishment enough for their trespass.  Grrrrr…)

Here’s how this manifests in marketing: Perhaps the biggest, baddest, and most hard-to-beat obstacle you will encounter when trying to persuade someone to take you up on your very fair, very generous, very drop-dead bargain of an offer…

…. is that many people would rather miss out on a killer opportunity…

… than risk being cheated.

All the wonderfulness of your completely ethical, over-delivered and super-cool product…

… is no match for even the remote possibility of being pitied, humiliated or laughed at by a spouse, gloating buddy, or asshole neighbor.

This is why good salesmen spend so much time shoveling benefit-laden sound bites into pitches.

You need to “arm” your prospect with simple, memorable come-backs that deflect the hail of shame he fears might be tossed at him.

Because, you know, it’s no secret that ALL advertising is bogus bullshit, and anyone who buys anything online is a fool, and I cannot believe you FELL for that marketer’s obvious nonsense.

What’re you, a complete sucker?

This is why “the more you tell, the more you sell” remains such valuable advice.

Let prospects know what other people’s experience was after buying.  Confirm your credibility with endorsements, and make each feature come alive with benefits that resonate and nail the sweet spots of raw need.

Help him put the price in perspective, by clearly explaining how your offer stacks up against other options and the competition.  Tell him what to expect in terms of results, and when to expect them.

Give him a well-lit road-map to follow to get moving as quickly as possible.  If it’s a bargain, tell him why.  If it’s an investment in his success, tell him why.  If there are risks, tell him what they are, and how he can mitigate them.

If there are flaws, reveal them.  It will only make your case stronger by being honest and forthcoming.

Make your guarantee shockingly generous.

Pile up the bonuses so the bargain is both real and tangible.

In short… BE that marketer you wish other biz owners would be when you deal with them.

Heck… if you can, arrange it so YOU’RE the one at risk of being cheated.  You take all the risk.  You over-deliver.

You give him every opportunity to take advantage of you… and rely on the strength of your product or service to convince him (through action and results) you were worthy of being given the chance to prove yourself to him.

Give him the unfair advantage in this deal.  Allow him to realize, on his own, that this really is a smart shopping decision and a genuine not-to-be-missed opportunity.

Losing All Your Candy Lesson #2: Don’t expect “logic” to win the day.

People are so sensitive to being on the losing end of a humiliating experience, that they will spin facts, truth and reality to back up their actions.

Everybody spins.  You spin.  I spin.  Mother Teresa and Ghandi spun.  We spin to our good friends, to our enemies, to strangers, lovers, pets and inanimate objects.  (“C’mon,” I’ve said to my car on a cold morning.  “Start, just start today, that’s all I ask… and I’ll wash and wax you and spit-shine your chrome and…”  Total spin.  I’ve never waxed a car in my life.  I just want the damn thing to start.)

But the biggest spin of all… is the spin we deliver to ourselves.

That’s why I chose that quote from Gen. George Patton up top.  He was a student of The Art Of War, and also devoted to the idea of “honor” among combatants.

So when he learned that Rommel was going to ambush him, he snuck his tanks into the desert and ambushed Rommel first.

In the movie, this comes right after a big Patton-esque blowhard speech about him wishing he and Rommel could just duel it out alone, the two of them shaking hands and then fighting… and whoever won, won the war.  Very honorable.

Then he goes out and ambushes the dude.  And is near-orgasmic as he crushes the Nazi columns.

Everybody wants the best possible deal.  Everybody.

And that makes it logically impossible to create a deal that satisfies everyone…

… UNLESS you know how to enable the other guy to spin things inside his head so he believes he scored huge.

Truth is often a casualty.  I remember, long ago, witnessing another musician selling his guitar to someone he knew… these guys KNEW each other… and the axe was worth ten times what he wanted for it.  But still the buyer negotiated hard, working him down until it wasn’t even a bargain any more… it was financial slaughter.  But the seller needed the bread, so the deal went down.

And both guys worked it out in their minds that it was fair and satisfying.

You have to just let go of logic when you’re finalizing a sales process.  A genuine good deal will be ignored if the prospect cannot square up the price and value in his head, outside of rational equations.

Smart salesmen know that you can obliterate every obvious objection in a prospect’s mind, and still lose the sale…

… if you somehow miss what may be an unconscious objection that defies logic.

This is why the great copywriters have always shoveled massive payloads of bullets (explaining feature-benefit stories) into pitches.

You just never can predict which bullet will trigger that “Okay, what the hell, let’s do this deal” response.

Losing All Your Candy Lesson #3: It should be abundantly clear by now that people will often act against their own best self-interest.

Salesmen have known this for ages.  So have politicians.

Academic types who study this stuff have proven, over and over, that people will consistently avoid immediate loss or pain… even at the expense of long-term gain (in health, finances, love, all of it).

Pay attention to this: You may have the most generous offer in the history of business, a killer bargain that will have your accountant yelling at you for giving away so much…

… and you can lose the sale if your prospect feels any kind of discomfort or pain — even a slight twinge of it — at the crucial moment of decision.

Humans are just perverse creatures.  Built for the jungle, but scurrying around society and civilization constantly at war with our own brains and desires and fears.

I’ve seen great products bomb and wonderful businesses wither and die…

… because no one understood how to deliver a sales message that dealt with the screwy suspicions of prospects.

We’re ALL vulnerable to this stuff.  Knowing that you’re being illogical about feeling cheated won’t stop the feeling.  (As an aware, frosty Zen-type dude or dudette, of course, you will nevertheless confront these cockeyed distractions… but that’s another story, for later.)

For now, don’t judge yourself or your fellow humans.  We’re quirky, but still lovable and fun (when not in full-on “road rage” mode).

As a marketer, just pay more attention weaving a message that can help your prospect feel illogically okay about pulling out his wallet.

Hope you got to keep your candy from trick-or-treating this year.

Stay frosty,

John

P.S. Side story: I come from a family that looks hard for the “best” deal out there on everything they buy.  My Pop’s standard-operating-procedure, in fact, is to spend 6 months researching what he wants… buying it at a bargain so severe that tears well up in the seller’s eyes… and then continuing to research for another 6 months after buying, just to make sure a better deal didn’t get past him.

You gotta admire that kind of dedication to a bargain.

What’s your story about being cheated? We all have them, and they set the tone for our adult objections to buying stuff.

Comment section is open for business…

P.P.S. Almost forgot… anybody remember where the title to this post (Dewey, Cheatum & Howe) comes from?

Seriously, guys.  Somebody should nail this precisely (without resorting to Mr Google, either, which is cheating)…

Monday, 11:34pm
Visalia, CA
“I never drink… wine.“  (Bela Lugosi, “Dracula”)

Howdy.

Special treat today.  I’ve asked an old friend (and killer copywriter) to guest post on the blog here.

Jim Curley and I go way back (to, gasp, Before The Birth Of The Internets As A Marketing Force)…

… and he’s one of those Web-hip veteran copywriters who brings a healthy dose of old-school wisdom and experience to everything he does.  He’s well steeped in all the manly markets (golf, self-defense, hot rod body artwork, family life, vampires, stuff like that).  I’ve had him as a wingman at multiple seminars, and I’ve hired him as a writer for my own projects.

That’s how good he is.

I didn’t give Jimbo any directions on what he could write about, either.  I trust the guy completely…

… and just told him to dig into one of the subjects he and I enjoy talking and bitching about when we get together.

This is a good lesson Jim’s sharing with you.

Enjoy… and don’t be shy about posting a comment afterward.  We’ve had some spectacular comment threads over the past year in this blog.  Always good to hear from y’all.

