Thursday, 1:29pm
Reno, NV
“What this requires is a really stupid and futile gesture on someone’s part.” (Otter, “Animal House” pre-climactic scene)

Howdy…

Do you ever have the vague feeling that everyone around you is enjoying life more than you…

… or has their act together real tight, while you struggle and wake up in the middle of the night fussing over problems?

This is actually part of our default machinery as humans. Personally, I grew up as a kid believing that everyone was hiding the secrets of a happy life from me… they knew these secrets, and were smug about knowing and enjoying them. While I was left to desperate measures, trying to figure out each fresh pitfall and obstacle on my own.

If I could only catch a clue about what everyone else was thinking as they so smoothly navigated life, the secrets of eternal happiness and contentment would surely bloom for me.

My first big revelation as a teenager arrived like a bolt of lightning: After putting together a few clues…

… I abruptly realized that most people weren’t hiding secret thoughts from me at all.

They actually didn’t have a single coherent thought in their skulls.

And something snapped inside. I immediately began to question authority figures, who I had previously just accepted as superior beings. I got expelled for a few days because I refused to cut my hair (this was back when dress codes dictated every detail of your appearance)…

… I made both my English and trig teachers cry in frustration to my fresh “oh, cut the bullshit” attitude…

… a visiting state senator got so flustered at my refusal to accept his pat answers to hard questions (this was during the huge military build-up in Vietnam) that he mumbled something about my “permanent record” being soiled…

… and I nearly didn’t graduate after challenging the track coach’s authority to tell me how to live right (again involving my freaking hair length).

I was having my first mid-life crisis, at the ripe old age of 17.

I eventually calmed down (a bit)… but that glimpse of the reality of who I was sharing space on the planet with never became less valuable.

I’m not putting people down here. I’ll let my long history as a passionate and generous teacher speak for my love of my fellow humans.

However, this was my first taste of looking at life critically, and not accepting either “common sense” or shared belief systems at face value. There are good sides to this, and bad — I respected the brilliance and skills of the exceptional folks around me more… and boldly examined, without apology, the motives and personal issues of the “little Hitlers” who abused powerful positions (or just liked to fuck with people).

Trouble and adventure followed, and I wouldn’t change any of it. I felt awake, aware and open to all opportunities, unfettered by other’s ideas on how I should live.

All of this was also a tremendous advantage in my early career as a freelance copywriter, of course. It truly helps to know who’s got mojo, and who’s faking it for ulterior purposes, amongst your clients, prospects, customers and colleagues.

However… I want to talk about the process of mid-life crisis right now.

Cuz it’s an art form.

I figure I’ve had five or six major mid-life crises at this point…

… and I’ve enjoyed every damn one of ‘em. They’re highlights in my life.

I was lucky, I guess, to have the first one before I knew what they were. Probably a better definition would be something about encountering a fork in your path, and choosing to take one road over the other. Often with nothing more than a vague sense of why you’re making the decision.

With the caveat that — for many — the risks of choosing create so much internal commotion that you freeze up. You allow inaction to win, and continue breathing and waking up each day full of resentment and questions about “what it all means” and shame over never achieving your dreams.

But that’s a mouthful.  ”Mid-life crisis” has always communicated the same thing to me.

It’s regarded mostly as a joke in our culture. The cartoon image is of a struggling-to-be-cool guy with a comb-over and a beer gut in a flashy sports car trying to impress the chicks…

… and being laughed at. “Just settle down, Mr Mid-Life Crisis,” society says. “You look ridiculous. Go home and clean out the gutters.”

This attitude is as mis-guided as most of society’s views about the big events in life. If you haven’t lost someone close to you, for example, be prepared to enter a world of medical/legal/detail hell as you deal with your grief, and try to move on. Lotta wolves out there, and because you are unprepared (both emotionally, and tactically, because society refuses to look at death realistically) you can easily be shell-shocked prey.

And I just read some anecdotes on young folks getting married today (from a shrink’s blog)… where something like 70% of the soon-to-be-hitched believe they’ll get divorced. True or not, the stats on divorce are shocking…

… not for the damage it does to families, but for the utter disregard of “vows”. When the culture just shrugs at people routinely violating their “word”, trust flutters away like dust in the wind.

And on and on.

The thing is, our culture largely exists on a surface layer. Bopped to and fro like flotsam on the ocean’s tides, without clue or direction or purpose. Or honor.

This is why professional writers stand out among the business crowd: To be able to sell effectively, you must look at life and culture and reality not as you wish it was… and not as you feel it ought to be…

… but rather, you see life as it IS. The harsh truth, the deeper nuances, the entire range of dissonance, hypocrisy and absurdity that comes with being human in a concrete jungle.

I like to say that good salesmen lead better lives…

… because, for me, living with eyes shut is sleep walking. And I prefer to be self-aware, and tuned into the meta-reality around me (as much as I can with our pitiful tools of sense and cognition).

If you strive to be a true professional, worthy of the title, then you cannot live your life slackly. You can’t communicate well, you can’t persuade, and you can’t sell as flotsam.

You are ONLY as good as your word… regardless of how little the rest of the planet cares about vows.

You MEET your fucking deadlines, in other words, and you do your best work no matter how much you’re getting paid (or how small your client is).

For most writers, this kind of commitment comes only after a transformative revelation. A “duh!” moment, where you finally realize you can’t use your friends and family as role models anymore. They will resent you for starting to arrive on time, stick to schedules, and beg off from fun when you have a deadline to meet.

Your success will irritate the hell out of everyone, because you obliterate the standard excuses (“You can’t win against The Man”… “The little guy doesn’t stand a chance”… “It’s hopeless to even try winning at biz”… and so on). No one likes to have their excuses obliterated.

My third mid-life crisis arrived as the sudden realization that — as a 30-year-old slacker — my life was never gonna change unless I did something to change it.

It was like a cleaver separating my former life (beatnik partier wannabe-writer) from the sparkling new adventure spreading out before me.  It was a shock to the system to realize that I really could…

(a) Actually desire a goal…

(b) Plan for achieving it… and…

(c) Then go out and achieve it by implementing that plan.

It wasn’t fool-proof. And it was not easy. Nor did it guarantee success.

But it was like climbing a big mountain. You could spend your entire life wishing you could reach the top, lamenting the fact that you have no clue on how to even begin…

… or, you could get a clue (Step One) by researching mountain climbing, start hiking and learning the tactics of good climbing (Step Two), and be confident that… as each new step was made manifest… you could figure it out.

People who climb mountains, climb mountains. People who wish they could climb, just wish.

This is a metaphor for all of life. It’s what separates the doers from the dreamers.

I have fully embraced every mid-life crisis that’s come my way. Change, once you make friends with it, is the foundation of adventure and a wonderful thing to indulge in.

I got used to the occasional upheaval that came with these crises… like moving to another town (knowing it can take two years to feel part of any new community)… waltzing into situations where I was a total rookie (but armed with the knowledge that the NEXT time I encountered that situation, I would no longer be a novice)…

… and all the anxiety and turmoil that comes with shifting gears and choosing something dramatically different.

I quit the business world for a couple of years, and formed a rock band to play all the biker bars and hipster joints in Northern Nevada. I wrote bad novels for another year, and went deep into the world of published fiction.  (It sucks — I earned more with one freelance copy gig than the pro novelists I met earned in a year, even with a best-seller.) (And I would have never guessed that to be true, if I hadn’t gone down that path with total commitment to figure it out.)

I moved to different states, different communities, and different climates. (Big shock moving from my shack on the beach in LA, to the worst winter snowfall in 100 years up at Lake Tahoe. August 29th, swimming in the warm Pacific. September 29th, digging my car out of a ten-foot hill of snow.) (Hint: Dig out a glimpse of your license plate first. I dug out the wrong car twice before I figured that out.)

But that’s just me. Read biographies of people you admire (or loathe). Jobs, Gates, Einstein, Churchill, Nixon, JFK, Plato, all of ‘em…

… and take to heart how the ups and downs of their lives are critical points of decision. You go one way, your life changes dramatically. You go the other way, ditto.

But you go. You do not sit still with quivering lip, slick with fear.

You go.

I am proudly in the early stages of yet another mid-life crisis. And yes, I know I’m way past “mid-life” and all that. Again, it’s just shorthand metaphor for shooting down a fresh path, aimed far from the previous one I was on.

First step was to form a new side company, Carlton Ink, to channel my “dream” projects through. I used the term “Ink” as in writing ink, not tattoo ink, of course… and as a play on “Inc”. Just go with it. (This blog is my main entry page, so be sure to sign up, top right, or you’ll miss any notifications I send out for the exciting new shit I’ve got planned.)

I’m still deeply involved with my prior ventures like the Simple Writing System — I just moved away from day-to-day operations. I am especially still deeply involved in the now-infamous Platinum Mastermind (co-hosting with my biz partner Stan).

There’s never been a mastermind like this one before, and the NEED for this kind of intense, results-oriented insider group has never been greater. If you need to get in (there are limited spots), go here for more info.

(Side note: Just to drive home the point that mid-life crises are not just common, but constantly burping up in people’s lives… I asked the group in the last mastermind meeting to raise their hand if they were in, or felt near to a mid-life crisis.  Almost every hand in the room went up. This is important, because too many folks feel like they’re the ONLY ones going through this kind of turbulence. You’re not alone. It’s a major part of the human condition, and it’s PARTICULARLY intense for entrepreneurs.)

Second step was to indulge in a long-time desire of mine to have a truly cool logo.

So I cornered my uber-talented graphic artist pal Rick Allen (you can reach him yourself at InceptIncMail@gmail.com if you need primo design work done)…

… and had the logo done that is displayed up top here.

I just shiver in joy whenever I look at it.  I grew up surrounded by sixties SoCal car culture, loving the art, graffiti, tat’s and cartoons of the era…

… and always wanted my own rollicking graphic like this. Rick spent all of ten minutes listening to me gush and talk about the artists I worshipped (like R. Crumb, H. Bosch, and especially Rick Griffin and Robert Williams)…

… and then produced this gorgeous, stunning beauty. The old-style pen through the heart was my idea — a nod to the long line of scribes, going back to dudes etching on cuneiform clay tablets in ancient Sumeria, who are my brethren.

Here’s to ya, ink-stained wretches everywhere.

Step Three: Move ever-so-smoothly into a working semi-retirement… where I’ll tend to a couple of worthy clients (requirements: Big bucks, no whining, do what I tell you to do), and finish all these books and courses I’ve been ignoring for years.

Now, my “semi-retirement” will mostly resemble what other people do in a normal work-week.  I work damn hard at hobbies, side projects, and especially my own writing.

Oh, I got plans.

But before I finish up here, I need to lay out some basic ground rules for enjoying a good mid-life crisis.

I don’t wanna hear about anyone wandering off half-cocked, creating chaos in their wake chasing inappropriate love interests or signing up for the Navy SEALS at age 40. (You’ll get crushed in both instances.) Don’t be a cliche.

Here’s my advice:

Ground Rule #1: First and foremost, take care of those who depend on you. Don’t act irrationally, or without a well-thought-out plan. This is especially critical if there are children involved.

You can successfully go through a spectacular mid-life crisis without hurting others. It may only be 50% of what you wanted, but remember that most folks never do ANYTHING about their dreams… so you’re still way ahead. (So you take a family trek across Europe, instead of the bachelor sleaze-fest you think you wanted. Be a grown-up about this.)

