There have been many “moments” that have changed the course of my life over the past several years. I even had a rebellious moment–but nothing like yours. I’ve had regrets, too. Being a sensitive-type, those regrets can be quite haunting, until one day I realized, like you, that each path I took (good or bad) made me who I am today and gave me the family I now have.

I was once approached by a television station to interview for a new show they were airing. They found me via a search online. (The power of Internet marketing!) It was completely out of the blue. It was also very flattering. The problem was that at that point in time, I wasn’t ready for that big of a lifestyle change. And so I politely declined.

When my friends and family found out, they were flabber-gasted. They would have hopped on that plane the first chance they got. They would have interviewed, they would have moved, they would have sacrificed because they saw big bucks ahead. They wouldn’t let me live it down for months. But I knew in my heart of hearts it was the right decision for me and I have never regretted it.

For you see, I don’t want to make millions and I don’t really care about being in the limelight. I do, however, care about being flexible when it comes to raising my kids, about being here for all their little and big moments, for enjoying the ride.

And for awhile there, I lost my path and I was miserable. I tried pushing and pushing and being something I didn’t want to be and I was so miserable my health suffered. Now, I feel refreshed and invigorated–I’ve found balance again. I’ve discovered how to do what I do and still be that “mom at home”.

I was always a good boy. Top of my class at school and a decorated soldier. Everybody knew I was going to make Mega-Bucks as a corporate IT manager…

Everybody except me. The Last 6 months of service were living hell. I had nightmares about showing up late to my Algebra finals and staring at the test without a clue. I woke up sweating. Every damn night.

When I finally broke loose of the army. I Immediately became freelancer (which terrified my family and friends).

I was making less than a third than my programmer and Techie buddies. I was working twice as hard. And begging for work from people that just a year before I wouldn’t give the time of day to.

On top of that, I started losing friends. I couldn’t afford the same vacations or to blow a 100 bucks on dinner.

But worse than that - they didn’t understand why I was rejecting the corporate life-style. They believed I thought I was better than them. And as much as I tried I couldn’t get them to understand the idea of going corporate made me sick.

Inch by Inch I built a software services business and after 3 years we were 20 strong and growing. But the evil feeling persisted (grant you at a lower volume than during my army service)…

You see, I was in slavery business. which included but was not limited to … always chasing the next project, dreading the day that one of my workers would announce she’s pregnant or that he is going to “find himself” in India, and pleading with apathetic CPAs to get paid for projects that were completed many months ago.

And so I cashed in and started a software-product company. That was 3 years ago. And while the road has been tough(and expansive) I finally found my Bliss.

I got to create an excellent product that really makes a difference in my customers lives. I got the chance to learn and practice marketing (which I love) and the evil feeling that others control my life has finally subsided.

I am not a millionaire yet. But I live (mostly) by my own rules.

The sum up this absurdly long story about my struggle with opportunity -

If you want not to feel ‘trapped’ you must embrace opportunity. But be fully aware that life is stronger than you, and if you get out of your hideout and chase opportunity, life will punch you in the face - Hard. Just take it like a man and know that in the end getting punched in the face every once in a while is MUCH BETTER than living in hiding

Peace

John Carlton replies:

Hey Yoav — good story. I always keep in mind, though, that most folks crave the safety of a “real job”, and I don’t trash ‘em for it or try to convince them to change.

It’s still sad that old “friends” drop away whe you can’t afford to hang with them anymore. The true friends won’t care, though. It’s a complex world…

JC

As always you are able to cut right to the heart of a topic. We are surrounded by opportunities and choices every day of our lives. The choices we make in relation to these determine the course of our lives. The choices I have made with mine have not made me a rich man, but I do not regret the life I have led and the majority of choices I have made to direct the course of my life. I am now in the process of trying to increase my income through the internet and am slowly making headway in that direction. While money has never been a prime driving force for me or my wife and we have been able to do alot of things we enjoy, I would like to be able to retire from the everyday workforce and do some of the things we have talked about doing over the years and not had the time or extra money for. Great post as always. Be Cool!

Alec McKenzie’s book “The Time Trap” talks about the author’s many consultations with how business owners spend their time. He said many of them excuse their poor habits by saying “this isn’t a normal day.” His reply to them: if you wait for a “normal day”, you’ll be dead. How you spent your time today, IS how you spend your time.

I think the same can be said of people who wait for “someday.” How you are living now IS the way you live. If you want to change it, the time is now - not “someday.”

No shit.

Her name was Sandra Gould and she was the only angel I encountered in the city named for them.

I must’ve looked miserable, or lonely (I was both) because she walked sat down right next to me and said, “Uh, what a beautiful day. I just got back from Chicago and it was so cold and rainy.”

I was shocked for a second. Not because Gladys Kravitz was chatting me up about the weather - (I didn’t recognize until she told me why I should) but because ANYONE was talking to me.

Los Angeles is paradise for the haves, and hell on earth for the have nots. There’s really no in-between. Everyone is on their way up, on spiraling downward. Whichever case, it becomes a full-time job to hide the insecurity that rages inside them, and put on an air of belonging that most never truly feel.

Nobody talks to anybody in L.A. … Unless they think you can help them get up, or end their downfall - then they’ll lick your boots clean. Otherwise you’re invisible.

Existing in this culture of fakes was only half responsible for my misery. Having no work, no money and no prospects filled the void well, however - and had me in a constant trance of confusion about what to do next.

I had gotten a taste of what I was sure would be the dream… A writing gig on a television sitcom. But, what I saw there turned my stomach and convinced me I had no idea what I really wanted my life to look like.

Enter Sandra Gould sitting next to me on a car wash bench in the late morning sun suddenly asking, “So what do you do?”