Here’s Jimbo:

Thanks for the intro, John.

I’ve got a couple important “street marketing” lessons for everyone here… so let’s just get right into it.

The first one I’ll call:

“Who the hell are YOU talking to?”

Now before I go any further, you should know that I’ve been a copywriter and marketer for over 25 years… and have been working with John Carlton for about 15 of those years.

It continues to be a humbling experience.

Just about the time I get pleased with my writing and the voices begin to whisper “oh, you are sooo good“…

… John blindsides me with some deep insight… kernel of wisdom…

… or shocking zinger of truth that slams me back into reality.

As a lifelong dedicated writer, of course, you love this kind of interaction.  It forces you to stay nimble… and ALWAYS keep your eyes and ears open.

And that is what these street marketing lessons are all about. Subtle observations and interesting truths about marketing and sales…

… gleaned from the real world…

… where prospects and customers are living, breathing, complex and fascinating.

Okay… the first lesson I’ll tell you about hit me after I saw the movie “Eclipse”.

If you’re not familiar with the whole “Twilight” series of books and movies, don’t worry…

… it only means you’re deeply out of touch with what every teen and pre-teen girl in the industrial world has been swooning over for the last two years.

But before you peg me as some sort of girlie-man, let me be clear:

It was my 16 year old granddaughter who dragged me to this movie!

She did it partly because she loves me… and partly because I was paying.

(Quick personal note: Yes, I’m just 50-years-old, and I’ve got FIVE grandkids.  It’s the result of some very fertile DNA.  And let’s leave it at that.)

Back to the story: In a nutshell, the movie is based on a series of books written by Stephanie Myers about “Edward”, a sexy-sexy vampire…

…who’s madly in love with the awkward and not-so-terribly-beautiful main character, “Bella”.

And then there’s the hot, often shirtless werewolf “Jacob”, who’s also in love with Bella. And he’s so very-very buff… and so jealous of the sexy-sexy Edward.

And the werewolves… and vampires… and essentially all the beautiful people of the world are soon fighting for the attention and love of this plain and clumsy teenage girl.

Oh, it’s a scene man.

However…

Here’s where the fun part starts:

The day after seeing this movie, I read a review of “Eclipse” written by AP’s David Germain… a guy who’s probably very much like me (eats too much red meat, grapefruit-sized prostate, and who’s starting to have serious issues with wire-like hair growing out of his ears).

His review read: “…while ‘Eclipse’ may not be dreadfully dumb, it’s still pretty dumb.”

“Pretty dumb”… for WHO? Him?

Seems that Germain doesn’t understand that the recently-filthy-rich producers of this movie series couldn’t give a rat’s-ass what a middle-aged man thinks.

Hollywood is in the business of SELLING movies… and like any smart business person, their first big question has got to be:

“Who the hell are we targeting?“

Because you can’t target “everyone” (duh).  So those clever movie execs started this whole process in some boardroom… wringing their hands and looking at the stats.

“Hmmm…” they intoned, scanning charts.  “Look at this:  Pubescent girls raging with hormones are in charge of billions of dollars of discretionary spending…

“Hey!  You think maybe THAT may be a good target market?”

Perhaps these young teen females could relate to this story of a klutzy and not-so-attractive girl…

…who has two groping, shirtless, super-hunks fighting over her while her entire high-school… indeed the rest of the known world… watches on in breathless envy.

Yes… just perhaps that may work.

Granted… like Germain, I too thought the movie was silly.  But that’s not the point.

My 16-year-old grand-daughter LOVED it. She was swept away… saw the movie at least five more times…

… joined some scary “Team Jacob” gang…

…and plastered her life with “Twilight” stickers, shirts, posters, notebooks, etc.

And THAT is the point.

From the perspective of a marketer, the people behind the “Twilight Series” are friggin’ geniuses.

They absolutely nailed it… and managed to tap into millions of fans and millions in sales. Something like $100 million and counting.

How’s that for a “dumb movie”?

So what am I driving at?

What does this have to do with YOUR marketing?

Just this: MOST of the business people and entrepreneurs that I’ve worked with over the years are a little (and sometimes a lot) like this Germain cat.

They don’t quite “get” how important it is to have the “WHO” part of their marketing figured out right from the get-go.

And it is the “WHO” — more than any other element — that is the difference between huge fortune and utter failure!

Really.

And you can’t just INVENT a convenient answer to this “Who the hell are YOU talking to?” question either.

Nope.  It can’t be made-up… or based on theory or guesswork.

Look: I write for the same self-defense company John worked with for many years.

So let’s do a quick exercise here… and see if we can’t “wing-it” and figure out WHO should be the best target of their fighting products.

It’ll be fun, I swear.

Let see… hmmm… who NEEDS a self defense product?

Well, it would be the weakest among us of course. Perfectly logical.

And women are certainly physically weaker than men, in most cases.

And women, sadly, are often the target of violence… and sexual attacks.

And it’s typically younger women who are assaulted in that fashion… and they will certainly never want to be attacked again… and maybe they’re even looking for some sweet revenge.

There we go… I think we have it.

Our target — the people we will be directing our message and all of our valuable marketing resources — will be women, 18-45, who have likely suffered some sort of assault or violent attack and perhaps are seeking a chance to deliver some serious “payback”.

Sound good? Sure it does…

Makes perfect sense.

Let’s buy up some magazine space in Better Homes and Garden and Women’s Day.

We’ll hunt down a broker and purchase a mailing list… hire a copywriter… print up a million mailers. Get our Google campaign cranked up and pay a Web geek to build a site and maximize SEO.

One minor problem, however…

… and I can prove this:  The customers of self-defense products are almost 100% MEN.

Women, for whatever reason — even though they may desperately need this kind of a product — simply do not buy “how to fight” instructional materials.

And the best sales message in the world won’t persuade them to do so.  We’ve tried.  You may get some minor action, but it will never be a home-run marketing campaign.

See what guesswork gets you?

Imagine running down THAT blind alley for any period of time. It’s the kind of thing that can put you out of business… quick.

So you MUST perform your due diligence… and research blogs, books, magazines, websites and especially competitors — just to get a vague idea of WHO you are talking to.

After that, as you develop a customer base, you will need to continually refine your targeting.

Which brings me to my next lesson…

“How To Kill Nazi Zombies.”

Bear with me… this will all tie together in one neat little bow.

This lesson popped into my head while playing the gruesome video-game “Nazi Zombies” with my 15-year-old grandson.  (Yes, all these lessons are inter-generational revelations.)

Briefly: The gist of the video game is that you’re trapped in a blown-out building during World War II… while Nazi zombies are trying to climb through the windows and eat you.

Your job is to use the available weapons to kill them first.

Problem was, it was ME getting killed while my grandson continued to survive… and ring-up massive points… and chuckle while I was being torn apart and eaten.

I didn’t want to be torn apart and eaten.

So I quickly figured out where I was going wrong.

Turns out that while I was using a measly .22 pistol and pumping a full 6 body-shots to get a kill…

… my uber-smart grandson runs over to a special weapons locker and grabs a scoped-rifle and kills zombies with just ONE shot… to the head.

My point is this: Many entrepreneurs and business owners are selling products and making some money…

… but MOST still haven’t figured out the “sweet spot” of their target market… where profits are easier and faster and more efficient to bring in.

Instead, they’ve settled permanently into a comfort zone… and are using the equivalent of a poorly-aimed .22 pistol as their marketing campaign.

It works “okay”… so why change?

Well, because it means you’re very likely leaving stacks of money on the table… that’s why you should change.