Ground Rule #2: Make lots of lists, and keep them organized. This clears your head, and identifies what you need to focus on. If you’re determined to sail solo around the world, learn to swim first.

Ground Rule #3: Again, your homework is to read biographies. I’m serious about this. Learn how people who pulled off the spectacular accomplished it, and how they navigated their own foibles and the challenges of the world.

Ground Rule #4: Have an “exit” plan — both for your current situation (see Ground Rule #1) so you don’t leave collateral damage all over the place… and for at least a few months of your new direction. As much as you can, plan.

Now, I say that as a guy who rarely made good plans in my earlier crises. But I just didn’t know how, and was operating without a guidebook. I made up the rules as I went.

Don’t follow my early lead on this. Do your due diligence.

Ground Rule #5: Find support groups. It can be one person. (Mine, for several of my crises, was Gary Halbert, who talked to me frequently while I went careening off the walls in new adventures.)

Again, choose carefully — even your best pals may not be up for you leaving them in the dust, while you obliterate their excuses and go after your goals. Better to find like-minded colleagues already bloodied in entrepreneurial or life experiences.

Ground Rule #6: If you’re gonna do it…

… DO IT.

Don’t dink around, or do it half-assed. Don’t hurt anyone else. Research, prepare, gird thy loins. Then get busy.

Ground Rule #7: You go, girl.

Remember to enjoy the ride. Never allow despair to freeze you up. Get done what you need to get done, go deep, inhale and relish every detail, and get your gusto on.

Keep a journal, cuz your grandkids will wanna read it.

We only get one ticket, for one ride in this life. The big secret is: You’re in charge of your own script. Yes, a lot that happens will be unplanned, unfair and unwanted.

But for the rest of it, you’re in charge. Unless you choose not to be.

You don’t need to do what anyone else does. Find your own groove, and ride that puppy for all it’s worth. If you fail, you fail. Get back up, re-adjust, figure it out…

… and start again. Or move sideways into something else.

You can also choose to remain where you are. Absolutely no shame in that. The world needs a vast mob content to follow orders. It’s freakin’ scary when you wake up and realize you’re operating without a safety net — and it’s okay to not take that path (no matter how much the distant sirens call to you).

Just never forget that you’re choosing your path. Be at peace with yourself once that decision is made.

One last trick: Try to leave the world a better place, will ya?

Stay frosty,

John

P.S. What do you think of all this? Love to hear your thoughts, in the comments.

Saturday, 8:44pm
Reno, NV
“They’ve all gone to look for America…” (Simon & Garfunkel)

Howdy.

I want to wish the country a happy birthday on this fine July 4th.

She’s looking not too shabby for 235 years old.  I’ve been here for a lot of those b-days, too… and here are a couple of random thoughts (before I get drowned out by fireworks):

Random Thought #1: I’m not gonna discuss politics, and I hope you have the presence of mind not to start in on it yourself in the comments.  However… as far apart as we seem today on the multitude of problems faced… I can tell you it has ever been thus.

At our very best, the country has always been like a dysfunctional family forced to co-exist at a perpetual holiday dinner.  My own family shows signs of it occasionally — somebody gets hot about some subject, voices rise, someone gets called an idiot, feelings are hurt…

… and then, minutes later, all is well and we’re laughing about some story from the family archives.  (I had uncles who couldn’t get through a game of gin rummy without throwing cards across the room and giving us kids an excellent lesson in swearing like a sailor before the aunts corralled them back into some semblance of civilized behavior again.  I miss those old farts, and a whiff of beer and cigars can take me back instantly…)

I was doing “Duck and Cover” drills under my desk in grade school, back when we were pretty sure the Commies were about to rain nuclear bombs on us.  My first notice of politics was when Kennedy was shot, and I was stunned to learn the first congressman I met (in a high school event) was a total brain-dead tool.

We’ll never get along completely as a country.  One man’s sensible solution is another man’s call-to-arms, and it will never change.

I realized this permanent division of political thought early on… and it’s helped (a bit) to alleviate the frustration.  I’m a political junkie, but I stay out of the public cat-fights that so many others love to start and never seem able to finish.

Like that dysfunctional family, you just gotta hope that — at the end of the day — we can put our differences aside and remember that we’re all in this crazy experiment in self-governance together.

Random Thought #2: Probably because I don’t wear my politics on my sleeve, I’ve got friends all over the political map.  Right-wing nutballs, liberal chickenhawks, dudes with loaded guns in every room, feminists on edge, Bible thumpers with an eye on the school board, deniers, accusers and nervous paranoids…

… you name it, I’ve got a pal somewhere walking the walk.

And I never discuss politics with most of them.  And we remain friends by ignoring the occasional outburst, and never, ever trying to change anyone’s mind directly.

It’s my experience that no one’s mind has ever been changed (I suspect in the history of the world) from an argument.  Facts won’t do it, personal experience won’t sway anyone… and you sure as hell won’t accomplish anything by insulting your opponent.

Alexander Hamilton — one of the Founders — was killed in a duel by Aaron Burr over… politics.  Nice work, guys.  Both were hugely influential (Secretary of the Treasury, and Vice freakin’ Prez), and both careers ended instantly — one dead, one done forever as a politico.

I know what it’s like to get so mad… so full of rage and so damned sure that I was on the side of the angels (while the other guy was obviously in league with pure evil)… that violence seemed like a dandy next step.

But long ago, I also learned how easy it is to let that rage go… and let the steam just dissipate, while rational thought returns.

You ain’t gonna change his mind.  And he aint’ gonna change yours.  And guess what?

That’s why this whole experiment in self-governance got rolling in the first place.  There was never gonna be any unanimous decisions, on anything.  So you vote for a representative, who does the job or gets voted out.  Three separate branches will hash it out, legislatively, legally, and (hopefully) leadership-ly.

The one constant I’ve seen over my decades of being addicted to watching politics (best reality show on the planet, BTW)… is that the loudest and meanest voices belong to folks who haven’t got a fucking clue how the government actually runs, or why the machinations of the beast works as it does.

There are no simple answers, just like there’s no simple way to shut up your dumb-ass brother-in-law with all his weird “fix the world” solutions.

Yes, it’s frustrating.  But it has ALWAYS been frustrating.  We had a civil war over it.  Assassinations.  One long, chaotic and maddening intellectual (and too often, physical) brawl that will never end.

Still…

Random Thought #3: As infuriating as it can be to try to coexist with so many fellow obviously-bonkers countrymen…

… I have a secret weapon against sinking into a funk about it.

And that secret weapon is nothing more than this realization: It’s a safe bet that — at most — maybe a few of my ancestors ever felt free to speak their minds.  At any point in their lives.

I come from solid working-class stock, as far back as the meager family tree has been tracked.  And I can easily imagine some distant Carlton… wracked with the same anti-authoritarian tendencies I have… spending his entire existence biting his tongue to avoid the gallows.

And wondering, desperately, why his thoughts and beliefs weren’t just as valid… and just as worthy of being aired… as the jerk-wads in charge.

It would blow his mind to know that I can pretty much write about whatever subject I like… and spout whatever nonsense pops into my head… whenever I feel like it.

Blow.  His.  Freakin’.  Mind.

Yeah, sure, there still are lines you can’t cross publicly.  Sedition, yelling “fire” in a theater, provable slander… the First Amendment is still a work in progress.  Not too long ago, they threw comics in jail for saying what you can now hear on regular cable stations 24/7.  And it kinda twists your gut when fanatics get a pass to offend people at funerals.

And what the heck is up with cash now equaling free speech in elections?  I wish more of the budding plutocrats out there would remember that Ben Franklin (among others) mostly distrusted the common dude’s intellect… but figured the vote was still the best of all paths to take for self-governance.

Every Fourth, I take a deep breath and give serious thanks that no one’s boot is on my neck censoring the crap that flows through my brain… as it was for just about everyone else in history.  What we’ve got is imperfect, it’s a legal mess getting messier all the time, and even constant vigilance is no guarantee it won’t be snatched away tomorrow by The Man.

But right now… for at least this 235th birthday… the rickety allowances of free speech is (as far as I’m concerned) still the crowning glory of my homeland.

Last Random Thought: We’re pretty spoiled.

Back when I was dead broke and living out of my car… I still enjoyed privileges and cool shit that past kings would have eaten their own arms for.  Plenty of inexpensive nourishment for body and soul, and even as a edge-walker in the economy, the means to enjoy life on a level unimaginable to my ancestors.

In that beat-to-shit ’81 Celica fast-back — both the ugliest and the most fun car I’ve ever owned — I had shelter, enough comfort to occasionally have sex in, a vast range of travel, free radio, piles of tapes, books, newspapers, a guitar, clothes, food, even my old typewriter and reams of paper.  And well-kept roads under the wheels.

One night, sitting on the hood watching the stars as the ocean boomed on the rocks directly below me… well-fed, guitar in my lap, a snug night’s sleep in the car ahead of me… I remember thinking I wouldn’t trade my life for any of the most privileged existences I knew about in history.

Drafty castles, Huns swarming, a mouthful of rotting teeth, no pizza or cold beer, lucky to make it past 30, a world teeming with ghosts and superstition, no TV or radio or media entertainment of any kind (except for poor Yorick, I knew him, Horatio…)…

Screw that.

We live in interesting times.  And we have a catbird seat for monitoring the action (if you’re paying attention).

As annoyed as I am sometimes with the old broad, I’m tipping my hat to her on her birthday and wishing her many, many more.

And my love for her is genuine.

Stay frosty,

John

P.S. Have at it in the comments… but no political bullshit, all right?  You’ve got ample other places to do that to your heart’s content.

Tell you what.  Just for today… let’s celebrate what we have in common, all right?

Monday, 9:27pm
Reno, NV
“Oops, I did it again…”  (Britney, God love her…)

Howdy…

I’m on a roll here, grabbing criminally-ignored posts from the blog archives…

… and re-posting them prominently, so you criminally ignore them no longer.  With a few minor edits, of course, tailoring the prose to fit today’s quirky needs for advice.  (Hey, you don’t fit into your old high school jeans anymore, either, you know.)

Here, we have another dangerously-tasty post from not too long ago… which, I believe, requires no explanation other than to say it’s some serious insight into the writer’s brain.

You do NOT want to venture into this quagmire without a guide.  Which is what I’ve written here — a short “guide to the writer’s mind”.

Not exactly a hot Disneyland ride, but if you’re in business it’s some wicked-valuable info.

So, indulge, and enjoy (if you dare):

I’m gonna need your feedback on this.

See, I’ve always been a wave or two out of the mainstream… and that’s actually helped me be a better business dude, because this outsider status forces me to pay extra attention to what’s going on (so I can understand who I’m writing my ads to).

This extra focus means I’ve never taken anything for granted — especially not those weird emotional/rational triggers firing off in a prospect’s head while I’m wooing him on a sale.

And trust me on this: Most folks out there truly have some WEIRD shit going on in their heads, most of the time.

It can get spooky, climbing into the psyche of your market.

Still, though, it is, ultimately, exquisite fun. This gig as a professional writer — figuring out how to get people’s attention, influencing decisions that will change their lives in profound ways, and weaving stories and glory out of blank pages — can be more invigorating than leaping off Half Dome with a tiny parachute.

I’m sure you don’t believe me. Few do on this matter.