I had no good answer and no need to provide a standard “I’m between projects right now” BS scenario. This was the first conversation with a stranger I was enjoying in almost 2 years… I spilled everything.

“I moved out here with the promise of a staff-writing job on a sitcom, but it didn’t pan. The show sucked, it’s cancelled. I hated everyone I met associated with the show. And I’m trying to figure out if I should stay here looking for an opportunity - or just go back on the road doing stand-up.”

She flattered me by giving me her agent’s card, and her home phone number. “Let me know if I can do anything to help.”

But, she knew she couldn’t. I wasn’t doing anything to help myself… a sure sign you’re not in the right place. So, instead she told me story.

“My husband was a big television executive for a long time. His name was Larry Berns, you probably haven’t heard of him at your age. But, he used to have a saying that he shared with people trying to make a life decision.

He’d say, ‘Sometimes, in order to find what you do want, you’ve got to start with what you know don’t want - and go from there.’”

Then she kissed me on the cheek and drove off.

Less than 2 weeks later I packed my car, filled the gas tank, and pointed it east. I had no destination… no plan… and no doubts.

That was my greatest opportunity to quit something. And taking it has made all the difference.

John Carlton replies:

Amazing tale, Kevin. I once had the opp to “try out” for a sitcom job, and I never even followed up on the first contact. I chatted with a guy who’d done it, and the lack of creativity, the lack of a life, and the fact that in LA writers were jokes (regarded as “hired help” by the moguls and winners) immediately killed any desire to work in the Industry.

If you’re ever at an event I’m at, make sure you corner me so we can trade more horror stories…

John

I always love your posts but this is one of my favorites - definite classic in my heart. You’ve spelled out opportunity in a way that applies to all of us in everyday life. You are right - opportunity is always around us in many, many forms.

I agree with John Hollingsworth and his quote above. I believe we always have a choice and after we make that choice, it’s up to us to make the best of our decision (instead of saying “Oh I wish I had gone the other route.”)

I’ve had a few pivotal opportunities in my life - I moved across the country to my dream city (where I live quite happily today), chucked a “steady” paycheck to dive headlong into direct marketing copywriting. And this past summer I chose to follow another dream of mine - teaching.

For certain there are plenty of opportunities I’ve missed in the past but I embrace more experiences as my awareness and my confidence grows.

I’ve learned that it takes a bigger person to live life on their own terms and I am learning to do that day by day. It makes life enriching, thrilling and incredibly fulfilling!

Thank you John for eloquently expressing what I feel and what I think many of your fellow readers feel as well.

The last few years of my life has been the story of snatching up (or forcefully creating) one opportunity after another.

It started shortly after deciding I wanted to be an advertising copywriter. I’d just graduated with a psych degree a year earlier, and was in a dead-end customer service phone job. I didn’t have the standard “qualifications” to be a copywriter, much less to run a marketing department. I didn’t care. I saw the position I wanted, wrote a killer cover letter that un-apologetically told how I was the best candidate for the job (despite the gaping hole in my resume) and that they should hire me.

They did.

While at that job, I honed my chops in writing online and offline copy — becoming the local AdWords guru, implementing multi-step marketing systems, and getting my first (incredibly profitable) forays into direct mail.

Then I started working on the side, with a “opportunity you can’t refuse” emailed letter. The letter was unsolicited — but got a call within about 1 hour with a “go ahead” on doing the project.

I offered a “beat the control” for a testing and tracking guru, wrote my first major freelance project, and learned all about split testing and multivariate (Taguchi) testing. Including the “mind-set” rocket fuel you never find in software manuals or in setup guides — the “good stuff” that really blows your results through the roof.

Since then we’ve continued work together, including selling and managing a small coaching club, along with some other projects. It’s been great… plus, the opportunities that original relationship have led to have been golden!

Leveraging the expertise (and contact) I picked up from that first project, I wrote The Taguchi Testing Handbook with Bob Bly (http://www.TaguchiTestingHandbook.com). Bob called it one of the best ebooks he’s ever had written for him — and now I, like you, have an ebook under my belt and no fear of doing another (or a full-fledged book) when the time is right.

(Oh yeah, an opportunity I took in college was to self-publish a book of poetry while I was competing in poetry “slams.” An absolute commercial failure — as expected from most poetry publishing — but I also now have no fear of the self-publishing process.)

Around the same time as I was writing the Taguchi ebook I jumped on another simple opportunity to design a catalog cover for a contest through AWAI. My design and copy stood head and shoulders above the pack, and will be tested soon in the mail. (Check “catalog cover” off the list of projects to get familiar with.)

And that project led to at least one more project, and likely several more — not just catalog copy but full online (and offline, if it tests out nicely) sales letters.

While I’ve been enjoying the security of a full-time job and the excitement of all these freelance jobs on the side, taking advantage of opportunities has led to me being so busy that soon I’ll leap off into the great ether of full-time freelance.

Of course I know I’m ready for that opportunity too.

Roy Furr

Anyway, long story short: our investors forced us to use irresponsible Russian coders who soon ran off with our code. By the time we regrouped the market was pretty much fully capitalized. We blew our chance and ultimately sold to another company for less money.

Do I regret it? Honestly, no. Most people in this world would leave their jobs for an extra $10k/yr. The fact that I walked away from $250,000 as a teenager tells me that I fucking loved what I did. It set the tone for what I expect to be a life of working on things I feel passionately about.

Anyway, great post!

John Carlton replies:

Great story, Jay. Few people understand that money isn’t the real reward in any endeavor. And, in fact, knowing you can walk away from it is as empowering as knowing you can make it.

Thanks for the note.

John