Oh yeah… and the zombies are closing in for the kill.

Which brings me back to the Twilight series.

Do you think Stephanie Myers analyzed the market, ran that stats, and determined that young teen girls were such a lucrative market that she would write a series of Twilight books just to go after their money?

No. She wrote the books in her apartment, after a vivid dream, with zero market planning.

But when the books began to sell… smart people in Hollywood suspected she was on to something. That she had somehow touched a nerve… hit the sweet-spot…

… and they rightly smelled millions.  (Fill in your own note here about Hollywood execs having a lot in common with vampires.)

And this “find the sweet spot” exercise is exactly what YOU have to do.

Even if you’re making damn good money right now, I’m betting that you didn’t do months of tough market research to see if you’ve maxed-out your potential.

That’s okay.  You’ve winged a zombie with your .22… and now it’s time to grab the scoped rifle.

Now it’s time to pinpoint your customers’ little g-spot.

Quick Tip From A Grizzled Pro: One of the most foolproof ways to find that sweet-spot is to actually spend time analyzing your customers.

Where do they live? How old are they? What do they like most about your product? What do they think you can improve?

Spend an afternoon… or a couple of afternoons… and look for patterns.

Sound like a hassle? Well, when your efforts start to double and triple your income… suddenly it doesn’t seem so much of a hassle.

Of course some questions can’t be answered by looking at a database of customer stats. So here’s a big idea:

Ask your customers!

Use an “ASK campaign”. Start one right away and see what your customer really want. And where you may be doing things right… and wrong.

It’s actually very easy, and their answers will likely shock you — prompting the development of laser-targeted products and sales messages.

This is where your competitors start to hate and fear you.

And family and friends begin to believe you have some kind of Midas touch.

That’s fine… let them believe that.

As long as YOU don’t start believing it… and allow those siren voices to convince you to relax… that you’ve got it all figured out… and that it’s time to stop being curious about how you can better serve your customers.

That, my friend, is how you’ll be torn apart and eaten by those annoying Nazi zombies.

Welcome to the game.

For better marketing…

Jimmy Curley

Thursday, 11:49pm
Reno, NV
“Qu’est-ce que c’est?” (Talking Heads,”Psycho Killer”, ca. 1979)

Howdy.

Quick lesson today, which should help you understand one of the fundamental truths of kick-ass marketing.

That truth: There is almost always a way to fix or solve a marketing problem.

Actually, that truth is also functional in every-day life…

… but that’s a much longer lesson.

Here’s the quickie version, for marketers: I was just delivering this story in one of the Simple Writing System classrooms, and thought I’d share with you here, too.

As any decent marketer knows, the Prime Directive of a sales process is to discover your best possible prospect… and “reach” him with your sales message.

Seems simple enough.  Sometimes, it is.  If you’re selling hamburgers near a starving crowd, you’re set. Just open your doors and tell folks to line up.

For a while (back in the Good Old Days of Internet marketing), all you had to do was:

Step One: Be the first into a hot niche…

Step Two: With a sloppy website…

Step Three: And let the search engines round up your prospects.

Oh, and bank the piles of dough cascading in.

It’s fun when things work smoothly like that.

And it gets frustrating when things should work smoothly… but don’t.

Like, when you have a great product, and you can point out your perfect prospect… (he’s right over there, right there)… who really will benefit from your wonderful stuff, and who should be buying from you right now, cuz you’re a bitchin’ dude and your offer is so flat-out primo.

But it’s a living nightmare, because that prospect isn’t paying any attention to you — (and you’re right here, dammit, hey, stop ignoring me!) — and you’re invisible to him.

While he wanders along, oblivious, and even (gasp!) buys that inferior crap from your trashy competition, who are mean, unethical psychopaths who eat kittens.

It’s just wrong.  It’s not fair, it’s a really, really bad situation, and Reality sucks and should be ashamed of itself.

I hear this refrain a lot from folks who cut their marketing teeth during the Gold Rush period of the Web, when they could do no wrong, and the wired world beat down their door to worship at their feet.  (For a brief time, they were like the only boy in a school full of girls around prom time — saddling them with a much over-bloated sense of their attractiveness and power.)

Meanwhile, us grizzled experienced veterans from the Old School offer rueful sympathy.

Hell, yeah, it was fun back when moolah poured down on us from magic online faucets, when gold crunched under our feet everywhere we went, and low-hanging fruit stretched forever into the distance.

It was fun… and it never had a chance of lasting very long.

And here we are, in this brave new world of an all-grown-up, super-competitive marketplace crusted with economic vagueness…

… where, what d’ya know, a little honest experience in selling can once again save your butt.

Look — it often IS hard to reach certain types of prospects in the real world.

It’s not impossible, however.  In fact, it can be done fairly easily, once you get your head straight (and learn a few simple salesmanship chops).

I learned this lesson early on, as part of my “Gun To The Head” attitude of creating ads.

That attitude was simple: With a gun to my head that would go off if my ad didn’t work…

… would I still use that headline… that sales message… that word in that paragraph… or any other risky tactic to FUBAR the chances of the little ad I was sending out into the cold, cruel world?

Back then, it really would have been career-suicide to write ads that bombed.  I had no reputation, no contacts in the industry, no one watching my back.

So being clever, or funny, or taking grandiose creative risks with a client’s advertising was out of the question.

Instead, I concentrated on classic salesmanship — the Old School stuff that has worked since the beginning of history, and has never stopped working (not even for a moment).

This attitude didn’t win me any friends among the other professional copywriters I was competing against.  They hated salesmanship, mostly.  Considered it beneath them.  They saw their job as being clever and creative.

Meanwhile, my ads worked (while theirs bombed), and suddenly I had a reputation as a guy who could get the job done.

(It was also extremely satisfying when clients discovered I was a funny, witty dude when not working.  I just didn’t take chances with my ad writing… cuz there was money on the line.  I assured them that the moment the universe shifted, and clever ads started pulling down bigger profits, then I would be the first writer to start pumping out clever copy.  Until then, however, I would continue to skip the goofy attempts to circumvent good salesmanship… and just write what brought in the cashola.  And we could use the profits to go buy privileged seating at the comedy clubs when we wanted to laugh at something.)

(I had a note taped to my monitor that kept me focused, too.  It was a quote by the painter Renoir, who knew what he was talking about:  “First, learn your craft.  It won’t prevent you from becoming a genius later.“  Huge wisdom there.)

Now, this “Gun To The Head” attitude also worked when I (or my sales letter) had to dodge and weave through layers of gate keepers to reach The Dude Who Can Sign A Check.

This is a critical step for ANYONE and ANY AD sent out into the business world to collect coin.

It causes no end of problems to have lengthy sessions with someone who can’t make a final decision… or to put a sales letter into the hands of that guy… who then has to go sell THEIR boss — or, worse, a committee — on the deal , without you there to guide the pitch.

Memorize this:  It is usually a waste of time to sell someone in a company on something, when that someone can’t write a check to pay for it.

No matter how excited or ready-to-go that person is… if he has to take his request through a gauntlet of gate keepers, the deal will die.  (A gate keeper — also known as a “Little Hitler” because they wield the power to axe any project on a whim — considers their primary job as protecting their boss from strange new out-of-the-box ideas.  They’re like a hungry bear standing in the river during salmon spawning season, gobbling up every incoming message.)

So, how do you handle a situation where you cannot reach The Dude Who Signs Checks by phone, or by email, or direct mail, or any of the normal channels?

Cue “Gun To The Head” thinking.

With my life on the line if I failed, what was I willing/able to do… to get my sales message into the hands of the right person?