But the raw truth is… good copywriters work in the deep grooves of Real Life, where it’s strange and dangerous and… well, fun.

At the next seminar you go to, check out the bar in the hotel. You’ll find the best writers in a gaggle near the back of the room, rolling on the floor and holding their bellies from laughing so hard.

What’s so funny?  Everything.

Writers are like M*A*S*H doctors on the front lines — so deep in the mire of human existence, they need to laugh to keep from going mad. Because the world is one batshit-crazy joint…

… and they are neck-deep in it, getting up-close-and-personal with the insane stuff that decent folks try their best to ignore.

To an observer’s eyes, writers can seem irrepairably neurotic. And share a tear for the spouse:  For both the male and female of the species “Writer Erectus”, it takes a super-smart, confident, and wry partner to keep a relationship going. There’s no such thing as “settling into a rut” when half the marriage is a writer.

You better have the chops to deal with serious “wild and crazy” intellectual (and, sometimes, physical) acrobatics.  It might help to think about writers as being semi-tame monkeys, itching to revert to chandelier-swinging at the slightest provocation.

Except, of course, for those uncomfortably looooooong periods where the writer is staring off into space, or so transfixed by the Word document in front of him that you almost want to check for a pulse to make sure he hasn’t left the corporeal realm entirely.

From deep good fun, to deep near-comatose thinking.

It’s a roller coaster, trying to befriend, live or work with one.

Which may be why writers seldom get any respect.

Which also may be why most of my closest friends and confidants… are also writers. We “get” each other.

We don’t have to explain why we consider writing so much… fun.

Even when it’s painful.

Like I said… we’re weird. Not in step with the rest of the world.

And yet… we MUST connect with the rest of the world, to be able to write sales copy. So we become amateur shrinks, rookie hypnotists, gluttons for inside info… and world-class students of human behavior.

Normal people can’t be bothered with observing other humans closely. Too much trouble, and it’s hard, anyway.

Better to just adopt a convenient world view — “us” and “them” — and be done with it. Be a little loving, a little hating, do business, mow the lawn and take your kids to church. Hope for the best, fear the unexpected, kill all messengers with bad tidings.

Writers, however, will shrivel and die when forced to be “normal”.

Screw that. We read what we like (even if it’s nasty and especially if it’s prohibited)… we think bizarro thoughts that would bring normal people to their knees in horror… we sing out loud and fall hopelessly in love… and we don’t notice the sun setting — we observe the dappled thunderheads huddled over frozen mountains, swallowing the blazing orb hungrily, giddy for the starry onrush of night.

So, yeah. Fun, with life, with words, with living as deep and fearlessly as possible… if the gig wasn’t rife with these things, most of us would be doing something else.

And money?

Well, for most of history, scribes were slaves. Then (big upgrade) they were groveling servants of the ruling class — never equal, never respected much.

Then — when the novel appeared in the early 19th century — a funny thing happened: Writers started earning money for their efforts.

And, sometimes, the wealth accumulated. Mark Twain was a rich and respected world-traveler. Charles Dickens, Oscar Wilde, and Alexander Dumas used their notoriety as story-crafters to rise above their normal “station” in life.

By the time direct response advertising became a thriving industry (early twentieth century), the utter importance of writers made them minor rock stars among advertisers.

Now, with the global reach of the Web, a guy who learns to write well — to communicate, persuade, and close the deal — will have to struggle NOT be have piles of money thrown his way.

And yet…

… and yet, as my friend Rich Schefren observed in a recent chat: “John, it’s ironic that you — the guy who helped so many of us get our start in marketing and using words to sell — seem perpetually trapped in what is viewed as the most UN-SEXY part of the business world.”

And he’s right.

I hate him for pointing it out… but he’s right.

It’s probably part of the appeal that keeps me in the game. I thrive on being an “outsider”. I get itchy whenever I’m too “accepted”, or feel myself slipping into the mainstream. Don’t like it. Will do something anti-social to break rapport, and stir shit up.

If my slovenly little corner of the biz world ever truly became “sexy” enough to gain total mainstream acceptance, in fact… my head would implode.

And bats would fly out, and little tiny monsters would scrabble from the steaming wreck of my neck, where just a wee dangling smidgen of ape-brain was left, snarling and spitting…

Professional ad writing is not sexy.  (With all due exceptions for Don Draper in “Mad Men”.)

It’s not raiding pension funds for profit… it’s not gaming the stock market for windfalls… it’s not gory entertainment like cage fighting… and it’s not sexy like the “magic” of launches and social networking scams and posting funny YouTube shit is sexy.

The irony kills me, every day.

In Hollywood, moguls gnash their teeth and directors consult astrologers while investors shovel money at box-office-boosting stars in a never-ending attempt to make their movies “huge hits”.

They do everything, in fact, except respect the ONE thing that truly matters: The fucking script.

You know — what the WRITERS produce.

Same with business. I teach freelancers to walk into a client’s office and OWN the situation. Charge a gazillion bucks (payable immediately), and make the client like it. Set cushy deadlines that please you, order folks around, and generally run things like an asshole.

Why? Because you’ve got to smack clients upside the head like that — and sometimes BE an asshole — to get the respect you require to do a good job.

Because while your skills at writing are the FOUNDATION of success in every single project out there… most clients refuse to admit it.

This hard-core “own the joint” attitude is 180-degrees opposite of how most freelancers go about dealing with clients. They crawl into a new client’s office on their knees, begging to be hurt and whipped and abused. They accept “vendor” status, and get paid on 60-day invoices. They allow their best stuff to be trampled and rewritten and shat on by lesser mortals… because they’re closer to the old slave scribes than to the Web millionaires using copy to get rich.

You want sexy?

How about having fun and making money.

You know — like the folks who bother to learn the deep, dark art of viciously-effective copywriting.

Okay, I know there are lots of members of the opposite sex who realize how super-bad-thexy writers truly are. Most of the writers I know aren’t widely appreciated in the biological pool, but within certain groups they are lust-candy. To a certain part of the population, brains being used for bad behavior… just so we have a good story to write about later… is the sexiest thing going.

But in the broader scheme of things, writers are always going to be outcasts.

Which brings me back to that table in the back of the bar at the seminar.

Who cares about respect, when you get to hang out with the smartest, funniest, most interesting folks in the room all the time?

I like the money that arrives from knowing how to write. I love the fun that comes with seeing the world differently than almost everyone else.

And I’ll just continue to be ironically pleased with a sexiness that only I and a few others seem to see.

It’s a very secret club. You earn admission only by embracing the craft, and being demanding of yourself in getting really, really good.

For those of us in the back of the room, it’s the ONLY club worth being in. We’d belong even if the money wasn’t stupid-huge.

To the writers out there: Can I get some testimony? How do you guys experience the frustration of not being understood, of working alone so much of the time, of owning a brain that goes to amazing places other people can’t even dream about?

I know that none of you would give up your hard-won chops as a writer, not for all the money in the world. We hold all the true power in life, and in the culture.  Pen mightier than the sword and all that.

And in business, too — it’s the writer who makes the magic happen.

Still, what do you guys think? Am I being too dramatic here? Not dramatic enough?

Love to hear from y’all…

Stay frosty,

John

P.S. Two last thoughts:

Thought #1. As always, if you crave knowing what writers know about the world and about business…

… just click here to see what’s available through the Simple Writing System.  That’s your first step — get the inside scoop, and learn the basics of quickly becoming the best writer you’re capable of becoming.  (Plus the sneaky advanced-yet-simple stuff filling this system that can make you ridiculously-good, in case you decide to go pro).

That’s your ticket to the club, so to speak.

Thought #2. And if you’re already a pro writer, stay tuned…

… cuz we’re gonna revamp the infamous “Freelance Manual” soon.  Which is all about the specifics of living the good life as a freelance copywriter:  Finding and managing clients… getting paid the big bucks… and grabbing your seat at the head of the Feast Of Life, where the adventures are fast and furious.

It’ll all be available soon.  Hang tight…

Sunday, 3:25
Tampa Bay, Florida
“So I said to the captain, please bring me my wine… he said we haven’t had that spirit here since 1969…” (Hotel California, of course)

Howdy.

Another guest blog post here (while I’m off to get ready for the totally awesome Action Seminar down in sunny San Diego this coming weekend)…

… by our good friend (and notorious freelance copywriter) Kevin Rogers.

I asked him to share the stories below, because they cracked me up when he first told them to me…

… and I realized the lessons for entrepreneurs here are just as solid as the stuff I picked up (early in my own career) from the street-wise salesmen I hung around.

Those real-world lessons from the dudes who knew how to close a deal face-to-face are critical to any decent sales process… even if you’re completely digital and never actually meet your prospects in the flesh.

This stuff is pure gold.  So listen up.  Here’s Kevin…

Thanks, John.

Okay, let me tell you a story about why bellmen don’t mind wearing those goofy uniforms at busy hotels and resorts… and how the lessons I learned in the job fit so well in the entrepreneurial world.

It’s true.  One of the most eye-opening jobs I held in my previous life — before freelance copywriting — was as a main entrance bellman here in Florida.

I learned more about “street-smart selling” in my short time in that role than from any other gig, including stand-up comic, bartender, or even Marketing VP of an online real estate company.

Here’s why…

To make any money at bellhopping, you’ve got to master the careful art of qualifying your prospects. This is ultimately where any business lives or dies.

And there’s really no difference between doing it online or live in the flesh.

Everything you need to know about your best customers takes place in the short trip from “curb to curtains” as we used to call the guest-vetting process in the hotel biz.

The entire exchange might last only seven minutes, but, done right, could easily lead to an extra fifty, a hundred or even $300 in cash (my personal best) from just one guest.  (That guest was an NFL legend, too… and I’ll share the tale with you in a moment.  Killer lesson for marketers…)

Yet, as crucial as knowing the inner workings of your prospect is… one of the most perplexing questions for any marketer I consult with remains: “Who is your ideal customer?”

I’ve watched high profile marketing “gurus” crumble to bits at this simple question.

Of course, nobody wakes up one day with this knowledge… and, like anything worth doing, you’ve got to be willing to engage with life to learn the most valuable lessons.  And make the mistakes you may need to make in order to figure it all out.

I remember the first time (as a wet-behind-the-ears rookie) the other bellman generously allowed me to greet a pair of guests pulling up the hotel drive in a Mercedes Benz.

“This one’s all you, dude,” said the bell captain.

“Seriously? It’s not even my up,” I said, grabbing the shiniest cart.  Oh, boy, I thought.  These guests just reeked of cash.

“It’s cool, man… go get ‘em.”

I spent a full 25 minutes coddling Mr. & Mrs. Mercedes… filling their ice bucket, carefully hanging garments and fielding a barrage of questions about where they could eat while accommodating their “special diets” — even offering to score them VIP discounts at the best restaurants…

… only to be handed a juicy tip of ONE dollar.

I returned to the lobby to find the other bellman smirking as he hustled along his second or third guest since I’d left.

I’d just learned my first real-world lesson in customer profiling.

Now, profiling may be a taboo tactic at airport security, but on a sales floor it’s pure survival tactic.

True… most guys named Mohammed are NOT security threats, and long-haired dudes aren’t always crotching a bag of weed…

… but, for some reason, 99% of older couples driving Mercedes sedans ARE guaranteed to tip their bellman one measly dollar. (Test results over my bellman career were very consistent.)

