-Yanik

PS - I’ll never forget the punchline to one of his many tales of 3 C’s.
Cash…C…..and C…….. as the reason he took a copywriting job once.

John Carlton replies:

Ah, yes. Such eloquence. And yet another part of the Big Ugly Guy’s legend I still can’t share with the public yet.

It’s funny — there’s a thread on Fortin’s Copywriter’s Board titled “Are all copywriters jerks?”, by some rookie who was shocked — shocked! — to discover that guys like Halbert (and me) indulge in so much “earthy” language.

If he only knew how bad it could get. Outsiders would be stunned to learn how juvenile the humor sinks when top marketers assemble behind the scenes.

Thanks for posting, Yanik. I hope we get a chance to hang out again soon, and trade more filthy stories…

John

I disagree that anger is a negative emotion. Like all emotions, anger is neither negative nor positive; it just is. Anger is one of the few emotions that brings energy into the body, mobilizing us for action. I think you’ra talking about rage which is congealed anger turned inwards.

I teach fitness classes and I see the consequences of repressed anger in people’s bodies, minds and spirits. Not pretty. Best to make friends with it and use it rather than letting it use you. Seems Gary learned this lesson well.

Best…Marilena

John Carlton replies:

Hi Marilena. I respectfully disagree with your disagreement here.

Believing that anger is an uncontrollable emotion… is a made-up human invention. It simply ain’t so.

I’ve been through tons of all kinds of physical therapy (part of being a migraine-prone hippie psych major in the early seventies) including Rolfing (back when it was painful), Gestalt, Reflexology, and every identified kind of deep-tissue massage there is. I know that many people have issues with anger, and there are countless ways to spend money with experts “dealing” with it.

What I discovered, long ago, is that what we call anger is a behavioral choice. Someone says “She did that thing, and it made me angry.” Well, no it didn’t. You chose to get angry. (The proof is that another person, in the identical situation, doesn’t get angry in response.) Anger isn’t some alien beast inhabiting your body — it’s a chemical and mechanical response in your system triggered by your brain. You dump hormones, you clench up, you twist your face into a mask… and all these are learned responses.

Angry people, you will find, were raised by angry parents. That doesn’t mean you’re fucked forever — it just means you have learned behaviors to overcome.

I understand the notion of “repressing” emotions, and the damage this can do to your body. I used to carry a lot of emotional baggage in my left shoulder — it would, during stress, get scrunched up next to my ear. (Common male response, BTW — now that I’ve mentioned it, you’ll notice many men with left shoulders so tense they seem shorter and higher than the right.)

And I went through a lot of physical therapy trying to force that crap out. I’m a firm believer in massage (been getting 1-1/2 hours of it a week for twenty years) and chiropractic (on an as-needed basis) and working out (twice a week). I urge my freelance students to follow this regimen, too.

But in my experience, the notion of “repressed” anger is an outdated Freudian invention. Trying to physically deal with it is like putting on dry clothes without getting out of the rain.

What Halbert discovered was more sensible, and easier. He went to the source — his learned response of anger — and changed it. He COULD still get angry, but he chose not to. He didn’t “sit” on his anger — he chose other physical, biological paths instead.

Repressing anger is like covering it up — literally clamping down a lid on boiling pot. Choosing not to get angry in the first place means choosing not to let the chemical and physical dumps happen, so there’s no boilding pot to cover up.

You may have a prior default position of getting angry… but you’ve changed responses so that default switch doesn’t get clicked. Just like you may have used to wet yourself whenever you saw a snake — again, a learned response that can be changed behaviorally.

You will not find a theory of meditation or self-awareness that doesn’t agree that anger is a negative emotional response.

That said, I’ll bet you’re doing great things helping people recover from their angry bouts. Still, nipping it in the bud is faster, cheaper, and more effective.

John

You two were a great team… and sooooooo much fun to be around. (How lucky was I!). You were his best friend in every sense of the word. He loved you to bits.

Only you could have written something so perfect. Thanks for that.

John Carlton replies:

Thanks, Karen.

It’s a shame someone couldn’t resurrect www.semihandsomegary.com to it’s former glory.

I don’t have the old copy so it can’t be me.

Some shitweasel has it as a parked page.

Is nothing sacred?

Cletus

My favorite line: “But you will never make life your bitch.”

I’ve been on the reverse of that equation, oh, a few times and the choice is pretty black and white…get up, dust off, and keep pushing forward…or you’re taking a giant step back toward that final hole in the ground.

John D. was a great storyteller and I grew up on the Travis McGee series. I’ve taken a few ‘early retirements’ and detours that cost me career momentum and set me back financially, but gained experiences I wouldn’t trade for anything.

Even before I finished the Travis McGee novels, I was digging into JDM’s older stuff. He wrote some great standalone thrillers, but my favorite is more a (highly recommended) comic fantasy, “The Girl, The Gold Watch & Everything”.

The only downside of a post this good is that people who need to hear its message won’t see it. But I’ll do what I can by sending links around.

Great post, as always — I can feel your deep reverence for the way Gary lived life large. Brings a sentimental tear to my eye… Connecting to him vicariously through you. Seeing who he was behind the scenes enlightens all the glitz and glam on the front end.

Interesting — when I was getting my degree in psychology, I spent a lot of time chasing the higher reaches of human nature. Understanding the mystics of Christianity, Buddhism, and a whole host of other world religions. Most of their enduring teachings turned out to be pretty simple — and universal.

And it’s interesting how Gary’s philosophy of living life large comes back to some of the highest teachings of mystics.

Maybe he was the misfit marketing mystic, sent to bring light into the world of business. I can tell that he brought light into your life — and the lives of many others who he touched.

I feel blessed to even have some of his light reflected my way, through your mirror.

Thank you,

Roy Furr

I think Gary was one of the most complex and misunderstood people I have ever known. He could be infuriating and ingratiating at the same time! He was, almost simultaneously, insulting and generous. He had strokes of genius as often as he exhibited dogged stupidity.

Gary always spoke highly of you. I’m glad you two were such great friends.

– Peter

I always enjoy your stories about Gary Halbert, I would have loved to have met the man, but somethings are not meant to be.

I loved the rules you told us about and can relate to them. Perhaps when you have time and feel like it you could pass on some more of these rules, I am sure that they would inspire others as well.

Keep up the good work, yours are emails that I always read and have kept quite a few which I re-read from time to time

Love and Light
Colleen The Crystal Dragon