Just working this out is excellent brain-exercise.

And you start by imagining every single way you can come up with to get past those gate keepers.  No idea is too wild, too outrageous, or too nonsensical during this early brainstorming period.

There is always a way to get something done. Always.

Of course, I refuse to be unethical, or do anything illegal… so most of the imaginary scenarios that burble up to the surface aren’t something I would ever do.  But I put them down on the list anyway.  Like sneaking into the offices after hours, Mission Impossible-style, and leaving my sales letter on his chair, marked “Urgent”.  Or hacking their email system and stealing the password of his most trusted assistant, so the email could come from her.  Or joining his golf club, so I could be introduced to him.  Or marrying his daughter.  Or kidnapping him.  Or showing up at his house and begging him to look at the offer.  Or…

Or whatever.  The idea is to think of every single way you MIGHT be able to get past the natural barriers to reaching The Dude, without censoring anything.

You take it too far, in every direction.

How, with a gun to your head, could you get the job done?

And what you realize by doing this is the secret behind some of the better Hollywood movies: There is always a plausible scenario, well within the bounds of reality, to make any plan succeed.

These scenarios may involve illegalities, or Mafia-style behavior, or taking over entire municipalities with a specially-formed militia…

… but the thing is…

… it CAN be done.

Now, again, I refuse to do illegal stuff.  I’m sure you do, too.

So most of what you come up, using this “Succeed or Die” attitude, cannot be implemented.

However, what you have done is still important:  You have proven to your brain that it CAN be done.

So you can stop pretending it’s “impossible” to reach The Dude with your sales message.

You just have to find the way to do it that doesn’t involve bloodshed or blackmail or losing sleep at night.

This kind of thinking is how Gary Halbert came up with his infamous “ethical bribe” angle.  A real bribe would have worked, but he was unwilling to do that.  So he created a goodie-crammed bonus package that was pretty much equal to a bribe in value…

… and used it to demolish all reluctance on the prospect’s part to engage in the deal.

It also led us to send Fed Ex packages to hot prospects (and to force clients to send out Fed Ex packages to their hottest leads)… a special delivery system so extravagant at the time, it never occurred to other marketers to even attempt such a tactic.

However, those packages got past the office managers, where “normal” letters, phone calls, or even personal visits wouldn’t succeed.  (Other marketers soon invented “fake” Fed Ex-looking packages to sneak past the gauntlet, cheaper.)

We also came up with ideas like sending the letter from a lawyer, making it very obvious that this was something from the lawyer’s office, personally meant for our prospect.  (Even though the actual product had nothing to do with lawyering.)

That also often slipped by the gate keepers, and made it straight to the prospect’s desk.  (The idea came out of a completely outrageous imagined scheme using a doctor as the sender, and writing “Your lab tests are enclosed”.  That was, of course, brilliantly sneaky and completely out of the question as a usable tactic… but it lead to the more practical idea of hiring a lawyer to “host” the mailing, which was perfectly fair.  We made zero suggestions anywhere that this was an actual legal matter… but it still got the letter past the gate keepers.)

As a freelancer trying to get in front of The Dude to solicit jobs, I also started using real detective tactics — “working” the receptionists and secretaries for the hobbies, birthdays, and other sundry bits of info about their boss (including juicy gossip). Intel that any good salesman can use to quickly bond, create an opening, and follow through on.

(This tactic will sound very familiar to anyone wondering why Facebook is collecting so much personal info…)

It’s all about thinking outside the box, of course.  With a loaded pistol to my head.

It’s not fair… but the world doesn’t always reward the marketer with the best product, or the best deal.

Often, personality, gifts (or bribes), and cheap psychology wins the day.

This concept of proving to your brain that something is at least possible… and almost never impossible… completely inverts the usual way people think.

Take it “too far” in every direction, and just air out all the ways it CAN be done.

Then walk it back to a plan that meets your requirements for not getting cuffed, shot, sued, or tarred-and-feathered.

As a killer salesman, you never take a “no” personally… and you don’t let it stand as the final word, either.

Just keep mulling it over. What else can you do to stand out to the right people, to win over the advocacy of important groups , to slip past obstacles, to make sure you’re playing the game on a higher level than your competition?

There is always a way to overcome an obstacle.  And often, somewhere’s between the utterly outrageous notions and the dumb-ass get-yourself-killed schemes…

… is the brainstorm that gets her done.

This is high-end salesmanship, folks.

Again, if you’re hungry for more… and if you’re finally realizing it’s time you learned the simple secrets of selling (so you can get busy with your new life of fame, wealth and the kind of giddy happiness you’re not even sure you deserve to enjoy)…

… then stop lollygagging around and check this opportunity out:

www.simplewritingsystem.com

Why?

Because, you know who you’re up against out there?

You’re up against guys who DO know classic salesmanship.  If you’re getting your clock cleaned by the competition… and you don’t like getting your clock cleaned like that…

… then this is where you muscle-up and begin to turn the tables on them.

Learn to sell.  It’s fun stuff to know, and it will make your life better at every level, in ways you cannot yet imagine.

You have any other old school selling secrets you care to share here?

Just lay it out in the comments.  We’re doing righteous work here, in these threads…

Stay frosty,

John

Thursday, 7:41pm
Reno, NV
“Please allow me to introduce myself…” (Stones, Sympathy For The Devil)

Howdy…

This is one of those lessons that arrived accidentally…

… and I had to stop and ruminate about it for a while before it made sense.

I’m lucky I learned it early, too.

It’s provided me with a home base of sanity when the chaos has reached shuddering crescendos and it was hard to think straight (let alone make snap decisions when crisis loomed).

You may find it obvious.

That’s fine.  Just don’t go thinking it’s obvious to the rest of the mean ol’ world out there… cuz it ain’t.

Here’s the story: One of my first jobs working for Gary Halbert was to fly to Detroit… and interview a guy who’d just lost 750 pounds.

Yeah, you read that right.

Gary had an idea for a diet product based on the dramatic tale of this now-slender young man.  It had to be a true story, too, cuz we found it in The National Enquirer.

I mean, it was dripping with credibility.

The photo of the kid at his heaviest made people just stare and blink.  We’re talking about filling up a king-sized bed all by your lonesome, with a little tiny face lost in folds of flesh.

The last time he’d been on a scale, they hauled him over to a machine that weighs horses.

Now, there’s more to this story, of course… including my first encounter with a Michigan ice storm (I flew out there in freakin’ December, wearing my stylish, thin, warm-for-Los-Angeles leather coat… and learned a lesson about chill factor walking out of the airport, tell you what).

Also including the side-story of how the kid, now down below 200 (yep, he really had lost all that weight) went through multiple operations to remove the excess skin, which was donated to burn clinics.

And more.  I can regale a room with the stories from that adventure for an hour.

But this isn’t a post about losing weight.

No, it’s much more important to your life than that.

Let’s continue: Gary and I began a rocky relationship with this kid for a few months, trying to film him for his product (a self-help course for people wanting to lose massive amounts of weight steadily)…

… while navigating the kid’s mounting arrogance, ego and control-freakism.

Gary and I loved to delve as deep as possible into the working personalities of people — that’s where the genius of all great advertising lies.

So we spent many an evening wondering what made this kid tick.

Finally, I hit on something.  “You know what?  Something inside him caused him to get so big in the first place.”

Stay with me.  It’s not as obvious as you might think.

Halbert’s eyes lit up.  We were on to something.

See, at first the kid seemed nice, loving and family oriented.  Poor guy had just sort of lost track of his size, and oops, got big.  Perfect spokesman for a diet product or course.