The gig got more fun once I escaped the downtown Hilton and finagled my way into the most prestigious 5-star resort in town — an elegant beachfront castle called the Don CeSar that felt straight out of Casablanca, with a lobby that screamed “easy livin’”.  (It’s the swanky place behind me in the above photo.)

This time, the lessons arrived a little easier.  The suave, veteran resort bellhops took pity on the rookie, and taught me how to get beyond the confines of the “Gopher” uniform…

… force the guests to look me in the eye…

… and collect the big bucks by providing what it was they really wanted from their stay.

This was my first lesson in becoming, as John often preaches: “The Adult in the Room”.  The person who commands respect (no matter what you’re wearing) and puts clients at ease… while delivering the goods that fit the prospect’s needs like a glove.

There is a simple 3-step process to becoming the Adult in the Room (to steal John’s phrase).  I first developed my version of it in my bellman gig… and this process can help any marketer better serve their customers, make loads more money and build a business that lasts.

In fact, with a little practice, it can guide any entrepreneur or freelance service provider to earn new levels of respect (the key to commanding top fees) from appreciative clients.

Here are the steps:

Step One: Find a starving market, then dig in deep.

Gary Halbert famously said that given the choice of any one advantage when opening a hamburger stand, he’d choose “a starving crowd.”

That’s one of those head-slapping marketing fundamentals that still gets overlooked, at the cost of fortunes, even by entrepreneurs who should know better.

McDonald’s didn’t become McDonald’s by setting out to make the world’s best hamburger. They got there by setting up grills and cash registers in the most trafficked areas on the planet.

Online (especially if you’re selling info products) you’re not going to make your best money serving cheap stuff to the masses.  That model works to an extent, but if you’re after the major bucks, you’ll want to identify the “whales” in the crowd (or, as Halbert called ‘em, “Players With Money”).

To pull this off, you do want to attract the largest amount of prospects possible into your world (i.e. your sales funnel)… so you can start the identification process… and that means giving away irresistible freebies.

As a bellman, we knew the plum opportunities were at the joints bustling with customers (not the places with crickets chirping in the lobby, no matter how famous the name).  And then, once we scored a position in the heart of the starving crowds (even in those starched Gopher uniforms that made us look like AWOL soldiers from the city of Oz) we learned to instantly sift through the “freebee seekers” and identify the best prospects… and get busy.

Here’s how…

Step Two: Provide value and open a dialogue.

For bellmen, the ultimate “elevator chat” occurs just after check-in, while escorting guests to their rooms.

This is akin to welcoming visitors to your squeeze page… where your job is, first, to discover what your best prospects really want (that they often aren’t even thinking of yet)… and then, to be that person who delivers it to them.

Some examples from the hotel:

If it’s a family and they plan to visit the amusement parks… we would hook ‘em up with discount tickets and shuttle service, remind them to bring sunscreen (and even score them free samples), and be their best friendly contact in the hotel.

If it was a “Big Dog” presenting at a seminar… we’d help them get a suit cleaned, shoes polished, a massage therapist, inform him or her of the hours and services available at the business center (a move that could very well save their ass if they woke up to find their speech was left in a different brief case or in a laptop with no power chord).  (And ass-saved customers, as any good salesman knows, can be very appreciative.)

If it was a single dude attending the company’s yearly awards seminar, we’d waste no time pointing him to the nearest… ahem… “gentleman’s” club. (Again, our field tests over the years were very conclusive.)

The key is to discover, within a few casual questions, what you can provide that your guest may not be consciously considering.

And you are not delivering a hard close… just a helping hand.  Very important.

One of my favorite personal touches was one I used at check out.

When the call would come to hustle newlyweds out to their waiting limo and off to the first day of  their honeymoon… I’d often be the first person they’d see the morning after their first magical night together as man and wife.

There was no avoiding the obviousness of what had taken place in that bridal suite before I barged in.

So, to break the tension, I’d hand the groom the morning newspaper and say, “Keep this… some day you’ll wonder what the rest of the world was doing on the best day of your life.”

That touch alone could boost tips as much as 50%.

You can achieve the same result by creating valuable stuff (from good advice, to detailed reports helping them achieve goals) your prospects hugely appreciate… but don’t know they want yet.  The magic happens when they realize you really are that dude who knows what’s going on… and you’re happy to deliver the goods.

Step Three: Grow into the expert who gives your customers what nobody else can.

In marketing, it’s not necessity, but demand that is the Mother of Invention.

When was the last time you surveyed your lists to find out what they’d love to have from you, but aren’t currently getting?

With a responsive list, it really is that easy to create results out of thin air.

(Not doing this is a crime… especially when you consider how successful businesses can pretty much guarantee a profitable product launch just by delivering exactly what their potential buyers ask for.)

I mentioned my record $300 tip from one guest. That was a future NFL Hall of Famer (who is — incredibly — still playing at a high level a full decade later) whose name I won’t reveal out of reverence to guest/bellman privileges.  (Just as confidential as the pact between doctor/patient, lawyer/client, and spy/M.)

Here’s the story: It was 4am when he and his guests arrived, after a full day on the road (and just 48 hours after losing the AFC Championship game, you should know, to my favorite team, which I am also conveniently avoiding mentioning).

He tipped me the first hundred for delivering luggage to his suite.

I told him if there was anything else I could get him, to please not hesitate.

He didn’t.

“Kaav, we need a couple of bottles of wine,” he said.  (No “Kevin” for him.  I was Kaav, and I was honored.)

“Ow”, I replied, pained. “That’s the one thing I can’t do for you. This city goes dry at 2am. Everything shut down over an hour ago.”

He slapped another hundred-dollar bill into my hand and said, “I got faith in ya, Kaav.”

I walked straight down to the lobby bar, past the security cameras, grabbed two bottles of wine from the cooler and was back at his door in less than 10 minutes.

“No law against welcoming an important guest, though,” I said, as he howled with laughter.  And greased me one more time, what a mensch.  Now that’s the way to show appreciation.

Yes, of course I alerted the front desk about the wine! Shame on you for thinking I went around the blue laws.  Either that or I paid the security dweeb a $20 hush fee… who can remember small details after all these years?

Point is, you’re no bellman, you don’t have to break the law for cash…

…  and, in fact, you don’t even have to break a sweat.

Just follow these 3 simple steps, bust out of your comfort zone more often, find out what your best prospects really want… and challenge yourself to deliver big for them.

To easy livin’…

Kaav

P.S. I’ll be at the Action Seminar all weekend, in a guest-star role along with John and that Murder’s Row of experts he lined up…

… and I hear there may still be room for you, too, if you jump on it.  Go here for details.

Be sure to tip your waitress.

And hey, leave a comment if you’ve got something to say, too…

Tuesday, 2:32pm
Reno, NV
“And you may ask yourself, where does that highway go?” (Talking Heads)

Howdy.

Quickie post today…

… on a very important topic.

You hear me nattering about “Operation MoneySuck” all the time.  And some folks are confused about what it means.

So let’s do a refresher.

Here’s the story: Early in my career, I was hired by advertising legend Gary Halbert to help him write ads for clients.  The first day I arrived at his offices on Sunset Blvd (in West Hollywood), we were scheduled to slam out copy and plot “next moves” with some current clients.

However, just as my butt hit the chair across from his desk, two (count ‘em, two) secretaries AND his red-headed girlfriend (notorious for getting her way) burst in with bad news.

Lots of bad news, in fact.  The printer had just broken down, and shit needed to get copied NOW.  Some guy was ranting and raving on Line 2, threatening legal action over something.  The landlord was on the way up in the elevator, because there was a problem with the lease.  The bank was on Line 1, and so on.

These women were shaking with panic and consternation, freaked out by the urgent crisis-level emergencies that…

… HAD…

… to be dealt with…

…NOW!

I sighed, and started to gather my stuff, ready to split until Gary had attended to all of this mayhem.

Instead, he held up his hand… shushed everyone… and gently ushered the secretaries AND his red-headed girlfriend (notorious for getting her way) out the door…

… and locked it.

Returning to his desk, he picked up a pen and said “Okay, let’s get busy.”

I was stunned.  What… what… wait a minute… what about all that…

“Operation MoneySuck,” he said, rifling through his Rolodex for the number of a client we needed to call.  ”Screw all that irrelevant stuff.  We’re gonna bring in the bucks.”

And we did. For the next several hours, we finished ads, nailed down deals, and consulted with clients.

When we finally opened the door again, all was calm outside.  Line 1 and Line 2 were quiet, the landlord was gone, the printer chattering happily and kicking out dot-matrix copies.  (It was a while back, folks.)

All the “emergencies” had been taken care of, without us.

And we had put in a solid session of writing and wrangling with clients.  Which generated income, new business, and a good deal of killer brainstorming.

The lesson of Operatin MoneySuck couldn’t have been clearer.

It’s this: If you are the person in charge of bringing in the money, then that is your Number One job — to bring in the money.  It’s also your Number Two job, your Number Three job, and so on.

More: ALL problems are “emergencies”, in one way or another.  They’re a show-stopper to some, an ulcer-inducing nightmare for others.

However, if your job is to bring in the moolah… and an hour of you doing that can generate, say, a thousand bucks in fees or sales…

… then, when you scurry over to start looking at the printer when it snarls up…

… that means you’re paying someone (you) a thousand bucks an hour to read the manual and pull out jammed paper with uncoiled paperclips.

While NO ONE is picking up your job of bringing home any bacon.  So you lose twice.  Net loss of two thousand smackeroo’s per hour.  (Plus, you’ll most likely just fuck up the printer and have to go buy a new one anyway.  What are office printers running nowadays?  $150?)

The importance of this attitude kept getting nailed home for me as I noticed how many entrepreneurs and biz owners routinely took their eye off the ball… trying to “save” a few bucks by doing everything themselves.

And, at the same time, I noticed that the really successful dudes had personal assistants, secretaries, and grunt labor at their beck-and-call to do all the “small shit” (as Halbert called it).  Which guaranteed that their lives bopped along smoothly (with dishes washed, dry cleaning picked up, bills paid, fridge stuffed, landlords mollified, and so on)…

… and ALL of their main energies went into doing what they did best:  Create wealth.

So that’s Operation MoneySuck.  For me, it’s a code-word for my colleagues (and my brain) that means we’re gonna focus on the raw green core of business right now.  And nothing else.

You are free to interpret it however you like… as long as, when you’re done, you’ve made serious progress toward your goals of feeding the financial monkey in your life.  Yes, the emergencies in your life need to be tended to.  And you need to pay attention to your health, the rent, your Significant Other’s needs, family obligations, and all the nagging details of being a fine upstanding member of modern civilization.

But you BEGIN with a solid understanding of what your JOB is in life.

Make sense?

Get clear… and be specific… on what it is, exactly, you do that causes cash to be delivered into your bank account.  In this “2.0″ modern world, you may need to include some things that are, say, one step removed from the actual act of converting a customer.  If you have an online biz, for example, then writing the sales message is critical to make sales happen.

However, generating traffic (if you haven’t got any) is a precursor to hauling prospects in front of your wonderful sales pitch.  So all the things you may need to do right now to divert leads into your world becomes Operation MoneySuck.  Including hiring someone to do it for you.  Or hiring someone to find someone to do it for you.