Soon, though, you could almost feel the invisible manipulation tenacles slithering around your throat as he challenged anyone who dared to question his authority and superiority on… well, everything.

Now, I’m no shrink.  But we soon realized how that kid had used his obesity to control his family to the point their entire lives were devoted to his care.  Like slaves.

And he liked it that way.  And he shed the weight when he figured out another way to keep them under his thumb (by becoming a celebrity via fat loss).

Okay.  So this kid, who at first seemed kinda sweet and loving, turned out to be harboring a nest of demons.

So what?

Well, it was one of those “a-HA!” moments where half a lifetime of puzzles suddenly were solved.

Here’s that lesson: Everybody has demons.

Everybody.

You, me, the mailman, your little love-bug honey, the butcher, the baker and the candlestick maker.

Not all the demons are malicious.  Some are fairly innocent… like a constant craving for chocolate, which can impact your desert choices at a restaurant if you’re the type of couple who likes to share.

Or like a fear of heights, which can impact your vacation plans together.

And there are common demons, which seem to inhabit most of the population: Fear of change, greed, road rage (a cousin of feeling powerless against The Man), whack-job political suspicions, predudices… and I’m sure you can add to this list easily enough yourself.

And there are demons whose main job is keep things confusing: The passive-aggressive little trolls who excel at twisting reality into forms only they recognize.

This realization — that everybody’s got demons — at first was a huge relief.

Personally, I had always assumed (for no good reason) that if it was unclear who was at fault in any given situation involving me… I should take the blame.

It just seemed wrong to assign bad motives to other people.  And I knew I had demons in my head — desires and fears and the lingering inchoate rage of barely surviving puberty and struggling in the adult world.

And I kind of enjoyed believing I lived in a world with mostly demon-free people around me.

I could handle my beasts (most of the time).

But the thought that someone else might be harboring the same impulses I had rattled me to the core.  Better to pretend there were pure souls out there in the majority.

This is COMMON, folks.

This is standard operating procedure for most human minds… to not go down that rabbit hole inside your brother’s core.

It’s why the neighbors of the serial killer next door always express surprise.  “He was a nice, quite man.  A little odd, but we never suspected anything.”  (Despite the occasional screams from the basement…)

As a marketer, you have to abandon many of the pleasant illusions that comfort everyone else.  Like believing your customers are different.  Or that you can sell lots of stuff by appealing to the “noble” virtues of your audience.

I’ve often cautioned friends who were nibbling at the edges of the entrepreneurial experience:  You will be startled, at first, by what you discover about your fellow earthlings.

The sheer volume of fear, desire, greed and sick need is unsettling.  It’s a jungle/madhouse/war zone out there.

However, once the initial shock wears off, you’ll be fine.

People are infested with demons of varying levels of nastiness.

So what?

They’re still lovable.  The world is still gorgeous.  And knowing how the universe operates — rather than pretending to know, and being wrong (like most folks) — offers you a supremely better life.

For one thing, you won’t often be fooled.  You’ll be a wicked-good salesman, too… because 99% of all selling is based on understanding the psychology of the process.

And your philosophy of how to live well can evolve (and thrive) based on reality… not wishes and dreams.

Now… what is the FIRST practical application of this advanced knowledge?

It is this: Look around…

… and figure out who’s watching your back.

Most people’s heads are crawling with demons they don’t realize or acknowledge…

… and yet they LISTEN to the gibbering.

I’ve seen this too often, both in business and in private life.

When people operate alone, or in isolated situations, they “take their own counsel”.

What they THINK they’re doing is going over the facts, weighing options, and judging the pros-and-cons objectively.

However, what they’re actually doing…

… is taking whispered advice from their demons.

And that seldom turns out well.

Much later (as the dust settles and the survivors of the decision begin to climb back on the Maslow hierarchy-of-needs staircase)…

… they’ll ask themselves “What the HELL was I thinking?”

And the answer is:  You weren’t thinking at all.

You let the demons into the control room.

Now, how does this affect you as a business owner or entrepreneur?

I’ll tell you:  Most of the biz owners I consult with are essentially isolated.

They don’t have confidants to tell their secrets to… they don’t have people who share their burdens… they can’t brainstorm ideas because no one around them understands what’s going on…

… and they sink or swim, every day, locked inside their own head.

With all those demons tugging and whispering and planting astonishingly dumb ideas in their brain.

This is, essentially, what separates the winners in the marketing world from the never-ending queue of losers.

The winners always — always – network relentlessly…

… and rely on the power of mastermind groups and coaching to stay on the cutting-edge, motivated and happy and on the best possible path at all times.

I know what it’s like to be alone out there.  I started my career completely solo, clueless and barely managing my fear (and the near constant deluge of bad ideas popping into my skull).

I used books as a crutch, and it worked to a point.  I learned a few tricks, and I used the “What would Claude Hopkins do?” philosophy when stuck.

However, as soon as I discovered like-minded souls in my Los Angeles area sandbox, I formed mastermind groups, or joined existing ones.

There is no second-best way to maximize your potential, at anything.

One professional, all alone, may be occasionally brilliant, and may develop a killer reputation.  And actually enjoy the job.

However, you team two pro’s together… especially when they’re simpatico on biz philosophy… and you get way more than just “times two” the brilliance.

No, you get a big-time multiple of brilliance.  It wasn’t just Halbert and I teaming up — it was also bringing our mutual support teams together… the people both of us already trusted for advice and criticism and brainstorming.

Our network was instantly many times larger, and amazingly more powerful.

And — best of all — we finally had someone we trusted and respected… to tell us when we were being fools, or idiots, or about to jump off a cliff.

It works like magic to put your butt on the right track, chugging steadily toward the rewards you seek.

Being alone sucks.

Teaming up rocks.  It’s the only way to fly.

This is why, when you scratch the surface of a top marketer, you discover a long history of using brainstorms and mastermind groups underneath.

I’ve always had partners or people I trust (and solicit opinions and advice from), ever since I discovered the sheer awesomeness of sharing brain-wattage with fellow travelers.

However, I’ve never officially hosted a mastermind group.

Until now.

People have been hounding me to do this for a very long time.  Certainly, whenever I’ve held Hot Seat seminars or Writing Sweatshops, the effect is very similar to a mastermind.

Except it’s just a one time thing.

A real mastermind is ongoing.  So you get to know your colleagues, and they get to know you.

And so their perspective on your plans is coming from a place of trust and familiarity, and a desire to root for your success…

… and to watch your back as you progress.

This is the great victory of a mastermind: You are no longer alone out there.

You’ve got a group of smart people invested in your success.

And you can finally tell your demons to go bugger off…

… cuz you’re getting solid input and criticism now.  The right stuff for powering your rapid ascent up the levels of success and happiness.

Okay, blatant pitch:

I’m now hosting two mastermind groups… for the first time ever in my career.

We started with one.  My biz partner Stan Dahl and I decided it was high time to bring together a great group of people committed to the mastermind concept…

… and get busy.

We let word of this mastermind slip at the recent Action Seminar… and we immediately had more people wanting in than one group could possibly handle.

(The right size for a mastermind is no more than 12… very small and tidy.  Any bigger, and it’s a seminar, not a mastermind.)

So… we split the original single group… into two groups.

Which allowed us to customize each group… so we have one that is primarily for entrepreneurs and small biz owners…

… and another one primarily for copywriters and consultants.

Stan and I have over 50 years between us as professional marketers, business builders, consultants, freelancers, and entrepreneurs.

I can say — without blushing — that we are among the “first choice” consultants hit on by marketers who understand the value of experience and current savvy.