Radical example: This attitude of “get it done”, at the highest professional levels, is something awesome to behold.  Let’s say you’re a copywriter, and you have a deadline tomorrow morning at 8am for something you need to write tonight.  And you drop your laptop in the toilet at 1am… so it’s not just dead, but it’s Ugly Dead.  All files flushed, gone, not backed up.

What do you do?

Less focused folks would punt.  Call the client early, apologize profusely, and try to negotiate more time.

Not the “real” pro.  He would immediately figure out his options.  Borrow a computer, even if it means calling an old girlfriend (who hates your guts).  Steal one.  Call up pawn shops, all-night stores, anywhere that might have a working computer.

BUT… he would only spend a short time on this side project.  As soon as bribing, begging, theft and shopping were ruled out…

… he would pick up a pen, pencil or crayon, and start writing (using notebooks, napkins, paper towels, anything that worked).  And FINISH the writing part of the gig.  Grab a 20-minute nap, proof-read the scribbling… and be waiting at the most logical place to score a way to get it into a Word document the moment that place was open: The city library, Susie’s apartment, Best Buy, a hotel business center.

So he could finish the rest of what was required to meet his deadline.

So he would get paid.

That’s Operation MoneySuck.  Give that man a round of applause.  That’s a pro.

And yes, I’ve done (more or less) versions of this kind of insane meet-the-deadline-no-matter-what behavior throughout my career.  Because I’ve been the guy whose job it was to bring home the moolah.

If this kind of dedication, determination and raw discipline is not in your toolkit right now… it can be.  You start by committing to a goal.  And you move forward from there.

You really can astonish yourself with your ability to do things that — yesterday — you would have routinely regarded as “impossible”…

… but you can’t get there by dreaming about it.  You may even need guidance, from a mentor or coach to watch your back as you establish your private beach-head in the world of professionalism.

Lemme tell you, though…

… once you get a taste of living life with this kind of verve, awareness and Zen-warrior “get it done” mojo… you will feel and be more alive than you ever believed possible.

And that’s why successful entrepreneurs sometimes seem so cocky.  It’s because they’ve experienced Operation MoneySuck (whether they call it that or not)…

… and it rocked their world.

I dunno… are you buying all this?  It’s all the dead-solid truth… but I know that most people recoil in horror at the thought of going after a goal like a pitbull after a squirrel.  (Pure lethal focus.)

I learned the methods of living this way slowly… because I had to pull myself out of the Slacker Mire, with little guidance or advice.  So when I realized what Halbert was doing in that long-ago office on Sunset Blvd, I grasped that lesson close to my heart and kept it there until it became a part of me.

It’s worth it.

Love to hear what you think, in the comments.

Stay frosty,

John

P.S. If you’re looking for a little guidance yourself, here’s a good place to start:  CarltonCoaching.com.  That’s our brand new site explaining all the ways you can score private coaching from me, plus mastermind opportunities and access to our stunning new membership area (crammed with resources that will make your quest for wealth, fame and happiness as easy as going down a greased slide).

Click here to find out more.

P.P.S. There is a fresh story brewing about the Action Seminar (just 10 days away now, in San Diego).

If you crave the company of other hard-core “live with gusto” success-junkies, you need to see the new (and VERY intriguing) way you can now be there with us.  No matter what your situation is.

Just click to see what’s up.

Sunday, 1:01pm
Tampa, FL
“Won’t you get hip to this timely tip, and take that California trip…” (“Route 66″, Bobby Troup)

Howdy…

I asked our old pal Kevin Rogers to guest post here, while I’m off galavanting around the west coast on biz trips.  (First stop: San Francisco, for the quarterly meeting of our super-awesome Platinum Mastermind group.)

I laughed reading this post.  There are excellent lessons for everyone below (especially if you’re struggling to find your footing in this current economic turmoil)…

… and I just want to be clear, up front, about one crucial detail:  There is a HUGE difference between making yourself useful (after doing the necessary preparations)…

… and just being a lazy-ass stalker looking for a handout.  I met my own primary mentor, Gary Halbert, by slowly proving myself through actions.  I never asked for anything, and never pretended to be anything I wasn’t.

Most of the time, the difference between a life frozen in place… and a life that roars along in the fast lane… turns on a single moment where you realize “Hey, I can DO this”.

And that moment usually comes from discovering information, or advice, that you couldn’t quite piece together on your own.

This is where teachers come in.

This is where taking that critical action-step of reaching out and grasping opportunity is the order of the day.

Okay, enough preamble.  Here’s Kevin:

Hi.  Kevin Rogers here.

Since the head honcho is away this week and asked me to fill in (always a humbling honor), I thought I’d share the story of how I was able to “weasel my way” into John’s world…

… all the way from being a guy he’d barely noticed writing about him on marketing forums… to eventually becoming a trusted insider (and even working alongside him as his go-to-writer).

There’s a huge lesson in here anyone can use to skip several rungs up the ladder of marketing hierarchy and claim your seat at the royal feast of the clued-in and well-connected.

This lesson is based on an old philosophy that says: In order to achieve your goals, choose someone who has already achieved those goals and model their thinking.

This story backs up that theory, with two small addendums:

1. Modeling your subject’s thinking isn’t as simple as reading a biography or daydreaming about how they might react in a certain situation… but rather, getting into a room with them to find out what truly makes them tick.  And…

2. When it comes to scoring a meeting with your subject… it’s probably going to require you to swallow your fears to make it happen.

Here’s the story: A couple of years into my budding freelance copywriting career (while I juggled a 9-5 day job with writing for clients), I was suffering from serious input overload.

You know, that nagging feeling that even though you’re doing okay… you’re still constantly aware of how much better you could be doing…. and you really want to be doing better RIGHT NOW.

It was messing up my mojo pretty bad, too…

… because every time I’d read a great blog post or forum thread about some killer sales writing tactic, I felt like I HAD to incorporate it into the project I was working on at the time.

Even if I had finished the writing and was ready to send it off to the client, I’d stay up all night rewriting to infuse the copy with new magic potion I’d just discovered.

Not sure if that qualifies as passion, dedication or OCD (or maybe all three), but looking back I’m sure it hurt some letters as much as it helped others.

(It for sure wasn’t making life any easier for my wife, who had her hands full with our two preschoolers while I worked 8 hours at my “real” job and spent another 8-10 in the back room typing out an escape route, one sales letter at a time.)

Regardless, I had no choice. I was officially obsessed with mastering this craft. The same way every successful freelancer copywriter I’ve met since became obsessed with it.

So, to tame my habit of chasing down and applying new tactics, I decided I’d pick just ONE master copywriter and obsess exclusively on him.

My philosophy was:  If I truly could model the patterns of just one master copywriter so intensely that ultimately I’d gain the ability to call on them at will — as if the guru were sitting next to me, eager to assist — then I’d be able to minimize my learning curve and fast-track my career.

I chose to focus exclusively on Carlton because his style resonated with me best… and we seemed to have a lot of similar personal interests (blues guitar, beat culture, Travis McGee novels)…

Plus, it goes without saying that if I could become half the copywriter John is, I could manage a very long and prosperous career.

So, along with pouring over his exceedingly rich blog archives, I began seeking out and snatching up everything the man ever produced.

Which was not an easy task because, back then, there was no Simple Writing System (which would later hand me his formula on a silver platter)… and much of John’s best stuff was long off the market (so finding it was tough).

And — key point here, folks — I cut myself off from every other resource.

No more hours spent trolling forums, no more subscribing to marketing blogs. I became a hermit in the “religion” of Planet Carlton.

(John gets spooked when I talk about this obsession, by the way, which makes it all the more fun to write about here.)

And it paid off.  I learned, and I put what I learned to excellent use.  However, by the time I’d finally drained all the knowledge I could from all the resources I could find on Carlton… I still wasn’t satisfied.

The next logical step was to reach out to the man himself.

I joined his Insider’s Club and quickly messaged him to ask if he offered private coaching.

He didn’t at the time. “Freelancers need a lot of coddling, I just don’t have the bandwidth,” John explained in his reply.

Turns out the last time he offered coaching to freelancers, Harlan Kilstein had ruined a good thing for all of us by nagging John almost daily with questions.

(Probably no coincidence, though, that Kilstein became the first of John’s students to earn a fortune as a freelancer.)

John also hadn’t hosted a workshop or seminar in a while, and showed no signs of hosting an event anytime soon. So there was no direct access.

Undaunted, I hung around and soaked up what I could from John’s blog, and especially the forum in the Insider’s Club.

Soon I found myself helping other members as much as I was seeking help. All that dedicated study had made me a pretty useful savant, and before long John was requesting that I chime in on threads.  He recognized me, by name.

Finally, I saw an opening… when he finally decided to host another event.

“I see you’re going to be in Chicago doing a Hot Seat Seminar the same time I’ll be in town, “ I emailed him. “I might have a day to kill, any chance I could hide and watch from the back of the room?”

I had absolutely no plans to be in Chicago, but I had lived there for years and was eager for a trip back. Other than that I had only one purpose there: To meet John.

Shockingly, John accepted my offer — he often brings in outside experts and writers to his events, in order to give clients the most bang for their buck. He even invited me to join everyone for a dinner they were hosting that night.  It was clear that my hard work learning the craft, and helping out in the forums, had given me a foothold.  I was, suddenly, an invited “veteran writer”.  (The other expert he’d invited, you should know, was the amazing Dean Jackson — a deeply respected insider among marketing wizards.)

I couldn’t believe that in two weeks I’d be in the room with the man I’d been studying relentlessly (John likes to call it “stalking”) for months.  Literally singing for my supper.

Part of me worried that I’d made a huge mistake. It’s seldom the smartest idea to get in a room with people you deify.

That’s why I’m never up for meeting my favorite musicians… what if they turn out to be a major asshole in person? The songs will never sound the same after that. (Thank you very much, Chris Robinson of the Black Crowes.)

Oh well. Too late now.

I told my wife the news. She’d heard every Carlton story ten times by then and was excited about the meeting, but she had a different concern: “What are you going to say when he asks what you’re doing in Chicago?”

I laughed, “He’ll never remember me saying that! Why would he give a shit what I’m doing there?”

I arrived at the Hard Rock Hotel about 15 minutes before the first Hot Seat was scheduled. The small “Gretsch” boardroom was filling up with attendees. Stan Dahl, John’s longtime biz partner, was in the front making notes. I introduced myself. He shook my hand and quickly returned to his notebook.

“Anything I can do to make myself useful?” I asked.

“Nope. All under control. John’s dealing with an issue at the front desk, should back in a minute,” Stan said, with a hint of tension.

Christ, maybe this was a bad idea.

The room was tight. I took the chair in back with a blank name card in front of it. It was the ninth place at an eight-seat conference table. No hiding in here. I scribbled “KEVIN” onto my placard and pulled out a notebook.

At 8:57 John walked in. He grabbed a pen and tried to write something. No ink. He chucked it across the room into a trashcan. Stan rolled his eyes.

Yep, definite tension.  This was a session filled with clients who had paid thousands of dollars for advice and consultation that might change the rest of their lives.  It was not a casual meeting.

John surveyed the room, “Okay… we’re ready to get started. I guess Kevin never made it.”

“He’s right there in front of the tag that says ‘KEVIN’,” Stan quipped.

“Oh… Kevin. There you are. You look different than I pictured,” John said, taking on an easy tone.

I stood up to shake his hand, “Thanks for having me John, it’s a real honor.”

“Yeah, it worked out well I guess…” he replied. “So… what is it you said you were doing here in Chicago?”

Time froze. Everyone waited for my answer. All I could picture was my wife whooping with laughter at her victory.

“Oh… well, uhhh,” there was no use. “Just visiting old friends and ya know… this.”

“Uh… okay,” he said. “Well, let’s get started then…”

Fortunately, the rest of the morning went more smoothly. I laid low for the most part, but John called on me a few times and I was able to provide some coherent content.

“Great input,” he said before lunch. “Don’t be afraid to speak up.”

I felt like a made man.

Later that night we had steaks and — having done my homework, and knowing that John loved blues — I drug John and Stan to Buddy Guy’s “Legends” Blues club on Wabash where Buddy himself sat perched near the front door. A steady procession of awestruck fans lined up for a chance to shake that supernatural right hand.

Turned out to be Buddy’s 51st anniversary in Chicago. After some rally from the crowd and prodding from the band, Buddy Guy made his way to the mic and sang an impromptu medley of “Hoodoo Man Blues” and “Love Her With A Feeling.” The room was electric.

For me it was the perfect capper to an amazing journey… and the beginning of a brand new one. That moment of truth, taking action while smothering the nagging fears in my head, was a major turning point in my life.

I’ve been absurdly privileged in developing a friendship and business relationship with John over the last 3 years. I’ve learned more about running a business and, of course, copywriting than any Ivy-covered university could teach in that span.

Plus, I’ve been paid well by clients while learning all this, instead of going deep into student loan debt.

And all it took was some blind ambition, a gut check against my fears, and one plane ride to Chicago.

I still scroll around the marketing forums occasionally. Every time I do there’s at least one new thread from someone asking for help “getting started” as a freelance copywriter.

They always receive heaps of parrot-like advice about the long list of “must read” books to buy and courses to take, how they should write sales letters by hand a hundred times each, get a job selling door to door or try promoting affiliate links on ClickBank…

… and, hey, it’s all valid stuff, more or less.

But for me and the other copywriters I know who are living the ultimate freelance lifestyle (commanding high fees, working with Big Dog clients, making their own rules)…

… the faster, more successful path came down to 3 simple steps:

1. Turn off the noise and focus on learning from one source at a time.

2. Write every day with the goal of beating your own best results.

3. And… most important of all… get out and meet the people who’ve figured out the secrets to achieving the same things you want.

If you have any designs on accelerating your own career this year…

… whether that means taking your existing skills or your existing business to the next level…

… or simply making this the year that you stop “working on” becoming an entrepreneur and finally make it happen…

… then you seriously MUST attend the “Action Seminar” John is hosting this February in San Diego.

I won’t belabor the benefits of attending… because they should be obvious by now.  It’s a once-in-a-lifetime chance to share space with the people who have achieved the same goals that you’re now after.  John has front-loaded the joint with experts and go-to-guys like you cannot believe until you experience it yourself.

And instead of doing the obsessive, year-long mind-stalker thing I did with John….

… you can simply ASK the experts at this incredible event how they do what they do so well… what it takes to make and meet goals quickly…and what they would do if they were you, starting from where you are right now.

And guess what?

They’re happy to tell you! Because we all remember the struggle and we all had people help us out along the way.

You might be amazed at how much a small effort on your part (like, getting on a plane to a super-nice Southern Californian locale and attending a well-structured, interactive 2-day seminar) will do to bolster support for your career.

Doers love to help doers.

It’s the dreamers and the whiners who get left behind.

Of course, what I’ve shared with you here is just my story. What happens to you depends on what you do after the handshake.

But I can promise that none of it would be possible if I hadn’t gotten into that room in Chicago.

You don’t have to spend a year in reclusive study and then weasel your way into a meeting. Or listen to the blues… or even care who Travis McGee is. All you have to do is be in San Diego Feb 25^th and 26^th and be yourself.

Get all the details on the Action Seminar here.

If this really is your year to create your own damn turning point, I can’t wait to see you there.

All the best,

Kevin

Thursday, 7:41pm
Reno, NV
“Please allow me to introduce myself…” (Stones, Sympathy For The Devil)

Howdy…

This is one of those lessons that arrived accidentally…

… and I had to stop and ruminate about it for a while before it made sense.

I’m lucky I learned it early, too.

It’s provided me with a home base of sanity when the chaos has reached shuddering crescendos and it was hard to think straight (let alone make snap decisions when crisis loomed).

You may find it obvious.

That’s fine.  Just don’t go thinking it’s obvious to the rest of the mean ol’ world out there… cuz it ain’t.

Here’s the story: One of my first jobs working for Gary Halbert was to fly to Detroit… and interview a guy who’d just lost 750 pounds.

Yeah, you read that right.

Gary had an idea for a diet product based on the dramatic tale of this now-slender young man.  It had to be a true story, too, cuz we found it in The National Enquirer.

I mean, it was dripping with credibility.

The photo of the kid at his heaviest made people just stare and blink.  We’re talking about filling up a king-sized bed all by your lonesome, with a little tiny face lost in folds of flesh.

The last time he’d been on a scale, they hauled him over to a machine that weighs horses.

Now, there’s more to this story, of course… including my first encounter with a Michigan ice storm (I flew out there in freakin’ December, wearing my stylish, thin, warm-for-Los-Angeles leather coat… and learned a lesson about chill factor walking out of the airport, tell you what).

Also including the side-story of how the kid, now down below 200 (yep, he really had lost all that weight) went through multiple operations to remove the excess skin, which was donated to burn clinics.

And more.  I can regale a room with the stories from that adventure for an hour.

But this isn’t a post about losing weight.

No, it’s much more important to your life than that.

Let’s continue: Gary and I began a rocky relationship with this kid for a few months, trying to film him for his product (a self-help course for people wanting to lose massive amounts of weight steadily)…

… while navigating the kid’s mounting arrogance, ego and control-freakism.

Gary and I loved to delve as deep as possible into the working personalities of people — that’s where the genius of all great advertising lies.

So we spent many an evening wondering what made this kid tick.

Finally, I hit on something.  “You know what?  Something inside him caused him to get so big in the first place.”

Stay with me.  It’s not as obvious as you might think.

Halbert’s eyes lit up.  We were on to something.

See, at first the kid seemed nice, loving and family oriented.  Poor guy had just sort of lost track of his size, and oops, got big.  Perfect spokesman for a diet product or course.

Soon, though, you could almost feel the invisible manipulation tenacles slithering around your throat as he challenged anyone who dared to question his authority and superiority on… well, everything.

Now, I’m no shrink.  But we soon realized how that kid had used his obesity to control his family to the point their entire lives were devoted to his care.  Like slaves.

And he liked it that way.  And he shed the weight when he figured out another way to keep them under his thumb (by becoming a celebrity via fat loss).

Okay.  So this kid, who at first seemed kinda sweet and loving, turned out to be harboring a nest of demons.

So what?

Well, it was one of those “a-HA!” moments where half a lifetime of puzzles suddenly were solved.

Here’s that lesson: Everybody has demons.

Everybody.

You, me, the mailman, your little love-bug honey, the butcher, the baker and the candlestick maker.

Not all the demons are malicious.  Some are fairly innocent… like a constant craving for chocolate, which can impact your desert choices at a restaurant if you’re the type of couple who likes to share.

Or like a fear of heights, which can impact your vacation plans together.

And there are common demons, which seem to inhabit most of the population: Fear of change, greed, road rage (a cousin of feeling powerless against The Man), whack-job political suspicions, predudices… and I’m sure you can add to this list easily enough yourself.

And there are demons whose main job is keep things confusing: The passive-aggressive little trolls who excel at twisting reality into forms only they recognize.

This realization — that everybody’s got demons — at first was a huge relief.

Personally, I had always assumed (for no good reason) that if it was unclear who was at fault in any given situation involving me… I should take the blame.

It just seemed wrong to assign bad motives to other people.  And I knew I had demons in my head — desires and fears and the lingering inchoate rage of barely surviving puberty and struggling in the adult world.

And I kind of enjoyed believing I lived in a world with mostly demon-free people around me.

I could handle my beasts (most of the time).

But the thought that someone else might be harboring the same impulses I had rattled me to the core.  Better to pretend there were pure souls out there in the majority.

This is COMMON, folks.

This is standard operating procedure for most human minds… to not go down that rabbit hole inside your brother’s core.

It’s why the neighbors of the serial killer next door always express surprise.  “He was a nice, quite man.  A little odd, but we never suspected anything.”  (Despite the occasional screams from the basement…)

As a marketer, you have to abandon many of the pleasant illusions that comfort everyone else.  Like believing your customers are different.  Or that you can sell lots of stuff by appealing to the “noble” virtues of your audience.

I’ve often cautioned friends who were nibbling at the edges of the entrepreneurial experience:  You will be startled, at first, by what you discover about your fellow earthlings.

The sheer volume of fear, desire, greed and sick need is unsettling.  It’s a jungle/madhouse/war zone out there.

However, once the initial shock wears off, you’ll be fine.

People are infested with demons of varying levels of nastiness.

So what?

They’re still lovable.  The world is still gorgeous.  And knowing how the universe operates — rather than pretending to know, and being wrong (like most folks) — offers you a supremely better life.

For one thing, you won’t often be fooled.  You’ll be a wicked-good salesman, too… because 99% of all selling is based on understanding the psychology of the process.

And your philosophy of how to live well can evolve (and thrive) based on reality… not wishes and dreams.

Now… what is the FIRST practical application of this advanced knowledge?

It is this: Look around…

… and figure out who’s watching your back.

Most people’s heads are crawling with demons they don’t realize or acknowledge…

… and yet they LISTEN to the gibbering.

I’ve seen this too often, both in business and in private life.

When people operate alone, or in isolated situations, they “take their own counsel”.

What they THINK they’re doing is going over the facts, weighing options, and judging the pros-and-cons objectively.

However, what they’re actually doing…

… is taking whispered advice from their demons.

And that seldom turns out well.

Much later (as the dust settles and the survivors of the decision begin to climb back on the Maslow hierarchy-of-needs staircase)…

… they’ll ask themselves “What the HELL was I thinking?”

And the answer is:  You weren’t thinking at all.

You let the demons into the control room.

Now, how does this affect you as a business owner or entrepreneur?

I’ll tell you:  Most of the biz owners I consult with are essentially isolated.

They don’t have confidants to tell their secrets to… they don’t have people who share their burdens… they can’t brainstorm ideas because no one around them understands what’s going on…

… and they sink or swim, every day, locked inside their own head.

With all those demons tugging and whispering and planting astonishingly dumb ideas in their brain.

This is, essentially, what separates the winners in the marketing world from the never-ending queue of losers.

The winners always — always – network relentlessly…

… and rely on the power of mastermind groups and coaching to stay on the cutting-edge, motivated and happy and on the best possible path at all times.

I know what it’s like to be alone out there.  I started my career completely solo, clueless and barely managing my fear (and the near constant deluge of bad ideas popping into my skull).

I used books as a crutch, and it worked to a point.  I learned a few tricks, and I used the “What would Claude Hopkins do?” philosophy when stuck.

However, as soon as I discovered like-minded souls in my Los Angeles area sandbox, I formed mastermind groups, or joined existing ones.

There is no second-best way to maximize your potential, at anything.

One professional, all alone, may be occasionally brilliant, and may develop a killer reputation.  And actually enjoy the job.