We’re “Success Junkies”, and proud of it.  And we bring a wealth of knowledge, insider advantages, vast resources, and breathtaking skill to the table.

And we’re personally hosting each and every mastermind session of these two new groups.

I’m just letting you know about it.

We start both of them in early April… so you can still grab bragging rights for being among the very first members.

I just checked, and as of right now (while I write this) there are still a couple of spots open.

If being part of a regular mastermind group with me sounds interesting, go here to find out the details of joining:

www.CarltonCoaching.com/Platinum-Group/

I can tell you that, for the first folks who signed up, it was a no-brainer decision.

And if you’re still relying on your inner demons to watch your back as you navigate this increasingly rocky economy and biz climate…

… then maybe you should see what’s up here.

Okay, end of pitch.

I’ll see you again soon.

Stay frosty,

John

Thursday, 11:30am
Reno, NV
“You’re young, you’re drunk, you’re in bed, you have knives… shit happens.” (Angelina Jolie)

Howdy…

Did you go out and do any damage on New Year’s Eve?

Hope you got home safe, if you did.

The world turns into Crazy Town every 12/31, and you can’t projectile-puke in any direction without hitting people who seldom (or should never) drink pounding down Jagermeister and double-bourbons like they’re channeling Hunter S. Thompson in his prime.

It’s been years since I’ve ventured away from home for New Year’s…

… and even then, I only went out because I was sitting in with a band in some bar or club.

There’s a small bit of safety being on a stage while the rookies party below. Even in the sleaziest biker bar I’ve ever had the pleasure of performing in… the bad-asses never assaulted the band.

They might bust a tweaker’s head against the bar just to see what the dude looked like sprawled on the floor…

… but they wouldn’t dream of crunching a musician’s skull (no matter how much you offended his sense of anti-bourgeois anarchy).  That would harsh the party vibes.

Just make sure you keep playing kick-ass tunes.  My philosophy for playing rowdy joints was simple: Every song had to either…

1. Make people wanna shake their booty, or…

2. Cry in their beer.

So, when I put together pick-up bands, I made sure everyone had the chops and the stamina to play set after set of cranked-up rock at blistering paces… with only the occasional retreat for a slow tune (which had to rip open old heart wounds to make it on the list).

Seriously — you wanna wear out the biker crowds quickly, both physically and emotionally.

The “message to market match” here is make ‘em dance, and hit ‘em in the soft part of their gut every so often.  So they’re passionately exhausted, gasping for air, and lovin’ life.

This approach works with writing killer sales messages, too, you know.

Reading and watching videos is a passive behavior.  The data goes into the eyes, glances off the brain, and dissipates before any retention can happen.

You don’t want this when you’re trying to make a sale.

Instead, you need to wake your prospect up.  If you can get him to lean forward, and even say “No way!” or “What? This can’t be…” then you’ve goosed him into an active state…

… where the deal can go down.

Don’t get fooled by the massive views that videos on YouTube can pile up.  Scoring a chuckle, or even a ROFLMAO Tweet to buddies is NOT the same as persuading someone to haul out their wallet and fill out an order page.

How do you pull off this “wake ‘em up” tactic?

Well, you start by realizing who you’re dealing with.

And that’s why we’re going back to New Year’s Eve.

This annual excuse for Bacchanalian excess is just downright dangerous, in ways few other celebrations come close to matching.  (And I say this, having been Best Man at a few weddings that ended in drunken brawls.)

(I still have a fondness for watching loving couples in elaborate gowns and tuxedos try to cold-cock each other, while the dance floor turns into a booze-sloshed hockey rink.)

Many people should just stay away from alcohol altogether.

Most people should avoid drinking while out in public.

And everyone who values life should avoid mass celebrations where amateur drunks wanna party like Caligula.

Why?

Because you have left the world of rational thought… and entered a Twilight Zone where emotions blurp to the surface and obliterate inhibition.

Folks who can’t hold their liquor (and even veteran boozers who’ve wandered past their limit) become dangerous, unpredictable, and uncontrollable one-man soap operas.

I’ve seen hard-ass bikers crumble into sobbing messes of vulnerability, and I’ve seen shy, petite brides growl like werewolves and back down transgressors twice their size.

For a writer, this is fertile info.

For a salesman, it’s a window into the hidden world of human decision-making.

When you’re attempting to sell something, you need to move your prospect out of his comfort zone.  For most people, that zone is a zombie state of near-comatose procrastination.

You can’t close.  You may get them to agree that, sure, what you’ve got there sure seems like a great deal… but you won’t close the sale.

Think about this from a personal perspective:  It can actually hurt your brain to make a decision that involves money.

Unless…

Unless you slip into that warm and fuzzy irrational state where you can shrug off fear and anxiety and all those troubling doubts…

… and just say “What the hell” and slam your money on the table.

Basically, as a salesman, you’re hosting a little party between you and your prospect.

You’re not literally plying him with drink… but you are very much creating an alternative state of consciousness where the stubborn reluctance of a dude deep in his comfort zone gives way to the uninhibited decision-maker hiding deep within.

Now, I am NOT recommending you immediately begin a life of bar-hopping and booze-swilling, in the hope of becoming a better salesman.

You don’t even need a drop of alcohol to pass your lips to understand the lesson here.

You just need to stop and consider the way the human mind can fool a careless observer.  If you spend your entire day around sober, rational people who never let their guard down, you’re going to be lulled into thinking your sales message needs to appeal to our higher sense of reason and empirical data-crunching.

And it’s just not so.

The old rule of thumb (which I learned from incredibly savvy street-wise sales experts): You pitch on reason, but you close on emotion.

So you’ve got to pay attention to the emotional world most people ignore, pretend doesn’t exist, or hide.

That’s the lesson from Amateur Drunk Night.  Folks aren’t suddenly being controlled by outside forces that make them dance crazy, laugh too loud, and start fights with close friends.

Nope.  That’s just another part of their being, burbling to the surface on a raft of booze.

Let the rest of the business world fantasize about a race of reasonable, astute and clear-headed prospects.

Your inside track:  We’re actually a tribe of unpredictable, erratic, mush-brained emotional lunatics.

We just keep a tight lid on it, most of the time.

Side Note #1: Learning these lessons about human nature does NOT turn you into a snarling cynic.

Quite the opposite.  I find that the more I learn about my fellow travelers, the more I love ‘em all.

We’re all sharing this wild, amazing ride… on a planet rippling with beauty, horror, pleasure and pain…

… and none of us have an advantage in living well that can’t be learned by everyone else.

The business owner who learns how to sell, and puts what they learn into action, is just a little more awake, and a little more involved in the realities of existence.

It can be startling, at first, to realize how weird we all are… but after that initial shock of awareness, you really wouldn’t want it any other way.

Most of the world sleepwalks through their day.   They are reactive, not proactive.  (In other words, stuff happens to them.  They don’t initiate much action.)

As a salesman, you have to wake up and take on more responsibility.

And the good ones live deep, play hard, and love without inhibition.  You can’t do all that while snoozing.

Side Note #2: I was introduced to Tony Robbins over 20 years ago… when, after a night out partying, I became entranced by his infomercial on the tube.

I kept my guard down, and just went with the rising sense of “gotta have it” he triggered in my gut.  And I bought his tapes.  (Yeah, that’s how long ago it was — he was selling cassette tapes of his course.)

I don’t know how many folks who buy from late-night infomercials are wasted, but I don’t think I would have gone through with the purchase if I hadn’t been a little tipsy.  (This was back in my youthful days of improper behavior.  I’m better now, thanks.)

Nevertheless, I was glad I ordered, and happy when the package arrived.  Got a lot out of the experience, and was introduced to new psychological discoveries through those tapes.

Fast-forward to two weeks ago: I finally met Tony, down in San Diego, when he interviewed me for his Money Masters series.  (Other experts in the series include John Reese, Frank Kern, Russell Brunson, Dean Jackson and other notables from the sizzling online marketing world.)

He thought it was hilarious when I told him this story.  And it got us talking about the crossroads of passion, emotion and decision.

Tony understands what makes people tick.  Going deep with that kind of knowledge is the key to living large.

It was a real treat to discuss such heady intellectual philosophies with a renowned master of observation.

(This is also what I most appreciate about Zen — a complete acceptance of the entire range of human weirdness, without judgment or idealism.  To understand us is to love us.)

Again: I’m not recommending you start drinking at dive bars.

Just start registering what you observe in your fellow man… in all the wonderful and frightening variations we reveal.

Okay?

Okay.

Stay frosty,

John

Saturday, 2:48pm
Tampa, FL
“Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, know what I mean?” (Monty Python)

Howdy…

Special treat today on the blog.

Another guest post by our good friend, colleague and former stand-up comic (before his new career as killer copywriter), Kevin Rogers.

(Kevin is also the head writer for my Stable O’ Copywriters project, where you can find a recommended freelancer who meets my strict standards of professionalism — and who has my ear for consultations: www.carlton-copywriting.com.)

This cat is funny.  And every time Kevin and I hang out, I’m reminded of two things:

1. Nearly every top marketer and writer I know personally… has a shockingly-acute high-end sense of humor. (This explains the comraderie you see among the best in the biz.  We make each other laugh.)

2. And… there are awesomely valuable insights to life and success available in studying lessons in tales from the “vice squad”. (Meaning, that part of living well which includes hanging out, challenging the boundaries of sobriety, and squandering time laughing as hard as you can for as long as you can.)

Being funny won’t make you smarter.  And it doesn’t bestow an automatic deeper understanding of human behavior.

However… if you pay attention… you will discover insights and rules for living well that are simply not available to uptight folks.

That’s why I’ve asked Kevin to chime in again here.  This is his third guest post.  (The only other writer to have guest-posted here is my buddy David Garfinkel.)

So, without further ado… here’s Kevin.

Don’t try to read this while drinking carbonated beverages — it’s hell spitting it out through your nose while guffawing.

Take it, Kevin…

[applause]

Hey, great to be here… let’s here it again for John Carlton folks… the only blogger in history to spark a 600 comment riot with a psychological Dixie cup riddle.

Let him know you love him, everyone… John Carlton.

Okay. No more stand-up comedy/copywriting anecdotes for this post.

Today I want to discuss something much more relevant to all serious marketers: Booze.

Not drinking, necessarily…

… but rather the art of ordering a cocktail.

You can tell a lot about someone by the way they order a drink… and there’s a great marketing lesson in that simple act that could be the “a-Ha!” moment of a lifetime.

First, a quick back-story…

Towards the end of my comedy career, when road life had finally reduced itself into a sappy Bob Seger song, I realized it was finally time to go legit (gasp!)…

… and so began my awkward re-entry to the great American workplace.

I was almost 30… and after a decade of stand-up, the only skills I could fudge on a resume were “long distance driving” and “heckler control”.

So, unless I wanted a new career as road manager for, say, a fledgling white ska band from Wisconsin, it was clear I would need to get me some education.

As luck would have it, The ABC Bartending School in Mount Prospect, Illinois was just about to kick off its summer session.  I dusted off my academic chops, dove in, and passed with flying colors.

A few happy coincidences later, I was manning the afternoon shift at one of the oldest taverns in Chicago. (By the way, first rule of tending a real bar: Never admit you graduated from bartending school.  You’ll get tagged as an elitist snob.)

This place had been slinging booze across the same soggy block of dead oak since before the days of Prohibition (during which they promptly began mixing bathtub gin and became a gangster-haven speakeasy).

The owner was a tough-as-nails but senile old broad named Marge. Every night she would stalk the bar like Mae West in silk pajamas with wild, silver bed-hair… chain-smoking Pall Malls that always seemed to be dangling two-inch ashes.

Marge lived above the tavern in a cluttered apartment reeking of spoiled fish and Ben Gay lotion, with a feisty parrot named “Billy” who cursed like a sailor and attacked my head every time I entered the room (usually to bring Marge cigarettes and remind her not to light them off the stove burner).

“Remember last time, Marge, when you forgot to turn off the burner and the firemen had to come?”

“Are they here now?”

“No Marge. Not right now.”

“Go down and buy them a drink on me.”

“Sure, Marge.”

And, fighting off Billy (as he squawked“Eat shit!” in a Kamikaze dive for my cowlick), I would retreat to the laboratory of marketing wisdom behind the bar downstairs.

Sell Like A Bartender,
Serve Like a Waitress.

Slinging cocktails at Marge’s really was an excellent introduction into the world of street-level selling.

Sure, there’s plenty of sales tactics in play during a live comedy performance…

… but tending bar is a pure closer’s game. (Which is why the gig pays less than the minimum wage.)

So, here is my Great Direct Response Lesson from the world of “saloon commerce”.  It lies in the stark difference between selling like a bartender… or serving like a waitress.

The attitudes a waitress and bartender bring to the sale are polar opposites for this simple reason: As a bartender, people come to you…

… while, as a waitress, you must go to them.

Important stuff here.  Listen up.

Let’s look at a typical cast of prospects for your business… as if they were patrons in a saloon.

Two thirsty patrons walk into a club. One approaches the bar, ready to buy… while the other grabs a seat at a table and looks for the waitress.

With that simple act, they have qualified themselves in very different ways.

When a prospect sits at a table, they are looking for guidance. They need more info. They want to be led, perhaps intellectually coddled, and certainly paid attention to.

So, it’s the waitress’s (or waiter’s) job to arrive at their table quickly, offer up a big friendly smile, get their order and help ‘em feel they’ll be well taken care of.  Their happiness is her responsibility.

The other guy, who headed straight for the bar?  He’s ready to buy.  He’s being pro-active, rather than re-active.

An experienced bartender controls a shocking level of power. If the joint is crowded, he has total discretion over who gets served, in what order. So, it’s up to the patron to show the bartender they are worthy of his attention.

They should have money in hand and a cool, casual look that says: I know exactly what I’m ordering.

(If you’ve ever felt ignored by a harried bartender in a busy bar… it’s because you looked confused or kept your cash hidden in your pocket.  We have little time to babysit rookie drunks.)

It’s a good lesson, for any marketer.  There will always be these two wildly different types of prospect on your list.

The ones who wander over to tables to avoid the frenzy are looking for a very specific kind of service. They include the tire-kickers on your list — those annoying freebie-seekers who want to see how well you can serve them before they’ll make up their minds about you — as well as folks who will become life-time buyers.

However, customer service ranks high on their hierarchy of needs.  They wanna shop, they wanna interact.

Their money’s good… but they require patient attention.

Then there are the eager buyers. They elbow their way through the crowded bar, raise cash in the air, shout their order and tip well.

Low maintenance, independent, no-BS types with money to spend, and a definite goal in mind.

So, our job as marketers is to first get as many people into the place as possible…

… and then inspire as many as we can to crowd the bar and waive cash at us. That is the relationship you create with the right marketing strategy and top-shelf copy.

Eager buyers are your best customers, not just because they are comfortable spending money…

… but because they’re also the most likely to put your material to good use. Which leads to them achieving high-end results and then spreading the word.