However, you team two pro’s together… especially when they’re simpatico on biz philosophy… and you get way more than just “times two” the brilliance.

No, you get a big-time multiple of brilliance.  It wasn’t just Halbert and I teaming up — it was also bringing our mutual support teams together… the people both of us already trusted for advice and criticism and brainstorming.

Our network was instantly many times larger, and amazingly more powerful.

And — best of all — we finally had someone we trusted and respected… to tell us when we were being fools, or idiots, or about to jump off a cliff.

It works like magic to put your butt on the right track, chugging steadily toward the rewards you seek.

Being alone sucks.

Teaming up rocks.  It’s the only way to fly.

This is why, when you scratch the surface of a top marketer, you discover a long history of using brainstorms and mastermind groups underneath.

I’ve always had partners or people I trust (and solicit opinions and advice from), ever since I discovered the sheer awesomeness of sharing brain-wattage with fellow travelers.

However, I’ve never officially hosted a mastermind group.

Until now.

People have been hounding me to do this for a very long time.  Certainly, whenever I’ve held Hot Seat seminars or Writing Sweatshops, the effect is very similar to a mastermind.

Except it’s just a one time thing.

A real mastermind is ongoing.  So you get to know your colleagues, and they get to know you.

And so their perspective on your plans is coming from a place of trust and familiarity, and a desire to root for your success…

… and to watch your back as you progress.

This is the great victory of a mastermind: You are no longer alone out there.

You’ve got a group of smart people invested in your success.

And you can finally tell your demons to go bugger off…

… cuz you’re getting solid input and criticism now.  The right stuff for powering your rapid ascent up the levels of success and happiness.

Okay, blatant pitch:

I’m now hosting two mastermind groups… for the first time ever in my career.

We started with one.  My biz partner Stan Dahl and I decided it was high time to bring together a great group of people committed to the mastermind concept…

… and get busy.

We let word of this mastermind slip at the recent Action Seminar… and we immediately had more people wanting in than one group could possibly handle.

(The right size for a mastermind is no more than 12… very small and tidy.  Any bigger, and it’s a seminar, not a mastermind.)

So… we split the original single group… into two groups.

Which allowed us to customize each group… so we have one that is primarily for entrepreneurs and small biz owners…

… and another one primarily for copywriters and consultants.

Stan and I have over 50 years between us as professional marketers, business builders, consultants, freelancers, and entrepreneurs.

I can say — without blushing — that we are among the “first choice” consultants hit on by marketers who understand the value of experience and current savvy.

We’re “Success Junkies”, and proud of it.  And we bring a wealth of knowledge, insider advantages, vast resources, and breathtaking skill to the table.

And we’re personally hosting each and every mastermind session of these two new groups.

I’m just letting you know about it.

We start both of them in early April… so you can still grab bragging rights for being among the very first members.

I just checked, and as of right now (while I write this) there are still a couple of spots open.

If being part of a regular mastermind group with me sounds interesting, go here to find out the details of joining:

www.CarltonCoaching.com/Platinum-Group/

I can tell you that, for the first folks who signed up, it was a no-brainer decision.

And if you’re still relying on your inner demons to watch your back as you navigate this increasingly rocky economy and biz climate…

… then maybe you should see what’s up here.

Okay, end of pitch.

I’ll see you again soon.

Stay frosty,

John

Saturday, 2:48pm
Tampa, FL
“Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, know what I mean?” (Monty Python)

Howdy…

Special treat today on the blog.

Another guest post by our good friend, colleague and former stand-up comic (before his new career as killer copywriter), Kevin Rogers.

(Kevin is also the head writer for my Stable O’ Copywriters project, where you can find a recommended freelancer who meets my strict standards of professionalism — and who has my ear for consultations: www.carlton-copywriting.com.)

This cat is funny.  And every time Kevin and I hang out, I’m reminded of two things:

1. Nearly every top marketer and writer I know personally… has a shockingly-acute high-end sense of humor. (This explains the comraderie you see among the best in the biz.  We make each other laugh.)

2. And… there are awesomely valuable insights to life and success available in studying lessons in tales from the “vice squad”. (Meaning, that part of living well which includes hanging out, challenging the boundaries of sobriety, and squandering time laughing as hard as you can for as long as you can.)

Being funny won’t make you smarter.  And it doesn’t bestow an automatic deeper understanding of human behavior.

However… if you pay attention… you will discover insights and rules for living well that are simply not available to uptight folks.

That’s why I’ve asked Kevin to chime in again here.  This is his third guest post.  (The only other writer to have guest-posted here is my buddy David Garfinkel.)

So, without further ado… here’s Kevin.

Don’t try to read this while drinking carbonated beverages — it’s hell spitting it out through your nose while guffawing.

Take it, Kevin…

[applause]

Hey, great to be here… let’s here it again for John Carlton folks… the only blogger in history to spark a 600 comment riot with a psychological Dixie cup riddle.

Let him know you love him, everyone… John Carlton.

Okay. No more stand-up comedy/copywriting anecdotes for this post.

Today I want to discuss something much more relevant to all serious marketers: Booze.

Not drinking, necessarily…

… but rather the art of ordering a cocktail.

You can tell a lot about someone by the way they order a drink… and there’s a great marketing lesson in that simple act that could be the “a-Ha!” moment of a lifetime.

First, a quick back-story…

Towards the end of my comedy career, when road life had finally reduced itself into a sappy Bob Seger song, I realized it was finally time to go legit (gasp!)…

… and so began my awkward re-entry to the great American workplace.

I was almost 30… and after a decade of stand-up, the only skills I could fudge on a resume were “long distance driving” and “heckler control”.

So, unless I wanted a new career as road manager for, say, a fledgling white ska band from Wisconsin, it was clear I would need to get me some education.

As luck would have it, The ABC Bartending School in Mount Prospect, Illinois was just about to kick off its summer session.  I dusted off my academic chops, dove in, and passed with flying colors.

A few happy coincidences later, I was manning the afternoon shift at one of the oldest taverns in Chicago. (By the way, first rule of tending a real bar: Never admit you graduated from bartending school.  You’ll get tagged as an elitist snob.)

This place had been slinging booze across the same soggy block of dead oak since before the days of Prohibition (during which they promptly began mixing bathtub gin and became a gangster-haven speakeasy).

The owner was a tough-as-nails but senile old broad named Marge. Every night she would stalk the bar like Mae West in silk pajamas with wild, silver bed-hair… chain-smoking Pall Malls that always seemed to be dangling two-inch ashes.

Marge lived above the tavern in a cluttered apartment reeking of spoiled fish and Ben Gay lotion, with a feisty parrot named “Billy” who cursed like a sailor and attacked my head every time I entered the room (usually to bring Marge cigarettes and remind her not to light them off the stove burner).

“Remember last time, Marge, when you forgot to turn off the burner and the firemen had to come?”

“Are they here now?”

“No Marge. Not right now.”

“Go down and buy them a drink on me.”

“Sure, Marge.”

And, fighting off Billy (as he squawked“Eat shit!” in a Kamikaze dive for my cowlick), I would retreat to the laboratory of marketing wisdom behind the bar downstairs.

Sell Like A Bartender,
Serve Like a Waitress.

Slinging cocktails at Marge’s really was an excellent introduction into the world of street-level selling.

Sure, there’s plenty of sales tactics in play during a live comedy performance…

… but tending bar is a pure closer’s game. (Which is why the gig pays less than the minimum wage.)

So, here is my Great Direct Response Lesson from the world of “saloon commerce”.  It lies in the stark difference between selling like a bartender… or serving like a waitress.

The attitudes a waitress and bartender bring to the sale are polar opposites for this simple reason: As a bartender, people come to you…

… while, as a waitress, you must go to them.

Important stuff here.  Listen up.

Let’s look at a typical cast of prospects for your business… as if they were patrons in a saloon.

Two thirsty patrons walk into a club. One approaches the bar, ready to buy… while the other grabs a seat at a table and looks for the waitress.

With that simple act, they have qualified themselves in very different ways.

When a prospect sits at a table, they are looking for guidance. They need more info. They want to be led, perhaps intellectually coddled, and certainly paid attention to.

So, it’s the waitress’s (or waiter’s) job to arrive at their table quickly, offer up a big friendly smile, get their order and help ‘em feel they’ll be well taken care of.  Their happiness is her responsibility.

The other guy, who headed straight for the bar?  He’s ready to buy.  He’s being pro-active, rather than re-active.

An experienced bartender controls a shocking level of power. If the joint is crowded, he has total discretion over who gets served, in what order. So, it’s up to the patron to show the bartender they are worthy of his attention.

They should have money in hand and a cool, casual look that says: I know exactly what I’m ordering.

(If you’ve ever felt ignored by a harried bartender in a busy bar… it’s because you looked confused or kept your cash hidden in your pocket.  We have little time to babysit rookie drunks.)

It’s a good lesson, for any marketer.  There will always be these two wildly different types of prospect on your list.

The ones who wander over to tables to avoid the frenzy are looking for a very specific kind of service. They include the tire-kickers on your list — those annoying freebie-seekers who want to see how well you can serve them before they’ll make up their minds about you — as well as folks who will become life-time buyers.

However, customer service ranks high on their hierarchy of needs.  They wanna shop, they wanna interact.

Their money’s good… but they require patient attention.

Then there are the eager buyers. They elbow their way through the crowded bar, raise cash in the air, shout their order and tip well.

Low maintenance, independent, no-BS types with money to spend, and a definite goal in mind.

So, our job as marketers is to first get as many people into the place as possible…

… and then inspire as many as we can to crowd the bar and waive cash at us. That is the relationship you create with the right marketing strategy and top-shelf copy.

Eager buyers are your best customers, not just because they are comfortable spending money…

… but because they’re also the most likely to put your material to good use. Which leads to them achieving high-end results and then spreading the word.

Once your action-oriented, cash-in-hand buyers are all happily sipping their cocktails… it’s time to grab a tray and appease the higher-maintenance table sitters.

You do this by making sure you provide every prospect on your list the high-value content they need to get involved.

The main rule is to remember they are human — not just a pile of data. They breathe, and think and pay closer attention than you might think.

Talk to them like a good bartender would… once the crowd thins out and shouts have turned to mellow tones.

Listen to their problems. Offer wisdom without condescending. Attend to their needs patiently and expertly.  Let them find their best selves through you.

And whatever you do… don’t let that damn parrot into the bar. Nothing good is going to happen once he gets riled up.

Hey, you’ve been great. Enjoy Carrot Top!

Kevin

Thursday, 12:15pm
Reno, NV
“It’s too hard.  You’ll never figure it out.” (What the first copywriter I ever met told me about writing ads.)

Howdy…

I’m going to tell you about two promises here.

The stories behind them may help you chart out the rest of your life… as they did mine.

Harken:

Promise #1:

The above quote (“It’s too hard.  You’ll never figure it out.”) are the exact words that a professional copywriter said to me when I innocently asked for advice.

They are burned into my cerebral cortex, because it was one of the first times I had ever nurtured a small ember of actual hope about my future in business…

… and she crushed it like a bug.

All I’d wanted from her was a smidgen of advice. Maybe point me in the right direction.  Or offer a small word of encouragement.

I was lost at the time.  Trapped in the drudgery of a dead-end J.O.B. that sucked big-time.

And I was genuinely clueless about the process of writing anything for business.  I’d never met a real copywriter before, and was very interested in finding out more.