Once your action-oriented, cash-in-hand buyers are all happily sipping their cocktails… it’s time to grab a tray and appease the higher-maintenance table sitters.

You do this by making sure you provide every prospect on your list the high-value content they need to get involved.

The main rule is to remember they are human — not just a pile of data. They breathe, and think and pay closer attention than you might think.

Talk to them like a good bartender would… once the crowd thins out and shouts have turned to mellow tones.

Listen to their problems. Offer wisdom without condescending. Attend to their needs patiently and expertly.  Let them find their best selves through you.

And whatever you do… don’t let that damn parrot into the bar. Nothing good is going to happen once he gets riled up.

Hey, you’ve been great. Enjoy Carrot Top!

Kevin

Saturday, 8:53pm
Reno, NV
“It’s the end of the world as we know, and I feel fine…” (REM)

Howdy…

Nice big glob of seemingly-nasty news hit the grid this week.

The FTC (brrr, even the name causes Halloween-style chills, doesn’t it) fired a shot across the bow of the good ship Capitalism with their “final guidelines governing endorsements and testimonials”.

In case you’ve been in a coma or something, here’s the Fed-sponsored link:

http://www.ftc.gov/opa/2009/10/endortest.shtm

What immediately followed was a lot of hair-on-fire screaming and rending of clothes by both online and offline business owners who use testimonials or endorsements in their marketing.

It was kinda fun to watch, actually.

A lot of entrepreneurs, I’ve noticed over the decades, are skittish enough already about the whole “provide a product to customers in exchange for money” model of doing business.

They’re like “Are you sure we can do this?  Actually accept moolah just for giving people this thing of value we created?”

It’s understandable to be a little paranoid.  Business is part of the grown-up world, all full of consequences and responsibilities and risks…

… as well as the totally uncool embarrassment of finally getting serious about the very adult requirement of applying salesmanship to your excellent marketing adventure.

So, when any of the federal “alphabet agencies” get frisky with new rules, the entrepreneurial world goes bonkers.

Now, I’m not a lawyer.

And I’m not gonna offer anyone legal advice here.  You do what you think is best.  You’re the only one who can correctly judge your own levels of raw paranoia against reality.

However… here is (more or less) what I shared with the folks now embroiled in the Simple Writing System mentoring program (which is steaming full-throttle into it’s second week).

I thought you might want to hear a less-hysterical side to this story:

Ahem.

First, relax.

Every detail of this fresh ruling is still very vague.

The panic around this news is uncalled for. The Feds are not going to suddenly load up their compliance forces with jack-booted thugs and go after entrepreneurs. Their focus is and always has been the large scofflaws. They will follow the money. (Large corporations like Jenny Craig and Subway have alerted their teams of lawyers.)

Yes, the “possible ramifications” of the ruling are a Conspiracy Theorist’s wet dream. Then again, so is every other ruling the FTC has ever put out.

The diet industry — which is used as the most common example when discussing this ruling — needs periodical policing.

However, the first time a regulator tries to define the idea of “typical” results, they are in for a mind-bending exercise in irrational thinking.  What, for example, is a typical dieter?  Someone who needs to lose 15 pounds?  Fifty pounds?  A hundred?

How do you figure it out?  There are three forms of statistical averages — mean, mode and medium.  Each can be a wildly different number.

The Feds will not find an ally among mathematicians or scientists while trying to define “typical”.

Nor will they find an ally in the Constitution… where, last time I looked, there was still a guarantee of free speech.

Of course, what the Feds are responding to are the egregious abuses of endorsements and testimonials.  And God knows, there are liars and thieves and scoundrels in the business community who need to be outed and punished for polluting the joint with their scammy ways.

And it would make the Feds’ job oh-so-much easier if everyone would just stop… selling stuff… by providing context and examples that help prospects decide if they want to participate or not.

You know — all that advertising voodoo that fuels the engines of capitalism.

Meanwhile, over at the FBI, they’re hoping that criminals will stop murdering and plotting and stuff… because it’s really hard to keep order when people insist on being evil.

Also, the Oakland Raiders would like the rest of the NFL to stop picking on them.  Maybe let ‘em win a freakin’ game or something already…

Look — no marketer is forced to use testimonials.

Nevertheless — and regardless of what you may have read in various other blogs — they remain powerful tools for anyone in business. (In fact, let’s hope, real hard, that your competition gets so scared that they never use testimonials again in any way, shape or form.)

And, anyway… even if you do decide to never use a testimonial, you still should know how to collect them, what they should look like, and how to communicate with happy customers who want to say nice things about you.

It’s still the best kind of feedback you can get about your business.

It’s… oh, what’s that phrase… oh yeah: Word of mouth.  A thumb’s up from a satisfied customer.

Again, I’m not a lawyer.  Haven’t talked with one about the ramifications of this ruling (which is not, by the way, an actual “law”, but a recommendation).

Here’s some common sense, anyway: Don’t compensate people for giving you a testimonial, and say so in your ad.  (And if your stuff is so crappy that you have to pay people to say something nice about it… then create better stuff.)

If you get compensation for touting a product on your blog (which appears to be the crux of the ruling, despite the “deeper” readings by the more paranoid among us), come clean on that.  No biggie.

If you’re unsure about anything, pay attention over the next couple of months.

This ruling goes “official” December 1… and between now and then, there will be a lot of discussion about it.  (Is Jared of Subway out of a job?  And, since most diets fail most of the time… because people don’t follow them… will every diet book ever published in history have to be amended to reflect that fact that anyone who actually lost weight is a freak of nature?)

(Will the Home Shopping Network be forced to stop touting celebrity make-over programs?)

(Will any advertiser, ever, be allowed to show people in their ads… for fear that any implication of “typical” is not breached?)

Folks, this kind of hysteria shows up every few years in advertising.

Twenty years ago, for example, the Feds ordered magazines to put a big “Advertisement” slug on top of every long-copy ad run in the publication.

You know… so no one would get confused.  We don’t want anybody’s head exploding because they accidentally read an ad in Cosmo, thinking it was a real article.

Marketers flipped out… until they realized that putting the slug on top of their ads didn’t affect results (and sometimes actually INCREASED sales).  (Oh, the irony.)

The diet industry — which, by the way, I have refused to get involved with as a freelancer for over a decade now — has been subject to endless “you can’t do that” rulings on showing people’s before-and-after tales…

… and in the end, the smart marketers comply, and do and say everything the rulings demand…

… and life (and profit) goes on.

I’m not saying this ruling is something to ignore completely.

We’ll have to see how it plays out in reality… meaning, how the Feds actually decide to follow up, and how any actual enforcement (which clearly appears to violate the Constitutional protections of free speech) manifests itself.

It’s worth a long discussion.

I’m all for hampering the scam artists out there.  (Just to be clear:  If you’re an unethical marketer, I hope you rot in Hell.  After getting your head handed to you here on Earth.)

However, trying to re-invent capitalism by kicking it in the balls is not the way to go about it.

Again… this vague, extremely ambiguous ruling (not a law) won’t go into effect until December 1st, and there will be much input from established businesses between now and then.

The lawyers are loving it.  Let the paranoia ooze and scorch!

This is not, however, the end of capitalism as we know it. Nor are testimonials going away. (Again, pray that your competition stops using them, though.)

Let’s see what other shoes drop over the next few weeks, shall we?

Stay frosty,

John

P.S. And yes, we get affiliate commissions from any sale resulting from someone clicking on any of the banners on this blog.

It’s called marketing, folks.

UPDATE: The esteemed New York Times weighs in on this issue:  http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/13/opinion/13tue2.html?_r=1&ref=opinion