I didn’t even know what the word “mentor” meant at the time… but I suppose I would have squirmed with joy if she had said, instead, something like “Let me help you learn how to do this.”

Still, she did me a HUGE favor by being such a miserable, hateful bitch.

As I stood at her desk, burning with shame for having asked for something and been so brutally refused…

… I promised myself that I would prove her wrong.

And I used that promise as motivation whenever I needed some extra oomph in the next year or so, as I figured out — on my own, without help from anyone — how to write killer sales messages.

So I owe her one.  She did me a proper by igniting my until-then-dormant ability to Do It Myself.  Literally with a vengeance.

I launched my solo career as a freelance writer entirely on my own.  I took the Do It Yourself ethic and ran with it…

… and 25 years later, I don’t regret a single moment of the journey.  Even though long stretches of it were soul-shaking scary while I hacked my way through the wilderness of Cluelessness into the light.

Promise #2:

I made another promise to myself soon after that little episode with the Hateful Bitch.

When it became glaringly evident that I wasn’t going to get any kind of help from anyone in my quest for success…

… I stumbled onto the Big Damn Secret of how to do it all on my own.

Actually, it’s not much of a secret, but it remains under-utilized by folks who could be changing their lives with it.

The secret: I just got busy setting goals… and going after them like a bulldog chasing a squirrel.

I figured out how to sell stuff, and do it through writing, step by step.

And I took notes along the way.

Why did I take notes?

Because I’d made another promise: When (not “if”) I made it as a professional creator of ads that sold massive quantities of stuff…

… I would bend over backwards helping others to make it, too.

And I’d help them do it much more simply, and much easier, than I did.

Those notes I took during the Wilderness Years — when I was learning the ropes of advertising and salesmanship rung by rung — turned me into a flat-out great teacher.

Because I analyzed everything I learned.  Dissected information… ran it through my internal Bullshit Detector… tested ideas and tactics in the real world…

… and worked like a madman to discover the techniques and tactics that actually persuaded prospects to take action and buy stuff.

So, when I started teaching others, I had a couple of decades worth of incredible notes to use as instructional material.

I can easily knock years off your quest to learn the inside secrets of advertising and marketing.  I know all the dark alleys to avoid, and I know all the shortcuts around the tedious nonsense.

I take my promises very, very seriously.

Doing so brought me out of my prior existence as a Clueless Slacker, and launched me into a prime seat at The Feast Of Life (where happiness, fame and wealth await you).

If I have taught you anything over the 5 years of this blog… or if you have heard of my prowess as a teacher from anyone else…

… it’s because I walk the walk.

Here’s why this is so important to the Rest Of Your Life: During my journey, I used both the Do It Yourself method…

… and the Mentoring method.

I know that both work.

I always recommend mentoring first.  If you have an opportunity to be taken in by someone with the chops you wish to learn… do so.

I worked for Jay Abraham for years, for free.  In exchange for getting to hang around his offices, and learn from him.

I met Gary Halbert through Jay.  And turned away from millions as an up-and-coming copywriter for the Big Mailers, in order to learn from the Master himself.  Personally, one-on-one, over a couple of years of hard-core mentoring.

I “delayed” earning my fortune, because I intuitively suspected (correctly, it turned out) that — as moderately successful as I was when I met Gary — I still had much more to learn in my quest to get as good as possible.

So mentoring paid off for me.

As did the Do It Yourself method.

What’s this got to do with you?

Everything… if you’ve been paying attention to what I’ve been offering folks over the past week or so.

The Simple Writing System is built on the notes I took during my career.  It’s everything I know about writing, and selling, and marketing at the highest level of efficiency and power.

For anyone who wants to learn how to write kick-ass sales messages… for ads, for websites, for email campaigns, for video scripts, for speeches, for anything and everything necessary to succeed in business…

… the Simple Writing System is your ticket.

Now, there are two ways to indulge here.

First:  We’ve put together a faculty of pro writers to help me mentor students personally.  One-on-one, personally customized, hands-on mentoring with a pro.

It’s the program I wish had been available back when I started out.  I would have crawled through broken glass to get involved with this kind of coaching — from a proven professional, who watched my back as I learned.

However…

… the mentoring program is now closed.  All the available public spots have been snapped up.  She’s full up.

Nevertheless…

Second:  The Do It Yourself option is still available.

In fact, it’s the perfect option for anyone who prefers to do it themselves, without the time and cost of adding a mentor to the mix.

Again — I always recommend mentoring, when it’s possible.

However, the next-best-thing is to do it yourself.

The Simple Writing System, as I created it, is tailored for exactly this kind of learning.  In this program, I teach you everything I know… in a way that has been proven (over decades of trial and error) to help people “get it” quickly.

It’s my pride and joy.  I’m hanging my hat on this system, and I’ve lovingly and patiently molded it into a course that really can transform your ability to persuade, and sell, with writing.

So… if the time-boxed limitations or the cost of the mentoring option made you hesitate to get involved in the coaching program we created…

… or if you’re just a rebel at heart, and (like me when I started out) want to do it yourself…

… we’ve just released an option that suits you perfectly.

To get the details, go here:

www.simplewritingsystem.com

I understand… better than almost anyone else you’re going to meet in your journey to find your own success… how doing it yourself and being mentored offer different paths to the same destination.

The key is to get moving.

If you dithered about getting into the now-closed mentoring program… or if you didn’t find out about it in time to grab a spot… you now have before you another option.

Which can effectively and quickly ignite your transformation into the Killer Marketer you need to become to reach your goals and attain your dreams.

The main thing is… choose to make today the day you begin your transformation.

Get moving.  See what’s available.

You don’t have to choose the Simple Writing System.  If you believe you have other options out there — either mentors to woo, or courses to dive into — then get after them.

I wasted half my life wondering how to even take the first step toward The Feast.  (I was in my early thirties when I finally started my career.)

You know it’s time to choose when that hunger inside you starts burning.  You cannot wait for magic.  You cannot delay just because you’re scared.  (Learning the first few steps to take, in fact, obliterates fear better than any other tactic you’ll ever find.)

You have no excuse, now, if you’ve been telling yourself you’re waiting for the “right opportunity”.  I’ve just laid the most rational, easy, and affordable opportunity at your feet.

Just see what’s up:

www.simplewritingsystem.com

And come back here next week.  I’ve got a back-log of free advice and goodies to share with you.

It’ll all go excellently with your evolving transformation to Killer Marketer.

Stay frosty,

John Carlton

P.S. Yeah, that’s me in the photo.

Probably 18 months into my solo career… doing everything myself, from a cramped desk in a cramped bedroom in a cramped apartment near the beach in LA.

The mess on that desk (and taped to the wall) includes many of the early notes I was obsessively taking while learning how to write copy that brought in results.

Proof, here, that I was once not only young, but quite handsome, wouldn’t you say?

No?  Well, I was young, at any rate…

Sunday, 7:57pm
Reno, NV
“It’s alive!” (Baron Von Frankenstein, kickstarting the Monster)

Howdy…

We’ve just fired up the Simple Writing System blog (www.simplewritingsystem.com/blog)…

… which means a stunning (and unprecedented) pile of free tools, tactics, advice and insight can be yours…

… just for the grabbing.

This is an all-out assault on reason and logic.  We’re just GIVING AWAY stuff that — not too long ago — would have cost you a pretty penny just to get a quick glimpse of.

We’ve created a beast here, and it’s name is FREE.

Here’s just a small taste of what’s piling up over there (that you’re missing out on if you haven’t signed in):

• A free swipe file of “home run” ads I’ve written (which few folks outside the target markets have ever seen)… can be in your tool kit tonight.  This swipe file, alone, is causing hearts to skip a beat among marketers and freelance writers who love to rip juicy headlines and sales angles from proven ads.  (Removes any guesswork on who/what to rip.)

• A short (but frightenly powerful) series of special reports channeling the best “how to make the sale” secrets I’ve ever used.  (I used to keep this stuff classified, only bringing it out during high-paid consultations… and here we are giving it away.)

• The actual video (torn directly from the masters hidden in Frank’s inner sanctum) of my “How to persuade, influence and sell the shit out of anything… using the simplest stories you can create” presentation at Mass Control.

What?  You didn’t see that presentation?

It’s marketing theater at its finest… and gives away the storytelling techniques that have earned me a fortune (seriously revealed for the first time in this wacky presentation that held the crowd in thrall).

And it’s free… at least for a few days… at www.simplewritingsystem.com/blog.

More…

• Have you heard the teleclass Ed Dale and I just did… about using sneaky social media tactics to overthrow your niche and capture total, unassailable “leadership positioning”… using only Twitter?

Dude — it’s FREE right now over there.  And coming up:

• Legendary adman Joe Sugarman actually punk’d me during a sizzling interview (which reveals his BEST sales-exploding secrets).  Oh, we’re laughing about it now, but it left me speechless, twisting in the wind last week when it happened.  (And I’m never speechless.  Joe is just that good.)

These are classic salesmanship secrets now lost, overlooked and ignored by most marketers…

… which is a HUGE advantage to you (IF you have the sense to start using them yourself).

• Wait a minute… you haven’t heard of James Schramko yet?

Are you living in a cave?  This guy rocketed (that’s the right word, too) from total obscurity… not even a year ago…

… to the very top of the online  money-making wizards pile.  Respect, fame, wealth and a well-earned rabid fan-base siphoning off his deep knowledge.

Best part: He took detailed notes during his climb to fame and wealth (as a rookie!)… and this webinar we’ve got is the first time he’s shared the really good insider stuff.

And it free!

What are you doing here?  Get over to www.simplewritingsystem.com/blog and grab this cornucopia of give-away goodies now.

Again: We’re only leaving access to the reports, the webinars, the videos and everything else…

… for a few days.

Then: Ffffft.

Gone.

(Big hint: One major reason James was able to zoom to the top… was his obsession with never missing an opportunity to grab the really good info whenever, and however, it became available.)

Here… it’s all free.

More:

• We reveal the next logical (and most lucrative) big step for any smart online marketer to make as the economy continues to morph.

Have you ever wanted to be one of those people who get advance notice on hot incoming trends?  Well, here ya go.

Colette Marshall (the queen of  “Product Sourcing”) spills everything you need to know in the free webinar we’re about to post.

• And get this: Blogmeister Extraordinare Yaro Starak reveals the secrets of living lavishly from a 2-hour workday… using nothing but a blog and some specific email tactics.  (It took him years to figure this out… and he just lays out the 7 simple steps, right here in a cool-as-heck webinar you can own for nothing.)

And how about this:  Just hearing someone’s blah-blah-blah story on striking it rich using a certain tactic is boring… and useless to you.

Unless you have access to the actual “case studies” outlining what was done, and what happened to generate the breakthroughs and hot results.

Well, guess what?

Yep.  Posted for free at www.simplewritingsystem.com/blog.

Look.  I could go on and on just describing the sheer awesomeness of what we’re giving away.

But you can just find out for yourself with a quick click on the link.

And I’m gonna suggest you do exactly that…

… right now.

www.simplewritingsystem.com/blog

I have poured massive quantities of energy, brain-power and time into creating this pile o’ goodies for you.  It took weeks of exhausting work.

I did it just to blow people away.

And it’s all there… for free.

Stop reading.

Go over there now.

This is life-changing stuff.

Stay frosty,

John Carlton